#benjo

eventually we are gonna have to address this but i for one am simply not strong enough to unpack All of the implications of this

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Ah, so kasalanan ko pa rin. Hahaha tangina?

Di ko kasi maintindihan. Tatawag ka sakin, pero the moment na nasa call na tayo, you'll continue scrolling, or participate sa mga chikahan sa gc. You'll call me pero after a while you'll do your thing na. Di ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa at maging thankful kasi gusto mo na anjan pa rin ako kahit na you're doing your own thing. Ganun ko ba dapat sya iappreciate kesa sa maramdaman ko yung ganito? Yung feeling na you're there, oo sa call, pero you're not really there... like, hindi ko ba dapat maramdaman yung absence mo? Dapat ba mag settle ako on the fact na you called?Am I too selfish for feeling this way? Hindi naman kasi miminsan at first time eh. Dapat ba i-interpret ko sya as: even if napagod ka sa maghapon, at least tumawag ka pa rin? At least. Am I too self centered para i-want yung undivided attention mo? I understand naman na syempre as individuals, meron tayong mga me-times na kailangan, and sometimes, sa sobrang nakakapagod na araw, part of de-stressing is mag scroll thru social media, find something to laugh about, to be inspired about, etc. Naiintindihan ko naman yun. But like, is it so wrong for me to want na at the end of our tiring day, sana man lang maging present tayo sa isa't isa kahit isang oras lang? Kahit 30 minutes lang. Is it so selfish of me to ask for sincerity, attention, presence? Mali ba to want to feel na you care about me too? Mali ba to want to feel na you care about us too? Mali ba na maramdaman ko to? Ang selfish ko ba? Dapat ba makontento na lang ako sa kung anong meron at kung ano lang yung binibigay mo? Dapat ba hindi ko na isipin or hanapin yung mga simpleng pagpapaalala at pag alala na gusto kong maramdaman? Hindi ko ba yun deserve? 🥺