#bestblessing

Depression is exhausting.

Even though it was painful at the time, Florizel finally got to see the depressive side of me.  I didn’t want to face him, but I did.

We hung out for the majority of the evening last night and we had a long discussion about what happened.  He held me while I let everything out, and he spoke to me calmly, with a voice so full of love.  He made it clear that there was nowhere on earth he would rather be than by my side.

He told me that he loves me too much to run, that I’m not a burden and he wants to help me through anything that ails me.  My depression saddens him, but knowing he can be there to help gives him joy.  

I told him that I was a bit wary because everyone else said the same thing, but they took off or grew weary. 

But then it dawned on me: they grew weary because they were weary themselves.  They had their own problems that they worked on and I assisted with...it’s not wonder Robert and I were always so exhausted with each other.  Florizel is in a stable frame of mind and he takes care to see that my issues are addressed.  He smiles, he’s calm, he’s patient, all the things I need to get on the mend.

Florizel, thank you again...I can’t put into words how much your love and patience means to me.  I look in your eyes and I believe every word you say.  I see so much love and determination in those eyes...you can see through the pain and see ME.  You’re not afraid, you’re not ashamed.  You love all parts of me, and even the flaws you see don’t scare you.  In fact, knowing that you can help me through those horrible times makes you happier.

I’m not proud of the way my brain is wired, yet you never condemn me. You’re confused, but you make an effort to understand.  That effort and calmness speaks VOLUMES to me, and with each battle we overcome, I am more and more certain you are the one.  I take one look in your eyes, at your smile, and I believe every word you say.