#belldomfic

Particularly satisfied after the performance of 'You make me feel like it's Halloween', even more adrenaline-pumping than usual, Matthew approaches the crowd, reaching the end of the platform.

Over the years he has gone from total shyness, which barely made him say the title of the song they were about to play, to increasingly loving the attention of the public, until he catalyzed it.

When he can he likes to run along the barriers to shake hands and give smiles, he likes to incite the audience to sing with him, indeed, sometimes he just makes them sing, he likes to talk to them from the stage.

And that's what he's about to do, except that the audience precedes him.

A unanimous chorus rises and from the very first syllables he understands what it is about: it's a song for  his birthday.

It's certainly not the first time this has happened to him and it won't be the last, but seeing an immense crowd of people singing in his honor is something that always touches him a lot.

Especially when, whipping around, he sees Dominic's smug smile.

Matthew finds himself taking stock of his life, where he started from and what he finds now.

A global success.

An abundant discography, the result of a constant search for renewal.

Wonderful, important and consolidated friendships.

An outstanding team of professionals.

A beautiful, sweet, kind, caring wife who supports him on every occasion she can.

A daughter who grows visibly and becomes more beautiful every day, like her mother.

A son who fills him with satisfaction, whose twelfth birthday he will celebrate next month.  

And then there's him, the one he can't just place in the 'wonderful friendships' category, because he is so much more.

The person who knows him best and has known him the longest.

The co-founder of his own dream.

His most trusted confidant.

The body that most loves to hug.

The arms he most wants to wrap around him.

Her secret lover for the past twenty-three years.

His indissoluble soulmate.

Dominic.

Their love has faced even the most insurmountable obstacles and is ready to face any new battle that arises.

Because together they are invincible.

Matthew is almost sorry that that song isn't in the lineup that evening, but he remembers where he is and what he's doing, he stops the choir that has started and gets ready to start 'Madness', but not before thanking the audience as they deserve.

--------------------------------------- 

At the afterparty Matthew has now lost count of how many toasts he made, how many people hugged him to wish him well, and how many gifts he received.

However, he is well aware of the gift he did not receive, the post on social media that was not dedicated to him, the almost absent physical contact that evening.

It almost seems to him that Dom is mad at him, but at the same time he knows it's not like that, he just needs to look him in the eye when their gazes meet.

It's nearly three in the morning and Matthew just wants to make things clearer, but he also knows that the situation he's in at the moment makes it difficult, starting with the fact that Elle sits next to him, not to mention on his lap.

And it is she who distracts him from his thoughts.

"Matt, love, shall we go out for a moment and get some fresh air?" She asks in his ear, drowning out the sound of the music.

He follows her, reaching the back of the club, the most private of spots.

"Elle, if you're tired, we'll leave soon..."

"No, my dear, you're the one who's leaving," she interrupts him, "To Dom. I know you want it, you need it, you don't even need to try to hide it from me."

Matthew can hardly believe what he is hearing. "But.."

“Honey, it's your party after all. And then Lovella and I pretty much hogged you since this morning until rehearsal, so that's okay." corroborates her case Elle.

"And you're really okay with that?" The singer scrutinizes her thoroughly.

She takes his face in her hands.

“Matthew, listen to me. You are a wonderful man. The best husband I could wish for. You're my angel. You are an amazing father. A formidable lover. And to have all this I have to 'just' share you with someone equally special. I'd be a fool not to accept that."

Matthew pulls her to him and kisses her softly.

“Elle, love, sometimes I think I don't deserve you…” He murmurs against her lips.

“Second choice, remember? And look at all that you have given me and continue to give me.” The model smiles at him.

“But you deserve so much more, you deserve someone who loves you one hundred percent, who is completely dedicated to you.”  

"Don’t be silly, my percentage is more than enough!" She heartens him, as understanding as few people can be. “So now you and him will leave. Lovella is with Guetcha, so Stacie and I will continue to party, even without you. By now, she knows how things go, too.”

“Dom and I were too lucky to meet you.” He smiles, stroking her long and silky golden hair.

"Just know that tomorrow I'll be so drunk that I won't even want to get out of bed all day and you'll take care of Lovella!" the model makes him laugh.

Matt, however, is serious in what he says.

“Honey, you are the best wife ever, you know that, right?” He kisses her again.

“Yes, but keep repeating that, my angel.” She giggles.

------------------------------------

“I'm not sure what happened out there, but when you got back Elle took Stacie away like a hurricane,” Dominic mutters, following his best friend out.

"It’s happening that I had a gift within the gift and so you and I can have some time for ourselves... shall we say even all night?" Matthew smiles at him, while they wait for the taxi that he has already called.

“So now do you want to tell me why you've been so detached all day long?” Investigates the frontman, once they are comfortably seated on the back seats, with the divider up to give them the right amount of privacy.

“You’re saying that because I haven't made any post to wish you a happy birthday; it hurts, doesn’t it? You, little bitch!” The drummer teases him, mindful of the treatment he received on his birthday.

“Yeah, it does, a little…now I understand what it means to taste your own medicine.” Mutters the other. "But you're not angry with me.. are you?"

Dom shakes his head, smiling.

“Nope, of course, not, if anything, I was just stepping aside, to leave you with your family…”

Matt holds his best friend's hands tight.

“Dommeh, how many times do I have to repeat this to you? You are my family, too."

The blond smiles at him, resuming his speech.

"So, even the gift, I would have given you mine another time..."

"Ah, but then you do have a gift for me!" Grins the other, happy as a child, in contrast with the age he has just reached.

“Of course, you had doubts? And since we're on our way to the hotel, I guess I can give it to you now."

“You guess right.”

Once they get out of the cab, a giggling Matt sprints for the hotel elevator, with Dom following suit.

“Easy, you don't want to wake everyone up, do you?” Acts as Jiminy Cricket Dom.

The Pinocchio in question looks at him with a clear invitation in his gaze.

“Then find a way to shut me up!”

Time to say it and Dom pulls him to him for a kiss that lasts for all eleven floors, up to their suites.

Matt gives him just enough time to open the door to his room, before returning to kiss him, with his hands starting to make their way under his clothing.

“Slow down, Matteh, do you want to unwrap the gift… or me?” Chuckles Dom, pulling away from him before things get too hot between the two.

“Uhmm.. both?”  The birthday boy pushes his luck, but his wish is not fulfilled, since the blond goes away.

He pouts, but he is immediately back to his best mood when he sees him returning with a rather bulky gift package in his hand.

Once unwrapped, the case makes him guess it's a guitar, but when he opens it he's stunned.

She has almost every shade of blue that his eyes contain, she's doused in glitter, she's beautiful, yet that's not what amazes him so much.

“But… Dom, it's all foam rubber on the outside!” He comments, fascinated, touching every fret, string and button, thus making sure that she is in perfect working order.

“Yeah, it’ something your Manson guys have been secretly working on for me for months.” Dom smugly reveals. "'At least you can throw this one at me without the risk of making me have brain damage!"

Matt laughs in amusement, playing the guitar for a few seconds, in her feeble unamplified condition, of course, and then grabs the neck and taps Dom on the head.

“Go on…it's even pleasant!” Chuckles the drummer.

“Guess what, Dommeh, I got you a present too.” Matt surprises him, putting the guitar back in the shoulder case.

"But how? It's your birthday and do you want to give me a present?”

“You've known me for thirty-one years and you still haven't figured it out? I'm unpredictable."

“One of the countless reasons I love you so much, Matteh. But be a good boy, get your gift first.”

Matthew's face lights up.

"Why? Do I have another one?”

“This was for for fun. Now follow me."

Matthew is startled when he sees them leave the suite and Dominic anticipates his questions.

"For obvious reasons I couldn't keep it in the room, Stacie only knew about the guitar... and again for obvious reasons I couldn't wrap it." he explains, walking down the corridor that leads to another room that he has booked, smaller, also because what he simply needs is a little hidden place.

Dominic opens the room, turns on the light and... there's no need to say more.

"But.. it's a bike!" Matt observes, removing the red rosette that that mountain bike has on the handlebars, the only thing that gives it the appearance of a gift.

"Yes. Do you remember that trip to Vienna? It was romantic, but renting them is so impersonal, isn't it nicer to have our own bikes to take for rides everywhere we visit?”

Matthew continues to inspect the bike, squeezing the handlebars, spinning the wheels, when he notices something.

"But.. my saddle has 'Dom' engraved on it!"

Dom walks away and then drags another bike with him.

“That's right and my saddle has 'Bells' engraved on it,” he adds, showing him his.

“So we have BellDom bikes, don’t we?” The pianist shows off a toothy grin.

“That was just the idea. Now that's really romantic." Murmurs Dom.

Matthew pulls him to himself to kiss him intensely.

"Of course... I did everything in a hurry, because the idea came to me in Vienna, if I had had more time I would have had yours made red and glittered," the blond justifies himself, between kisses.

“Sure, and your leopard print!” Matthew laughs. “Trust me, they're perfect like this, black and shiny. A little sobriety doesn't kill us. Would you like to try them right away?”

“Uh? I think we were busy doing something very interesting…” Dom protests, still looking for his lips to nibble.

“Uhmm, nice, but… it's about the gift I want to give you. I would have taken you there by taxi, but this is even better!” the frontman decides, dragging him with him towards the blond's suite.

"Are you really suggesting that we go around the streets of Cologne by bike at four in the morning, drunk, getting lost?" mumbles Dom very unconvinced, putting on his jacket.

“Yes, but we won't get lost… I set the navigator… And then it was close to tonight's stadium, more or less. And pedaling is what it takes to get sober, at least a little.” Matt insists,

putting on his padded jacket, to then also slip the guitar case over his shoulder.

“Uh? Do you take that with you too?”

“Yes, it's part of the gift… Of course, acoustics would have had a completely different effect, but I'll make it enough for me. I'm intriguing you, right?"

“Damn you and your persuasion skills, Bells! Come on, let's go get the bikes, let's get them out of here without waking up the whole hotel and then show me the way!"

When they venture into the now isolated streets, Dom has to admit that the sense of freedom that the night gives them is beautiful.

He faithfully follows Matt, who in turn faithfully follows his navigator and they arrive at a plateau from which they can enjoy a beautiful view of the city.

And kissing, remaining on their bikes, in front of that enchanting panorama is even more suggestive.

Both seem oblivious to the crisp air that whips their faces and hands.

“Actually, we could have stayed in the hotel, I already have the gift in my inside jacket pocket, but I wanted to give you this view.” Matt confides in him.

“I approve of the decision.” Dom sighs in ecstasy. “It's beautiful here, it's oh-so-romantic." 

He can't resist the temptation to take out his cell phone and take a panoramic video first and then turning the camera towards the two of them for the last few seconds.

“Wait put your phone away, I suggest you film this too.”

Saying it, Matt opens the case, takes the guitar, sits cross-legged on the floor.

Before playing, he hands Dom a red velvet box.

“Another pendant, right?” the blond guesses.

“That spoke too much about you. And then I associated it with this song" winks the other, starting to play.

From the very first chords, subdued but perfect, Dominic, who is already filming it, understands that it's not a Muse song nor is it part of their cover repertoire.

It's a song with a vintage flavor and a bittersweet melody at the same time.

And Matt still has to sing.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray  

Matt intones, with his voice almost broken, the cadence slow, the chords that follow one another fluidly and his eyes focused on the blonde, while he opens the box: there is a pendant in the shape of a sunflower.

Matthew signals to him that he must open it, before starting to sing again

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

Matt finishes his performance, while Dominic follows that advice and discovers that hidden in the pendant there is a round tag with the words 'You are my sunshine'

“Oh, Matt, that's beautiful, thank you.” He bows down to him, to kiss him. “And I liked the song too, but I know how much you love me, it's about as much as I love you!”

Matthew moves away from him, gets up and puts the guitar back in her case.

“Bloody hell, you screw it up! Even in 'Sing for absolution' I say that you will never know, yet you love it every time I sing you that song!" Matthew points out to him, a little annoyed.

“You are right, Matteh, I need to analyze less and enjoy the moment more.” Dom repents, scratching him behind the ear, which he knows pretty well how that sends the other into raptures.

From there to kissing again the step is short, but when they separate, Matthew has a gloomy expression on his face.

There's something else he absolutely needs to know.

“Dominic, please don't take what I'm about to say wrong, because I know first that's not the right word I want to use..."

“Come on, Bells, what are these hesitations on your part? You know you can tell me everything."

"Would you ever want to 'heal' from this… thing we have?" Mutters the singer.

“Explain yourself better.” Frowns the percussionist.

“Suppose that there is a potion that can cancel this constant need for each other that we have, this visceral desire to be together in every sense. A sip of the potion and… BAM, you and I become just and only friends, as we are with Chris, as we are with Tom… and so I can be a perfect husband and you can be a flawless fiancèè. Would you drink it?” Matthew asks him, as serious as ever.

"Forty-five gets to your head, Bells!" Laughs Dominic.

“Dom, don't joke!”

"Okay, I'm not kidding. If that potion existed, I would take it." Dominic confesses and Matt feels a little dying inside, even if he doesn't show it.

"I would take that potion in my hands just to throw it to the ground, with all the strength I have, and shatter it, so even if you wanted to lick it off the ground, you would also have to drink all the glasses together, because if you really wanted such a thing, well, I wouldn’t surely make things easy for you!"

A smile lights up Matthew's face again.

“Dommeh, but I’d never want to drink it either. That's what I was hoping to hear from you."

“Did you really think I was going to say something different?”

"Well, you and Stacie…maybe you…you…" Matt stumbles over his words

“What about you and Elle, then? And you have kids too, Matt! Yet you see, whatever bond arises between us, no matter how beautiful and pleasant it is, cannot break ours, never will. Dom reassures him. “And you're right, it's an uphill life, it's made of subterfuge, dark moments where we both wonder if it's still worth it. The point is, we both always know it's worth it and as much as that makes everything more complicated, it's exactly what makes us us and I wouldn't want anything different, ever, my love."

"Oh, Dommeh..." Matt looks at him moved. “What you said is so romantic.”

“You make me romantic.” Dominic whispers, stroking his hair.

“You're Dom… and it was romantic…” Matthew broods.

“No, Bells, don't say that."

'You are Domantic!' Matt chuckles, proud of the term he invented.

“Shall we talk about what you did for me earlier? The sunflower, the song…It was romantic, you're Matt…”  

“Oh no, no, Dom, please don't."

“You are roMattic!” concludes his absurd reasoning Dom.

The two friends and lovers burst out laughing, perhaps as they haven't done for a long time.

“We are just two idiots!” Comments Matt.

“Made for each other!" Points out Dom.

“Oh well, whether domantic or romattic, I’m gonna ask you: do you still have the tag I gave you on your birthday?”

“What stupid questions. I will never part from it." reveals the blond, extracting the named object from the inside pocket of his jacket. "And you?"

In response, the brunette takes his from a compartment in his wallet.

The two cannot resist the temptation to join them, before putting them away again for safety.

“And this is also another one of your gifts that I will have to hide.” Dom mutters, waving the open sunflower in front of him.

“Well technically if you leave it closed it hides itself and you can always say it's a gift from a fan.. I'm your biggest fan after all!”

“Uhmm yes, that's true, but I prefer you as a groupie!” Dom replies lasciviously, groping his butt to highlight the concept.

“We'll also have to hide the bikes..” Dom continues, going up to stroke his forearms.

“For that it will be enough to buy some seat covers, there I could have a glittery one and you a leopard print one!" The singer snatches a smile from him.

Dom turns serious, a little melancholy.

“However, the fact remains that we always have to hide, we have been doing that for more than twenty years now..."

“I know, Dommeh, I would like to give you much more than this.”

Dominic shuts him up first with his index finger on his lips and then with a kiss

‘Shh, Matteh, what you already give me will always be worth it.”

--

THE END

Notes:

WHAT'S THE WORST THAT I CAN SAY?

THINGS ARE BETTER IF I STAY

Matthew sings a cappella, at the end of their show, as he waves his hand and invites the crowd to do the same and also to sing along with him, at the Jobing.com Arena, the new tour date.

SO LONG AND GOODNIGHT, SO LONG AND GOODNIGHT

The crowd sings back as loud as they can, waving their hands even more than him, but for the frontman is not enough yet.

AND IF YOU CARRY ON THIS WAY

THINGS ARE BETTER IF I STAY

SO LONG AND GOODNIGHT, SO LONG AND GOODNIGHT

Matthew incites them with the second verse and this time the crowd sings along with him since the beginning.

Chris observes the whole scene dumbfounded, wondering which evil entity has possessed his friend to make him do such a thing.

Anyway, when he sees that Dominic seems to be very pleased by that and he is even laughing about it, he hopes that the drummer will promptly clarify things to him.

"Enjoy the rest of the show with My Chemical Romance! Thank you, Phonenix, see ya soon. Cheers!" Matthew greets the crowd, going towards the backstage as the other two follow him.

"I can't still believe I did that damn thing for real!" the singer comments, horrified.

"A payback is a payback!" Dominic states.

"Yeah, but it's unfair, I didn't even damage them at the show in Salt Lake City, at the very end; quite the contrary, people thought it was a joke and enjoyed that, laughing with them, not at them, as I wished!" Matt complains.

It's enough for the two lovers to see Chris's still confused face to understand what his question is, even before he asks them.

"Matt got the My Chemical Romance's guitars out of tune at the last show, that's why you heard that terrible noise at the beginning." Dom explains shortly as he glares at Matt.

"Yeah, and Mr. Fair here forced me to tell them the truth." Matt goes on, glaring back at Dom.

"Yeah, and the band looked for their more than deserved revenge. So they forced Matt to get the crowd ready for their arrival, singing a little bit of one of their most famous hits!" Dom concludes, glaring at Matt once again.

"So, that was one of *their* songs! I thought it was a new work in progress of yours and you hadn't told me about that. After all, you have the bloody tendency to hide so much stuff to me!" Chris strikes back as he glares at them both.

"Oh, c'mon, we told you everything at the end, didn't we? And we could never work on something new without letting you know about that!" Matthew assures him.

"Yep, except for the geezers' song." escapes from Dom's lips.

"Dominic! Damn you and your bloody mouth!" Matt snaps.

"Hey! If memory serves me right, yesterday you didn't complain at all about my bloody mouth!" Dom reminds to his boyfriend, making him blush.

Also Chris goes red... but with rage.

"What? Are you still working on that horror?" he roars.

"Can we just forget about the last minute and start it over again?" Dom attempts to ask them.

"No way!" Matt and Chris yell at him in unison.

"If only I had my time-machine!" the drummer mutters.

"Oh, c'mon, Chris, let's make a deal: you can work on a project on your own and Dom and I won't say a word!" the frontman tries to bargain.

"Don't you even try, Bells! Just abandon once for all this suicidal idea, you'll never make it! I'll warn every single recording studio in the world not to let you in, if I'm not with you; and if I see you two try something funny during one of our shows I'm gonna intervene, *violently* if necessary!" Chris threatens them and it works, of course.

"Ok, I got the message. " Matt ruefully surrenders.

"Gee, Chris, why do you have to be always such a pain in the ass? Plus, you're way too bloody serious!" Dominic snorts.

"I'm not serious, I'm just normal... but I can't say the same about you two!" the bassist defends himself. "And don't forget that Ricky from IV A is the coolest guy of the High School because he looks like me a little bit!" he adds before leaving, as he proudly remembers the diaries he read at Salt Lake City.

This time it's Dom and Matt who look dumbfounded, but they just decide to ignore that.

Plus, Dominic has something else to worry about.

"Sorry, Matt, I didn't do it on purpose..." he backs off prudently.

"But you did. When it's a matter to keep a secret you're worst than a gossiper!" Matt scolds him.

"You're right. I've been such a bad boy. I need a punishment." Dominic reckons.

"Yep, you do, so..." Matt agrees, but then he realizes the way the blond is looking at him. "Gee, Dom! You can't always turn everything into bloody sex! This is a serious issue!" he protests.

"But I'm bloody serious. Punish me!" Dom insists.

"Well, it doesn't work this way!" Matt grumbles.

"Why?"

"Because you don't look like someone who is gonna be punished." Matt makes him notice as he approaches him, still showing a serious and stern face.

"How do I look like then?" the drummer asks him, curious.

"Like someone who's gonna have a lot of fun!" the other strikes back

"Oh. And tell me, aint't so?" the blond wonders rhetorically as he resorts to his unfailing weapon.

As a matter of fact, Matt's harsh expression is replaced by a sexy smile.

"Damn you and your irresistible pout! Let's go to our room, can't wait to *punish* you!" the brunette growls as he drags his lover away with him.

---------------------------------------------------

Since he has found at the Salt Lake City airport a handbook of crochet-hook that answered even to his deepest inquisitions, after buying it and hiding it from his friends, two days later, at Los Angeles, Chris can finally take advantage of that. He knows that he can dedicate some time to his beloved hobby without being disturbed.

Mostly because Dominic and Matthew have something else to do.

They're lying on the bed, placidly, taking advantage not only of the free morning, but of the free day at their whole disposal.

Matthew is searching around the web at random, with his laptop on his lap as he takes notes on his Hello Kitty notebook about the potential changes of their playlists.

Dom looks at him absently, since he's all engrossed in listening to his iPod.

He wishes with all his being that Matt had not the brilliant idea of tugging on an earphone and listening to the music with him, because no matter how tender that gesture would be, Matt would end up listening to something he violently dislikes; since it's one of My Chemical Romance's songs and, maybe for a trick of fate, it's just the one he had to sing a cappella at the end of their last show.

Luckily for Dom, Matt doesn't seem interested at all in joining to that listening. Out of the blue, the blond starts caring less about the music and more about his mate who is drawing doodles around the pink, tied ribbon of the kitten with the date of January 20th above.

Suddenly realization hits them both.

"Tomorrow it's a whole week since we've been shagging like rabbits!" Dom exclaims.

"Tomorrow it's a whole month since we've kissed for the very first time!" Matt exclaims at the same time, but that doesn't prevent them from hearing each other.

"Oh, what you said is much more romantic!" Dom recognizes with a sweet smile.

"But what you said is much more exciting!" Matt replies with a horny look.

"So, tomorrow we'll have a double important occasion to celebrate. We have to get ready pwopewly." the brunette goes on.

"A private party?" the blond realizes with an expectant look.

"Yep, a very, very private one, my dear!" the other confirms.

"But tomorrow we have the show!" Dom reminds to him. "So, how..."

"We have all day long to find a way to escape right after the show!" the singer winks at him.

"You're right. By the way, since it's almost midday, can we finally open the window or what?" Dom changes topic.

"Already? Why? Dark rooms with switched on lamps are so nice, even better if the lamps are replaced by candles." Matt protests.

"Well, unlike you, my dear vampire, I happen to like the sun!" Dom strikes back as he pulls the curtains and opens the window. "Now we can start. You know, I plan better in the sunlight!" he grins, as he bathes in the sunlight.

Too bad that his boyfriend is still busy recording in his brain his previous sentence.

"Vampire?" he repeats as a question.

"To begin with, you're so pale..."

"Said the Californian surfer!" Matt strikes back, sarcastically.

"Well, at least I have sunlamps sometimes... whatever! That's not the point! Back to what I was telling you, you always lurk in the shadows and you seem to be much more active at night ... almost as if you spent the day recharging your batteries... just like vampires do!" Dom goes on.

"But I don't recharge my batteries sleeping in a coffin!" the brunet points out.

"Well, this is irrelevant. Plus, sometimes you can be so, so evil. Just think about what you did to those poor, dear guys on stage!" Dominic reminds to him.

"What about what *they* did to *me*? Wasn't it evil as well?" Matt makes him notice.

"Nope, that was just fair!" the blond clarifies, before he starts staring at him with diffidence. "Hey, wait a minute. How can I be sure that you don't eat food just for cover?" Dom insinuates as he starts enjoying that a lot.

"I'm not a vampire, Dom! Quit it, bloody quit it!" a fiery Matt snaps.

"You said 'bloody ' which reminds to blood. So, you do are a vampire! You... you... VladyMatt!" Dom strikes back, enlightened.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Matt roars.

"But it's what you are. And you're even growling now, just like a proper vampire. VladyMatt, VladyMatt, VladyMatt!" Dom insisted, amused as a child who has just discovered the funniest game ever.

"If you don't quit it I'll call you SpiderDom!" the brunette says, thinking that he's threatening him.

"Oh, please, do it. I like that!" the blond reveals.

"What? That's not fair. You weren't supposed to like that..." his boyfriend pouts.

"But I really do and I'll tell you what. We should dress up like these characters when we... you know!" the drummer suggests.

"Really?" the guitarist wonders, very intrigued.

After all, Dominic doesn't know that he has been thinking about that eventuality for awhile.

"Yep. You should get a black and red velvet cape and talk to me with Transylvanian accent... that would turn me on so bad!" the blond whispers at his ear, as the brunette shivers in pleasure.

"Sounds bloody good. So, can I also tell you what to do?" Matt purrs at his ear, but Dom pushes him away.

"No way! You can't tell me anything. After all, SpiderDom has already captured VladyMatt in his web, hasn't he?" he moans languidly as he lies down on the bed and with his look invites his partner to join him.

"Hell yes, he has!" the other smiles, as he crawls slowly on his giggling lover and places a tender chaste kiss on his soft lips. "Now, Dommy, get ready, because I'm gonna show you how much *active* I can be even during the day!" he warns him, before they both vent to their endless desire.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Please, repeat. You are going to do... WHAT?!" Chris exclaims, so stunned that the titbit of steak that he took with his fork falls inexorably on the plate, along with the fork.

"Just what we said. Tomorrow, after the show, we're going to escape and go celebrate our first week sexually together!" Dom explains to him again, with a wide grin at the thought.

"And also our first month since our very first kiss!" Matt adds, grinning as well.

"That's why we need our time to celebrate." Dom states, as he cuts his fillet.

"The more time we have, the better. That's why we need to skip the fans' time, although there will be just a few people, since we're not the headliner here!" Matt retorts as he makes the red wine spin around his glass, slowly and widely, before sipping it.

"But you usually adore fans' time... both of you!" Chris makes them notice.

"Yep, but not tomorrow!" Dominic remarks.

"Oh, c'mon, all they ask for is a bunch of minutes to spend with us..." the bassist insists.

"Well, tomorrow all the bunch of minutes I have will be just and only at my Dom's disposal and there's no fan who can make me change my mind!" Matthew states resolutely.

"Gee, you're so mean!" Chris grumbles.

"Well, after all I'm VladyMatt, am not I?" the frontman sneers, glancing at the drummer.

"So, you do like it at the very end!" the blond figures out, enthusiastically.

"Yes, I admit I do... but just a little!" the brunet confesses.

Chris has no idea what they're babbling about, as he keeps turning his head to one and then to the other, as if he was watching a tennis match.

"How did you just call yourself and why?" he asks Matt. "No, wait. On second thought, I don't wanna know!" he corrects himself a few seconds later.

"Oh, c'mon, Chris, think about the positive side of the situation: if Matt and I are out of the game, you'll get all the fans' attention!" Dom makes him notice.

"Uh! Well, I hadn't thought about that..." the bassist answers, delighted by that idea, but then he jumps to another conclusion. "Are you hinting that I'll get all the fans' attention just because I'm the only one left? Have you mistaken me for a stopgap?" he wonders, insulted.

"No, never! How can you think such a terrible thing? You rule, you're awesome, you're great. Does Matt have to dedicate another song to you in order to convince you of that?" Dom replies.

"Nope. One is enough. Ok, I believe you. Just what am I supposed to say if some fans ask me why you're not there?" Chris asks them.

"Uhmm. Maybe you could tell them that our girlfriends made us a nice surprise and joined us during this date of the tour, so we want to spend as much time as we can with them." Dominic suggests.

"We couldn't be more liar than that!" Matthew shakes his head.

"So? Do you have a better idea, maybe?" Dom asks him.

"I'm not saying that I don't agree!" the other points out.

"So, Chris, we can trust you, can't we?" Dom needs confirmation.

"Yep, but don't you dare complain if from tomorrow on all our fans will ditch you to spend their time with me!" Chris smirks.

"One more thing; Tom will never know about it, promise to me!" Matthew asks as he can already picture in his mind a never ending lecture from their manager.

"Oh, Matty, now we have to find the perfect plan to escape tomorrow!" Dom incites him.

"Why? Haven't you thought about it in the morning?" Chris asks them.

"Oh, no, we've spent the whole morning..." the blond informs him, but Chris immediately stops him, raising his hand.

"Please, shut up, this is another thing I absolutely don't wanna know!" he clarifies, before he leaves the room and after awhile also the other two follow his example.

---------------------------------------------------------

Saying that he needs his space sometimes, Dom spends the afternoon hanging around the town, going shopping, but mostly staring at himself from every shop-window Los Angeles has to offer him.

Matthew agrees without any problem, also because he has a pretty busy afternoon to deal with.

This was the fifth travel Dom made with Pinkie, so now his rightful owner has finally taken possession of his beloved trolley again.

He goes towards the bedroom, holding some tubes of red glitter and a set of golden wheels, ready to celebrate its return in the way he had promised to it.

He takes it from the closet, very carefully, and places it on an armchair.

"C'mon, Pinkie, let's get the party started!" he announces and the most worrying thing is that he's pretty sure that he's not just talking to himself!

-----------------------------------------------------------

After they had their dinner, Chris stays in the hall, entertaining himself with the barmen and some of the customers of the hotel, as Matthew and Dominic come back to their room.

The blond opens a drawer and takes a scratch pad and a blue felt-tip pen, as he starts writing 'Escape'.

No, they're not restudying that famous song of the Showbiz era.

As they have already decided, they're just plotting their way of escape.

Instead of writing, the brunette prefers drawing.

"So, we are these two.. " Matthew explains as he sketches in a very childish way two guys who are holding their hands, with a little heart in the middle.

"Aawww!" the blond melts down.

"And this is the Arena..." Matt goes on, turning page and drawing a circle with lots of rays that symbolize the several exits, but then he realizes that Dom isn't even looking at him anymore.

Following his gaze, he realizes what has drawn his attention so much.

"Gee, Dom, stop staring the sketch about us!" he reprimands him.

"I can't, you made me gorgeous even in this drawing!" the other states.

"Oh, c'mon, you don't even know which one is you!" the frontman teases him.

"Hell yeah I do, I'm the one on the left. To begin with, he's the taller one." he explains, turning the sketch towards Matt in order to make him see it better. "Then, the one on the right has crazier hair, see?" he goes on, snatching the felt-tip pen from his lover's hand and adding spiky and messy hair on the sketched out guy on the right. "And finally, didn't you notice that? The one on the left is holding drumsticks!" he concludes, drawing said drumstick in the guy on the left's free hand.

And then he admires his artwork very pleased.

"Dom, you're impossible!" Matt rolls his eyes.

"Well, we were plotting, weren't we?" the blond changes topic.

"Yeah..." the other replies, turning pages again. "So, these are the exits... how are we supposed to leave?" he wonders. "And please, don't you even try to name your bloody time-machine!" he summons him immediately after.

"Ok, also because the time-machine wouldn't help this time. C'mon, let's concentrate, we need an idea, a very good one!" Dom comments.

---------------------------------------------------

"For the last time, Matthew, no, no, and fucking NO!" Dom snaps after more than three quarters an hour of the brunette's impracticable suggestions.

"But why? It would be genial!" the other protests.

"It's impossible. We can't have a sort of spaceship and take off directly from the stage. We can't have the damned space skateboards you would also like to use at Wembley. And, mostly, there's no bloody, damn, sodding paralyzing ray that we can use on the crowd!" Dom explains to him, not very patiently.

"It would be so fun!" Matthew sighs unhappily and then he concentrates on the sketch of the Arena again, with the blond.

"Well, I bet that everyone expects us to get out from the exit number One... " Matt starts reckoning seriously.

"Or from the last one. It also would make sense." Dom adds and the other nods, before realization hits him.

"Let's go out from number Fifty-Seven!" the brunet exclaims.

"Why just from number Fifty-Seven?" Dom asks him.

"Because no one expects that. Plus, it's far from both of the main exits. It's a number like the others, nothing special. So, as everyone will wait for us at the main exits..."

"We'll escape from number Fifty-Seven! Yeah, that's brilliant!" Dominic rejoices.

"I'm sure it will work!" the other smiles.

"I think so, too. So, now that we made our plans... can I resume staring at my sketched out version?" the blond asks him eagerly and Matt is just too worn out to complain, so he lets his boyfriend do as he pleases.

TBC

What can I say? All the stuff involving VladyMatt and the infamous Number Fifty-Seven comes from the Muse Show at Verona in 2007, more specifically from all the absurdities my friends and I babbled about on our way back (but VladyMatt popped out from my degenerated mind... and I'm scarily proud of that, lol!)

Of course, I preferred to meet the dear guys instead of receiving this mad inspiration, but... whatever, lol!

Well, in case you didn't notice, I have a thing for Vampire! Matt... but you can't know, not here, at least, I've never posted 'Just a little bit' here ...

I: You'll be back(?)

To fall in love with a man, aka someone of your same gender, is extremely shocking.

To fall in love with a colleague is a disaster; there must be a reason why everyone says not to blend your private life with your working one!

To fall in love with your best friend is the worst thing ever that could happen to you… and the best thing  at the same time.

Guess what? I did those three things all at once.

Please, people, don’t tell me it’s wrong.

Not just now that he, this divine creature who impudently violated all three of those taboos, is on top of me with his hands in my pants and is bringing me to Heaven.

No one can do that like him!

“Faster!” I pant, already knowing that I can’t hold on much longer.

He pleases me and after awhile I throw my head back, breathe his name and explode with pleasure, as he takes all I have to give him.

After all, he has always done that.

When his expert mouth comes in to play, he sends me into Bliss once again.

This suite is illuminated just by a candle that is about to consume itself.

That’s better; he has always enjoyed doing this in the dark.

Troppa luce non ti piace

(You don’t like too much light)

Godi meglio a farlo al buio sottovoce

(You come better if we do it in the dark, in a low voice)

Graffiando la mia pelle

( Scratching my skin )

E mordendomi le labbra fino a farmi male, bene

(And biting my lips until it hurts, but in a good way)

Senza farmi mai capire

(Without never making me figure out)

Se per te è più sesso o amore

(If it’s more sex or love, for you)

He smiles, satisfied by his work, and kisses me, making me taste myself. Then the kiss turns more violent, he scrapes my lower lip with his teeth, as his nails scratch on my shoulders, my back, my arms, and because he is the one inflicting this pain on me, it becomes an indescribable pleasure.

“Turn.” he whispers to my ear.

I do so, but not before giving him another ardent kiss that seems to be a battle for supremacy.

I turn, with my stomach on the mattress, as he gets rid of the rest of my clothes and his own, too.

He straddles me and with a skill that can only progressively improve he prepares my body to welcome him inside.

For me it’s already enough; his hot breath on my nape gets me ready for him and when he slips inside me, when we become just one being, he fills me.

In every sense.

I enjoy these precious moments of pure happiness, moments that come at high price, because I’m going to pay for them with suffering that will last for weeks, maybe even months.

He pulls away from me, turns me onto my other side and drags me against him, as he pants heavily.

“I…”

He doesn’t end his sentence, he simply smashes his lips against mine.

For him does it seems it’s only sex what we’ve been doing for *years*?

But no, I don’t think so, it can’t be just sex!

He can lie to me as much as he pleases with his words, but his eyes, that are as changeable as his mood, can’t pretend, and I can clearly read love in his eyes; it’s the same love that there’s in my eyes. It’s a tough love, a torn love, a love that is constantly put to the test, a desperate love, but it’s love, nonetheless.

As he kisses me, I can’t help let a tear fall from my eyes and trace my face, because I already know what this kiss is the prelude of.

“I’d better go now.” he says and his tone is already colder.

Poi fuggi, ti vesti, mi confondi

(And then you run away, you dress up again, you puzzle me)

Non sai dirmi quando torni

(You can’t tell me when you will be back)

E piangi, non rispondi, sparisci

(And you cry, you don’t give any answer, you disappear)

E ogni quattro mesi torni

(And you come back every four months)

Sei pazzo di me, come io lo son di te

(You’re crazy for me as I’m crazy for you)

“Why?” I ask him as we both dress.

“You know why.” he answers as he puts his jacket on.

“Hell no, I don’t! I’ve been wondering that for years! Every fucking time I tell myself that it will be the last time, that I won’t let you get close to me again, but then I always fail, because I can’t resist you just like you can’t resist me, so why should we keep resisting each other?” I reply.

“Because it would be too complicated.” he murmurs so softly that I barely manage to hear him.

“Why? Isn’t it complicated this way?” I strike back as I feel my eyes become damp.

“I… I don’t wanna hurt you!” he shouts as he faces my gaze and I can see that he, too,  has tears in his eyes.

“But you’re already hurting me! What am I to you? Your favourite toy? Your personal amuse? A diversion to between all the groupies, between every girl you get laid by?” I scream at him, crying.

He stares at me with a hurt expression and assures me through his tears, “You’re nothing like that. And you do know that!”

He opens the door, and before disappearing from my sight, says, “I gotta go.”

Why does he leave? If only I knew it! It’s not due to the fear that someone could find out about us and make the news finish in every bloody tabloid.

No, he doesn’t give a fuck about public opinion; I’m the one who gets worried about that, but I know I could face it if he wanted that. The problem is that I have no idea what the bloody hell he wants.

I stand still, staring at that closed door. The heat of this night in Madrid, where we performed a few hours ago, is conflicting with the coldness that there’s now in my heart.

If I wanted to reach him, I would just have to cross the corridor and knock on his door.

It’s not a physical distance that separates us, it’s much worse, it’s a psychological one, an invisible wall that now we raise between us, once again.

When it happens, no matter all the days we meet each other due to the concerts, the interviews, the photo-shoots or any duty is on our agenda, we don’t let it show.

During those moments we’re bloody good at pretending we are inseparable best friends, as always.

Not even Chris has ever suspected something.

Once the charade is over, when we stop being Muse and simply become Matthew and Dominic again, there’s not a word, a smile, an understanding gesture between us.

Finally, one of us surrenders and then the walls cave in again.

Resisti, non mi stanchi

(You resist, you don’t tire me)

M conservi sempre dentro ai tuoi ri cordi

(You always keep me inside  your memories)

E poi brilli, non ti spegni

(And then you shine, you don’t fade)

Ci graffiamo per non far guarire i segni

(We scratch each other not to make the marks heal)

E sei pioggia fredda

(And you’re a cold rain)

Sei come un temporale di emozioni che poi quando passa

(You’re just like an emotional storm that when it’s over)

Lampo, tuono, è passato così poco e son già solo

(Flash, thunder, it’s been such a short time and I’m already alone)

It’s the story of my life.

I should hate him for what he does, for how he makes me feel, but I can’t.

Because those special moments we spend all alone, when there’s nothing else but us, when I find confirmation that my feelings are mutual, give me the strength to resist and keep waiting for him.

And for him it’s worth it, even if I had to wait my whole life.

He was already in my thoughts when I dated the first girls and then, when success knocked on our door, those thoughts turned into a passionate reality, a reality that has never stopped in the face of anything.

Not even when I stayed with Gaia and he with Jessica, the most important romantic relationships of our lives.

Not even that managed to keep us apart, especially on tour, when the temptation is just too strong.

I look in the mirror and I can still see his scratches, my swollen and livid lips, the same marks I left on him.

I don’t even have to care that someone can see me like that, since I have no one to come back to. Plus, tomorrow all the marks will have faded.

I know I’ll end up going insane if I go on like this, especially now that there’s not Gaia anymore.

I feel so alone in the months that seem to last like years

I hate feeling alone. I’m not sure that I can hold on until he comes back.

Because I know he’ll be back.  

Tornerai, tornerai

(You’ll be back, you’ll be back)

  Altroché se tornerai

  (Hell yeah, you’ll be back) (End I)  

Notes:

Teignmouth, The Den, 3rd Jan 1994

I do not know. After all this time, do you still accept that I can call you 'Dear Diary'?

I haven't opened you for almost two years, but I have my reasons. Can you let me explain? I take advantage of this afternoon of unusual sunshine, while I'm in my favorite park with Dom who is here next to me dozing…. and if I had a camera with me I would take a picture of him, he has such a serene expression, he looks like a little angel! But no, no distractions, it's you I have to deal with now.

I had made a pact with myself: I would write you back only when and if I had a definitive idea of stability for my, for our band. About Four, Five and Six (and, mind you, I know their real names, but they don't deserve to be named, that's it!) I was wrong, they stayed with me and Dom for quite a while. As much as I was fond of that name, we all agreed that a new one was needed, maybe less gory. And at the end of that year, Emma, Dom's sister, gave us the idea while I was at their house: Gothic Plague. Medieval, creepy, gloomy… in short, perfect.

And throughout 1993 we went on like this, between trials that mostly skipped because Four, Five or Six had better things to do, constant disagreements between the three of them on one side, Dom and I on the other, because those three never happened to approve one of our ideas, while their ideas was total bullshit to us! And even before the year ended, they abandoned us, one after the other, but it's better that way you know?

By now the rehearsals, the few that we managed to do all together, were 10% made up of music, ours, the remaining 90% of quarrels and moments of high tension... It wasn't a good life.

Dom and I discussed it for a long time, who knows why we stubbornly agreed to be five elements: they are too many! But it's also true that, although the jam sessions between me and Dommeh (I told you I'd find a special way to call him!) are fantastic… we can't be just a duo, we need one more element: a bass player, for accuracy. As you can imagine, we are not the only band of the school, for example there are also Fixed Penalty, who define themselves as post rock.. but in my opinion they won't go very far.

Except that in that band there is one hell of a drummer, as well as with the most difficult surname in the world: Chris Wolstenholme, who’s my same age, just a few months younger.

Dom and I fell in love with him at first sight, in the artistic sense of the word, I mean.

There was only one problem: he's a drummer, dammit, and I already have the best one on the planet! Dom came up with an idea so crazy that maybe it could work: "Let's ask him if he wants to learn to play bass to join our band." And, Dear Diary, you'll never believe me, but that's what we did today after his band rehearsal. We approached him and, I can't believe it, he accepted! Maybe he too didn't believe much in the future of his band.

Chris just asked us for a few days to learn bass and of course we allowed him to take all the time he needs.

I already know that he will be great, I just know it, as I know that he is the third element that will complete us.

Such dedication, such a great spirit of sacrifice, such a remarkable willpower… Enough, I don't need to know anything else, he is our ideal candidate, he has already done a lot for our band even before starting!

And he's such a nice guy, very down to earth, we'll love spending time with him.

Do you want to know if I’ll miss the moments just between me and Dom?

Yes, a lot… but anyway I know that he and I will always find time just for us.

You know, Diary, I've taken you back just as I had left you, that is with Dominic who is always my obsession, I keep thinking about him. I don't know how to disguise it anymore, will he notice my heart-shaped eyes when I look at him?

No, come on, I'm good at masking it… I MUST be good!  

We have become so intimate after all this time… the physical contact between the two of us is now routine, we look into each other's eyes for a long time, without either of us lowering our gaze, we are each other's confessional, we know each other's states of heart, we laugh together in the happy moments and we are strong for each other in the hardest ones.

In short, we are soul mates, without even being together… in the loving sense of the term.  

Even though there are moments when I'm almost certain he's one step away from kissing me, there are others when I'm about to give in and I really want to kiss him.

It's probably just all in my head. He can't reciprocate what I feel, I have to keep it in my heart, double lock it and be satisfied with what he gives me: the most splendid of friendships.  

Even if all I do is get lost in my fantasies: who knows what a kiss from him would be like? He must have such soft lips, I mean, I know they are soft… one day he was drinking a latte and he had some foam left and so I took it off with my thumb… I wanted to do it with my mouth, even better with my tongue .

Who knows how he kisses… he gives me the impression of being impetuous, but at times also very sweet… and in my opinion he is one who caresses a lot, I imagine him taking my face in his hands, or running his fingers through my hair… or as he holds me by the shoulders.. or he squeezes my butt... I'd do it for sure, then I'd bring my pelvis close to his, pressing it, to make him understand how much I'm liking it... and maybe I'd find out that he likes it too.

No, no, Matt, bloody hell, calm down, your jeans are getting a little too tight here! Let's talk about something else... like past birthdays: on his first birthday, in December, since I found out that he likes to draw a lot, I gave him a pad and some colored pencils... and he said that sooner or later he'll want to paint my portrait... I'm still waiting…forget the obscene imagery that runs wild in my mind at the thought!

I'm just saying that the clothes are not included, neither mine nor his.

No, bloody hell, I had to calm down!

Last year, on my birthday, he gave me a beautiful, fiery red acoustic guitar, telling me that even if I've become super good with the electric one, I shouldn't neglect that way of playing either. On the other hand, last month I gave him a new bike, he's such a sportsman.

Of course, the perfect scenario would have been a tandem, me and him going on a trip to the plains of Devon, it would be so romantic…

Then I wrote a song about him, you know?

That is, 'wrote' is a big word. I'm drafting it.

It's about me breaking up with a girl I used to date and realizing that she could never be as good as him.. so far I've only written this and not even very well.. There's still a lot of work to do.

And then I don't even know what music to put it on.. but I imagine something sweet, maybe with that guitar he gave me.

Uh, I have to stop writing to you, I think Dommeh is about to wake up.

I sort of regret not having taken that photo…

Notes:

Teignmouth, Il Den, 15th June 1992 Hi Diary. yes, I know, I'm terrible, I have started so well that it seemed I had to write to you every day and instead… 

Look, how late I get back to you. But I have my reasons, you know? First I had to clarify what was important to write to you. And, I admit it, I was a bit overwhelmed by events, I lived days so intense that they left me excited, satisfied, but too tired to share them with you.

But now, thanks to this fresh air that can only be breathed in this park where we skipped lessons countless times (and then I didn't tell you, but that fateful day after school it was right here that I asked Dom if he could give me guitar lessons), I felt like picking you up again. Maybe it's also because Dom isn't here, he's gone on a family trip, he does it every now and then, he's very attached to his parents. Unlike me, he has parents who love each other very much, but I'm happy for him. How do I know all this stuff about him? Because since the day of the audition Dom and I have bonded so much. At first we only saw each other for the guitar lessons that he still gives me from time to time, even though he says I've made such remarkable progress that I'll soon be teaching him something. And then for rehearsals with our band, me, him and One, Two, Three, because I told you I wouldn't bother learning their names... and I did right, you know? They left because they weren't motivated enough, they walked out on us without beating about the bush and now we've been rehearsing for a few weeks with Four, Five and Six,… and if I call them that, you already know why.  

But I wasn't talking about them, I've already wasted way too much ink on these pages for them, let's get back to the really important stuff. Dom and I started looking for each other quite frequently: me offering to walk him home from school or vice versa, a movie coming out at the cinema that we both want to see, so we end up going to see it together, me inviting Dom to my place to let him listen to some of my records, him doing the same… and from his grandmother to his sister, I don't know which of that family is the kindest to me,I get a very warm welcome every time, but even in my family  everyone dotes on him, me first, haha. And when we can't see each other physically, we have very long phone calls, talking about anything, even before writing to you he called me, but since he wasn't at his house he had less time to dedicate to me and I understand that. Last month, on May 1st to be precise, after exactly one month of going out, I banished any kind of fear or shyness. I took him aside and told him clearly: 'Dom, I think that now you are my best friend.' There was a moment of silence on his part, as he looked at me seriously in the face and I was already completely desperate, fearing that I had run before I could walk, that I had frightened him in some way.

But then do you know what he did? He smiled at me, hugged me tightly and replied: “Oh, Matteh, if you hadn't said it I would have. You're my best friend too, but I don't think that, I know that for all intents and purposes.” 'Matteh', he had never called me that... I like that he has his own way of calling me, now I want to find one too. So, do you understand, dear Diary? I not only have a regular band, but I also have a best friend, the most special one there could ever be.

And then that hug… something moved inside me… I mean, he and I are very physical, we love contact with each other very much, whether it's to play a joke or when we need some affection… but so close… he had never held me like that before and it was such a beautiful feeling.

Uh, it's true I left you with a nice unfinished business… would I be able to write a song? Well, the answer is yes, and more than one, it's like having opened a Pandora's box: I can't stop myself anymore and I pull out a bit of everything, from the rabid, even better if stuffed with swear words that are so cool, haha, on the verge of nonsense… and all with a mad rhythm, which Dom handles beautifully… and it goes without saying that Dom approved my songs with unprecedented enthusiasm. Only then I also tried something more serious, reasoned and, bloody hell, it scares me to dig so deep into my soul and find out what comes out of it. But it is one of those fears that fascinate me. Not even Dom has read those lyrics, for now they remain where they are. However, during these days there was also an event that is certainly important to me, my birthday. And Dom knows me so well by now, he knows my mom's passions that he passed on to me too, so he gave me a Ouija board. Not that I didn't already have one... or ten, but I appreciated it so much, even more because he wanted to have a séance with me, even if he was pissing himself off with fear!

We summoned a spirit, I asked him if we are going to be the most amazing band on the planet and he replied: 'Soon'.

Who knows if he's right, in my opinion he is and time will tell, time that I can't wait to spend with Dom as soon as he gets back from his trip. Uhmm… I just re-read you and I have the feeling that I’m naming Dominic a bit too much. At this point, I really hope Dom is gay, because maybe I am becoming gay. Great, now I also want to write a song about him.

Notes:

Teignmouth, My house, 2nd april 1992

Hello, Diary, I'm back,

I have so much to tell you and it is true that I should go in order…

No, i can't

I'M OFFICIALLY IN A BAAAAAANNNNDD WOOAAAHHHH!!!! I couldn't wait to tell you ... write it to you .. in short, let you know!

I left you at yesterday afternoon, when against all the most adverse forecasts I managed to tidy my bedroom for real.

And when the bell rang shortly after, I had to maintain a certain composure so as not to show I was panting after running to open the door.

It was Dominic. He’s always smiling. And he brought a guitar with him.

Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough to carry him up to my room and my grandmother met him already armed with freshly baked cookies.

“You are my dear Matthew's friend, how nice to meet you!” She smiled at him, extending the plate towards him.

What a bloody debacle! I had exchanged four flipping words with him, only for his extreme courtesy he agreed to come to my house and my grandmother came out with these heavy and too classifying names.

I was one step away from going into the garden, taking the shovel and burying myself alive… but do you want to know what Dominic replied?

“Mrs. Matthew's Grandmother, time will tell. For now I consider myself just a very well received guest and very lucky to have tasted such good biscuits!”

Did I mention that boy is really adorable?

Do you think my grandmother was the greatest danger?

Well, it's because you don't know my mum, who appeared out of nowhere and looked so deeply into Dominic’s eyes as if she wanted to read his soul… and mum is psychic, she knows about this stuff.

"I am pleased to see that my son has decided to broaden his connections, he is always so alone, I always tell him that, however it’s a beautiful thing, guitar and piano cannot be his friends in the physical sense of the word!” If first I wanted to use the shovel to bury myself, after that I wanted to take it and give myself a sharp blow on the head.

Dominic looked at her almost deeper than she had done and then replied: "Mrs Bellamy, ou’re right  to be happy for that, too much solitude is not good for anyone." I mean, do you understand? He didn't walk away, embarrassed, or worse, annoyed, or worse than worst, disgusted.

At least Paul was away from home, so once the obstacles were over, we got to my room..

He said I have a nice room, and he especially liked the posters. I found out that we have a lot of musical tastes in common, but we differ a lot on others.

He has taken  his guitar, I took mine, an acoustic, like his, although I think the electric is more fun. We sat on my bed and he asked me to play him something.

Since we both like Nirvana, I chose 'Come as you are', but without singing it.

He cut me off midway, saying that the chord change was too abrupt, he showed me how it should be done.. and I have to admit that he did it much more harmoniously.

He proposed that we play it together and a beautiful synergy was immediately created, only then I anticipated a chord change, I was too frantic and ruined everything.

However, Dominic wasn’t mad at me  at all for that, he put his guitar on the floor to slide towards me, he placed his hand on mine, on the neck of the guitar and made me understand the exact moment in which the chord needs to be changed.

I didn't expect that contact, it left me a little bewildered and I don't understand why... maybe it was the irrepressible desire I have to perfect myself on the guitar.

After that we tried once more playing it together and this time the synchronicity was perfect.

He complimented me a lot and I gloated like a fool.

Before leaving, he told me he hadn't missed noticing the piano I have downstairs and wanted me to play him something.

Usually I don't do it for anyone but mum, grandma or Paul… instead I sat on the stool, I chose to play the Nocturne 1 in F sharp minor by Rachmaninov and it seemed to me the most natural thing in the world.

And this was yesterday, let's move on to today... because I anticipated it, didn't I? After the lessons, today there was the audition.

I went to the classroom we had agreed on, by then deserted, where Dominic and three other guys were waiting for me, the remaining members of Carnage Mayhem, who however looked more like someone who is doing you a favor by staying there.

But not Dominic, I had his undivided attention.

This time I chose AC/DC with my beloved electric guitar, ready to perform  'Highway to Hell', I connected it to the amplifier and I no longer thought if I was respecting the passage of the chords, if the riffs I chose were too risky, as well as totally improvised; I let myself be totally carried away by the music. And I even sang, I had fun making those screams like a possessed, hahaha.

The three guys - if they didn't bother to learn my name I don't see why I should - gave a sterile micro applause… but Dominic, ooohhh, he was literally excited, he screamed, he cheered me, yes, his hands were worn out from applauding me and then he ran towards me, grabbing me by the shoulders.

“Carnage Mayhem do indeed have a new guitarist!” He announced, super smiling. “And also a singer, I might add.” then he only said this to me, in my ear: "And after your performance yesterday afternoon at your house, which was incredible, I can certainly say a pianist, too."

I'm not used to all this attention, to seeing my talent - hell yeah, Diary, at least I don't have to be modest with you, I have an immense fucking talent and it can't remain confined to my room, much less this shit hole town. - recognized, but above all so appreciated.

And as if I didn't fill enough roles already, Dominic left me with a question that's been racking my brain: "Can you even write songs?"

Yes, come on, I think I can do it… or at least I'll try.

Ah, d’ you know he told me I can call him 'Dom'? And I told him he can call me 'Matt'… I don't know, it makes it more confidential, I like it better.

Teignmouth, My house, 1st april 1992

If I write it then it’ll come true: I, Matthew James Bellamy, will have a band with worldwide success! Huh, did I say 'worldwide'? Planetarium, we will be the first band to play on the Moon!

After all, with you I can allow myself to talk big, right? You are my diary, starting from today, because I have decided so.

Finally what I thought was a useless gift from my brother Paul last Christmas makes sense.

You will be my confidant, dear Diary, that's what average people call you most of the time isn't that? I will tell you all my deepest thoughts.

And I'm just starting today because something epic happened.

I've been playing the guitar for a few years, the piano for practically more than half of my life and I'm still not part of any band, not stable at least... but today something has changed.

I mustered up the courage to go to Dominic Howard, who is so popular and can play so well, both drums and guitar.  

I've been so stupid for all these months, blocked by bloody prejudices that have turned out to be unfounded: I thought he was an arrogant, that he liked to show off, that he would be extra elusive ... but no, he's the most available and kindest person in the world.

I asked him if he could give me some guitar lessons to improve myself, I was sure he would refuse, but not only did he accept, with a big smile, (I'm starting to believe that boy always smiles and risks dazzling you when he does, next time I'll I'll meet him wearing sunglasses!) but he also said that he just needs one more guitarist for his band, Carnage Mayhem, isn't that a really cool name? And so, in a way, now I can consider it my band too, don't you think?

Well yeah, it's not like he's said yes yet, he just said he's looking for another member and he'll audition for me tomorrow after school... a real audition, like professional musicians, so cool! But I will try all my very best, he must understand that I am the right element to complete the band!

You know, I'm generally a cosmic pessimist about everything, but this time I allow myself the luxury of expressing some optimism and already consider myself one of them.

So… yes, let me say it: I will be part of a band, but this time in a serious way, I'm sure it will last!  

Today is the beginning of something important, I feel it.

Now I have to stop here.

Dominic said he's starting guitar lessons today and he's on his way here and I can't leave my room in total chaos, it’s already more than enough the one in my mind, but at least I can rearrange the room.

This is a conspiracy! Matt and Dom are in the dressing room while the supporters are performing.

So far so good, except that a fan managed to meet them and give them a gift (just a single one) that is proving to be worse than the Apple of Discord: a colorful T-shirt with animal print and glitter inlays.  

Both have decided that it is the perfect outfit for that evening, but neither of them wants to give in. "For the last time, Bells, it's more suitable for me, it enhances my figure!" Dominic tries to pull the coveted garment towards him, and, just like Matt, he’s wearing only jeans. “With those big mustaches, nothing suits you anyway, I’d better wear it, it even matches one of my guitars!” Matthew counters, yanking the T-shirt.

Dominic doesn't even have time to get indignant, because Bing, having come out from who knows where, snatches the T-shirt from the two contenders' hands. “Wow, this T-shirt is so cool, it fits a little big, but I like it too much, I know what to wear to see your concert tonight!” He exclaims enthusiastically, putting it on top of the one he judged too sober.  

Something inherited from his father.  

“This is a conspiracy!” The two adults protest in chorus.

"Thank you dad, thank you... uncle." the little boy makes them melt  with his sweetness, disappearing as fast as he appeared. Left alone, Dominic approaches Matthew with a hungry look.  

"Of course, Matteh, arguing so much to put on a T-shirt, when it would be wiser to take the advantages that both of us are not wearing anyone..." he murmurs, placing languid kisses on his neck without warning, which then become demanding hickeys.  

“Oh my…” Matt moans, tilting his head to give him more access. "Don't leave a mark on me though." "It's a risk you have to run..." the other chuckles, pinching his right nipple, another thing that makes Matt moan. “But if Elle sees another one…” "That’s your shit, Bells!" replies Dom, mercilessly, even sinking his teeth, without too much violence, except that necessary one to drive his beloved mad. “Oh, the hell with everything, come here!” Matthew growls eagerly, pulling Dom to himself for a greedy kiss, while his hands explore his partner's chest and back as if it were the first time. It's now been more than twenty years of 'first times' and every convinced scratch that Matthew leaves on his skin is a warning for the other to remember how much they belong to each other. “It's a pity we didn't fight over the same pants as well.” Taking Matthew's implied request, Dominic doesn't hesitate to undress both of them, their erections awakened by their mutual contact. His hands, one more shameless than the other, grab his partner's cock, knowing exactly how to move. "Oh God, Dommeh, please, more..." Matthew begs him, one step away from orgasm, but he knows that something is still missing. Dominic flashes a mischievous smile and bows, ready to oblige, only to pull back at the last second. “Oh yeah, it's true, you hate my mustaches, you wouldn't approve!” He looks at him defiantly, putting on his clothes and leaving his lover alone, stunned and above utterly unsatisfied. “I was wrong,” Matt grumbles, self-rectifying, a much less fun method. "This is a conspiracy!”  

-- THE END