I know that it may seem like to some that I am constantly moaning or haven’t ‘gotten over’ my parents’ lack of involvement and support in my life but to be honest, I feel as if I have every right to complain about it. I didn’t ask to be born in to this world. I didn’t ask to receive life. And yet here I am being told that I am my own problem and made to deal with everything by myself as if existing was a choice that I made. It feels like my parents have completely forgotten that they brought me in to this world because they’ve pretty much wiped their hands of me. I can’t ask them for any of the things that I need in this life and if I do, I’m told that I’m either asking for too much or that I need to do it without their help. I’ll tell you what: I’m fucking sick of living in a situation that I had no choice in being a part of. I didn’t choose to be a part of this family. I didn’t choose to have both of my parents not have a steady income or work a day in their lives. I didn’t choose to survive off of welfare money. I didn’t ask for any of this and yet here I am struggling to deal with all and no one is throwing me a lifeline and I am fucking drowning. I don’t give a shit if I sound like a little baby; I’m tired of doing everything by myself and not being able to ask for help from the two people who made the decision to give me life.
I am responsible for myself, I’m fully aware of that. The thing is, I don’t have a fucking clue in which direction to go or how to be independent because I’ve never seen someone do it before. I’ve never had a role model to look up to growing up that could lead the way and show me how to survive in this world without being on benefits and when I get angry cause I’m scared, I’m pretty much told that it’s my problem.
I’m really on the edge right now.
