#becna

on the day itself, in the morning, i went to petsmart because we found fleas on one of the dogs last night, so i (as the only one in town with money or a credit card) had to go spend almost all of my money between flea meds and flea shampoo. i was NOT expecting to spend ~400 bucks this week on doctor shit and flea shit. but i gotta, so... :/ and probably more in the future! gghuhugh

then i came home and did some more computer cleaning & organizing. i have... so much of that to do........ 

then @lordsoth42 came over! and we went to the mall and pizza schmizza (they got some, i got NOTHING because CURSE my stomach) and then got donuts. 

then we went back to my place and people started showin’ up fer my low-key party! @onilinkplus, @angrymamabear, @soycoffeewithcoffee, danny (i don’t think he’s got a bloggo here, but he’s got a twitch over at... um... kazstein), thank you all so much for comin’ and hanging out! and bringing food and gifts and stuff!

we got to play ARMS, 12 orbits, a lil’ bit of Once Upon A Time, Sumer (interesting platformer/boardgame mix), watch kody play Snake Pass, and see the demo of Octopath Traveller thanks to Danny having the energy to play it (which, by the way, that looks Goddamn Gorgeous!) 

then sleepover w/ tristan because Wow Eugene Is Far Away, Six Hours Of Driving In One Day Is No Fun! but also more time with tristan!

on the 25th i woke up super early again thanks to Stomach Hates Me Syndrome and i got to cleaning up, which was nice. i still have some more to do but i figure i may as well do that after everything is over this weekend. but i did get like. all the plates and shit put away so there’s tablespace again.

some lowkey hangouts with tristan before they went home and I went to hang out with @jirajara at the woodburn outlet mall to find shoes for her... i did fairly good in not spending money, by which i mean i was very thankful she & her crew paid fer my lunch, and i avoided spending money on trinkets and shoes and this one FUCKING BEAUTIFUL pleather light pink jacket.... anyway it was fun, if tiring. i forget how tiring Looking For A Good [insert specific item here] can be when you’re not doing it over like... years... on the internet..... 

then today i got to go to an actual SPA with super swanky everything and have a MASSAGE for the first time ever w @becna n’ @keketar. the wet sauna is not an experience i’d pay to repeat but the dry sauna & hot tubs? good stuff. burn my skin off. and the massage was really great! my masseuse was really fun to talk to and we just talked about all sorts of stuff and the back & head parts of the massage i could definitely see being useful in a headache/chiropractic sense in the future. 

sarah got me a Gay Flag Colored Lovebird bag......;;;; i love it.......;;;;;; 😍💖✨💯🐦

an’ then sarah n’ i went to my place and had a low key Craft Party wherein we tried to get each other hooked on anime we haven’t been able to talk to anyone about: me w/ revolutionary girl utena and sarah w/ voltron:legendary defenders. what I learned is, I love pidge and am totally down for this mystical bullshit AI tiger mech thing. my headcanon so far (probably easily proven wrong, i’m on like episode five) is that a lot of the “mystical” connection is [a.] propaganda (what better propaganda than DESTINY?) and [b.] a result of a networked/distributed intelligence not unlike the geth from mass effect.  

but also early utena episodes are so lighthearted! i always focus on the later stuff and forget how... innocent it seems at first. additionally, paying extra special attention to chuchu and anthy after reading a bunch of meta is a fucking TREAT like? episode four with the lil’ elephant doodle?? anthy!! an’ nanami is great also, and just how EXTRA all these highschoolers are.... my poor children....

i also learned/recalled that needlefelting... is a lot... of work...... i’m basically going to have to reskin my needlefelt mew entirely to make it look decent again. it does look REALLY nice again once i do that, but s’just gonna be a lot of work. (maybe this time i won’t like... have it on my bed and in high-use areas. there was so much pilling, oh my god.) 

oh! and sarah’s being so nice and letting me share her netflix! and merlot’s gift was adding me to her fam for the nintendo subscription service!! this is a good year for me & freeloading media, i guess :P (but srs, thank yooou both!) 

anyway now i have a lot to clean up, and work tomorrow. hopefully i’ll be able to vacuum once i get home: we NEED a big vacuuming. ‘specially since the doggo parasite circus is in town...

and birthday celebrations are extended because i’ll see becca on monday and there may or may not be a present involved there, but there sure as heck will be cute lizards, and really, what else could a girl ask for? 

then it’s tuesday and the.... ct.... and man why is medicine so expensive

but. overall.

i’m so glad to have my vivacity, my motivation, my drive and passion back. last year on my birthday i hadn’t planned anything really and it just happened to be a nice coincidink that sarah was headin’ down to eugene for a concert anyway. when i’m under like 70% planning things, hosting things, going to things is just... so... too.... much.... but when i’m 100% (mentally, at least, lmao i hate my stomach right now) it’s one of my FAVORITE things to do. people!!! friends!!!!! happy making!! i just feel... very satisfied and content in a way i haven’t been able to access in a while. s’a shame that my stomach has decided to stage a civil war on my esophagus, but... it’s discomfort, something i have to live with, not a drain of my life that i’m living. ya feel me? 

like, FUCK! this linked post was my birthday two years ago. it wasn’t weird because ANYTHING except depression! depression fucked me up! i didn’t spend it doing things i love with people i love because i couldn’t DO love! 

the b-day before that was good but lowkey because i couldn’t plan much, and it was surrounded by me just being.... tired... which was depression shit

and i think... the b-day before that was before i’d gotten depressed? i think late 2014-2015 was my first Major Episode... but i’m not sure because i started this blog sept. 2014. i do distinctly remember my internal grade-o-meter being off as like... an early sign of my troubles. 

this ended up so long haha

i’m so grateful that all y’all awesome friends of mine (both who i mention here because i saw them this past few days and those who are not mentioned) stuck with me despite the Depression Fog. y’all deserve the best and i’m honored y’all let me into your lives.

i’m so happy i have so many projects i’m jazzed to work on, even though the work is sloggish and boring i can DO IT and BE HAPPY that i’m doing it?!? it’s been so long since i could do that

lately i feel like a little kid who cries because they learned that those cool snakes have to eat those sweet little mice. everything is so new and fresh and lovely again.... like rediscovering your first favorite teddy bear or something in the closet. just a persistent strong warmth