#being right

My Brain: But we don't want a potato now.

Me: But will we want a potato in an hour?

My Brain: We very much will want a potato in an hour.

Me: Okay well if we want a potato in an hour we need to go put a potato in the oven now.

My Brain: ...

Me: ...

“Most people do make accommodations. You look at this from a very special point of view. You have an unusual purity of intention. You’re extremely intelligent, absolutely logical. You demand that everyone else live up to this standard.” I said I didn’t live up to it myself. “Always being right doesn’t necessarily make you feel good about yourself.” I said I supposed he was saying that I wasn’t always right. “I’m saying you can’t let yourself not be. You can’t let yourself make mistakes, be human. Having to be right is like the Midas touch. You think it would be wonderful if everything you touched turned to gold, then you find you’ve turned to gold yourself, stopped being human.” I said this discussion was kind of striking, because every fight you and I ever had came down to your thinking I was holding myself up as always right. I said I always had trouble understanding this, because I didn’t feel right. “Of course you don’t feel right. You could never be right enough to make you feel good about yourself. There’s a certain kind of family that encourages the kind of personality you are. Children in that kind of family think if they’re right they’ll be loved. Then they get to be adults, and they don’t understand why being right doesn’t make other people love them. And it doesn’t. It isolates them. They can’t accept other people’s mistakes, because they can’t accept their own. What’s interesting here is that we’re talking about the same thing now that we were talking about when you came in. About feeling fragile, threatened by other people, threatened by a world you can’t control. What happened to you when you fell is that you lost control. That’s the one thing you’re most afraid of losing. You don’t understand living without control. Which is another way of saying you don’t understand not having to be right.””

Last night began hod b'yesod and tonight begins yesod b'yesod, for my mishpocha who are counting with me...

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The Omer is counted every nightfall starting the 2nd night of Passover until the night before Shavuot (marking when we received the Torah). This yearly cycle of counting lasts 49 days and every nightfall has its own opportunity for reflection. Each of the 7 weeks has its own focus and each of the 7 days within each week has its own focus within that focus. During Sefirat Ha'Omer, we are invited on a mystical journey, a journey that spirals us deeper and deeper into discovering what exists within our psyches and souls…

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Hod and Yesod... Honest self reflection within partnership.

When I'm arrogantly sure that I'm 100% in the right (especially when I ACTUALLY AM), 

I am unable to empathize with my partner and work together to find strategies that meet both our needs.

When this is hard for me to do with my partner,

it's even harder with random acquaintances,

and harder still with strangers who only see me as whatever 

preconceived ideas that my body represents to them...

But digging deep into honest self reflection whenever we are able can help heal the wounds that our ancestors gave us to carry,

and maybe help us work together even when our strategies for getting our own needs met seem to be at impossible odds with each other.