#becca transcripts

(As both main characters are called Terry/Terri, transcript uses actors’ initials.)

 FG:    In an attempt to put the spark back in their relationship, Terry has been working on a surprise for his wife of twenty-five years.

MW:   This is proper nice, innit? Mm, just what the doctor ordered!

CT:     Well it isn’t actually what the doctor ordered, Terry, because he ordered you to cut down on cholesterol, so-

MW:   -oh, true-

CT:     -shoving that down your face-

MW:   -Mm!

CT:     Stuffing your face with korma! Stuffing your face! Pogging it down, you are!

MW:   I’m not- What do you mean, pogging it-

CT:     -on a faster! Pogging it down! Just going down wholesale. It’s not even touching the sides, you’re just inhaling it like a snake!

MW:   Urgh.

CT:     Another thing I read, you know what we should all do when we eat?

MW:   What?

CT:     We should blindfold ourselves.

MW:   Why?

CT:     Then we won’t eat as much. There’s a restaurant…

MW:   Yeah?

CT:     That’s completely in the dark. You’re served by blind people-

MW:   -Oh, don’t like the sound of that!-

CT:     -it’s called sensory appreciation. It’s a sensory menu!

MW:   Terri, I could try and do that; I could see if there’s someone who’s got a disability, and could serve us some food in the dark!

CT:     I’m just saying I want something different, I don’t want someone with a guide dog handing me a pizza!

MW:   Okay-

CT:     -I wanna… You know what I would like; a restaurant that you have to make a reservation for. My god, wouldn’t that be… Can you imagine that? Not just turning up, ‘cos Darville knows our faces.

MW:   Well, what sort of a restaurant do you want to go to?

CT:     I want to go to a restaurant with a maître d’. I want to go to a restaurant with a sommelier.

MW:   What?

CT:     [tuts] Someone who knows about wine.

MW:   Okay. Alright. Look, I’m, I’m, I’m… taking on board everything you’re saying-

CT:     -No, you’re not, Terry.

MW:   I am!

CT:     We’re sinking, Terry. I mean, I’m like, I’m, I’m drowning in front of your eyes-

MW:   -Okay, alright, why don’t you pop out-

CT:     -and you are not even-

MW:   -to the garden?

CT:     What?

MW:   Why don’t we pop out to the garden?

CT:     What for?

MW:   Well… Just to have a little peep out there.

CT:     Why would I want to peep out in the garden for?

MW:   We could just, you know, go out and have a little breath of fresh air or whatever.

CT:     What would I want a breath of fresh air…

[Fades into the background as the music begins to signal the end of the scene.]

[23:50 – 27:28]

CT:     What’s that stuff on your hand?

MW:   Oh, it’s… work today, I sort of had… I sort of burnt them a bit. It’s fine.

CT:     You burnt one, have you been at my hair-straighteners again? You better not have been man-scaping again-

MW:   -I haven’t been man-scaping, I-

CT:     -god’s sake! [sighs heavily]

MW:   D’you wanna pop outside?

CT:     Oh my god…

MW:   Darville! Over here, [unintelligible].

CT:     Oh, Terry, leave it, please!

MW:   Oi! Darville, mate!

CT:     Oh my god!

MW:   Uh, everything alright in the garden?

HA:    Yes, [unintelligible].

MW:   Um, I was just saying to Terri, we could maybe pop out to the garden?

CT:     [sighs heavily]

MW:   Darville thinks it’d be a good idea for us to go out to the garden. Uh… Can you remember the first song, what we met to?

CT:     What?

MW:   Can you remember our song? Terence Trent D’Arby, Sign Your Name ‘Cross My Face?

CT:     Sign Your Name Across My Heart, Terry.

MW:   Nah, [sings] “sign your name, cross my face, I want you to be my lady”… [speaking] Can you when remember we went on our first date?

CT:     [sighs heavily]

MW:   Our very, very first date?

CT:     Well, we must have got some really strange looks if my name was signed across your face!

MW:   Do you remember? We went to the bonfire.

CT:     Yeah, I do.

MW:   Up on Kefinton Lane. Remember?

CT:     Yes, I remember going to a bonfire!

MW:   Do you remember the fireworks? You used to love fireworks. You did, you used to think they was great; I remember you clutching me close-

CT:     -Terry-

MW:   -and you says to me, uh… “You’re the fireworks in my starless sky.”

CT:     I’d have probably said can you get me a jacket potato, I’m hungry.

MW:   Well, I remember. You might not.

CT:     Oh, I do remember the fireworks, Terry. But I… I want real fireworks, you know?

MW:   Yeah, well why don’t we go out to the garden?

CT:     What is your obsession with going out to the garden, Terry? I don’t want to go out to the poxy garden!

MW:   It’s not an obsession! Darville thought it would be a good idea for us to out to the garden!

CT:     What does Darville care about me going out to the garden for?

MW:   Well it might be nice, you might wanna get a bit… bit of fresh air, you know, stretch your legs…

CT:     I don’t want to go to the garden, Terry.

MW:   Just come out for five minutes.

CT:     Why?

MW:   Well just…

CT:     I don’t want to go to the garden, Terry.

MW:   Go on.

CT:     No!

MW:   Please? Darville!

CT:     Oh my god, don’t do this to me, for god’s sake leave it alone – leave him out of it; Terry, shut up! Sorry that you’re in the middle of all this, Darville, but – actually Terry’s best friend, maybe you’d be able to support him, because I can’t do this anymore!

MW:   Ah no, just pop out?

CT:     I can’t do this anymore-

MW:   -five minutes-

CT:     -and I don’t want to go to the garden. Terry, I don’t think you understand anything, do ya’? I mean, it’s all literally falling down around our ears. I don’t want this anymore Terry, I mean I just simply cannot do it; we are dying, and I can’t do it. I’ve stuck around this long, I have tried to make it work, but honestly, I’ve stuck around for [unintelligible] ...that is unbelievable, but when she leaves, and that’s gonna be soon Terry, it is four years, she’s gonna leave, and I am going to resent you so much. There’s no point in just waiting around [unintelligible] Terry, I’ve gotta go now! Sorry, Terry, but I’ve gotta go!

[Long Pause]

MW:   [sighs] Well, I didn’t see that coming, Darville. Well what are we gonna do about the fireworks? It’s off. I mean you’re might as well let ‘em off now, might get a couple of your mates or whatever to watch. Don’t really think I can stomach it myself.

HA:    [unintelligible]

MW:  Cheers, Darville. Thanks for your support.

HA:   If you need my help, I’m always here.

MW:  I know you are, mate. I know you are. Thanks.