#beson

(Based off a snipet I wrote about my o.c Pyro and how far they'd go for Kipo. Only for their sacrifice to horribly backfire. Also the idea of being anchorless was just really intresting to me. Just being lost to yourself and getting stuck in that animal mind set.)

You were falling. Grasping at air as feathers fluttered around you. You had just wanted to help. You wanted Kipo to know she wasn't alone. But now you were dropping, getting further and further from your friends. From the fight. From yourself.

Looking around trying to find something anything to stop your descent you begin to panic as you continue to free fall. Kipo needed back up, she needed support. She needed you! You thought if you did what Emilia did maybe... maybe...

There's a loud caw as the bird above you flaps their wings sending it's feathers fluttering down. Feeling the air leave your lungs as you fall they rise above you and you notice they're your favorite color. They're you.

Closing your eyes hearing the wind whistle in your ears as it throws your hair around, the shouts fade away, and you plummet. Slowly you feel yourself loose control receeding deep into your mind as adrenaline courses through your body. Reaching out hoping to grab something, anything, your head spins. Your grip is slowly slipping from your mute side as it begins to take over. As it forces you to keep falling.

"(Y/N)!" Snapping your eyes open your floating in space. You can't see out of your own eyes anymore but you can see all your old memories. The mute is gone and you stand on nothing. Clouds surround you making you nervous as you begin to wander about trying to find a way to control yourself again.

"..." Unable to speak you walk, footsteps silent as the fog of your mind muffles all sound.

Seeing yourself and your friends you pause hand stretched to grab one but you feel yourself sinking into the clouds. Pulling back from your memories the sinking stops and your left alone and trapped in your own mind. Tears slipped down your cheeks as you open your mouth trying to scream but there's no sound.

Spinning around panicked you couldn't see a way out, you were stuck. You were lost in yourself. The cawing from before gets louder and as you fall to your knees sinking into the fog your surrounded by your repeating memories. Closing your eyes you feel yourself flying.

~~~

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)!!!" Kipo continued calling out to you but you had long stopped responding. Emilia was cured and gone forever, you'd done it.

As she stood there watching you, a mega bird she smiled sadly.

"Come on (Y/N)... Come back..." She mumbles but you don't hear her. You don't have an anchor, you can't change back and there's no more cure.

Shaking as she watches you, Hugo wrapped his arms around her and she began crying into his jacket, slowly sinking to her knees. You'd saved her life. You'd saved Hugos life. All the mutes. All her friends. But at what cost? Was it worth it?

"... Kipo..." Hugo mumbled. He looked up and the Mega Bird you'd become was flapping it's wings looking around confused. It cawed staring at something near them before looking away but it's eyes. They were devoid of intelligence. It was just a hollow husk of (Y/N) and there was no cure and no pre established anchor. If they couldn't find themselves they'd be lost forever.

"Hey Kipo it's okay-" Lio tries to soothe but Kipo shakes her head.

"No dad! No it's not!" Kipo responds. She's shaking as she clutches her brothers jacket. She was so close to loosing him. She already lost YumYan Hammerpaw and so many others. No you too. Please not you too!

"Kipo we can figure this out. We can help them." Song states but Kipo doesn't listen this is all her fault.

"(Y/N) PLEASE!!!" She begs pleading for you to change back. Tears streak down her face and her eyes turn pink as she shakes. They'd lost so much not you too!

"Wait kid you'll-" Jamack tries to warn but it's to late. With a couple flaps of the Mega birds multiple wings you were gone.

You were gone...

~~~

Your body felt heavy. Hand digging into the dirt like claws you were numb. Your entire body... something was wrong with it but you didn't know what. Grunting your eyes glance around, vision blurred.

"... Ugh..." You can't remember what happened. Why you felt this way but whatever you'd been through it made your entire body hurt. Had Emilia smacked you around that much? "... guys?" You call out but your voice is scratchy. When you get no response you slowly push yourself up and look around. The jungle your in is empty. You're alone.

Getting up you teeter before leaning on a tree and vomitting. Shaking after you finish, you wipe at your mouth once your stomachs emptied. A feather flutters from your hair and you pause remembering the hell you endured. Looking around there were feathers everywhere.

Lightheaded and dizzy the transformation being very draining, you begin stumbling in a direction hoping to find home. Minutes blend into hours as the sun falls and the forest becomes dark. Your cold, hungry, and tired but you continue to stumble.

Seeing the Timbercats village your vision goes blurry as you collapse outside the wooden wall. Noises erupt around you and feeling hands on you, you smile before everything fades to black that same voice that brought you back calling your name as you fade away.

Boop

I woke up, soaked in sweat. I sat up quietly, ripping the blanket off of me. It was light out now, I was once again moved into the bedroom.

I stood from the bed, walking to the kitchen for some water. Sonny was nowhere to be found, something that wasn't unusual seeing as he was always gone before I woke up.

I shut the fridge, gripping the water bottle, standing against the counter as I nearly chugged the water down. I pulled the shirt up, wiping my forehead dry and dropping it back down. I didn't catch the time before I left the bedroom, but I knew it was early, it was light out but barely, the sun wasn't fully up yet, neither were most people. New York was almost peaceful at this time.

I clutched the bottle so hard the plastic crinkled under my fingers as I heard the lock in the door click.

"Sonny?" I called, it was barely, almost a whisper, but I called out again when I got no answer.  "Sonny?" I called louder this time, still no answer.

I put the bottle down, looking around for a second before grabbing a large wooden rolling pin from a large utensil jar by the oven. I held it to my chest, holding it like a bat. I felt weak, small, swimming in Sonny's overly large clothes.

I walked towards the wall, staying behind it as the door open. I bit my lip, willing the tears to not fall. I heard the steps come closer, almost out of the hallway.

I looked across the open room, towards the living room. The home phone sat perched on its tiny stand by the couch. I was too far.

I gripped the pin so hard I could already feel my hands start to blister. Once the steps were close enough I jumped from my spot, swinging the pin. I hit the intruder, hard in the side maybe.

"Ross!" It was Sonny's choked voice. I dropped the pin, dashing to turn the hall light on.

There he was, on the floor. Sonny was wearing running clothes, headphones falling from his ears, holding his side.

"Oh my god, Sonny! I'm so sorry, I- I thought you were someone else, someone breaking in." I tried to explain. I took hold of his arm, trying to pull him up and tugging him towards the bathroom, turning on lights as I go.

"So you attack me with, what was that?" He wheezed, still holding his side. His breath was labored, hard and wheezy. His eyes were clenched tight.

"A rolling pin." I was beyond mortified. I turned the bathroom light on. I pushed him to sit on the toilet.

"A rolling pin?" He tried to laugh but instead, he clutched his side harder.

"I'm so sorry Sonny, really I am!" I cried out, embarrassed and stressed. I pushed him to move his hands, lifting his shirt just enough to see the already forming bruise.

"Lift your arms, above your head. You'll breathe easier." I told him, jogging to the kitchen to grab ice, wrapping the bundle into a rag.

I almost tripped, catching myself at the last second, finishing my jog to the bathroom. Sonny was right where I left him, sitting with his fingers interlocked, arms stretched above his head. His shirt was lifted, just barely showing his lower stomach. I crouched in front of him, lifting the shirt above his side, holding the cold rag to him.

"I'm sorry," I repeated to him again as he hissed in pain. His face was red, eyes still closed tightly. I took the cloth away just for a second, the skin was bright red now. I felt the skin, it was cool, not cold yet but it was getting there. I knelt forward more, just to see how big the bruise was.

It was big, expanding across the area above his hips and below his ribs. I gently pressed my fingers around it, stopping when a puff of Sonny's warm breath hit my forehead.  

I fell on my ass when I saw how close we were. I whined as I hit the floor, my head bouncing off the wall.

"Ross, you okay?" Sonny asked, easily pulling me up from my arm, the rag falling from my grasp. Ice scattering all over the floor.

"Shit, sorry." I sighed, squatting to round up the ice.

"It's fine, it was melting anyway." He told me, taking the rag and dumping what was left of the ice into the sink. He was standing now, his height looming over me.

His breath was heavy, he was almost holding it though.

"I'm sorry, for um hitting you with a rolling pin. I thought you were a burglar." I told him, sheepishly, my cheeks blazing hot.

"Sorry to disappoint." he joked, walking behind me, his free hand on my back, leading me back to the kitchen. I grabbed the rolling pin on the way, putting it back in its rightful place.

I stayed back, watching from the counter as he dropped the rag into the sink, instead, grabbing a bag of frozen peas from the freezer. He held them under his shirt, closing his eyes and leaning against the freezer.

"You've got a heavy hand, heavier than I thought." He told me, his eyes still closed.

"You scared me, I thought someone was going to hurt me." I coughed out. I kept my eyes trained on the floor, looking at his black running shoes. His white socks came up just about half an inch out of the shoes, cutting off the blonde leg hair.

"Not here, Ross, no one will hurt you here." He told me. He put the peas down, now just watching me, gauging my reaction.

I walked to him, hugging him, careful to keep my grip around him light, mostly putting my weight on his chest.

"Thank you, Sonny, for letting me stay here, even though I assaulted you with your own rolling pin," I said sheepishly, the words almost lost into his shirt.

"Don't worry, I won't arrest you." He laughed, lightly holding me to him.

We stayed there for a few minutes, just in each other's embrace.

It was something I had missed for a long time, to just be held. Not being afraid, not being forced, not being unhappy.

At this moment, in this place, in Sonny's unreasonably long arms, I wasn't afraid, I wasn't forced, I wasn't unhappy.

I felt safe, wanted, even content.

And I never wanted this feeling to end.

Yea Al's trans and Beson's NB