#bettertelugucopy

When you introduce flights to new sectors, you start operating the flights between those destinations. The problem with this copy is the translation doesn’t say they are starting new flights to these destinations. 

The issue is with the translated word “పరిచయం". instead they should have used the other words that translates to introducing, which are  “ప్రవేశపెట్టు” , “ప్రారంభించు”

So the better copy would be 

Noticed this at a South Indian breakfast and tiffin place in Hyderabad. They mainly serve Karnataka breakfast almost through out the day. One thing that stands out is how they created an assembly line kind of operation with a limited menu.

This place receives a lot of footfall, seems crowded, but one doesn't have to wait for hours. It's a quick service restaurant, stand in queue, pay for the food, go to next line, grab your food, quickly eat and leave.

Entire kitchen and cleaning area area clearly seen from out side. They take pride and heavily advertise their cleaning and sanitization practices on the premises.

It was heavily crowded when I visited, but you could hardly see any disappointment or frustration in the crowd. The people visiting there do seem to understand their operation as everything moves very fast.

Coming to copy: it's is seen next to their menu board and essentially they want to focus on స్వచ్ఛత ( pure and clean), రుచి (taste) and వినియోగదారుని సేవ( customer service).

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Having seen the place and their operation in person, i think , i have some sense of their business and I have a few suggestions below to improve their copy.

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So this is my final suggested copy

స్వచ్ఛత లో పారదర్శకత

రుచికి ప్రాధాన్యత

వినియోగదారుని సేవ కి ప్రాముఖ్యత.

Translation and reasons :-

Transparency in cleanliness and purity ( the way their entire operation is transparent and every one see everything in kitch and dishwasher area)

Importance to taste ( the crowd itself shows the food is tasty, and i do agree)

Mutual funds sahi hai should be - "మ్యూచువల్ ఫండ్స్ సరైనవే", not "మ్యూచువల్ ఫండ్స్ నిజమే".

Source : Twitter, link below

ALT

View on Twitter

My improvement for it would be as below 

English original

From the Telugu one above Red Circled one was to say 

Follow your passions, connect in a new way or create something unseen. Learning happens on your terms. 

Which literally got (Google Translated) to 

మీ అభిరుచులని అనుసరించండి, సరి కొత్త విధంగా కనెక్ట్ అవ్వండి, లేదా కనిపించని దాన్ని ఏదైనా సృష్టించండి. మీ నియమాలపై నేర్చుకోవడం జరుగుతుంది!

If you ask me, the ad in Telugu would sound much better, if the red circled one is not there at all. These phrases do not make any sense to a native speaker, they don’t invoke any emotion or get the customer  thinking or even take an action. 

If it is a must that English and Telugu, they could consider using the below

“మీ  కలలను సాకారం చేసుకోండి, అద్భుతాలను సృష్టించండి, మా క్రోమా నిపుణుల సహాయంతో"

Tata Croma generally positions itself as a store that helps you buy the thing you want. They assist you in deciding on what you need to buy. That’s where the second pink circled copy comes. Even this one got translated literally. 

 For pink circled one, they can consider this :

while i dont have any issues in the main copy, i hope they could improve the wording a bit in “Free and Fast Home Delivery i.e .. మీ ఇంటికి వేగవంతమైన మరియు ఉచిత డెలివరీ”

Actual : - మీ ఇంటికి వేగవంతమైన మరియు ఉచిత డెలివరీ

Suggested  Options : - 

1) డెలివరి : ఉచితంగా మరియు వేగంగా నేరుగా మీ ఇంటికే 

Actual 

డైటింగ్ మరియు డైట్ నియమాలు ;

Suggested >>>

Minor typo

“సహాయపడటం” లో “స" కి తలకట్టు మరిచిపోయారు. 

 Most likely this is a print issue than the copy issue. 

Copy suggestion 

Original : 

“ఇది డబ్బు గురించి కాదు, మన పిల్లలు మరింతగా నేర్చుకునేందుకు సహాయపడటం గురించి” (  translates to It's not about money, it's about helping our children learn more- which is a very good copy, but when translated literally, it doesn't really sound well for a native speaker, so i have this suggestion below)

Suggested :

“ఇది డబ్బు గురించి కాదు, మీ పిల్లల చదువుకు మా వంతు సహాయం” ( "It's not about the money, it's about helping your children get an education") 

or 

“ఇది డబ్బు గురించి కాదు, మీ పిల్లల విద్యాభివృద్ధి మా వంతు సహాయం”

How this different compared to original? 

Mine actually says get an education, but the original says more education. That means original english copy assumes that you have been cover basic educational needs, this ad is to help them learn more, may be beyond education, given the football photo. 

So to convey the “more than education need”  - it needs an improved copy than the one i wrote.

Dunzo is known for their copywriting and the amount of effort they put into their ads. Unfortunately and as guessed, that expertise is just limited to English and Hindi. When it came to localization, they did seem to have taken the Google Translate route. 

I have 2 pieces of feedback on their copy 

First one

In the sentence, “ఇప్పుడు ఇంక ఫ్రిడ్జ్ తో ఉపయోగం ఏముంది” , instead of “ఉపయోగం” they should have used the word “పని”. 

“ఇప్పుడు ఇంక ఫ్రిడ్జ్ తో  పని ఏముంది” . 

Other word suggestion to replace ఉపయోగం is అవసరం . 

“ఇప్పుడు ఇంక ఫ్రిడ్జ్  అవసరం ఏముంది” 

Second One

In both the places above, they used the phrase “ విస్తృత శ్రేణి “ which is the right word to convey the meaning “wide range” , but that phrase really doesn’t go well with rest of the words in the sentences 

విస్తృత శ్రేణి వస్తువులపై అదనపు తగ్గింపు పొందండి ( Translates to : Get additional discounts on a wide range of items)

విస్తృత శ్రేణి కేటగిరీల నుంచి ఎన్నుకోండి( Translates to : Choose from a wide range of categories). 

The correct approach would be to rephrase the sentences as 

లక్షల కొద్దీ వస్తువులపై అదనపు తగ్గింపు పొందండి (Translates to :Get extra discount on lakhs  of items, it quantifies the wide range, i am not sure if they will be Ok with quantification of items , but it is much more readable and pleasing) . Also the word “వస్తువు” translates to object, rather they should be using “product” which translates to “ఉత్పత్తి”  . So final suggested one looks like “లక్షల కొద్దీ ఉత్పత్తులపై అదనపు తగ్గింపు పొందండి”