#be random

“Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you never know who would love the person you hide.”

• C.S. Lewis

I know a person who wants to have an athletic body. Is a Loner, convinced that no one will ever love them until they fix themself, but doesn't actually know what to fix and how to fix. Is not able to look someone in the eye without getting over conscious of how you look, how you speak. Feels guilty about sharing your feelings with someone (suprise!!! I am that person).

Every time I do something I don’t want to do because I want the approval of others, I know that unconsciously I am telling myself that I value other people more than I value myself.

People naturally detect weakness and they’ll test you like the raptors at the fence in Jurassic Park. Worse, they’re not doing it on purpose. It’s human nature to see how much you can get away with. (but you can always control it right?..."yay!! they are doing it on purpose")

We all can blame the media for creating unrealistic standards for beauty, masculinity, and femininity, or you can blame the media for dramatically lowering the standards.

Society has always tried to crush the vast majority of its people in some way or the other. It is a hell of a lot to ask to try to gather myself up from my bootstraps while walking an uphill terrain of self-improvement made out of quicksand.

I get it. It is hard. Society is fucked. I agree with you. 

But, what other option do you have other than to fight a seemingly unwinnable battle?

You could give up. Most people do. You could be apathetic. Most people are. You can whine, cry, and complain. That’s standard protocol. But I don't you to give up because people like you are needed in this fucked up world.

Anything that ever caused me to feel shame, guilt, or regret grows to take up most of my psychic space. It causes me to feel irredeemably unlovable, and sure everyone has abandoned.

A birthday is just another reminder that I am not getting any better. I feel unsatisfied with accomplishments since the previous year. When I was a kid, birthdays were awesome. I get to party, go to the movies, and eat cake. When I got a bit older, birthdays got, ehh. the part where you meet people feels the worst.