#beard!gavin

Connor was, in a word, preoccupied. He’d expected to be, of course. It’s been over a week since his and Gavin’s busy schedules had lined up enough to meet up and he found himself missing his boyfriend quite terribly in the interim. In fact, in the last few days he hadn’t seen Gavin at all, not even puttering around the bullpen like a coffee-driven zombie. So when he’d unexpectedly received an update from him, an all-clear that his case had wrapped and he’d be free tonight, Cononr had jumped at the chance. And of course, the prospect itself added to Connor’s distraction. Efficient as he was, he still managed to finish up his own work, but not without Hank side-eyeing him regularly throughout the day. “Worse than teenagers, the both of you,” he could be heard muttering. “Idiots in love” was another go-to. Connor pretended not to hear him. When Connor’s shift finally rolled to a close a few hours later and he found himself standing outside Gavin’s apartment door, though, that’s when the real preoccupation began. It had been over a week since they’d spent any time together, 4 days 17 hours and 26 minutes since Connor had even seen the man in passing, and Gavin was… different. He looked different. Connor couldn’t stop staring at his beard. Indeed, throughout their whole evening together, Connor was mightily distracted. Through their initial hellos and amorous embrace, through the makeshift dinner they’d prepared that Gavin scarfed down eagerly, and now like this, the two of them watching a movie together, all cuddled up with Connor reclining back against Gavin's chest. Connor couldn’t help but stare, though he tried not to be obvious about it. Already, he could feel his analysis programs flaring up, ready to collect this new data, to compare and contrast, to catalog more sensations. Connor was overcome by such a deep-seated need to touch, the sensors on his fingertips more sensitive than anywhere save the ones on his tongue. (Truly, he’d like to collect samples that way, but they've already had this discussion one too many times and he knows such means are off limits.) 

As they settled in and Gavin focused his whole attention on the screen, Connor wondered if this might finally be his chance. He shifted himself subtly, pretending he's getting more comfortable against Gavin even though such things don't affect his synthetic body whatsoever. He then brought his head up, letting it rest on Gavin's shoulder, and gently gently gently rested his temple at the corner of Gavin's jaw. And he could barely feel the difference, the sensors lining his skull more proximity-based than sensation-based. But the 0.02 mm difference was enough for even those sensors to register. 

Connor shifted again, desperate to feel more, to feel the difference there on Gavin's face. Gavin's arms tightened on him, though, his attention wavering as he gave Connor a quick glance. "What is it?" Gavin asks, a genuine concern threading his words. "Something wrong?"

Connor shook his head, feeling the coarse beard slide across his synthskin. He shuts his eyes as the data coalesces. "No, I'm fine," he says, reveling in the sensation.

But the experience was short-lived. Gavin moved himself now, sitting up straighter to glance down as his boyfriend, brow furrowed and eyes full of questions. He gestured towards the TV. "You sure, Con? We can shut this shit off if you're bored, I don't care. It's not as good as the first one anyway."

"No!" Connor yelled, turning in Gavin's grasp to stare him down. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. We can carry on, Gavin. Nothing's wrong!"

Gavin's brow only furrowed further. "TV. Pause," he said, the action scene on screen freezing mid-explosion. But Gavin's eyes were only on Connor. "I don't buy that shit for a second. You know that, right?" 

Connor neither confirmed nor denied his query, too busy trying to avoid Gavin's penetrating stare. But the man reached out, tilting Connor’s chin up so their eyes met. "Hey," he said softly, "Talk to me. What's up?"

Connor warred with himself, his desperate curiosity at odds with the protocols they'd already discussed. His request would be strange to a human, he knows this. His desires were a foreign thing. It wouldn't be polite to ask, not with the boundaries Gavin had so clearly established when they'd begun their romantic relationship. Connor didn't know what to do.

Gavin spoke again. "If it was the case thing, I'm sorry. That shit got really outta hand. I wasn't trying to blow you off, I swear,  I was just—"

"No!" Connor's emphatic shout cut Gavin off. "No, it's nothing you did. I've been busy these last few weeks as well. It's..." He let a sigh shudder through his chassis, the forced movement of air helping regulate his systems. But he couldn't go on letting Gavin think he was the one at fault here. No, it was now or never. "You just... look different, Gavin," Connor said softly. "And I was... curious."

Gavin looked even more confused now. "What? What the fuck are you talking about, tincan?"

And Connor let his eyes drop down to the shaggy scruff along Gavin's jaw, still entranced despite himself at the physical differences present. "You grew a beard while we were apart."

Gavin's hand reached up, running along the bottom of his face like he'd just noticed himself. "Yeah, uh... Like I said, shit was frantic with the case. Didn't have time to shave.” He was side-eying Connor, something wary in his gaze. After a brief moment of hesitation, he said, “Uh... I'll go get rid of it now, I didn't realize it was bothering you so much." And he moved to get up, eyes averted. 

Connor bodily blocked his way, practically laying on top of him! "I'm not disturbed!"

"You're not? Then what...?"

Connor hid his face in Gavin's chest, wondering if he should admit the truth or not. But Gavin was threatening to get rid of the beard anyway? Gavin thought Connor was perturbed by it. There was only one way to assuage the man’s worries. Connor opened his mouth. "I want to collect data samples," he said quietly, a deep well of shame filling him. "I'm sorry. I... I can't help myself."

Connor could feel the way Gavin's breath hitched in his lungs. "What the fuck?" he whispered. "You just wanna... What? Touch my beard?!"

Connor nodded, still hiding his face. "Yes," he said. 

Another drawn-out moment added to the tension as Gavin processed Connor’s words. "Then… Then why are you being so coy about it?” He sounded genuinely perplexed. “Fuck, touch away, I don't give a shit?"

Now it was Connor's turn to look confused. His head shot up, brown eyes wide and searching as he studied his boyfriend's face. "You'll allow an exception to our terms?" he asked, a hopeful lilt in his voice.

Gavin, having finally managed to pull himself out from under Connor and sit up straight, turned his head to stare, incredulous. "Connor, I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about here. Wanna explain what fuckin 'terms' you're talking about?"

Connor titled his head. "The terms of our relationship. You were very clear on your guidelines when we first began this and I have done my utmost to adhere to them. I do not want to ruin this."

“What the fuck?!” Gavin jumped up, and began pacing around the coffee table, his hands threading through his hair with agitation. After a moment, he turned, pointing a finger at Connor's seated form. "My 'guidelines' or whatever you wanna call them had nothing to do with this situation?! What the fuck?! What are you talking about, Connor?!" He seemed genuinely distressed, his face turning red, his eyes widening. "I said the regular shit like us not lying to each other and staying exclusive and—! And—! And not leave a mess in my goddamn apartment! Where are you getting this from?"

Connor pulled a record from his archives and spoke using Gavin's own voice: "And I don't want you doing any of your freaky-deaky experiments on me, capiche? I don't want you scanning me and shit. Or licking! No licking! Don't analyze me, dipshit!"

Gavin stared at him, eyes wide. His face was no longer red. In fact, all the color seemed to leave it. "I... I didn't mean..." With a great, shuddering breath, Gavin sank back down into the couch, letting his face rest in his hands. Muffled, he continued on, "I only meant we should value each other's privacy. Not..." He looked up, staring at Connor with eyes full of regret. "All this time, you've been thinking I didn't want you to be yourself around me?"

Connor looked away. "I thought… I understood that we would face certain hurdles in our relationship, Gavin. I am an android, you are human. There were bound to be certain incompatibilities. I didn’t want to disturb you with any idiosyncrasies stemming from my design. I... care too deeply for you to allow that to happen."

"Jesus, Con." He heard Gavin's breathed-out reply. "Fuck. Fuck! I'm such an idiot!" 

The feeling of a hand on his shoulder had Connor turning to face the man seated beside him. But the crash of Gavin’s body into his own was more unexpected. He’d surged forward, wrapping his arms around Connor and squeezing him tight. And it was like something had come loose inside Connor from the pressure. He felt lighter as he reached out, too, bringing his own arms up to reciprocate the embrace. "I fear... there has been a misunderstanding between us, Gavin," he said at last. 

A pained chuckle sounded in reply. "Yeah. Jesus Christ." Gavin pulled back a little, still staying close enough to keep their embrace intact, though. With a pained grimace, he said, "Lemme set the record straight then: you're allowed to be curious about me. You should be, even. It's part of what makes you you! Part of why I care about you. I can't believe I didn't realize this shit was going on before now." He heaved an aggrieved sigh and reached back, collecting up one of Connor's hands in his own. With a steely determination in his gaze, he brought the hand to his own face. "You have my permission to analyze my goddamn beard, Con. You can ask to scan me or whatever when you want to. Those fuckin terms are getting a renegotiation, alright? And I'm... sorry I didn't realize all this shit was happening."

Connor didn't quite know how to respond. Beneath his fingertips, the data flooded in, the scroll of new information occluding his HUD. And it was exhilarating, the way he could sense and touch and feel Gavin in his sensors! But the best feeling was perhaps the acceptance. Gavin was staring up at him, his lovely gray eyes open and trusting in a way Connor had rarely seen before. His hand covered Connor's own on his face, not seeming to mind at all when Connor's synthskin receded and the hard plastic casing emerged. Gavin held him steady as he gave into his programming and Connor wondered if this was perhaps what "love" felt like? He allowed himself to lean closer, nuzzling his face along the other side of Gavin's face, the scruff of his beard brushing his own smooth features. And he heard Gavin chuckle, squeezing him tighter in their embrace. "Maybe I'll keep the beard after all if this is the sorta reception it'll get me."

Connor smiled against his skin. "You should," he said. And something more wicked entered his grin then as he nuzzled Gavin again. "It reminds me of Sumo."

Connor laughed as Gavin sputtered his indignation, shouting about how dirty and smelly dogs were and that he was nothing like them! That Connor better get his sensors checked, cause he was clearly off the mark! That Hank's beast of a dog just slobbered everywhere and barked at him. Connor laughed and held him close as they bantered back and forth.