#beffy

based off of the recent article they did for the athletic that made my heart swell… basically viv has a bad anxiety day and beth is there for her

warnings: angst, anxiety, hurt/comfort, fluff

Beth’s watching Myle run laps around the kitchen as she trundles around trying to make dinner.

It’s chicken pesto pasta, Viv’s favourite.

Myle somehow managed to get her toy stuck in the opening of a cupboard, tugging with the piece of rope tirelessly, trying to free it from the tight space it’s stuck in.

Beth spectates for a few seconds, before realising that the tiny puppy has absolutely no hope of freeing it, so she leans down and pulls it out of the cupboard door hinge.

The puppy, now with the toy hanging half out of its mouth because of how small her jaw is, continues running around, looping around Beth’s feet as she watches over the pots and pans that are cooking steadily on the stove.

It’s moments like these that make Beth so incredibly grateful for the life that Viv and her have built together, the little mundane domestic moments that are just a part of everyday life, but the routine has wormed its way into Beth’s heart and she couldn’t be happier about it.

Beth flips over the chicken and stirs the pasta, the food is only a few minutes from being done.

It’s as she begins to bring out the plates and cutlery that she realises Myle has disappeared into thin air.

If it was any other time of day, Beth wouldn’t really stress it, the puppy is always causing trouble around the house. But, Myle has very quickly discovered that whenever Beth is in the kitchen she’s making food, and the off chance that she might drop something for the puppy to collect normally means that the puppy doesn’t stray far from her feet, yet alone the kitchen.

Beth’s curious more than anything, a touch worried but not really. Normally when Myle gets stuck somewhere or in something you know about it fairly quickly, the puppy has lungs as strong as a big husky, sometimes she worries for their neighbours when Myle gets antsy in her crate in the middle of the night and starts crying like a newborn baby.

Anyone who says having a puppy is easy, is wrong, obviously Beth wouldn’t compare it to an actual child, but it’s pretty fucking tiring.

“Myle, pup?”

Normally the call of the dogs name would have her running, bounding around any corner or hallway that she was exploring, that’s why Beth’s tinge of worry grows a little bit when she’s not rewarded with the sound of pattering paws or tapping toes.

Beth glances over to the couch, where she’s fairly certain Viv was sitting, not a few minutes ago, looking for her lover and her worry only growing when she realises that the couch, the room she’s standing in is completely empty.

Beth, quicker than she’d care to admit turns off the stove, pouring the pasta into a strainer and moving the chicken onto a chopping board before leaving the kitchen and walking slowly down the hallway, peeking her head into each room.

“Vivi, bubba, where are you?”

Beth makes it past their bedroom, sticking her head into the room and not spotting anything out of the ordinary, the ensuite light is off so she assumes it’s empty.

She keeps moving, the spare room is just as empty as the master bedroom, and so is their office space.

“Viv, liefde, where are you?

Beth makes it past the bathroom, and her worry only seems to grow from it’s spot in the pit of her stomach when she realises it’s just as empty as the rest of the house. It’s as she’s making it to the very end of the hallway, approaching the laundry room that she recognises a little bit of light peeking out from under the door.

“Vivianne, lovey?”

As Beth approaches, she also realises that the door is slightly ajar, so she pokes her head around and instantly becomes a little bit more relaxed when she spots the hunched over form of her girlfriend, little Myle balanced in her arms, cuddled in her sweatshirt and chest.

“Vivi, love, you had me worried.”

Beth is a little bit exasperated, still letting her heart settle from the little spike of anxiety, so it takes her a few seconds of looking at her girlfriend to pick up on the fact that something seems amiss.

“Viv, honey?”

Viv peeks her head out of the shoulder of her hoodie, Myle almost immediately laying licks and kisses all over Viv’s face, Beth gets a good enough look at her though to recognise the tear tracks on her partner's face, and her wobbly lip.

Beth takes a deep breath, before fully stepping into the cramped laundry space, closing the door behind her and sitting down against it.

“Why are we in the laundry room, sweet girl?”

Beth has an inkling of an idea what Viv could be upset about or worked up about, but truthfully she’s in the dark mostly. So she starts with the easier questions, hoping that it’ll give her an idea about why Viv is upset.

“Washing machine, calms me.”

Viv’s words are thready, her laboured breathing and anguished tone an indicator to Beth that this isn’t any minor little breakdown.

“Silly me, I forgot about that. What do you need Vivi?”

Beth knows that this isn’t the time to try and ask Viv about whatever is happening up in her head, it’s a pointless battle, Viv can hardly piece together words, trying to get her to talk about her feelings would be impossible.

“J-just talk to me?”

Beth smiles at Viv, nodding in agreement immediately and leaving no room for Viv to find any doubt.

“Indulge my chatterbox? You know that I’m always happy to do that!”

Beth is peppy, Beth is happy, Beth is kind.

Beth is ready to be anything that Viv needs when she’s struggling.

“Vivi, do you want me to come sit with you? Or do you want some personal space?”

Vivi’s lip ends up in between her front teeth, her brain toying with either option.

Beth sees the doubt, the last thing Viv ever wants to be is needy, especially when she is suffering, so Beth decides to rephrase.

“Vivi, it’s your decision, but I can come sit with you, or you I can stay here, my voice carries.”

Beth keeps her voice light, welcoming, sunny.

She smiles when Viv nods a little bit, her head nodding down at the space beside her.

Beth scootches her ass against the tile floor, until she’s sitting beside Viv, leaning on the washing machine.

Without Beth even initiating contact, Viv’s head is sliding down to the seat of Beth’s thighs, the back of her head resting against Beth like a pillow.

Myle’s tucker under Viv’s hoodie, resting on her chest, the puppy’s little snout peeking out at the collar, fast asleep.

Beth’s hands fall down to Viv’s hair, untying the tight bun gently and beginning to card her fingers through Viv’s hair and scalp, massaging out any tensions or knots.

“Myle peed outside for the first time on command this morning, whilst you were on your walk, should have seen the zoomies that she did after I gave her the reward treat. I swear every single day that dog achieves a new level of energy. Leah and Lia came over for some puppy cuddles as well, I’m pretty sure Le’s on her way to convincing Lia to get them one of their own, I reckon give it a few weeks and Myle’s going to have a little playbuddy.”

Myle had been a rather rash decision, unsurprisingly Beth’s purchase.

Viv was dealing with a setback, whilst Beth was living out all her dreams on the field, and Beth knew that it was getting to her.

Not that Viv would ever be envious or jealous of Beth, never, she was so incredibly proud of her girlfriend and everything she was achieving.

Recovering from a major injury sucked though, and the recovery wasn’t linear or identical for anybody.

So, when an ad showed up for some puppies from the same breeder that her family had gotten Rona from, and Viv had been having a really hard week, Beth had decided to jump the gun and buy her.

Beth was fairly certain it had been one of the best decisions she could make, Viv’s attachment to the dog had been almost immediate, and her general mood had improved massively.

She still had her bad days, everyone did, but the puppy was something to be grateful for everyday, something that didn’t represent soccer, or any of the other things it felt like she kept failing at.

Viv’s breathing is thick and laboured, Beth takes notice but doesn’t bring it up, she decides that if it worsens any more she’ll intervene but otherwise it’s just a practice of making sure that it doesn’t go on for too long.

“Those packages with the new sheets came in, the comfy ones that we checked out in those windows in London. They’re divine, I swear they are the comfiest things I’ve ever felt, I’m sure you’ll love them. I’ve cooked chicken pesto for dinner, for whenever you're ready. It’s technically bath night and my knee is sore from training earlier so if you wanted we could have a bath, and use the special salts that we save for special occasions?”

Beth watches Viv’s face relax a little. When Viv's anxious or stressed she needs routine, she needs to know what’s happening, she needs to be aware of what’s happening around her.

Beth knows from experience, she's learnt how to denominate as much outside stress as possible, it makes it easier to get to the bottom of whatever is happening.

“Vivi, whenever your ready, how about we get off the floor, hmm? Your knee has to be sore sitting down here?”

If Beth could, she would sit on the floor with Viv for hours, just whispering sweet nothings into her ear, but her own knee is starting to get sore, and if Beth’s knee is getting sore, chances are Viv’s is as well.

When Viv’s anxious, she struggles to express her needs and struggles, it’s hard for Beth to know all of the time, but their knees are something they have in common.

“S-sorry, didn’t mean to cause you pain.”

Viv’s voice is quiet, her big deep breaths coming through between every word.

“Nothing to be sorry for my love, just looking out for you, so how about we get up, we can go wherever you’d like.”

It’s sort of a lie when Beth thinks about it, because they obviously can’t go wherever Viv would like, they have to be here, they’re stuck in this house, which sucks, but that’s just their lives.

“Couch and chicken pesto?”

Beth smiles and nods at Viv, a big wide smile, she’d hoped that Viv was feeling well enough to eat, whether the Dutch woman wanted to admit it or not, she got grumpy if she didn’t eat her three meals a day.

Beth stays on the floor with Viv for another minute, soaking up it all before gently pushing Viv’s head out of her lap and standing up, before Viv can object, Beth’s reaching down for her armpits and lifting Viv up and onto her hip.

It’s an awkward exchange between the two of them, Viv is so long and langy, and a lot larger than Beth is. The weight is nowhere near an issue, it’s just Viv’s stature, Beth’s just glad it’s only a 20 metre walk to the couch, where she very gently deposits Viv and Myle, right back to the spot she’d previously occupied.

It’s clear Viv is physically upset when Beth lets go of her, so Beth makes sure to reassure her.

“Viv liefje, I’ll be back in just a minute, just going to go grab our food, why don’t you put something on the tv, hmm?”

Viv just nods at Beth, so she walks back into the kitchen, making sure to keep an eye on Viv as she puts together their dinner in two bowls, putting on a little bit of the goats cheese that Viv loves and then balancing the two bowls in her arms like a waitress before walking back to the couch.

Viv’s already made a space for Beth, right beside her, Beth eases into the spot without any fight, hanging the bowls of food over to Viv so she can open her arms up to her partner.

Viv accepts the sentiment with ease, sliding her body directly into Beth’s.

Beth reaches for the remote, quickly turning on the tv and putting on whatever EPL game that’s on, it’s background noise, an attempt at reminding Viv exactly where she is, exactly how safe she is in the place that they’ve made home.

As soon as the scent of food hits Myle’s nose the dog is worming its way out of Viv’s sweater, dropping down into her lap and sniffing around the bowls.

The dog hasn’t yet found the confidence to take any food from the bowls yet, but Beth’s fairly certain that isn’t far around the corner, the pup is growing more confident as the days go by.

Beth watches Viv, watches as the woman she loves most in the world slowly begins to eat her food, there are moments though, little fractions of time every once in a while where Viv’s eyes wander, out the window into their dark backyard, when these moments come Beth notices Viv’s body tense up, her eyebrows and face going rigid for a few seconds until she snaps out of whatever trance she’s in and goes back to eating.

Beth keeps talking, whether it’s about the food or getting new furniture for their living room. It’s just random conversation, Viv listens attentively.

Viv will complain every single day that Beth talks too much, that she can never get her to shut up, and it’s true, Beth is always talking, but secretly it's one of Viv’s favourite things about Beth.

Because Beth, chatty Beth, happy Beth, can always manage to distract Viv from whatever deep thoughts that are plaguing her mind, the deep anxiety that sometimes feels like has embedded itself in Viv’s chest.

Beth was the first person to genuinely understand what Viv deals with everyday, sure, Lisa helped her, Lisa did whatever she could, but she didn’t fully understand the complete hatred Viv had begun to harbour for her growing career, for the constant pressure that fell on her shoulders.

Beth knew what a bad day looked like, what a bad day could feel like, she knew exactly how hard it was to free yourself from the mental cage that anxiety trapped you in.

“Vivi, honey, I’m going to take the dishes up to the sink, do you think you could take Myle out for me, if you feel up to it?”

Viv blinks a few times, her brain taking a little bit of extra time to process the question, but once she has she’s nodding easily and releasing Beth from their embrace, so her girlfriend is able to stand up and return to the kitchen.

Once Beth has trotted off with the bowls, Viv stands up and walks towards the back door, Myle trailing behind her.

Beth takes her time with the dishes, takes as much time is humanly possible, waiting for Viv to come in.

When she’s fairly certain its been at least five minutes she realises that the dishes are definitely done and that she’s just loitering.

So she moves down into the living room, tidying up any extra clutter and turning off the tv.

Another five minutes go by, and Beth can’t really distract herself anymore, so she slowly walks towards the backdoor, opening it up hesitantly.

She doesn’t spot anything amiss to start, until a second scan of the backyard she spotted who she was looking for, Viv, balled up in one of the patio chairs, staring up at the black nothingness.

“Vivi, liefje, it’s cold out here, can’t have you catching a cold.”

Viv doesn’t flinch, Beth’s voice falling on deaf ears.

“Vivianne, inside, let’s go.”

It’s Beth's slightly stricter and louder tone that seems to catch Viv’s attention, almost immediately Viv is jumping out of the seat, and hurrying towards Beth.

Beth pulls her inside the house, locking the door behind her and turning off the patio light before gently leading Viv down the hallway and into their bedroom.

“Viv, I’m going to go and run the bath, do you want to find some pyjamas for the both of us for when we’re done?”

Viv freezes up, which has Beth pausing.

“Vivi, do you still want a bath? Or do you just want some cuddles?”

Viv nods frantically at the second option and Beth smiles, a big broad smile.

“That’s fine honey, how about I go and get the pjs then and you put Myle down in his crate?”

Viv tenses again, and Beth’s left wondering.

“Can’t he sleep with us?”

Beth snorts, mostly at the hypocrisy Viv is displaying.

Because Viv was the one who had set down the law that before Myle was ever going to even be allowed anywhere near their bed, she had to be crate and bathroom trained.

Beth, originally had been the one to object, absolutely enamoured by the dog and just wanting to have it in her arms every hour of every day.

“Vivi, she’s not toilet trained yet, and I’m not getting dog piss all over new sheets. How about she can fall asleep with you in here, but once you're asleep, I’ll move her?”

Viv nods at the compromise, a little smile gracing her face that makes Beth immediately feel a little bit happier.

“Alright well, unless you want to get changed, how about you hope under the sheets whilst I get dressed?”

Viv nods, already sliding her long and gangly limbs under the covers and relaxing into her side of the bed.

Beth is fairly certain that she takes a maximum of a minute to get changed, throwing her day clothes in the hamper before picking out one of Viv’s old Netherlands hoodies and a pair of Arsenal shorts that could be either of theirs.

A minute, maximum.

Yet, when she does turn around and look back at their bed, she’s met with the sight of Viv, dead asleep, slumped against her pillow.

It’s an adorable sight, and it calms Beth’s anxiety durastically, because like this, with Myle cuddled under the sheets with her, and Viv looking so incredibly stress free, it makes Beth feel so much better, so much less clueless as to whatever is happening with Viv at the moment.

Sure, she knows that there is still other stuff going on in the background, stuff that she’ll try her very hardest to unveil tomorrow, but right now, with Vivi looking more at peace then she has all day, Beth takes the win.

She slips Myle out of Viv’s arms, the puppy just as fast asleep as it’s owner, gently putting the pup down in it’s crate before closing the door and turning back around.

She turns all the lights off in the room, closes the blinds and makes sure that the thermostat is running because Beth knows how easily Viv can get cold when she’s feeling vulnerable.

Then she slips into bed beside her lover, staring at the face of a woman who has endured so much pain and yet lived through every minute of it, flourished in ways that nobody could have ever imagined.

Buff black beffy spy hes so freaking hot and beffy sexy

She saved my life so many times already, and she didn’t have to. Didn’t have to save any of us, but she did. So for that… I’ll wait.

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