#bg2 soa

Firstly. The man, the myth, the Deathbringer, Sarevok Anchev.

I mean, what is there to say? This was already a bit over the top back in 1998, what with the spikes and all, and the only reason it gets any better in BG2 ToB is because apparently the Hungry Hungry Demon Hippo Helmet was Bhaalist fatigues and it didn't come back with him.

The fact that he's still wearing this spikefest in BG3 has the same energy of a 70 year old biker still riding and still dressing in full leathers: gaudy as shit, and maybe a little cringe, but we stan a king who truly goes for it. A solid 7/10 despite it all, (9/10 for 90s badass, -1 for trying slightly too hard and another -1 for "alright grandpa we get it, you rode motorcycles and got bitches") as it's very "of its time", and thus gets away with it for being "retro", and also he's Sarevok Anchev, so he pulls it off on sheer clout.

Secondly, Jon Irenicus. I could not find a higher quality image so also adding a little spoiler for the BG2 SoA ending, because the outfit alone, while already a LOT, doesn't do the moves, the voice and the drama justice.

Honestly, between the codpiece, the expsed manboobs and the straps, this man would not be out of place in a kink club. Points for flair, added points for not letting facial scars make you feel lesser, but my gods, good sir, are you aware that a vast majority of your vital organs are within easy access? And also that you look like a bottom, no matter how big you talk yourself up?

8/10 for flair, -2 point deduction for trying way too hard to act like a top when you're clearly not. 6/10 total.

Still in SoA territory, Bodhi, Irenicus' dear sister, who chose vampirism rather than face the consequences of her actions (and haven't we all been there?)

A bit too much ass on display perhaps, I would be worried about getting sand and other dusts and dirts all up in my crack, but other than that I have no notes. It's lightweight, it's flexible, she's got shin protection and it does look like the majority of her abdomen is covered by her leathers. She's not muscular enough to look like a butch in corsetry, but she makes up her diminutive size in sheer viciousness and a spiky hairdo that won't quit.

10/10 for lesbian goth, -1 point deduction for sandy asscrack, total 9/10.

In ToB territory now, the Five Bhaalspawn Illasera, Yaga-Shura, Sendai, Abazigal and Balthazar only have their tiny ass portrait and their sprites, so a rating wouldn't be fair.

Balthazar though looks way too much like a real life priest in his portrait, so he gets an automatic -100/10 because fuck the clergy.

Honorable mention to Illasera's bob cut, very 90s, and Sendai's eyebrows, who likely could be seen from space.

Strong showing for both, I'mma say 7/10 for the nostalgia.

Last but not least, the real final boss of ToB, Amelyssan. We're not going to bother rating her fake identity, cleverly named "Melissan" (...) because she went out of her way to look unassumingly boring for that one. this is her proper showing:

I mean, what to say. The slightly Valkyrie inspired feathers, the gold trim, the slightly christmassy blood-red sash with the dark green leggings... what a queen. The gauntleted gloves strike me as highly unpractical, because babygirl when you shop for those you have to make sure they're your size. Other than that though, stunning.

9/10 on serving sheer cunt, -1 deduction for not knowing your own size, 8/10 total.

....Y'all I am astounded that by my own rating the vampire won.

(It's okay Sarevok, they did you dirty in BG3 but you'll always be the spikiest tree that could ever be climbed.)