#beforehefell

           “It’s not an unreasonable request. You’ve had plenty of time.” There was clear unease in the Human was Gaster made his request, “Surely you are not that slow? Even for a Human.” He jabbed. He expected anger or outlast, trying to force her to prove him wrong. The words seemed to have an opposite effect though, her unease become heavier.

           “Do you need more time?” He reluctantly asked.

           Eyes wide with relief, she nodded approvingly. Yes, she wanted more time.

           “How much?” Gaster demanded, “Hours? Days? Weeks? For as much time that has passed since our session began; how much longer do you need? Our agreement was the postponement of tests as long as you gave me something to learn, as long as we spoke.”

He pinched his nasal passage while sighing, “I’ve been very patient with this, more so than I am with most. Yet, even you must be aware of how much I am stretching things. Yes and no… Random gestures and guessing can only provide me so much. I must make a choice, either I learn what I can from you about Humans or I learn from your soul.”

Each word had clear impact, digging a knife deeper into her as he spoke. Her form flickered, evidently distressed.

“Tell me than.” He ordered, “How much more time? There is evidence by your lessons that you are progressing. Supposedly your knowledge should be ­well above average unless-“ He stopped, realizing his mistake, “Unless… you’ve been misleading me.”

She recoiled at the statement, her eyes dropping. Refusing to meet his. Confirmation.

“Of course. I’ve grown so used to the term Human as your title, as a way of referring to you that I seemed to have forgotten the truth of the word. What a Human is. I was foolish to trust you, to think you would actually be doing something to teach me about your kind. Is anything you’ve told me true? Is-“

He shook his head, not wanting to look at her any longer. “It does not matter. I will decide how to proceed from here. For now though…” He turned to leave, too disappointed in himself to think straight. As he stepped towards the door the Human shifted, appearing in front of him, her hands outstretched in an attempt to stop him. He only did so out of reaction, fully knowing he could step through her if he chose.

“Human, I’ve had enough of your g-“

Her hands began to move, shakily but sure enough and practiced enough to allow proper understanding of their movements.

“Please. I… I did mislead you but… only that I was unsure of if I was ready, not that I had not been practicing.” Her eyes pleaded with him, hope clearly in them that she was signing correctly, “I only wanted more time… to be sure.”

“I see.” Gaster sighed in relief, “You were only fearful of making a mistake.” He could understand that feeling, relate to it greatly.

“Yes. I did not mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I-“ Gaster realized her words and could not help but let out a chuckle.

Her face turned beat red and she stated signing again, even slow and watching her hands and motions carefully, “I did I say incorrectly or-“

“No.” He replied quickly, seeing her panic, “You were fine. It was just that your choice of words were… I am generally the one apologizing for upsetting you. I feel very foolish for allowing myself to get so overly emotional.”

“One cannot cease having emotions. It is part of who we are, Gaster.”

“A profound comment, considering its source.” He retorted, running a hand over his scalp, “Oh, and that is Doctor Gaster.” He proceeded to demonstrate the proper sign for the title, to ensure she knew it for future reference.

She rolled her eyes and gave a small smirk, her hands moved again though it gave an indication of a mocking yet playful tone, “Very well than, Doctor Gaster” copying his gesture almost perfectly.

“Well done.” He returned to his chair and from his jacket pocket retrieved his tape recorder and placed it on the desk beside him and pressed the record button before returning his attention to her, “Now, shall we begin?”

☜☠❄☼✡ ████  📫 ☟🕆💣✌☠ 💧❄🕆👎✋☜💧

           Its attitude towards me in generally acceptable, it does have its moments though; such as with our attempt at communication with the cards. It answers questions I ask with little resistance, as best it can, yet when I try to better understand the Human itself… it reacts irritably. Its name, its personal life. I see hesitation each time it answers, clearly not happy with the question. It still answers though, maybe it finds its lack of ability to commutate a way to ease its irritation? Since it cannot fully answer the question, only hint and gesture, leading me to my own assumptions.

           I often catch it make comments aloud, it thinks I am unable to read lips, which is true to a point. The lip-reading program I designed allows me to know it says later on. Generally the comments are nonsensical or snide comments, a way to relieve its annoyance at our interactions. Very little worth noting.

           A few comments though, such as “I’m fated to be stuck with the crazy ones.” Or “I can’t tell who is worse between the two of them.” I have no context to properly understand the meaning of these, and should I bring them up with the Human it would reveal that I can ‘read’ its lips, which may anger it or make it cease trying to learn signs. Given my actual inability to read its lips, I will avoid mentioning these comments unless it becomes necessary.

While I would highly prefer to learn to read its lips myself, there is no basis for human lip-reading and the program is only able to translate properly after reviewing a knowledge base of thousands of Monsters speaking patterns and finding what would work best when compared. Learning myself will take time, and by the time I fully understand I hope that the Human will be able to commutate with signs instead. For the time I resign to our current method and at times, the cards.

           It seems very displeased with the method of commutating with the cards, the few times I have used it, the short answers the Human supplies only bring up more questions for me to ask. While the method is clearly effective, it is also very clear how tedious it also is for the Human, with the soul stability a clear example of the stress this method causes. Sadly, it is necessary to cause this stress if I want to learn anything more during our sessions, as few as them I now conduct.

           While I do continue the sessions, I have put more time between each. Returning to the lab once a day only to check on the status of the tank and to start the next lesson for the Human. I ask it if it needs me to demonstrate anything that it does not understand, confirm if it is ready yet to use the signs, it never is, and then leave for the day.

           While I have been doing my best to not pressure it to begin using signs, wanting both to ensure it can properly communicate and to not over stress or anger it… with as much time that has passed since it began to study and with my limit for charades being reached, I feel it is time to move on to more in depth questioning.

          “He’s kidding right?” She thought to herself skeptically as she watched the dear doctor lay out the cards carefully across a newly cleared section of the work bench’s surface. Each card held a letter or number; spanning thirty-six total cards for each letter of the English alphabet, or Common as he called it, and numbers zero through nine. They reminded her of the cards used to teach toddlers.

           “Don’t give me that look.” Gaster stated, finally looking over to her as he finished laying out the cards, “This will only be a temporary measure until you begin to actually speak to me, I understand it is not the most efficient method. Or do you feel comfortable enough to use signs now?”

           Brushing her bangs aside she sighed as she simply huffed in reply to his comment. “Sign language…” She was studying, watching and replicating each slide that he provided her but… she stretched her fingers lightly, watching them bend. It was rather hard for her to grasp. WingDings was something she understood only because her mind began to adapt from years of hearing Gaster speaking it. Even now her mind was learning what each movement meant but to replicate them… it never felt right. She was sure she could produce simple sentences if she really tried but she… what if…

           “Not… not yet.” She decided and ceased floating, the bottoms of her bare feet silently tapping onto the tile floor. No matter how many times she moved ‘normally’ it continued to unsettle her when her movements caused no sounds. It is why she preferred to glide, at least then her mind was able to cope with the soundlessness.

           There was another reason of course to why she preferred to remain airborne. This reason was staring down at her as she drifted to stand beside the skeleton. It was only when she grounded herself that she was reminded of their height difference, it made her uneasy having him loom over her. She always felt a sort of satisfaction when he was forced to look up at her when they spoke, and in times like now she felt… vulnerable as he looked down upon her.

           She pushed the unease to the back of her mind, reminding herself that despite his past in regards to her physical body, he had been nothing but civil with her since they began interacting. She didn’t enjoy the way he objectified her, calling her ‘it’ and ‘human’ but there was no real harm to it and her title was something she had come to terms with of her own choosing.

           “I assume you understand how this will work?” Gaster questioned, gesturing to the cards.

           She nodded in reply, it was a simple idea. Spell out her answers to form words and sentences. It was basic and crude in the ways of communication but she supposed that given the amount of time he had dealt with yes, no, and trying to interpret her gestures for meanings it was understandable that he would want to try a method that would give more detailed answers. At least until she felt comfortable enough to speak in signs.

           “First question. A simple one.” He started, picked up his clip board and looking at his notes; which she had no idea how to read since he wrote everything in his language. She understood him just fine but reading the written form of his words was something she just could not do. “Are you… human?”

           “Simple. Right.” She thought, rolling her eyes and reaching forward and spelling out her answer, “Y-E-S-F-E-M-A-L-E-T-O-O” Adding in her gender as a preemptive move to what she thought would be the next ridiculous question.

           “So, this gives evidence that your lack of sign usage is not caused by your inability to spell.” Was his reply to the addition, a jab at her lack of progress but she watched in satisfaction as she noticed him cross out two lines on the paper of questions; knowing that despite the fact she could not read WingDings, she had correctly predicted his next question.

           “Next question. How old are you?”

           This caused her to give an exasperated sigh, “I expected something deeper.” She retorted mentally before reaching forward to spell out her answer, but stopped, her hang hovering over the cards as she began to realize the question.

           How old was she? Her mind turned trying to come to an answer. “When I fell… I was... but I’m not anymore… it’s… it’s been years… How… how old am I?” She had been in the tank for ages, unaware for so long. Even when she was finally conscious she had drifted in and out of that consciousness so often, time had become meaningless to her… Yet now, presented with this question it brought to mind another, one she had stopped considering long ago… “How long have I been down here?”

           How long since she had seen her family and friends? How long since she last saw a sunrise while jogging? How long since that night?  How long… since she had died?

           She pulled her hand back slowly, her hand shaking.  She bit the tip of her thumb as her mind reeled. “How long did they look for me? Do they still think about me? Did they ever find out about-“

           “Your age when you fell.” Gaster provided, his calm voice breaking through her inner turmoil. Her eyes turned to him, now noticed the glaze that covered them as she did. She blinked, and tears slid down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away and gave the doctor a light nod, thankful for the clarification. As well as pulling her from the dark thoughts she fought to avoid.

           She looked back at the cards tentatively, now more cautious of the questions he was asking her. Reaching forward she pointed to two cards, one and seven, spelling out ‘seventeen’ as her answer to the question.

           “Seventeen…” She had died at seventeen. She sighed as her memories of her life danced in her head, “Forever seventeen… Sounds like a bad movie...”

           “Actually...” Gaster started, his pen tapping the edge of the clipboard lightly as he spoke, pulling her attention to him once again. Her mind spun, was he going to tell her how long she had been down here? Her real age? “Given that your body does age while stasis, albeit much slower… I would say eighteen would be accurate in describing your physical age.”

           Relief flooded her as his words reached her. She didn’t want to know, she realized. She didn’t want to know how long she had been dead or trapped in the prison that was her body. She fought with every piece of her being to not think about what she had lost. It was what she enjoyed most about speaking to Gaster; he didn’t want to know her, he wanted to know humans.

           She couldn’t help but smile at the statement. At his, unintentional as it may have been, kindness.

           Running her hands through her hair and stretching, he took a deep breath and nodded towards her companion that they could continue.

           His next questions were more in-depth, asking various questions about surface life. How tall plants tended to grow, how we produced our food, even what the monarchy was like. This one perked her interest because it let her know that Monsters had a monarchy. Humans had them as well but her region was governed by a President. Some of the questions were strange and not simple to answer and for every question she answered she saw him cross it out and write down more.

           She knew that he would have plenty more to ask once she began to use signs.

           She was beginning to feel tired, the effort of the responses starting to take effect. She was not enjoying this method of communication at all.

           “What was your profession?”

           She did a double take, looking at the skeleton for the first time since really getting into the answers. It was the first time she could recall that he had asked questions specific to her life on the surface. Even their yes and no conversations where more of a game of charades as he tried to learn about what life on the surface was like.

           She swallowed lightly and quickly pointed out her answer, wanting to move to the next one. Hoping it wasn’t focused on her, “High School Student.”

           She could see the indented curve above his left eye, the skeleton monster equivalent of his eyebrows, contort in interest at her answer and jot it down on the clipboard.

           “So you are still a child, since you attend school? Hmm… I thought you older given your… apparel.”

           The comment about her clothes confused her as she wondered what it meant but she focusing on the question, spelling out “18 legal adult age senior in school last year.” She huffed as she finished, proud. She did not want him thinking her a child. Though seventeen was not a child, saying eighteen was the legal age would be more convincing as well as adding in she was about to finish school.

           “So you were on the edge of ‘official’ adulthood when you fell.” He replied, noting the response. “What profession were you planning on entering than?”

           “Why more questions about me…” Her mind drifted to the surface. Of Amy and her talking on Career day about their futures.

           “Come on, Speedy! You could total be a Police Officer! They’d never outrun you and you’d help people out and-“

           “I’m not much for violence… I was actually thinking…

           “Social Worker?” Gaster read aloud as she spelled out her answer.

           She nodded, spelling out “Help kids.”

           He studied her carefully, something she was very used to now. For a moment she thought she saw something in his eyes when he looked down and wrote her reply down once again. When he looked back up the neutral expression he always wore had returned.

           Just as he was about to speak again, his watch began to beep. A sign today’s session was over.

           She was thankful for this. She wasn’t enjoying the trip down memory lane and was also beginning to feel exhausted. Hopefully he would not use this method too often, if not at all in the future.

           Gaster turned the timer off, reviewing his clipboard, “One last question before today’s session finishes.”

           She only gave a nod in reply, hoping it would be something simple.

           “What is your name?”

           It was a simple question but it caused her mind to spin none the less.

           “Why that?” why did he have to ask that? She stared at the cards, biting her lip lightly as she considered her answer. She had come to terms with not having a name, come to terms with just being ‘human’. Why did he question it now?

           “Would… it be so bad?” She thought, “Letting him know it?” Her gaze travelled along the room, from the doctor to the desk opposite the room, the tank… her cage. “No… No... I don’t want to hear it! If he says it… if he… that would mean…” She shook her head fiercely, hugging herself.

           “No?” Gaster replied, a hint of annoyance floating in his tone, “It’s a simple question. I am not asking to upset you. I just want to address you properly, by your name.”

           “Me? My name… Why is he asking questions about me?! I’m not anything special… I’m nothing… My name doesn’t exist… Dead things… don’t have names…” Again she shook her head in reply, her hands pressed tightly against her.

           “Do you not remember it?”

           “Remember it…? Of course I do… Just thinking about it makes me…” Images flashes through her mind; her Mom waking her up in the morning, Amy yelling out her name to get her attention in a crowd, Zach-

           “No! No… I don’t want to hear it!”

           “If you remember, why won’t you tell me?”

           She stared at Gaster, her eyes pleading with him. The plea went ignored as he waited expectantly for her answer.  

           She sighed, finally deciding to give an answer. Reaching forward she began to spell that answer out.

           “S-T-O-P-A-S-K-I-N-G” Gaster spoke aloud, reading the words as they were spelt.

           She gained some satisfaction, seeing how taken aback he was her answer.

           “Human, I am asking as nicely as I can.” His tone thick with irritation, “What is your name?”

           The pressure to reply, after her clear indication of not wanting to answer and the stress of his sudden interest in her personal life angered her. She had been doing her best to be polite after the havoc there first interaction had caused but she had thought she had earned some respect from her. It seems she was wrong.

           She glared deeply at the doctor before reaching towards the cards and spelling out her final reply. “Fuck off.” As soon as she was sure he saw the final letter, she faded from view, not wanting to deal with the Monster any longer.

           For a short time she watched, seeing him react to her out lash. If he was upset, he hid it well as he gathered the cards and his supplies. It was only when he went to the laptop that displayed her lessons that he showed any reaction. Instead of starting it up to allow her to view them as normal, he instead shut down and closed the device, leaving it on the desktop in view after he left.

           It seemed childish to do so, but it did hurt her to see it done. Even as unsure of herself as she was with the signs, she stilled enjoyed having the activity of studying available to do. Seeing the device there, so easily accessible just showed how powerless she really was.

“I very much doubt the results will change as it stands now, Sire. It’s been…”

“A very long time. I know.” Asgore replied as he finished filling Gaster tea cup, a forlorn expression on his face.

The tea cup clicked lightly as Gaster set it back down after taking a sip, “Yes… and while I will not cease my duties when it comes to the Barrier’s study, I feel it’s best to just state it now. Without any new data or another source to study-”

“I understand.” The King sighed, his red irises drifting to the scene of his son and wife across the garden where the two currently sat. “You’ve done well, working without question, with little complaint for all these years. You are the best there is and… I just wanted my son to see the Sun.”

“There is nothing saying he won’t. As I said, I am not going to stop my research, but there is no reason to come so frequently.”

“Do you not enjoy your visits with me?” Asgore quipped.

“Sire, I-“

“Dad!” Asriel interrupted the conversation, leaving tracks of dirt as he ran over white tile with a pouch in his paw, “I got all the seeds!”

“Very good!” Asgore ruffled the boy’s hair on the head jovially, “I’ll be happy to leave the garden in your care at the rate you’re learning! Again yet, you seem to have forgotten your manners.”

The young prince displayed a varying array of emotions quickly at his Father’s words; joy, disappointment, confusion, and then upon setting his crimson eyes on Gaster, realization. “Ah! Good afternoon Dr. Gaster!” He bleated hastily.

“Good afternoon. How are you today?” Gaster replied, not signing nor summoning his hands to translate but speaking in a slow, basic form of his language.

“Ah… Uh… I am… good?” The prince replied slowly as he processed the strange sounds in his mind, “Thank you for asking.” He finished happily, looking towards his Father for confirmation of his translation.

“Like I said, you learn quickly. Go on and tell your Mother I’ll be over in a moment.”

“Okay!” The prince started to turn, but stopped, looking again at Gaster, “Mom and Dad are taking me to the Ruins soon! Is it nice? I heard you go there a lot.”

Gaster was unable to hide the surprise on his face, “Are you? Well, to answer, yes I think it’s nice enough, though I don’t go there that often. It’s been a few months actually.” Given the context, Gaster also added signs to help with the translation of his reply.

“Oh. Okay.” Was the boy’s only retort before finally leaving with his Father’s message.

“The Ruins? Already?” Gaster questioned.

“He is old enough to understand any dangers the old city could have and the detail that I’ve had assigned to clean and reinforce it has given me the okay for public visit. Before I allow my citizens to venture through it, I felt best to do so myself. Walk down memory lane as the term goes.”

“And… the Entrance?”

“That section will be off-limits.” Asgore responded, “While the old Capital is considered safe… I do not want Monsters to be tempted.”

“A wise choice…. And will there be a guard in case a-“

“Spooky scary skeletons~ Send shivers down your spine~“ The song played joyfully, cutting Gaster off.

“Ah, excuse me. I’ve been expecting this call. I must go, though do finish your tea. Good day.” Asgore said, answering the phone and cutting off the tune. He stood and began strolling towards his family while he spoke, “Roluth! How good to hear from you! Yes, I-“

Gaster sighed deeply, cupping his face as the King left. “I’d forgotten Roluth gave him that song…” he mumbled before reaching over and taking a sip of his tea. “At least it’s not Wing-ding-dong anymore…”