song ... ! the boyz â priority
it's okay, you don't have to answer
but it doesn't matter
how many people i have
around me
truth is you are my priority
i wanted to tell you
but it was awkward so i asked something else
i'm going to tell you now
changmin is not by any means popular. if anything, heâs quite literally the opposite of that â his bangs are a little long, covering up his eyes, and he hasnât had a haircut in literal months ( he could easily get one, but heâs decided not to ). heâs tried, multiple times too, to make friends. but it isnât exactly easy. he smiles a little awkwardly, and his cheeks turn red at the thought of interacting with others.Â
at the very least though, heâs finally, finally, made a few good friends in high school. assimilating had been hard, but he finds himself fitting in with them quite well. amongst them, is a senior â xie yiran.
yiran is nice. really, heâs sweet and kind, and changmin can pretty much tell that heâs well-liked amongst his peers. he admires him, he really does. and wishes so badly that⌠he could be just like yiran! he doesnât hide his admiration for yiran either, following the older boy around like a duckling glued onto itâs mother. and at the very least, yiranâs never seemed to show any form of disappointment by changminâs constant clinging.
itâs friday, and changminâs decided that itâs a good time to find yiran after school. what he doesnât expect though, is to catch him at the back of the schoolâs building, standing opposite a girl with long black hair, and perfectly manicured nails. they seem to be talking about something, something important â and changminâs never been one to eavesdrop, so he turns around, ready to leave when he catches what the girl says â i like you yiran! oh.Â
he blinks, jaw dropping slightly. oh. itâs a⌠confession! of course. of course yiran would get one of those. confessions! those were normal, werenât they? they had to be normal for someone like yiran. he needs to leave, something in his brain is telling him to leave almost immediately. but he doesnât. instead his feet stay planted there.Â
âiâve liked you for a long time! please go out with me.â
he swallows what feels like bile in his throat.Â
âiâm sorry. but as you know, my career is ââ
ah⌠right. changmin smiles to himself, though it feels a little helpless. of course, of course yiranâs career, his future, his grades would always be of the utmost importance to him. for some reason, changmin feels helpless. he tunes out everything else, only realizes that heâs still standing there when he hears yiranâs voice, calling out his name.
shit. he whips his head up, and is met with yiranâs puzzled face. âwere you here the whole time?â the older boy asks, âdid you⌠hear what happened?â
âiâŚâ oh no, lie! you need to lie rhee changmin! âiâm sorry! i didnât mean to. i was just looking for you hyung and then the confession ended up happening â iâm sorry! i shouldâve left!â but heâs never been a good liar, especially when yiran is involved. so instead he bows his head in apology. âit wonât happen again!â
he expects a firm scolding, but receives none of that. instead yiran taps him on the shoulder. âwhere did you want to go?â
he lifts his head, and blinks at the older boy in confusion. huh! âoh⌠i just wanted to hang out with you⌠i heard some classmates talking about a new store that opened⌠and i wanted to join them, but didnât know how to start a conversation⌠and i thought youâd like it too!â
somehow, yiran relents. and the both of them end up walking to the store together.
and changmin knows. changmin knows he should keep quiet about the confession that unfolded before his very eyes. but he doesnât. no, he canât. âhyung, is building a successful career that important to you? i mean, i know itâs important! but you turned down a really pretty girl.â
âa stable career is important, changmin,â he replies, and changmin had half expected that. âbut⌠maybe if it had been someone else, i would have replied differently.â
âoh?â changminâs eyes widen, clearly surprised. âseriously hyung? what?â he feels his chest tighten again. so if it had been someone else⌠yiran might have said yes? âwho?â he finds himself asking. âi mean⌠you wouldâve said yes if it were someone else?â
yiran is quiet for a while, before he nods. âyes.â
this is⌠this is brand new information to changmin. information that feels like it might make his ears bleed. so yiran is⌠yiran is capable? of those feelings. thatâs odd â knowing this feels⌠odd. âthatâs⌠wow!â changmin forces a smile. âi wonder who it is! that would make say yes,â he adds after a minute. he feels his smile dropping though, but heâs unsure as to why.
yiran doesnât reply and changmin takes that as a sign to perhaps steer away from this conversation. âoh hyung did you know tha ââ
changmin stops in his tracks. he mustâve heard wrong. he mustâve hallucinated. âwhat?â he says, âdid you say me?â
yiran, now a few steps away from changmin, turns to nod at the younger boy. âyes. i did say you.â
changmin feels his cheeks turn red, his whole body heating up. what? what? what?Â
and then it hits him. yiran must be joking! âoh hyung!â he smiles, and he runs over to his friend, before grabbing his arm. âthatâs not a funny joke! you shouldnât joke like that!â he laughs. âyou had me shocked!â though despite his laughter, changminâs cheeks are still red, his ears a bright shade.Â
he canât look at yiran in the eye, and he doesnât want to. not when heâs like this and he feels his heart pounding in his chest. so it was a joke! of course, it was! yiranâs funny. and changmin needs to remind himself never to expect anything more.
âokay! iâll stop talking about the confession, i promise! sorry again, for accidentally witnessing it,â he says, eyes still fixated on his own two feet, refusing to look at his friend.Â
though if he had lifted his eyes, just a little, he wouldâve seen the smile on yiranâs face â one that wouldnât have been able to be passed off as a joke.