#belleview

from this ask game

tw: institutionalized slavery, referenced human experimentation, light med whump, whumper pov

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“Please don’t take it–” Felix starts, fumbling over his words as he yanks his hand away from Jake’s. “Please don’t take it away from me.” He casts his eyes low, and Jake is suddenly torn. Felix shakes his head, backing himself into the corner, but he won’t look at Jake. His eyes are glued to his fist, and to the item inside of it, which moments earlier, Jake found under his pillow.

The item in question? A crumpled up dandelion. Jake cocks his head to the side as he regards Felix.

“It’s trash,” Jake starts, holding out his palm like he’s requesting a forbidden item from a defiant child. “And not only that,” he continues, “but it’s contraband, too.”

Felix peeks up at him through his eyelashes, a practiced move that is no doubt meant to activate the softer side of Jake, and hell, maybe it does. “Felix,” he says, keeping the firmness in his voice that Felix responds well to. He kneels down to Felix’s level, nudging his fisted hand with his own. “What the fuck.”

Felix is shaking from how tightly he grips the thing, but they both know the battle is lost, and it’s only a matter of time now.

“Hand it over,” he says. “I will let you pick a new one after you finish up this afternoon.” That, he thinks, is kind of him. He smiles warmly, as tears flood Felix’s eyes, threatening to spill over.

His fingers open slowly, one by one, until the crumpled, dying weed is exposed, lying in his palm. They both stare at it.

“Please don’t kill it,” Felix whispers, meeting his eyes. “Please,” he says again, as Jake takes it from him.

He sets it on the counter, holding out a hand to help Felix off the floor. He gets Felix showered and changed into a gown, and deposits him into the prepped exam room for his procedure. There’s a kind of melancholy in every one of the kid’s movements, but there are no more mentions of the dandelion, and no more acts of defiance along with it. 

As Jake goes about his day, though, he can’t completely shake this thing that nags at him. Whatever the feeling is, he doesn’t enjoy it, and by the time his shift ends, he’s wound up tighter than he can ever remember being. He doesn’t know why he does it, but after he clocks out for the day, he finds the unit nurse, and then, surprising even himself, he asks her if Felix did okay, and if he's back in his room.

The nurse tells him Felix did do okay, and that he is back in his room, but he’s sleeping, and that they should let him sleep. She says it with a specific type of tone and a look, and Jake smiles and says ‘thanks’, even though that just gets him even more wound up, because he wasn’t planning to wake him up, and the implication pisses him off.

“Ward,” the nurse says as Jake turns away, and he turns back a moment later. There’s a pause, while they square up, and then she says, “Go easy on him.”

Instead of acknowledging that, he turns and heads toward Felix’s room. All is quiet in Belleview at this hour. Everyone is tucked in for the night, and apart from one handler, one nurse, and a floor supervisor, the unit will be locked down once he leaves.

He taps his key card on Felix’s lock, and pushes the door open. The hallway light illuminates the sleeping boy well enough. He’s soft, with short, white-blonde hair, and an innocence about him, especially as he sleeps. He has an IV running into his arm, bruises forming around his wrists and around his neck, one hand fisted into his sheets, and the other into his t-shirt. 

This is the boy that makes River go wild, he thinks, running his eyes down his sleeping frame. This is the boy that has River picking fucking weeds when he thinks no one is looking. But Jake is always looking. He smiles at the thought of River doing this thing, and he takes a breath. He'll unpack what to do with this information another day. Tonight, though, he has unfinished business.

As he approaches Felix, he pauses. He’s never given Felix much thought, outside of how he can be leveraged against River. Here, now, under the soft glow of the hallway lights, he sees the appeal.

He takes a breath, and then he covers Felix’s hand with his own and pries open his fingers. Felix stirs, every muscle tensing momentarily, and Jake whispers, “easy,” as he flips his hand over. Jake reaches into his back pocket for the flower, presses it into Felix’s palm, and closes his fingers back over it. 

As summer comes to an end, a new semester at Belleview begins. 

“Navigated in the wonderful mountainous town of Belleview, Connecticut. Belleview University has lots to offer its students; A gorgeous campus filled with native wildflowers and historic monuments and buildings, an acclaimed faculty whose #1 priority is it’s students and many opportunities to get involved with the community. The town itself is the host of many events like pop-up concerts from local bands. It’s home to many small businesses unlike any other and a beautiful waterfall that overlooks the college campus. You’ll be proud to have Belleview as your alma mater; ‘Developing great minds for a greater future.’”

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follows this thing

tw: institutionalized slavery, light med whump

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Lincoln taps his knuckles softly against the door twice, under no allusion that it will earn him a response; he hasn’t quite pinpointed how to navigate his least approachable resident. It doesn’t, it cannot, stop him from trying, he tells himself on repeat. 

“Hi River,” he says as he pushes the door open. River stands in the corner near the sink, the death-grip that threatens to leave indentations in the counter the only indication that he’s heard Lincoln approach.

Lincoln keeps his distance. Tension runs the length of River’s body, everything from his posture to his expression, only visible in his reflection, a clear-as-day warning that it’s not the time to work on his interpersonal skills.

Lincoln holds out an ice pack; a peace offering. “Listen,” he says, taking a tentative step forward to set the ice pack on the counter. The way River’s body coils is not lost on him, but he lets it go without comment. “I know you’re not in a good place right now,” he continues, retreating. And then, “I talked to James.” A beat passes before Lincoln says, “His nose is broken.”

River swallows and picks up the ice pack, regarding it carefully. Lincoln isn’t positive, but he thinks, maybe, that River’s fingers shake as he presses the ice to his hand. It’s uncharacteristic, and Lincoln writes it off to adrenaline. 

He’s about to speak again, but before he has worked out what he wants to say, River breaks the silence.

from this ask game

"Let's hear it, Rivvy," Jake says. "We are all dying to know."

River locks his jaw shut, shaking. It's a well known fact that he doesn't like talking about Felix, but sometimes, Jake likes to push his boundaries, if only a little. River's hands are fists, and sweat drips down his neck as he puts up one hell of a losing fight against the drugs.

"Sorry about him," Jake says. "He can be an obstinate little shit." And then, to River, he says, "This is fun, though. Want me to ask one instead?"

River struggles against the restraints in earnest now, but still does not offer a response.

"Fine, we'll do it your way." Jake stretches, considering his next words carefully, and increases the dose of the truth serum. He waits a moment, letting it take a stronger hold on River. He watches River carefully as he says, "Tell us about how it felt having him tied down while you f–"

"Stop," River grinds out through his teeth. "Stop," he says again.

Jakes eyes sparkle, and he inclines his head, waiting. "Then answer their question. Surely it's not that hard?"

"I don't know," River says, voice low. Jake opens his mouth to speak, but River forces the words out over him. "I don't– I don't know exactly what happened. I... maybe it was his relentless optimism," he whispers. He looks to Jake to see if it's enough, and Jake smiles, nodding at him to continue. "Maybe... maybe it was because he was the only... the only person who tried to help me, and he did, over and over and over. He put himself... at risk," he says between his teeth, forcing each word. "He made me feel like a... person," he grits out.

Jake waits a moment for more, then says, "He made you feel like a person," his voice mocking. "That's very sweet, River."

Jake stands then, stretching. "I think you can give us a little more, though." He approaches River and lowers himself to eye level. "Tell us about the first time you felt it... felt those walls coming down."

River, pained, whispers, "Please–"

"Or you can tell us about the other thing?"

River sucks in a breath. "It was af–" River stutters over his words. "After one of the drug trials. I was... I was sick, I– I got sick, and Felix was doing janitorial duties that week, and cleaned me up. He spent some time with me, in the bathroom, just... making sure I was okay. Something changed that night."

from this ask game

What would you say is your biggest trauma?

River's eyes immediately, uncharacteristically, dart to the corner of the small room. That's the most obvious sign of distress, but there are less obvious ones, too. Fingers that have been relentlessly fidgeting still in an instant, the subtle pink of his cheeks fades to nothing. For a single, suspended moment, something other than anger bubbles beneath the surface.

Next to him, Felix pulls his knees in tighter, but his eyes don't leave River. Not for a second.

And then the moment is over, and River takes a breath, and his eyes find yours, and what you would swear was fear is replaced with sadness. He releases the breath, shakes his head.

"I don't know how to say it," he says then, softly. "The thing you want me to say. The thing we all know is the truth."

Felix closes his eyes, burying his head between his knees.

"It changed things," River whispers. "When Jake made me..." He swallows. "When they made me do that to him."

There's an image, one that will never ever leave River's mind, of them dragging Felix away after. Almost worse than the image are the sounds that haunt him. The sounds of the deep, uncontrollable sobbing. Was it Felix crying, or River? He could barely hear Jake's voice over it, but he knew the handler was speaking to him. It would take hours to calm him down, and even longer to get him cleaned up, fed. He–

He blinks himself back to the present, his eyes landing on Felix's, who offers him a shy smile.

"It changed me," he says.

2. What actually is his biggest trauma?