soft!reader who looks like she wandered into the wrong story the first time she meets toji. you're all soft smiles and quiet "thank you"s, the type to stop and pet stray cats on the sidewalk, the type who instinctively moves out of people's way even when they should be moving for you.
toji takes one look at you and thinks, too nice. then, for some reason he can't explain, he keeps finding excuses to see you again.
toji who swears he doesn't have a soft spot for you until one rainy afternoon he notices you waiting outside your apartment with a broken umbrella. he doesn't even think, already pulling his jacket over your head before you can get soaked.
"what about you?"
"i'll live."
he walks the entire way home getting drenched while making sure you stay dry. later that night, he catches himself smiling because you spent the whole walk trying to cover him with the jacket instead.
toji who has lived his whole life believing people always want something from him. money,strength, favors but you never ask for anything. you're just... happy he's there. you make him tea without asking how he likes it because you've already memorized it. you save him the last piece of dessert every single time. you absentmindedly straighten the collar of his shirt while talking about your day like it's the most natural thing in the world.
and every single act of kindness leaves him a little more confused than the last.
toji who absolutely melts the first time you patch up his injuries. he's sitting on your bathroom counter, acting like the cut on his cheek is nothing. "it's barely a scratch."
"hold still."
"you're fussin'."
"because you're bleeding."
you dab antiseptic against the cut as gently as if you're afraid you'll hurt him. toji has broken bones without flinching and somehow your fingers brushing his face almost undo him.
toji who starts showing up at your apartment without warning. not because he expects anything but because your place is the only one that feels quiet. you'll hear a knock at nine o'clock, open the door and there he is. hands shoved into his pockets. "you busy?"
"never."
"good." that's all the invitation he needs.
before long, it becomes routine. he sprawls across your couch while you read. you cook while he complains about your choice of movies. neither of you realizes you've accidentally built a home together.
toji who never says "thank you." not out loud. instead, he starts fixing little things around your apartment. the cabinet door that wouldn't close. the squeaky window. the loose kitchen chair. your mechanic, basically.
one day you mention your lamp flickers. the next morning it's working perfectly. "did you...?"
he shrugs. "was annoying me."
you both know it wasn't.
toji who cannot understand why you look at him the way you do like he's gentle. he's safe. one evening he catches you staring while he's cooking dinner. "what?"
you smile. "nothing."
"quit lookin' at me like that.
you walk over, slip your arms around his waist from behind, and rest your cheek against his back. "i'm looking at you exactly how i see you."
he doesn't know what to say after that. nobody has ever looked at him with so much certainty before.
toji who becomes embarrassingly protective without realizing it. you'll yawn once and suddenly his hoodie is around your shoulders. you'll mention you're cold and he's already pulling you closer. you'll walk on the side of the sidewalk nearest the road exactly one time. after that, he quietly switches places with you every single time you go out together.
he never points it out. he just does it.
toji who falls asleep better beside you than he has in years. for someone who's always half-alert, always ready to wake at the smallest sound, it's almost unsettling how deeply he sleeps with you curled against his chest. one morning he wakes up before you and just... watches. your hand is fisted in his shirt, breathing is slow, peaceful. it hits him that somewhere along the way, this stopped feeling temporary. somewhere along the way, you became home.
toji who still thinks you deserve someone better. someone kinder. someone with less blood on their hands. every now and then he'll get strangely quiet, convinced you'll wake up one morning and realize you've made a mistake.
so when you absentmindedly reach for his hand in public, intertwining your fingers with his like it's the easiest thing in the world, he looks down at your joined hands for a long moment.
"...you sure?"
you blink. "about what?"
"me."
you squeeze his hand a little tighter. "i've never been more sure of anything."
and for the first time in a very long time, toji lets himself believe you.
Š BITTERSWEETLYBLUE. do not copy, translate, edit my work then claim it as your own, attempt to plagarise or repost it on any other website nor feed into AI. you will be blocked.
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just thinking about how bf!toji loves to fuck you in front of a mirror.
how he starts with you facing it, standing between his legs, still in his lap while he runs those huge hands up under your shirt like heâs just curious how far he can push you tonight.
how he kisses your shoulder and murmurs, âlook, baby. you see how cute you are like this?â right before he lifts your hips and sinks into you slow, deep, filthy.
how he groans, low in your ear, when your lashes flutter and your jaw goes slack - and he smiles at your reflection like itâs his favorite movie.
how he makes you keep watching. one hand on your throat, the other gripping your hip, voice rough as he says, âeyes up. wanna see how pretty you look taking it.â
how your legs start shaking and he loves it - wraps an arm around your belly and fucks up into you even deeper, breath hot against your neck.
how he murmurs smug shit likeâlook at you. fucked dumb already?â and âcâmon, baby. show me how messy you get for me.â
how he smirks when your thighs tremble and you start whining his name and trying to hide your face - and he just grabs your chin, forces you to look.
ânah, uh uh,â he says, panting a little now. âdonât be shy now. look at how fuckinâ gorgeous you are.â
and when you finally come, body twitching, face flushed, voice cracking - he just grins at the mirrorlike itâs proof. like yeah. look at her. look what i do to her.
his voice is low and filthy, all pride and hunger.
âthere she is,â he mutters, fucking you through the aftershocks. âso fuckinâ good for me. so perfect.â
heâll kiss your temple after, all soft again, and whispers âmight keep that mirror in the bedroom, baby. you look too good not to.â
thinking about toji and the way he hypes you up like itâs his full-time job, benefits and all.
heâs not the loud, overly enthusiastic typeâno cheering or over-the-top confessions. nah, toji's style is smoother, more suave, but no less impactful. heâs the guy leaning against the wall, arms crossed, watching you do your thing with a look that says yeah, thatâs my baby.
when youâre nervous about something, from a big presentation to even just picking out an outfit to go out, heâs right there with his low, gravelly reassurance. "you got this. youâre better than all those other scrubs combined.â
and when you do kill itâlike he knew you wouldâheâs the first to smirk, to drop that deep chuckle and say something maddeningly cocky like, âtold ya. nobody got nothin' on my girl.â
and itâs not just when you do things right either. you can mess up and he won't even let you notice. burned your toast? âeh, crunchyâs better anyway.â tripped over your own feet? âsick moves, ma.â
and his favourite is when you're trying on clothes in front of him. âturn around...yeah, thatâs the one, honey. youâre dangerous in that.â
he notices everything, even when you think he doesnât. and when he says something about how you light up a room or make things look easy, itâs not flattery. itâs fact, at least the way he sees it. and if you dare to call him out for making you flustered? âtch. quit whining, dumbass. i'm just tellin' it like it isâyouâre seriously a damn angel or something.â
because toji might not say âi love youâ all the time, but in the way he's always by your side, making you feel like youâre unstoppable? yeah, itâs written all over him.
Š đđđ đđđđ đđđ; est 2024.
oceans notes: this is totally self indulgent. absolutely no comfort⌠whoops! tojis also definitely a narcissist. <3
toxicbf!toji who doesnât know, care or want to keep up with your friends no matter how hard you insist on him at least learning their names.
toxicbf!toji who keeps you on a short leash, not letting you do anything without him knowing about it or being there.
toxicbf!toji who treats you like a literal dog. telling what to wear, eat, wants to know who youâre going out with, where youâre going, and everything in between.
toxicbf!toji who never pays for anything and doesnât help with rent nor utilities (he gambles all his money away)
toxicbf!toji who love bombs you as an âapologyâ whenever he makes you upset or angry.
toxicbf!toji whos slowly sucking the life out of you.
toxicbf!toji who acts all lovey dovey in public, holding your hand, opening doors for you, kissing you on the cheeks. but as soon as you get home heâs on the couch, beer in hand and not giving you the light of day.
toxicbf!toji who blames you when things donât work out, causing huge arguments with you sobbing, blubbering and yelling at him. but they always somehow end up with you tucked in his arms tightly, and kisses being pressed against your face. (he never apologized, he just hates to see you cry)
toxicbf!toji who as soon as he sees you pulling away, trying to get out of the relationship for your own good, is somehow now the best bf you couldâve ever asked for, just for the old habits to resurface a few weeks later.. (heâs never going to let you leave.)
thinking about bf!toji who makes his partner train so that they are able to protect themselves in case they were to be attacked and he wasnât around (which wouldnât happen because even though he hates it when you point it out, he acts as though heâs your bodyguard, joined at the hip; ready to protect you with his life, always).
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it was dark, the party you had dragged toji to was slowly dying with boyfriends begging their sociable partners to let them drive them home, toji fit this description. the party had been a last minute idea from a colleague of yours; they figured that the office didnât do enough bonding-like activities, hence the rushed party held in your boss's large backyard.
âyou donât even like these people, why would you voluntarily waste an evening in their presence?â the older man huffed when you asked him to attend days prior, eyes never flickering from the television screen to you who stood above his lazily spread out body on the sofa.
âit could be fun, the music, the fresh air, itâs meant to be a beautiful evening on fridayâ you reasoned, you never asked for too much, but this you were adamant on. you placed an open palm at the crown of the man's scalp and caressed the area with your thumb. âyouâre only home for so little....â. toji heard your soft tone and looked up into your pleading eyes with a lax smile. âkid, with those eyes, you could make god cry â he chuckled, straightening his figure so his back was pressed against the vinyl of your sofa. âif it means so muchâ he shrugged, his big hands smoothing over his wrinkled jeans. you smiled brightly, leaning over to press a fat kiss to the middle of the man's forehead.
âwell,â toji started, breaking the calming silence the both of you had been sharing, tuning in to the lively hum of the other people attending the party. âthatâs five hours iâll never get backâ he said, rummaging through the pocket of his leather jacket for his âemergency cigaretteâ, only meant to be used in the most unsalvageable of situations, much different from the full pack he brings with him everywhere. âoh please, it wasnât so badâ you replied, your hand swirling the tropical drink you had poured from the liquor table a short while ago, your coated lips met the rim as you tilted the remains of the cup down your throat, an action that had been repeated several times that night.
âhave we been at the same party?â toji asked you in sincere disbelief, eyes widened and jaw slacked, not believing you couldâve enjoyed any time spent there. you shrugged with your eyes closed, your collarbone meeting your chin as you raised your forearms in a questioning manner. although not your ideal form of socialising, the simple conversations, light and friendly jokes shared among your coworkers made for a pleasant evening, an evening spent well doing something you wanted for a change.
tojiâs lighter sparked and an orange flame waved in front of the tightly rolled cigarette between the man's lips, inhaling the smoke and tilting his head up to exhale. âwe wouldâve had a better time staying home, maybe watching a movie or two?â toji claimed, his thumb flicking the ashes off the bud into his empty cup, âmaybe you wouldâveâ you lowly replied, the man laughed.
ânot enough for you heh, kid?â his elbow rested against the white tablecloth laid on top of the garden table, his chin being cradled in the relaxed palm.
âthatâs all we ever doâ you looked down into your cup for more liquid confidence, pouting slightly when remembering youâd drowned it down a few minutes ago. âand is it not fun?â he laughed, an insincere kind of laugh, in a way that suggested he was a little taken back with your responses.
âboring and unfulfillingâ you rattled off before picking yourself up and taking your empty cup to your favourite table of the evening, pouring in sips of everything that looked glossy and fruity. your lips stayed attached to the cup as you swayed your way back to your seat as toji was stubbing out his cigarette and lining up a fresh one. the song shifted from mindless radio-worthy beats to stripped back and slowed melodic riffs, you watched as some of your remaining coworkers and their partners shuffled out happily to the widespread patch of grass, limbs entwined as their bodies swayed to the tune. once more, toji waved the flame in front of the roll and abruptly rose in front of you. your face rose from inside your cup and stared into tojiâs eyes swelling with heat, âupâ he mumbled passed his cigarette, smoke blowing past his lips as he spoke. his hand extended to you and rested your palm in it and suddenly his large frame was pulling you as you stumbled to the grass patch, your coworkers smiling at you as you joined in.
âis this more something youâd like, baby?â he asked you lowly in your ear as his calloused hands found their way to your arms, lifting them above your head to plateau on his shoulders, his hands smoothing down your torso to rest on your hips. you couldnât help but smile, although probably only prompted as he sensed your disdain, toji showing any effort to make you happy made your heart swoon.
âvery much so, thank youâ you softly replied with a sickly sweet grin, your eyes twinkling so much that toji could only scoff. âyeah yeahâ toji dismissed, taking another drag from his cigarette to conceal the matching grin itching to spread on his lips. tojiâs fingers curled from his lips and released his cigarette, his tips moving to rest above your top lip and he smoothed the cigarette into your mouth, holding their place pressed against your mouth until your lips opened around the stick to exhale the grey smoke with a teasing smile. toji laughed a little as he returned the burn to his lips, his hands squeezing at your hips to hear you softly squeal in delight.
bf!toji who genuinely, sincerely, spectacularly forgets valentine's day.
not because he doesn't love you, not because he doesn't care but because his relationship with dates is absolutely terrible. he doesn't know what day it is half the time. he pays bills at the last possible second. his calendar is empty. his reminders are nonexistent.
so valentine's day arrives and toji is completely unaware.
bf!toji who notices you've been acting strangely all morning. you're quieter, a little distracted, checking your phone but also looking at him every now and then like you're waiting for something. but he's clueless. absolutely clueless. "what?" he asks eventually.
"nothing."
"don't give me that shit."
"give you what?"
"the face."
"what face?"
"the one you're making."
that doesn't help him figure it out at all.
bf!toji who gets home later that evening and finally notices because the apartment looks nice. not over-the-top but just thoughtful.
you've made dinner and there are candles. you changed into a dress he knows you only wear when you want to feel pretty. and sitting on the table â a small gift.
for him. his stomach drops immediately. suddenly he remembers the date. the silence is deafening. you know the exact moment it clicks. you watch it happen on his face, watch his eyes dart toward the calendar on the wall, watch realization hit him like a freight train. "oh."
bf!toji who has never wanted the floor to swallow him more in his entire life because you smile and somehow that's worse, way worse.
it's not an angry smile. it's not a disappointed smile. it's one of those smiles people use when they're trying really hard to pretend something didn't hurt, the one where your lips disappear and you shrug.
and toji immediately feels sick. "baby."
you shake your head. "it's okay."
it is not okay. toji knows it isn't okay. you spent time planning this. he can see the effort everywhere. the dinner and he brought absolutely nothing. not even flowers.
bf!toji who sits awake all night afterward. literally all night. you told him it was fine. you insisted. you kissed his cheek. you told him not to worry about it.
somehow that makes him feel even worse because you deserved to be upset and instead you protected his feelings. so the next morning he wakes up before you (which never happens. ever) and immediately leaves.
bf!toji who spends the entire day trying to fix it with absolutely no idea how. the problem isn't that he forgot to buy something. the problem is that he forgot something important to you and that's eating him alive.
he shows up with flowers first then more flowers because he doesn't know which flowers you like best. so he buys multiple bouquets. then chocolates. then your favorite snacks. then a necklace. then another necklace because he hates the first one. then he spends twenty minutes arguing with himself in a store aisle because none of it feels like enough. did he use all of his funds from his broke ass to do that? yes but it's irrelevant.
bf!toji who is actually pacing when he gets home. pacing. toji fushiguro. pacing. he's nervous, he knows he screwed up. badly. when you open the door, he immediately starts talking. "before you say anythingâ"
"tojiâ"
"no, lemme finish."
you blink. he looks genuinely distressed. "i know i fucked up." straight to the point. "i forgot." his jaw tightens like he hates admitting it. "and that's not an excuse." you open your mouth but he keeps going. "i don't care if it's just a date." his voice gets quieter, "it mattered to you. you spent all that time planning something nice." his eyes flick toward the floor. "and i made you feel like i didn't care."
you can actually hear how guilty he feels.
bf!toji who is not a naturally apologetic man. he's stubborn, prideful and fucking annoying. but for you? he'll swallow every ounce of pride he has.
"i love you." he pauses, swallowing, "and i don't want you to ever think i don't."
your heart immediately squeezes. he hands you the flowers. all of them, there are too many flowers. you start laughing and the visible relief that crosses his face is almost painful. "you laughing?"
"there's enough flowers here for a funeral."
"good."
"good?"
"means i bought enough."
bf!toji who spends the next week making up for it. not because he thinks gifts solve everything but because he wants you to know he was listening. that he cares, that he noticed. and after that? he never forgets again. ever.
not once. not a single year. because the image of you sitting at that candlelit table with that little hopeful smile permanently burned itself into his brain.
bf!toji who starts setting reminders months in advance. months which is honestly shocking. he'll pretend it's not a big deal, pretend he's casual about it. but every year after that, valentine's day arrives and somehow he's already planned everything.
flowers, dinner, a gift. the whole thing. and if you tease him about it? "thought you forgot valentine's day."
"don't bring up then."
"still traumatized?"
"very."
toji can handle a lot of things. fights, injuries. debt (not really). stress. whatever. but making the woman he loves feel unimportant? once was enough. he'd never let it happen again.
Š #BITTERSWEETLYBLUE. do not copy, translate, edit my work then claim it as your own, attempt to plagarise or repost it on any other website nor feed into AI. you will be blocked.
this was the hour that the night seemed most quiet. no cars passing by, no teenagers hanging out in the middle of the road without a care in the world. no pets barking, meowing, or chirping. not even a bullfrog or grasshopper to let everyone know they werenât alone. on nights like this, at this hour, i always lay in bed and let my mind take over. ever since i had met him my thoughts always conjured up a worst-case scenario where i would find out via the news the next morning that his lifestyle had finally caught up with him. he had accepted payment from the wrong âclient,â or killed someone he wasnât supposed to. of course i knew this would never happen because he was smart, calculated, careful. every job was executed flawlessly. he wouldnât dare jeopardize his money like that.
in the quiet, just as i had finally let my eyelids get heavy, i heard the twist of the doorknob followed by the creak of my bedroom door as it opened and immediately filled the room with his scent. i lie still even as i let out a soft breath i hadnât realized i was holding. heâs loud tonight, i thought to myself as i listened to him sloppily rustle around, discarding his clothes atop the accumulating pile in the corner of the room. i hate when he does that after a job. normally, he enters and disrobes quietly, and i donât realize heâs slipped in bed behind me until he begins to snoreâor sometimes until the morning comes and his weight is crushing me into the mattress in the sweetest way as he sleeps as though itâs his first time in a proper bed. tonight, though, must have kept him on his toes. i feigned sleep as he walked past the bed and toward the bathroom, where he left the door cracked as he turned on the faucet. messy night, i suppose? but just as quickly as he entered the bathroom, he was out, and the bed dipped as he sat, taking a deep sigh. after a beat of stillness, the covers lifted as his big arms draped around my waist.
âyou stink,â i murmured with my eyes closed, secretly enjoying being engulfed in his presence, regardless of the sweaty smell. âshut up,â he sucked his teeth as his words vibrated through me as he spoke with his face pressed in my neck. i said nothing as i smiled to myself at how he managed to so easily, so naturally wrap his body around mine, and his breath heated up my neck, our breathing slowly coming in sync with one another. who wouldâve thought that a hard-bodied, born and bred assassin would need to cuddle after a long night.
