Something really interesting happened to me today, that I thought I'd never have to deal with again inside my family dynamic.
I got told by someone close to the family that I was so pretty. Like my natural look was so pretty. And I said "omg thank you so much". (Because my mother raised a respectful daughter). In the past, compliments about my looks -good or bad- always made me uncomfortable. I was incapable of taking the good ones in good faith, and always took the bad ones so personally.
I was in a room full of younger girls, who are so impressionable and watching every move I'm making, their parents are making, ECT. So I politely took the compliment, thanked the person who gave it, and then went on my way.
A family member came up to me later in the afternoon, and said to me "oh so-and-so told me that they thought you were so pretty". Being in the same room with all the little girls, I confidently said, "yeah I am pretty". And this family member scrunched up their face in annoyance and said "well aren't you just so humble?" Immediately I said "I have been given back-handed compliments my whole life about how I look. I have been told I'm not pretty or worth a second glance by the very people in this room. So of course, at my big age of 32, when I've gone thru so much life and bullshit, when someone tells me they think I'm pretty, I'm going to thank them and absolutely agree. I have to set a good example for younger girls, because God knows you won't."
Their silence was beautifully deafening.
I've always been the black sheep of this family. I've always been called the ugly duckling. And my intelligence is underestimated simply because my name is not on the degree of a piece of cardstock from an ivy league university. But I will damned if I'm going to let someone try to belittle me for finally having confidence in myself.
What struck me as most interesting about all of this tho, was that it was an older woman (the matriarch of my family if you will) who was trying to put me in my place. She has been trying to do that my whole life. And it's utterly devastating to have someone you look up to do that to you. I'll never understand women not cheering each other on - in any context. Like damn. Why can't you be happy and supportive of those you love? The jealousy and pettiness is astounding.
But I refuse to not let the younger girls of my family watch me roll over and take humiliation. I want them to be proud of their looks; confident and gracious. So when someone tells them they're pretty, they believe them and they agree with them.
There is nothing wrong with loving yourself enough to agree when someone tells you, that you are pretty.
