#bengruminations

In Veilguard we learn that ancient elves were manifested spirits, practically immortal. When they eventually got tired of the physical reality, they entered uthenera and their spirit returned to roaming the Fade, instead of passing over into some kind of an 'afterlife' [4].

So if friends and family weren't happy with their memories recorded in the Shattered Library or Well of Sorrows, they were always available for a chat, assuming you could find them when entering the Fade in your dreams? This is the type of immortality that Solas wants back? A long life in the mortal plane + eternal continued relationship in the Fade?

After the Veil came up and elves turned mortal, new elven children coming from the material bodies of their material parents with no spirits involved — what animates them? Are souls a side-effect of the Veil?? Did Solas actually create souls as a concept?

That can't be right, because many interesting things can be done with souls that in some cases predate the Veil [5]:

The way Flemeth splits off a piece of her (Mythal's) soul and locks it in an amulet she gives Hawke for resurrection purposes.

When Solas kills Flemeth/Mythal, he draws some of her "essence" into his ritual dagger.

And then some remaining percentage of Mythal's essence speaks to Rook in the Fade. So ancient, immortal Mythal had a soul.

But Mythal herself was a manifested spirit ("Mythal was the spirit which helped Flemeth seek vengeance on her husband in the past.[6]") So spirits have souls?

Archdemons/Old Gods have souls that transfer into the closest living being upon death, unless killed by a Grey Warden. Those used to be High Dragon thralls to the Evanuris, so souls existed as a concept before the Veil.

Why does even Flemeth want to preserve the soul of the Fifth Blight Archdemon Urthemiel? One that, according to Bellanara's research, used to be June's thrall [7]? If the Evanuris created their dragon thralls by splitting a part of their own soul, then that's a bit of June living on in Kieran?

Which then Flemeth/Mythal takes into herself? Why? Are souls less about personhood and more, like, mana bottles? When you've spread your own thin through various resurrection lockets or murder daggers, you boost it with souls of others? Or did Mythal miss June's personhood, his (surely splendid) personality?

As another fun fact, souls can be copied, like, that's apparently how shapeshifting works, you have to learn to copy the creature's soul [5].

Splitting/transferring a soul is also how phylacteries and golems work [5].

And then there's lichdom: "a Mourn Watcher kills the candidate, and after the candidate's death, their soul will be drawn back into their body, instead of moving on to whatever lies beyond [8]" implying the personhood aspect of the soul, and half-liches "who maintain their body by stealing souls" implying the mana-bottle aspect of souls ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So assuming spirits and souls are two different things in a post-Veil world BUT spirits can have souls... Did ancient elves that decided to uthenera themselves back to Fade, roam it as spirits with their souls?

Do current Fade spirits that never manifested in the physical world have souls?

Are souls of the mortals not able to endure in the Fade by themselves, not encased in a spirit? Is that why nowadays they only cross the Fade on their way further, to an 'afterlife'?

Did Solas additionally create an unreachable, unknowable afterlife for the souls when he created the Veil?

On the one hand, elves reach their majority at ~100 years old, so, let's say there are young couples with a baby on the way at ~200 years old. This would result in 2 generations living for 526 years on the shores of Cuivienen, while Orome finds them, ambassadors go to Valinor, ambassadors return, First Sundering happens. Then there's 96 years of a journey until the Second Sundering when the Nandor decide to stay in Rhovanion and not cross the Misty Mountains. And there they live for 3641 years or 18 generations (4263 years = 21 generations since Awakening) in starlit darkness until half a world away the Two Trees are destroyed, Valinor and any elves living there are dumped back into their native starlit darkness, except it's tragic now that they're grown used to all the bonuses from the Two Trees, and 48 years later the Moon rises and then the Sun.

Imagine the effect this would have on the Nandor who just lived there in Greenwood the Great, fought spiders and other Melkor-related problems, but had no idea about the grand throw-down that took place in Valinor. And then — bam! — Moon and Sun.

On the other hand, when we look at the biographies of separate elves, we see that a much slower generational turnover was equally possible. Lenwe (also known as Dan) was one of the first elves to awaken by Cuivienen, and his son Denethor was slain 4263 years later in Beleriand. Of course, Denethor could be a grand-grand-grand-grand...father at this point — or maybe not. Galadriel is 8295 years old at the time of the Lord of the Rings, and her granddaughter Arwen wed when she was 2778 — that's only 3 generations since the first rising of the Sun! 

Similarly we know Oropher was born some time in the Years of the Trees, while Thranduil was born in the First Age, and we have no idea when Legolas was born, but look — here's a smartass who's grandfather was born into a world with only starlight for illumination and possibly his grand-grandfather was one of those original elves awoken on the shores of Cuivienen. That's, potentially, only 4 generations since the start of elven existence.

Now WHAT IF both ideas are true at the same time? What if some elves (Nandor? -> Woodland Elves?) tend to marry young, while others (Noldor, Sindar?) get a few thousand years old before starting looking for a spouse?

WHAT IF ifamily trees like Arwen's and Aragorn's are totally possible within one elven family, or a mixed Silvan/Sindar or Silvan/Noldor family as well? 

[Source]

Can you IMAGINE what this would do to a culture? To language? :D 

Some elven clans coming up with legit folklore surrounding the Sun and the Moon. Festivals cropping up, falling in line with equinoxes and solstices. Other clans being like 'Pffft! It's just a lamp, and nothing is gonna replace the Two Trees'. Having a Sun-less world in their living memory.

Some clans slightly forgetting their mother tongue, or slightly adjusting it as language evolves over time. Cocking their heads in amused curiosity at the jargon the young ones come up with. Other elves having no idea about Quenya and being totally unable to even read Tengwar script, because, c'mon, for generations their clan has only used Sindar and Cirth.

“I was there, Gandalf” vs. the most ridiculous, wild superstitions and folktales that have evolved in the oral tradition / folklore of more 'fast-paced' clans.

One elf having a son at 300 y.o., and her best friend deciding to settle down when she's 2000 y.o. — for the friend's son? They're both adults, why not? Arwen did marry her own uncle's grand-grand-grand-....-son.

The trauma some elves carry around — from the kinslaying at Alqualonde, from all the wars, the drowning of Beleriand, the Last Alliance... vs. someone who counts as equally adult, possibly with a family of their own already, but for whom all that is ancient history and 'What do you mean Mirkwood was not always like this?'

I can't think of any other major points at this moment, as there doesn't seem to be any real religion or philosophy in Middle-earth, but language and culture and memories existing and evolving on this kind of a two-track timeline is a fascinating mess and I'm sorry I don't know more about anthropology or sociology to get into more depth, but this is fascinating.

Writing

I wrote a measly 7600w for A Different Kind of Courage, making 2022 the... third (?) year in a row when I’ve been planning to finish the fic, but then life happens and everything flies out the window. But those were quite solid three chapters and I’m rather proud of them, as the story reached the crash-and-burn end point of an arc. It was terribly satisfying to write. So many things coming finally together, mmm.

In the beginning of last year I randomly started Poludnica / Midday Shadows, a Shadow & Bones fanfic, of all things, and got some 16k words in before Russia’s war in Ukraine made me kinda unwilling to continue writing in a setting/aesthetic based on romanticized Tsarist Russia. But it was very fun while the inspiration lasted and maybe someday I’ll pick it back up.

I also wrote a small ‘Tasertricks in Thedas AU’ oneshot Dancing In the Ruin; a tiny M!Lavellan/Josie drabble Air; a similarly tiny Matt/Elektra ficlet Trade it all in for a lifetime of smelling your skin; and translated two fics: People Caught in a Storm (American Gods) by @spaceinthecage and Leave Barefoot (The Punisher) by She is Hale, which is a prose poem and I’m pretty proud of that one too :)

So that’s 38,600 words writing and 2145w translation.

Somehow, I apparently have had less productive years. (how...??)

Beta thanks

@serial-chillr is still as awesome as ever, she knows the craft, and she also just holds my hand when I haven’t posted anything in a while and suddenly start doubting every single damn thing I know about English grammar XD

Progress

I think Poludnica was the most important learning exercise, as I cut myself some slack and just let myself get some writing done. So there’s some time-jumping, cutting of boring scenes I didn’t want to write, there’s short chapters, there’s more summaries and less descriptions than usual, etc. But apparently the pacing still works okay. So yeah, I guess I now have experience consciously writing an average fic just for fun :D

I also discovered that prose poems are a thing, and that I love them. There should be more of them.

Community

I’ve kinda drifted away from DA and The Hobbit; blazed through Shadow & Bone, and then @sausagesquirrel dragged me into the Daredevil/The Punisher fandom. So I’m making some new friends like @youwouldneverbreakthechain​  and appreciating the ones I’ve known for years, like the excellent @cafeleningrad, @serial-chillr, @vyrridiana, @dafan7711, and other pocket friends (and @dorianpink came back to tumblr!!) ♥

Comments

Unexpectedly many, on a fic I didn’t give much of a damn about :D So fandom is weird.

But also I’m so impressed by Serial and Squirrel and @valla-valla who have kept reading my fics even in new fandoms: you are so lovely, and your support means a lot to me ♥

2023

Honestly, I just want to finish something by this point lol. I’m hoping to have more free time this year, but I think that, for a while, at least, if I’ll be writing anything, it will be behind the scenes until I’m sure I can carry on. I really don’t want to update and then disappear again.

Writing

The only thing I was writing last year was A Different Kind of Courage (Hobbit fic, Fili/Tauriel rarepair pool noodle canoe!) — 31′600 words of it, which is less than I wrote in the nerve-wracking plague year of 2020, but about the same as in 2019. There was also a 4 month sabbatical, oops. 

It’s ridiculous how I keep planning that next year will be the one where I finish this story lol, and it just continues to not happen, but at least, at 75k words, it’s now my longest fic to date!

Beta thanks

Beng has a beta now! The plot ramblings and writing craft discussions, and grammar investigations, and shameless enabling of mutually beloved tropes with @serial-chillr have been one of my highlights of the year. She’s amazing, both as a beta and a friend, and I’m so happy to have met her!

Progress

This year, I read Gail Carriger’s “The Heroine’s Journey”, which helped me understand better how this structure could be applied to a dual POV romance, and I think I’ve been using some figures of speech from Mark Forsyth’s “The Elements of Eloquence” more consciously. This year, I was also forced to figure out what a Midpoint is and how to use it in a story. And considering Courage is nearing the final arc, there’s a whole lot of wrapping up I’ve had to practice, if only in my head for now. In general, I’m also pushing myself more, so there’s more rewriting going on, but also the final quality is better? I hope :D

Also, thanks to having a beta, my drafts now pass through Google Docs at some point, instead of me just doing all my writing in the AO3 drafts like some heathen savage, so there’s finally a spellchecker lol.

Community

I’ve somewhat drifted away from the DA fandom, and The Hobbit crowd is smaller, but we’re fighters, all of us! This year, I’ve met wonderful, talented people like @sausagesquirrel and Templefugate, and am continuously blessed with the snark, thoughtfulness, kindness, beauty, and integrity of @cafeleningrad, @serial-chillr, @vyrridiana, @dafan7711, @barbex, @nichtsneu, @greenjudy​, and others.

Comments

The bestest ♥ Special shoutout to SausageSquirrel who didn’t even ship Filiel before, and to @valla-valla who's been with me on this journey for years :,)

2022

Finish A Different Kind of Courage! XD

Seriously. There should be smth like... 25k words left if I measured the structure right? Given my average annual wordcount, it should be doable??