#bedbugsbiting

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Partner emailed Boss that she saw a “really...

I had a coworker who called in because of “an intense massage” and didn’t understand why people had a problem with that.

I seriously thought uvas was going to be a slang for balls.

You know, it probably is, but I don’t know where that would have landed him, in the grocery store.

That is one of my faaaaaaaaaaaaavorites.

I am cringing about the hot water.

I came up in the kind of house where you turn the shower off while you’re scrubbing yourself or shampooing your hair, and turn it back on to rinse, because it’s wasteful to stand out of the spray and have it still running. I came up in the kind of house where you don’t turn the water on to rinse your toothbrush until after you’ve already finished brushing and spit already. I grew up with a well and a persnickety water heater and no water pressure, so you didn’t flush the toilet while someone was washing dishes without warning them. 

You can put toothbrushes or something in the mug

duck-satellite replied to your post “breaking things”

you gotta smash a plate, or a glass, or something else you don't care about, real quick. these things do come in threes but you can divert the bad luck to a kitchen plate instead of a treasure

subversivegrrl replied to your post “breaking things”

Also, you can put pens in it?

subversivegrrl replied to your post “breaking things”

Two decades since 1997. I know, it's impossible, but it's true.

bedbugsbiting replied to your post “breaking things”

Oh no :(

HOW DID I MISS THAT IT’S TWO DECADES

HOW HAS IT BEEN TWENTY YEARS SINCE I WENT TO NORWAY FOR CHRISTMAS

I mean. I guess. It’s. Yeah. My cousins are dads. That was the 90s. It’s been a while. 

I AM SO OLD

I am so hesitant to smash anything on purpose though, what if it doesn’t work? I’m such a hoarder I can’t think of a single breakable thing that I wouldn’t be super upset to break. I don’t think I can bring myself to smash anything. I’ll just have to wait and see what breaks. 

What the hell? You have to pay?

Yup! Apparently the form as filled-out serves absolutely no purpose to the Department of Motor Vehicles. No recourse, no appeal. She said “go back to the cops and get it filled out right” and I said “you know Troy is 300 miles away right” and she was like “bummer”. That’s it. No appeal, no nothing! I’m out eighteen bucks, which is like... well, given that I had twenty bucks to last me the week, is a lot!

Fuckers. I’m just. So angry! I’d be mad at myself if I’d just taken the form and said huh and ignored that it was filled out wrong, but I pointed it out instantly. There are a bunch of ticky boxes and you checked the wrong one, sir, this isn’t accurate.

Fuck you, Troy PD! Fuck you.

Also, I gave you an open-and-shut case, including video footage and multiple witnesses, and you instantly got the guy’s name and home address, and failed to either arrest him or you know, ask him where he ditched the rest of my property apart from the credit cards he was fraudulently using.

I could probably go and find him faster than they could. Fucking... whatever, guys, even if it’s a minor case I figured it’d be good for your stats or something! Christ. 

Did I link to the story my sister instantly found about the cop who took my report? That was like, his first day back on the job after being suspended for drunkenly driving into the back of a police van with its lights on in a neighboring town. 

UGH. Well, at least it was a stupid thief. Stupid ones are easier to stop, though it would be better if they just didn't even try.

oh my god SO STUPID! The entirety of that section of Third Street is solid with cameras because #1 the county clerk’s office is on 3rd st, #2 there is a HUGE bus depot on the next block where basically every bus line in Troy comes together so there are always a million people around, and #3 there are so many fights at the bar I was standing next to when I dropped it (or so I surmise; I lost it somewhere within less than a 100-foot walk, 20 feet of which was a busy street, and missed it within two minutes; I had several layers on, I think I put it between layers accidentally, and it fell out when I turned my body to throw my gum into the garbage can next to the bar. I noticed ALMOST INSTANTLY-- but he’d been standing right there, and I’m sure he saw it fall; there’s a stoop, there’s always dudes sitting on it, it’s right next to the garbage can where I threw out my piece of gum, and my wallet’s bright blue). 

And then he took it to a LIQUOR STORE where he goes DAILY, and LOOKED AT the camera by the door, and then stood in full view of the camera behind the register, talking to the cashier WHO KNOWS HIM, standing next to the owner who ALSO KNOWS HIM, and then went down to the convenience store down the street (retracing his steps! walking past me in the process!) and got the card declined because by then I’d noticed it was missing and called the credit card company! They texted me and I said “IBB Smoke Shop?” and my sister pointed at it (we’d just done a lap of the block looking in all the garbage cans, figuring a smart person would yank the cash out and throw the wallet into the trash and make their getaway and I’d be happy to call this all even and just get on with my life but nooooo) and said “that’s the store on the corner” which we were within eyeshot of.

HE WAS STANDING THERE AS I WALKED IN {cut for drama! and clickbait! and length! tl;dr reader, i did not punch him}

I wonder if he was already drunk before he went to get more liquor because wow.

That’s my working theory. I know he was sitting on the stoop by the bar because when I stopped to throw my gum away I turned to avoid facing that stoop, because the guys on it always say shit or ask for money or make noises and it’s just better if you don’t look at them. They sit there drinking stuff in brown paper bags from the corner store.

If he wasn’t drunk, he’s that stupid. Even if he’d gone three blocks, I wouldn’t have walked that far, I wouldn’t have been confident enough to ask the clerk to review the video footage, would have taken that much longer to get the cops involved before I figured out what was going on. Also VIDEO CAMERAS BRO, how do you not notice that the liquor store you visit every day has the monitor turned so you can see yourself in it as you pay? That’s deterrence, that and his five nephews standing there-- he doesn’t want trouble, there’s nothing subtle about this. It’s like a big neon DON’T DO A CRIME HERE sign.

bedbugsbiting replied to your post “bedbugsbiting replied to your photo “WHO GOT THEIR WALLET STOLEN IN...”

WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS.

Yeah, that’s really what it boils down to. So I’m out the $60 or $80 or whatever was in the wallet, that’s the idiot tax, but now I have to figure out how to replace literally everything and start over. While 300 miles from home!!! Of course!!!

At least I wasn’t traveling abroad or in an unfamiliar city or anything. I can borrow money from my sister or parents, the DMV’s right down in Troy even though it’s not my local DMV, there’s a branch of the credit union I use (which is only in this state, but it’s a big state, so) right across the street from the police station... it’s just going to be a pain in the ass forever.

sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your photo “WHO GOT THEIR WALLET STOLEN IN TROY LIKE A DUMBASS and what dumbass...”

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, are you ever owed some good karma. This whole (month? Year? Epoch?) has been utter bullshit.

Am I? I can’t even tell anymore, sometimes I just feel like everything has been dark and annoying forever and always will be. 

Ugh, it’s after midnight and Farmbaby will probably be excited to see me tomorrow, which of course is great and i love but it is going to be So Early. I’m just... ready for it to be So Early. Ugh. I’m too keyed-up to sleep. Ugh.