#bestara

their first kiss is him consoling her after she has to bisect her father. their last (and possibly second??) kiss is her reassuring him while his father is in critical condition, while fully knowing he's about to find out she betrayed his family (he then tries to arrest her, they fight it out and she ditches him in an evil sentient spaceship)

they're officially an item for a couple weeks maybe? (before that they've been flirting for idk, a couple months to a year? the timeline is a mess in this series.) they tell Luke (who is their only surviving parent) about the relationship immediately, too. she is never introduced to the rest of Ben's family for no reason

she mournfully thinks about killing him all the time, including the period when they're together. she spends more time fake-mourning Ben than actually thinking about all of her dead loved ones and colleagues combined

i'm pretty sure they are both each other's first human their age they've met (on page that is). Vestara has a different species bff who gets killed by Ben and she doesn't care all that much. unless we count that interaction i believe Ben literally never meets another person his age lmao

when they meet Vestara presumably knows a lot about him since he's a) famous, b) friendly af and c) has personal history with the evil spaceship that becomes her bestie. to Ben she is the mysterious sole survivor of a group trying to kill him and his dad who they then chase around a bit and take hostage. he doesn't find out all that much by the end of the series either

despite being the main romance arc of their series they only meet four books in, start dating midway through book 8 and break up in book 9. it's a slowburn but only if you're burning a fuse

So, I was re-reading some conversations of Vestara with her father from Fate of the Jedi. The way Gavar talks about Ben's desire for Vestara and her way of utilizing it gives the impression of a very heteronormative society. Almost violently so. It would make sense, strong litters are valued, strong lineages and advancing one's family name through the "glories" your children will bring to it.

So hear me out. Closeted lesbian Vestara who instead of being shoved into a romance with Ben finds genuine friendship alongside him and admits her true feelings. Ben is of course supportive of it, and as he grows up and spends more time with her realises that he himself wasn't really looking for someone to be in a romantic relationship with. The guy just wanted someone his age he could hang out with and be normal!!

I don't give a shit about Vestara actually joining the Jedi order but she still leaves the tribe behind and starts a journey to find herself, and explore what it means to be a lesbian in a more accepting environment. Ben is supportive of his friend every step of the way.

A hot Korriban breeze ruffled their robes as it sent dust and loose strands of sweat-soaked hair flying. The girl in front of him didn’t flinch, didn’t reach to remove the strands sticking to her face, didn’t even move. Slowly, Ben released her arm.

As seconds stretched into minutes, the Jedi Knight struggled with what to do. Why was this so hard? Moments before he’d been ready to kill her… now… now he was worried and growing more so the longer she sat there.  What did he want?

You want her dead…

Now determined, he shook his head. Regardless of the outcome, he needed to get them both off Korriban, or at least out of the Valley. If this changed nothing but the location of their next dual, then so be it. He― no, they― needed to be able to form a thought without the Dark Side’s interjections.  The stakes were too high, he couldn’t afford clouded judgement.  Not when― blast it― not when it wanted him to kill the girl he still loved.

___

Think. Just... think. Focus on what's happening. That was easier said than done, Ben was still crouched closely in front of her. She could still feel the ghosts of his fingers on her wrist. Why is he here? Why isn’t he attacking? Why― why didn’t she have any idea what he was thinking? The Ben she knew, who she remembered, had been an open book. The fact that she had no clue was utterly terrifying.

There weren't  many options. Talking her way out would likely be the best option, but… but with him so… unreadable, she doubted it would end well. He was too close to simply escape. That left― where was her lightsaber? The lack of weight on her belt told her that it wasn’t the only weapon missing. Tashrey! What had been blown away in the blast limited her options further. Was she fast enough to grab his?

There would only be one shot. He was being too cautious, the moment she moved he would know her intentions.

___

Clearing his throat, Ben tried again.

“Ves?” he spoke in a soft, careful voice. Her head darted up, to his surprise, and for a moment he was gazing into achingly-familiar wide brown eyes. The moment passed as quickly as it began; the girl averted her eyes to instead stare at some ancient Lord’s battered stone bust. Heart hammering, he reached tentatively for her shoulder.

The moment he touched the worn fabric, he was shoved back both with her hands and the force. The blow should have sent him back a considerable distance, but in her exhaustion only pushed him onto his back.

“Vestara!”

She scrambled to her feet and, without her usual elegance, began a stumbling run. Dimly, Ben could feel her draw on the darkness, and wrap it around herself. Her sprint stabilized as her headed for the heart the Valley. No. He grabbed her at her legs with the force, sending her crashing into the dirt.

He was by her side before she had a chance to rise, already aiming to restrain her. He caught hold of her wrists as she threw her head back. He moved before she could connect with his nose. He held her down and for a few frantic heartbeats she struggled wildly, before suddenly growing still.

 I am not going to solidify the date of next update,because exams are coming. 

Go on, do something! Move. She needed to move, but she’d thrown her energy with the rubble. You’re weak, at least pull yourself to your feet. She couldn’t, though she wanted nothing more. Take what you want. What did she truly want? To kill him? To go home? You’re not strong enough. Or could she still turn? Forget the Tribe, you don’t need them. She wanted to, wanted to leave the Sith behind and find her own path— Traitor! But she was a Sith, she knew no other way. The darkness was in her blood. Kill him, redeem yourself. She couldn’t. Two very different weaknesses held her back. Move, pitiful girl!

The voices swirled, spitting insults, commands, and empty promises. Vestara lacked the strength to fight them. Because you’re weak! She wanted to leave, to shut the voices out for good. You were born in the darkness, child. This is your home. She struggled to form a thought that felt her own, trapped in her own mind.

___

Concern tempered his anger, as Vestara squeezed her eyes shut, and pulled herself into a tighter ball. Her presence in the Force was changing, crumbling in on itself, a once strong building turning to dust in an earthquake.

Ben crept forward, hoping it was a trap— that the Sith had indeed found a way to fake emotion in the Force. It wasn’t. He called her name again, and again received no response.

With one hand on his lightsaber hilt and the other reaching, in something akin to a comforting gesture, he knelt in front of her.

“Ves?”

___

Her eyes shot open, and she jumped back, frightened by the real, and much closer than she’d anticipated, voice. The Force screamed conflicting orders inside her head, and Ben was staring at her with almost pity-filled eyes.

“Ves… are you okay?” He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to where she’d been sitting. She stared at the limb, as if it was third arm. What could she do? Shove him back, and start a battle she couldn’t finish? Cling to him like a needy child? Even the options the voices gave seemed just as foolish.

So, she sat there, trying to find words to speak.

AHHHH!!! Okay sorry, I finished this and forgot to post it, whoops. Thanks to @shira-brie and @sonadowfire for helping me kill the writers block. And yah!

The Jedi had no words. Somehow he’d expected her to scoff at his question, to mock him for thinking she had. Now, clambering to his feet, he didn’t know what he thought.

 Wincing, he prepared for the rest of the fight, then froze. Again surprised, he looked at the center of the destruction. Some sort of pity moved him. With a deep breath, he moved forward.

 Now’s your chance, kill her. Ben froze, recognizing the voice for what it was. Go on, she can’t defend herself now. The dark side swirled, taunting, and urging him forward. She betrayed you, and now you will get your revenge.

 The voice he’d trained to ignore spoke the words he wanted to hear. It drew him closer, continuing to speak. It promised the satisfying results of vengeance; it confessed that Vestara hated him, and created the blast to kill him. Rage grew, but truth was right in front of him. By all appearances, the blast had been an attack, but any force sensitive would know better. He’d felt all of it. Every pain, every tear, every smile, and every fear washed over him. It was wrong. Wrong to feel a person’s thoughts so clearly, but he’d had no defence, against such a blast.

 Ben had expected some of the emotions. There was anger, there was deceit, but there was also loneliness, far too much fear and… and self loathing… how little did he know Vestara Khai? 

 He had felt the blast. It had come from hurt, not rage. Even her words, in theirself, showed no hint of what the dark claimed. He stamped down his anger, breathing deeply as if to expel it. The emotion did not leave, but lost its control over the Jedi. 

 No! He told it, I’m done listening to you. 

 It responded. The Force turned to malice. The air itself threatened to strangle him. The heat of the planet remained, but gained an ice that made him shiver. Every scratch, bruise and sore muscle seemed to burn in the planet’s assault. Most would fear the barrage of the dark’s insistence, but Ben almost laughed in relief. This was how Korriban greeted Jedi, he had not lost his way yet.

With a new purpose, he moved. The trembling girl was huddled three meters in front of him, her eyes staring blankly at the red dust. Cautiously, as he had no way of knowing what terrible whispers she would try to obey, he called her name. 

“Vestara?” 

 ——