Things You Misunderstand About Dwarves, and Frankly, They're Tired of Explaining It
1. "All Dwarves Love Gold!" Correction: Sure, many dwarves hoard gold — but some are strictly silver supremacists, others are iron purists, and a few hipster dwarves are into ethically sourced river pebbles. If you show up flashing gold like it’s some kind of universal “dwarf bait,” half of them will just roll their eyes so hard it shifts tectonic plates.
2. "Dwarves Are Grumpy and Stubborn!" Correction: They’re grumpy, stubborn, and hilarious — in the driest, most savage way possible. If you haven’t been roasted by a dwarf so hard you considered moving into a cave out of shame, have you even met a real dwarf?
3. "Dwarves All Live Underground!" Correction: Nope. Some dwarves live in mountains, sure. Others prefer forests, hills, deep riverbanks, and one very specific family in folklore built an elaborate floating castle just to spite a neighbor. (It sank, but the point was made.)
4. "Dwarves Are Short." Correction: In some myths? Yes. In others? They're seven-foot-tall slabs of anger management issues with beards that can suffocate a man in five seconds flat. Pick your fighter wisely.
5. "Dwarves Make Things Out of Metal!" Correction: They make things out of literally everything. Metal? Yes. Stone? Of course. Tree sap? Surprisingly yes. Moonbeams? Tragically yes, and it went horribly wrong, but thank you for asking.
6. "Dwarves Only Care About Work." Correction: Dwarves work hard, yes. But they also party like they’ve been personally dared by a thunder god. Mead, feast, impromptu wrestling tournaments in the courtyard — it’s less “grindset” and more “work hard, party until the mountain shakes.”
7. "Dwarves Are Always Men." Correction: Listen. Dwarves can be men, women, nonbinary, or beards with a personality and vengeance in their hearts. Some dwarf women have beards. Some don't. Some beardlessly mock everyone else for being “too traditional.” Diversity is real under the mountain, folks.
8. "Dwarves Are Unfriendly!" Correction: They’re selectively friendly. If you pass the vibe check (usually by winning an argument, sharing snacks, or helping them prank a rival clan), you are now family. If you fail the vibe check? Well, hope you like passive-aggressive rune curses on your favorite boots.
9. "Dwarves Are Greedy!" Correction: Greedy? No. Possessive? Absolutely. There’s a difference between wanting everything for yourself and just thinking, "Hey, I made this priceless artifact, maybe DON'T put it in your gross human museum where Chad can spill coffee on it?"
10. "Dwarves Are a Dying Race." Correction: Every century or so, people like to declare dwarves “gone extinct.” Meanwhile, dwarves are chilling four levels under your basement playing dice games and judging your IKEA furniture.
