A Mech Or A Monster?
Author's note: well, another oneshot for @sugarand-everythingnice's AU. I got really inspired when I listened to 'A Man or A Monster' by Sam Tinnesz. I just thought it fits in perfectly for the story.
Have fun reading!
Summary: Wheeljack reflects on his current state while the team tries to help him feel welcomed again.
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When you close your eyes, what do you see?
Wheeljack shuddered awake again. He opened his sleepy optics a bit and glanced around the room, blinking a couple of times. His overly amplified audios were straining to listen to the surroundings, trying to catch something. A few minutes passed, and the Wrecker, noticing nothing suspicious, closed his optics, intending to go into recharge.
Wheeljack has lost count of how many times he has slipped out of the real world into the dreamland. Every time everything happened according to the same pattern: he was asleep, he heard something or so it seemed to him, he woke up, he listened to the sounds, he fell asleep and woke up again. The white mech was so tired of these three times cursed instincts that he was ready to give up. Well, his natural stubbornness and pride did not allow him to do it. The Wrecker wanted to sleep. And let those who want to disturb him roll into the slag.
Do you hold the light, or is darkness underneath?
This war was exhausting. It drained all the internal fluids out of him like an energon vampire. It tortured, it killed, it took everything away. It seemed that the balance in the universe had decided to outweigh the evil side. The Wrecker was tired of fighting. All of the Autobots were tired of the centuries-old war, which turned from a simple struggle for freedom and equality into a merciless massacre for power and resources. They would have given up long ago and stopped fighting if it wasn't for the Earth. They had lost their home, so they couldn't let others lose theirs because of their war.
In your hands, there's a touch that can heal.
Another instinct pulled him out of a half-doze. Wheeljack lifted his beastly head and brought his right paw closer to his optics, examining it. His dark gray fingers were relaxed, and the curved claws protruding from them glittered in the dimly lit hangar in the corner of which he was sleeping. There was nothing familiar left of his old servos that he could look at calmly. The white mech made a couple of movements, clenching and unclenching his paw into a fist, as far as its current appearance allowed, and lowered the limb flat on the concrete floor, laying his head next to it.
But in those same hands, is the power to kill.
The sharp claws scraped the floor with a long, nasty screech. Somehow Wheeljack restrained himself from grimacing at the unpleasant sound for his sensitive hearing, and tightly squeezed the optics shut. He was disgusted to see all that had been done to him. In the moments of transformation from an ordinary Cybertronian to.. this the white mech desperately wanted to just shut down or at least just die to just not feel pain. It seemed that Shockwave wanted the Wrecker to remain conscious and feel this unbearable pain. Wheeljack could hardly decide for himself which was worse: to suffer from a painful transformation or to see how all the Autobots were scared of him? With each passing day, the white mech inclined to believe the second option. He had been tortured during interrogation before, so he was already used to experiencing pain.
Are you a man, or a monster?
Are you a man, or a monster?
Wheeljack felt an irritated growl come out of his throat. During the time he was here, huddled in the farthest corner of another hangar, he was able to think about a lot. Usually, the mech was always the first to get into battle, without thinking about the consequences, but here... apparently, his current condition has changed that. The same question flashed through his processor over and over again, to which he could not find an answer.
What is he?
Who is he now? Is he still a mech? Or a monster that lives only by instincts?
A mech or a Monster?
Are you a man, or a monster?
When you look at yourself, are you a man
Or a monster?
And once again, this eternal conflict between the processor and the spark. The former insisted that he was a predacon, a monster whose purpose was only hunting and atrocities. The latter tried to reach out to the mind, saying that deep inside he was still the same Wheeljack before the experiment, no matter that his appearance was different. And Wrecker didn't know what to do, trying to figure out who he was now.
Are you a man, or a monster?
How long can this go on? Is that life when everyone looks at him like a monster? What should he do now? Will the team be able to accept him like this?
When you look at yourself, are you a man
Or a monster?
Wheeljack sighed, relaxing his entire frame. He was too tired to think about it again. Slagging instincts...
Pat.
The Wrecker lazily opened his optics, once again listening to the sounds. There was almost dead silence. The only sound was the wind in the ventilation. Shrugging his shoulderpads, the mech turned predacon tried to fall asleep again.
Patpatpat.
Huh? That sound again.
Patpatpat.
Okay, so he wasn't hearing things.
Wheeljack pricked up his audio sensors. The sound was quiet, even for his super hearing, frequent, as if someone very small was approaching him. Who was it? Were there humans? What did they want from him?
The footsteps faded, and a voice rang out in the silence.
"Wheeljack?"
The Wrecker froze, recognizing the voice. It was Miko.
"Jackie? You awake?" the girl asked again, and the mech felt her knuckles tapping on his paw. The cybertronian did not answer, sleepily turning his muzzle away from the human. Miko snorted. "Come on, I know you're not sleeping."
Wheeljack sighed wearily.
"Go away, kid," he said, growling irritably.
"Maybe we should leave him alone." a second voice said, a boyish one. Raf is here too? It turns out that...
"I don't know, but we wanted to help," a third voice replied. Jack, he remembered. "Considering how the ‘Bots behave around him..."
"No, we'll do what we planned!" Miko declared and, tapping the white metal again, began to push his paw back and forth. "Come on, Wheeljack, wake up! Come on, we're going to watch a movie with the Autobots!"
"Leave me alone," Wheeljack grumbled, gently pushing the human girl away from him.
"Man, you sound like Ratchet!" Miko pouted, offended,and began pushing the strong metal limb again. "Why are you silent? Help me!"
"Miko, it seems to me that Wheeljack clearly said to be left alone," Jack tried to put his friend down.
"But he's an Autobot, too!" Miko objected, making another attempt to shake Racker awake.
"No, I'm not," Wheeljack replied, unable to hold on, pulling his paw towards him so that the girl could not touch him.
"You're an autobot, Jackie! We all think so!" Miko exclaimed, and the boys supported her. "You're still you! That's cool!"
The Wrecker was silent for a few seconds. He knew it was true. His identity was still with him, he didn’t follow his instincts and was in a sober mind and a bright memory. But how can he convince himself of this so that he doesn't doubt it at every step?
The white mech slowly rose to his paws, restraining the urge to grimace at the screeching sound. He approached the teenagers and threateningly brought his head closer to them. As expected, the Earth children backed away as soon as he stood up.
"Tell me, kids," Wheeljack began slowly, blowing a stream of warm air over them, and looked at each of the teenagers in turn. "What do you see?"
The boys and the girl stood in silence, as if trying to find words. The Wrecker watched each of them closely. All he saw there was fear.
"Just as I thought," the white mech said softly and turned his head to return to his spot and finally fall asleep.
"I see you," he heard Miko's voice and froze abruptly.
"What?.." he asked, thinking that he had misheard, and returned his attention to the earthlings.
"I see you, Jackie," the Japanese girl repeated, stubbornly lifting her chin. "We see you. Not the monster. Not the beast. Not even the predacon. You."
"She's right," Jack said, squaring his shoulders confidently. "Despite the fact that your appearance has changed, you are still you. Our friend and a member of the Autobot team."
"No, I’m not," the Wrecker shook his head, denying the words he had heard. He didn't need pity. Their words didn't help.
"You know, there’s a saying on Earth," Raf chimed in, coming closest to the white mech. "Appearances can be deceptive. Someone who looks scary can be very kind."
"Exactly! You're still the same Wheeljack who defeated that imposter! We destroyed Hardshell together! Have you forgotten all this, Jackie?" Miko exclaimed, making Wheeljack flinch.
Indeed, how could he forget that? He's a Wrecker! He's an Autobot, for Primus' sake! How can any experiment change that? They tried to break him down and kill him thousands of times, but he eventually broke free and returned!
Jackie always comes back, Bulkhead said when it came to the white mech. Yes, he always came back. But this time he wasn't happy to be back.
Wheeljack sighed wearily, the wave of fleeting enthusiasm subsided as suddenly as it had rolled in. No matter how right Miko was, the Wrecker still doubted that he would be accepted the way she had accepted him.
"Sorry, kid," he said in a strangled voice and squinted to the side, not daring to look the human in the eye. "I appreciate your support, but it's much more complicated. It's better for me to be alone, as I'm used to. You can watch the movie without me."
"Actually, it was Jack's idea," Raf said, trying to get the white autobot's attention again. "And Optimus approved it. Even Ultra Magnus agreed to participate in watching the movie with us. Come, Wheeljack, you'll like it!"
"Come on, Jackie! You're part of our family too!" Miko supported the boy.
Wheeljack opened his mouth in a daze, his fangs flashing slightly.
You're part of our family too.
He didn't even know what to say to that. Did Miko really consider him her family? Even after what happened to him? How lucky Bulkhead is to have such an amazing girl as his partner. Her optimism could only be envied. Maybe it's worth a try after all? What if it really helps him to restore his former relationship with the Autobots with his current appearance? If even Ultra Magnus decided to join, then why not?
"Fine," Wheeljack finally agreed, making Miko squeal with joy.
"You'll see, you'll like it!" she said enthusiastically and headed for the exit of the hangar. "Come on!"
"In that case, what is the name of the movie?" Wheeljack asked, following the energetic girl.
Raf was the one who answered the question.
"Actually, it's an animated movie," he clarified, catching up with the Autobot. "It's called ‘How to Train Your Dragon’."
The Wrecker felt the corner of his mouth twitch slightly.
What an irony. A cartoon about a dragon, the earthly equivalent of a predacon, what could be worse? Maybe he agreed in vain? Although... The kids said he would like it. Well, if they say so, then it's probably true.
When they arrived at Hangar E, Wheeljack was surprised by what he saw. All of the Autobots of the Team Prime were gathered in the huge room, even Mrs. Darby and Fowler came here. Instead of dispersing in fear, the ‘Bots and humans looked as if they were glad to see him. No fear, no wariness, no hostility. Were they really glad that he had decided to join them? Bulkhead spoke first.
"Jackie!" He smiled broadly. "Come, we even saved you a seat."
Wheeljack grinned out of habit. Now he had no doubts.
"Count me in, buddy."
The movie turned out to be very interesting. He liked the main character with a slightly strange name Hiccup. The inventive kid was somewhat similar to him, but at the same time there was a resemblance to Toothless, the black dragon. Raf was right: the dragons from the movie weren’t evil at all, like Wheeljack himself, and these Vikings mercilessly killed them without knowing the whole truth. Slag, they didn't even think to wonder why the dragons behaved like that! An intelligent race, yeah, sure...
Autobots were just as interested as humans. However, this was probably the kids’ idea. The Wrecker was even glad that he agreed to join.
Unknowingly, Wheeljack finally fell asleep, leaning on Bulkhead, next to whom he was sitting surrounded by the rest of the Autobots and humans.
No. Not just any Autobots or humans.
His family.
