#ben bear

Here’s Ben Bear enjoying some lunch after being liberated from the shop!

We found out yesterday morning that Ben leaves for rehab on Friday at 8 am. 

This wasn't supposed to happen for 2 more weeks or so...

I'm extremely upset :/ 

I've been wanting to leave my college town all day today but I can't because of the weather... it's snowing here. The roads are slick and full of ice. 

He stood me up Christmas day. I was super super excited that day. My first Christmas with someone who loved me! But he never showed. He spent Christmas Eve with his junkie friend and drank. (Ben Bear shouldn't drink because he's in recovery from alcoholism...) But he went against what he believed in. He turned his back on me. 

I spent the day alone. 

He claims he was super stressed but that doesn't mean he couldn't have called or texted. Even if I were super stressed I would have borrowed a car, almost stolen a car to get to him. Why didn't he do that for me? 

Lately I've been fighting for his time. He's always asleep. 

I hate this feeling. I don't know what to do. I know he loves me. I know I love him. I won't deny myself happiness anymore. But Christmas was terrible and so have the days been ever since that happened. 

What do I do? Who do I turn to? Should I try to make things work? Should I leave? If I leave I probably won't be on this blog much longer... I don't know. 

me n ben bear were having some trouble. but a lot of you guys helped me through it!! thank you so much for your concern. 

ben bear n i had a loong talk about stuff and we communicated well. we won't be leaving each other any time soon. we cried some and held each other and had a pretty good day today after all the "big" talk and then quickly i went into little space to recover and cope and he took very very good care of me. 

i got my barbie coloring book and colored for him and he put it on his wall!! then he bought me a push pop and we had popcorn and we watched tv. we snuggled and then i had to go home :c but it was a good day!!