#it continues

Went back to the house today for the first time since I left that Friday. While the actual mold hasn't visibly invaded the main living space, the smell of it has. Despite wearing a mask, it nearly knocked me over upon entering the front door. I don't think it was quite that bad when I was there pretty much 24/7, but it could have been and I just wasn't aware of it since I rarely was away.

To no one's surprise, I feel like crud after being back in there for just over an hour. My house really was sapping my strength. In related events, I've barely had to take benadryl or had weird mcas stuff while I've been away. Maybe four total, two of which were after my husband brought clothes that had been in the washer right before everything was discovered and hadn't been rewashed yet. For the last year its been 4 or more benadryl a day on average and that still didn't control all my issues.

Picked up some needed stuff to finish up kiddo's homeschool year, more clothes, a few toys, and some sentimental objects for me. I still feel gutted knowing what has been lost. I had a small moment of falling apart in my bedroom, processing some of the stuff I've been putting off because I haven't had the spoons to deal with it all. I'm okay, but it was definitely a lot.

Still haven't gotten the environmentalist's report on the testing they ran, so we don't know when work will start or how much needs to go. I'm almost team tear it all down, decontaminating and moving what we can to storage and starting over. That would be hard, but we would know what we were working with and where to go from here. That's really the hard part, the not knowing what is next.

Kiddo is handling all this better than expected. By a lot. For a kid who has only lived in the one place their entire life and is very reliant upon a predictable pattern of events, they seem almost unphased. Only sign stuff isn't completely normal is a bit higher likelihood of a meltdown. Which, fair. Beyond fair. We've been completely honest with them about what we know and what is happening or not. I personally think they are handling it more grace than I am, but I am trying to make sure to give them the space to have their feelings.

Husband is enjoying the fact it takes less time to get to and from work than it does from our house and the fact I'm able to actually cook for us again. Not enjoying the uncertainty, having to pay to do laundry, and not having a bit more room to live in.

I miss my crafting things, but there really just isn't space for 90% of them in the hotel room. I brought some stamping and paper crafting stuff with me this time, but I miss just being able to start working on something when I think of it. Honestly, if thats all, I'm okay. Things are more good than bad even with the stress.