#be dependable

hmmm i think you should find someone who is your type (someone you won’t have to change or bother about who they are) and then be slightly upfront about your interest in them

with women … if you pretend to be their friend for a long time just to get a relationship/sex they will probably hate you and say no (bc it makes the friendship feel fake -> betrayal)

so make a friendly relationship w her while making it clear that you do not want to be friends and there’s a goal of a relationship in mind w everything you do

and then learn about her . ask her questions and be steady and secure. plan dates/meet ups (bonus points for dates that are activities you two can do together rather than like just sitting and talking especially if it’s not the first date) for a first date it’s probably ok to just go out to eat but it makes you more whimsical and if you choose something fun/you’re good at you can show off your skill or your fun side … also planning multiple activities makes you seem independent and like you’re dependable

Guess what?!  HALFWAY THERE!!!  I can’t believe it’s already been three weeks!  Well, I wouldn’t say that it’s gone by fast or that it’s been easy, but knowing that I survived the past three weeks gives me hope that I will endure the rest of the recovery without any major issues.

Something that’s taken some getting used to is being more reliant on my family, particularly my parents, for a lot of my basic needs.  Being a college student, I’m fairly independent most of the time.  I like to do things on my own, and sometimes I find it difficult to ask others for help.  However, in this case, I’ve had no choice.  The initial bit after surgery, I barely could stand for five minutes because I was so nauseous from the pain medications.  My sister came to visit that first weekend, and she was extremely helpful with lots of daily activities (showering, blending things, etc….the necessities).  My brother lives far away so he has been calling pretty much every day to check in and see how I’m doing.  My mom had been making most of my “meals”, which was a challenging task since I couldn’t figure out what I could eat without feeling sick and then I would end up eating only a syringe-full.  It takes a long time to make my food because of determining the correct proportions of ingredients so it tastes good, the physical blending until it becomes thin enough to get through a straw, and then straining it.  The fact that my mom has spent so much time preparing meals for me and just taking care of me in general really means a lot.  And while all of my excitement has been going on, my dad has been dealing with a herniated disk in his neck.  Although he claims that his discomfort was nowhere near mine, it is still a pain in the neck (pun intended) and it has caused shoulder pain, numbness in his hand, and difficulty sleeping.  But even through all of this, he has continued to work, live normal life, and make sure I’m feeling okay.

Even though I’m so appreciative of my family’s time and effort in helping me through this recovery, it feels very unnatural to have this kind of care and attention placed on me.  It’s strange that now that I’m pretty much functional on my own, I still can’t do much in case I overexert myself and have any setbacks.  And when I have gone out in public, I’ve felt super uncomfortable.  Since I’ve gotten pretty accustomed to having my mouth wired shut and I feel mostly like myself again, I forget that others don’t know that I had jaw surgery and I put on a huge smile.  Then, I immediately regret it because I get a weird look as if they’re thinking, “What the heck is wrong with you”.  So, I’ve stuck to smiling with my lips together when I’m in public.  Maybe I’m just hypersensitive to it, but it’s happened multiple times.  It’s one thing when you’re with friends who understand your situation and can joke about it with you, but it’s another thing when random strangers make you feel self-conscious.  Why do we have to live in a world where anything out of the ordinary is embarrassing?  Why do we have to hide our abnormalities?

During my post-op appointment last week, my surgeon said something that made me think: “Treat yourself like you’re handicapped”.  Similarly to when I broke my leg in seventh grade and was stuck in a wheelchair/on crutches for 6 weeks or so, this experience has given me a different perspective on life.  From looking like a chipmunk to being on an unusual diet to sounding funny when I talk, I’ve had the opportunity to view life through a new lens.  I realized that my situation, though it stinks, is temporary, whereas lots of people have daily struggles due to permanent disabilities. 

For a long time leading up to the surgery, I kept asking why.  Why couldn’t I just have a normal summer like everyone else?  Why did I have to suffer?  Why was I born with this defect?  Why, why, WHY!  It didn’t seem fair.  But, a very important message that I keep relearning is that we are all broken in some way or another.  I have a broken jaw, someone has a broken career, and someone else has a broken marriage.  Our imperfections don’t define us, but rather, they make us whole and they make us human.