If soccer was a subject in school, perhaps it would be art.  Some people don’t get it, and to others it is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen.  I want to take a moment to talk about the beauty of soccer and what it seems Americans don’t understand about it.

There Isn’t Enough Scoring

Let me state the obvious, basketball, football, and baseball, all have a hell of a lot more scoring than soccer.  A goal in soccer is what scoring should be.  It is a reward.  It is a culmination of hard work.  Have you ever cried when Ray Allen hits a three pointer with 20 minutes left in a game?—No.  Have you when he hits a three pointer with 5 seconds left in the game to put the Heat up by 1? Yes.  That situation is rare and it is beautiful.  That’s how each goal in soccer feels.

Everyone Is Just Standing Around

HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Sorry, that’s just not true.  The entire game is composed of constant jogging and interspersed with 100 yard sprints, with an occasional three second break of walking when the ball is passed deep to the goalie, and even then a forward is expected to sprint back to challenge the goalie.  Why do you think soccer players have ripped legs? For those of you who really think that, have you ever watched baseball? Please find me ONE overweight soccer player playing in the World Cup.  If a person were to make a map tracking each soccer player’s runs throughout a game it would like the freakin’  flight tracker of every plane in and out of LGA.

Only Underdeveloped Countries Like Soccer Because They are Uneducated

Holy stupid American alert batman. –And we wonder why other countries think we are rude.  You think as a country we are above a sport?  You think that other places are composed of stupid monkeys who are so easily entertained that soccer will do, but Americans need a sport that is more complex than that to keep our brilliant minds stimulated? I’m willing to bet the average person from most other countries will know more about our country than we know about theirs.

Now don’t misread this as unpatriotic.  I am very thankful to be an American, I just want to put this into perspective a little.

  There Are No Heroes In Soccer

Oh okay.  With that theory then the few commercials there are about soccer would always feature the whole team.  There would be no stand out player and just as many people would know who Pele is as Alejando Bedoya.   For those of you who said “Who is Bedoya”…exactly, for those of you who said “who is Pele” something bad happened to Justin Beiber, so you should probably go cry.

In conclusion…

The real reason soccer is not as successful in the US as in other places is because it is not profit-centric, and the US is.  There are not enough opportunities to put in commercials and promote a product.  I’d argue that the only reason the World Cup is so big here is because Fifa (although a nonprofit) is a power house financially, and can afford to promote the event.  Do you really think Budlight sponsors one sport over another for the love of a specific sport? Puh-lease.  It’s targeted marketing and demographics.