#besexpositive

Game of Thrones star Maisie Williams has recently said that she doesn’t label her sexuality. Rather than identifying as gay or straight or bi, her attitude is much more about sexual fluidity. Speaking to Nylon magazine, she says she agrees with actress Shailene Woodley who says she falls ‘in love with personalities and not people or genders.’

Sexuality fluidity is not simply bisexuality, liking both guys and girls, it’s about being open to your sexuality changing. A man may have always fancied women, but doesn’t identify himself as straight as can see a future where he could end up with a man – this is an example of sexual fluidity. Dr. Chris Donaghue, who wrote ‘Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture’, spoke about how sexual fluidity is a more ‘inclusive term’ where you may ‘lean more heavily towards one gender while open to all genders.’ Your sexual orientation doesn’t have to be a fixed thing, and it can evolve as we get older.

I like the idea of sexual fluidity, as I’ve struggled with labelling myself in the past. I’ve only ever been with/dated guys, so naturally assume I’m straight. However I’ve also been attracted to girls, even if only a small amount; yet I feel anxious to label myself as bisexual as I’ve never felt an extremely strong attraction, or been with, a girl. Finding out about sexual fluidity therefore appealed to me as it meant I didn’t have to worry about defining myself, and could just like who I like when I like them. Simple.

But supporting sexual fluidity, as Maisie Williams points out, doesn’t mean being anti-labels. For some people, being able to label their sexuality is important in helping them identify with who there are. Particularly as homosexuality is often discriminated again, it’s vital that people can be exactly who they are and be able to embrace their sexuality. Those who want to label themselves are absolutely free to, in the same way that those who prefer not to, can also do their own thing. As Maisie Williams says, “Do what you want”. Is there any better life philosophy than that?

Bisexuality is not a phase whilst you figure out if you’re gay or straight. Nor is it being ‘greedy’. It’s a sexuality all by itself, and people should be able to identify as bisexual without others raising eyebrows.

For guys, if they’re bisexual, it’s often associated with them not yet admitting they are gay. And for some guys, it may be a way to ease news to family, or to come to terms with their homosexuality themselves, but for the vast majority of bisexual guys, they are just bisexual. Not ‘transitioning’. Just because bisexuality can be used as a way for someone to discover they are homosexual, that doesn’t mean that’s all bisexuality is.

Then for bisexual girls, it’s seen as a girl trying to get attention, or a phase, where she’ll later go back to ‘admitting’ she’s straight. For either stereotype, it’s wanting to be with men that seems to be the answer. Bisexuality is not having one toe dipped in each pool, deciding which you like better. It’s about liking who you like without having to worry about judgements.

You can also be bisexual without having dated as many guys as girls, or vice versa. If you’re a bisexual girl, but all of your serious relationships have been boyfriends, or you could not even have slept with a girl, this doesn’t mean you can’t be bisexual. It’s about how you identify and being honest with yourself.

#stopthestereotypes

We've been thinking up besexpositive poems for Valentine's Day. Here's some of our best/worst...

Roses are red, Their scent is quite heady. You don’t have to have sex, If you don’t feel ready. 

Roses are red Or sometimes they’re white Whatever you’re doing Have a good night! 

Roses are red Some stems are bent No one’s allowed in your pants Without your #consent!

Roses are red, Snowdrops are white. Do use a condom,  And make sure it’s on right.

Roses are red They grow near and far  You're utterly perfect  Just as you are! 

Roses are red  Dress up in your finery  Let's go on a date  And smash the gender binary! 

Roses are red Brook's logo is blue If you need free, friendly & confidential advice about contraception and/or sexual health We’re here for you!

Roses are red Beware pubic lice Protect yourself and your partner(s) And follow our advice! 

Here's the Brook page for Valentine's Day.

On Twitter, @wordgeeksarah got involved with some inspired rhyming:

Roses are red, You're looking fantastic The best kind of #consent  Is enthusiastic.

Roses are red  White, or yellow or pink Sex is far more diverse  Than we're all taught to think.

Roses are red  Sex can make you feel tense  But with mutual #consent  And respect, it's immense!

Roses are red They grow in a huddle  If you don't want sex  Then it's fine to just cuddle.

A little while ago the fab peeps at fuckyeahsexeducation asked the following:

If you could tell your teenage self or other teenagers something important about gender or gender roles what would you say?

We thought this was an excellent question so we asked our P+ volunteers group. This is what they said:

"Being 'male' or 'female' isn't about the way society perceives yourself - do what you like!"

"Keep an open mind - to others and yourself - be accepting, and listen when people talk about gender."

"When it comes to the mechanisms of the body, there's no stencil placed on you because of your gender or 'biological' sex - there's nothing to say you're going to grow into this, this, or that."

"Gender is complex. In order for us to understand each other we create categories that are restrictive. Society has a problem - not you!"

"I'd talk to teenage girls and say it doesn't matter how your body develops, it doesn't describe what kind of person you're going to be."

"I was always the tallest girl in class and that got me muddled up. I'd say that it's ok to be tall, short, or anything in between - height doesn't matter."

"Gender is fluid, it's not one thing. If you're a girl, you don't have to be 'one of the boys' to get approval. Be who you want to be, not to impress other people." 

"Humans are complex! Gender roles are roles and no-one's ever going to fit into them perfectly."

A great set of responses, we think! :)

Three of our fab P+ volunteers went to Parliament to appear in front of the Culture Media and Sport Select Committee Inquiry into Online Safety, to give young people's views on issues like cyberbullying, grooming, and coercion. We're so proud of them - they were confident, argued extremely well, and made a big impression on the Committee members. 

Katherine Rake of Healthwatch talks to young people from Brook about what they want from healthcare... 

Why having a voice matters

(Featuring Jody and Josh!)

Why don't people complain?

  Healthwatch Advert