#bdrpandrina

ALANA: So far, so good.

The weekend was going very well if you asked Alana. She'd managed to corral everyone into at least slightly matching outfits and Tina was super pleased with all the decor. They'd played a few of those cheesy games and were working their way through the custom Attina cocktails they'd made.

All was well.

Alana glanced at Aquata across the room. The rest of the plan involved perfect timing.

"Attina!" Alana cooed, draping an arm around her sister. "Let's put on these feather boas and take a few polaroid pics!! I got a tiara for you!"

AQUATA: Aquata nodded at Alana seriously from across the room, like they were about to pull off a secret mission. They were, in a way. Operation Get Attina and Andrina To Put Their Bullshit Aside for One Week Because It's Attina's Wedding and Seriously People This Is More Important.

They could workshop the name, anyway.

She made her way over to the door. Secure the exits. That was important. Then she pulled out her phone. It's go time, she texted Alana.

ALANA: She felt her phone buzz. Right, good. All was going to plan. Attina was at least buzzed, if not drunk, and all too eager to go along with Alana's plans.

"Oh!" she said, as if she'd just gotten a great idea. "Here, sit down! We'll cover you with streamers and it'll look so cute." There we go -- totally pile Attina with stuff so she couldn't get away. "Come, help me girls!"

ATTINA: Attina was quite tipsy.

She had definitely probably drank more than she needed to, but it wasn't her fault that people kept putting drinks in her hands! When you had seven sisters who all made you a cocktail, the polite thing to do was drink it!

Also, her wedding was just in a few short days. This was a time to celebrate. They all deserved it, she thought. And, although this day was hers, Attina wanted to share it with her family, so it could be a good memory for all of them. So, she was doing her best to let loose (it wasn't that hard) and was enjoying the night, even if they were convincing her to do more and more ridiculous things.

She squealed as everyone descended upon her, covering her in plastic beads, several boas, and plenty of streamers and party poppers.

"Ah! I'm not gonna be able to move my arms," she giggled as she shimmied her shoulders a bit to try and dislodge some of the extra trappings. "This is so ridiculous!"

ALANA: Lana glanced at Aquata from across the room and nodded. Then, turning to Tina she giggled, pretending to be more drunk than she was.

"Teeny," she gushed. "We have a big surprise for you~ Aquata, roll it in!"

AQUATA: Aquata nodded and walked out through the door. Honestly, this was an absolutely ridiculous idea, but... it just might work. It was kind of fitting. The Tritons were ridiculous, after all. She rolled the giant cake in on the cart, which was decorated with glitter and more feather boas, and grinned at Alana, though behind her smile, she was honestly a little nervous.

"Alright, let's do this."

ANDRINA: Andrina was inside the cake.

Andrina had always wanted to be inside a cake. In fact, if she thought about it, her vicious fight with Attina and subsequent flight from all things Triton had set her up to complete this very dream and therefore gift Attina with the world’s best bachelorette surprise of all time. Who wanted a stripper when you could have your estranged sister pop out of nowhere? Oh yeah, this was a great idea. Attina would scream, then she’d probably cry, they’d laugh, they’d hug, they’d forget all about their fight, thus rendering an apology from either side unnecessary, and then they’d move on! Hallelujah! Merry Christmas! Happy You’re Getting Married Day!

This was what was running through her mind while crouching in the cake. It was also her reasoning when the plan was initially devised. And to be honest, it was at least 10 percent of the reason Andrina had dropped her international tour of crime to RSVP to the wedding in the first place.

And okay, maybe she also missed Attina and wanted to see her big sis get married.

She waited, with baited breath (seriously, how much oxygen was in this thing? Imagine dying in a massive cake. What a way to go) until she heard Attina squealing outside. Three… two…. this was absolutely not a bad idea and no one was going to regret it… one…

“SURPRISE!” Andrina popped up, bursting through the top of the cake and then pulling on her separate popper to unleash it.

ATTINA: “Oh my gosh, no!” Attina squealed and giggled when she saw the ridiculous cake. She knew what it would be, because this was what happened in all the cliche movies. (Honestly, she didn’t even know those things were real.)

She wasn’t particularly mad about it. Strippers at bachelorette parties, in her opinion, were not there to be sexy and turn you on—but to embarrass you and make everyone giggle.

So, yeah, she’d play along—and get mad at her sisters for being so stupid. But in that fun, playful way that champagne kept from turning into real anger.

But then a unfamiliar stripper didn’t pop out of the cake.

“ANDRINA?” Attina barked at once, sitting up straight, all of the giddy alcohol draining from her veins in an instant. Her gaze bounced around to all of her sisters, and her cousin—no one else looked surprised.

Her nostrils flared. “What the fuck is going on?”

ARISTA: “Surprise!” She giggled, definitely drunk, she’d echoed after Andrina, clapping her hands together so pleased that the plan had worked out even though she wasn’t immediately involved in it (she was just so terrible with keeping surprises) but it was lovely to have all of her sisters and cousin together again.

Unfortunately, Attina didn’t look as happy. Whoops. She just took another sip out of her cocktail, giggling at the silly question, “Well, Tina, we’re all drinking and having fun because you’re getting married and Andy just came out of a cake and it was very entertaining.” She waved at Andrina, “Hiiii Andy.”

AQUATA: Aquata kind of wished she had pregamed this more. She had tried not to drink too much so that she could be alert if anything went wrong or if Tina tried to make a run for it, but now seeing how excited Arista was, Aquata had some regrets.

But then again, that was just kind of Arista's personality.

"...Wow, cool, good surprise, well done!" Aquata finally said after a silence. "Alright, who wants to do shots?!"

ANDRINA: Right, that didn't go the way Andrina thought it would.

But! Andrina was committed to the bit like always. She hadn't come here to cause a fight, she really hadn't. In fact, she'd asked Alana if her showing up really was a good idea, but her sister had insisted that of course Attina would want her there. And didn't Andrina want to be here too? She did. She might hate being part of the Triton at times, but it was still her family, and she'd never miss the big stuff, even if it meant putting her current wacky hijinks aside.

She wasn't here to fight. She wasn't going to fight. ...Probably.

"What Arista said!" Andrina exclaimed and then reached down, producing another popper. POP! She pulled the string and confetti rained down. "C'mon, Tiny, course I had to come to my big sis's wedding!"

ATTINA: Attina’s eyes narrowed and a hot feeling ballooned in her chest, though she wasn’t sure what it was. Partially because of the alcohol probably.

She just knew—she was mad.

Andrina wasn’t here for her. She was here to make a scene and steal the show, just like always. And was it really “of course” she had to come? Where was the same respect for her family when she had gone off and eloped and not even told anyone?

Abruptly, Attina stood up, ripping the boa off her neck and the crown with the stupid cheap veil off her head. She tossed them both on the ground.

“I’m going to bed,” she announced as she turned on her heel. 

ALANA: Alana and Aquata had not spent the last three months orchestrating this grand reunion to be snubbed like this.

Alana could acknowledge that Attina had the right to be pissed off about this, considering the last time she'd seen Andrina, Andrina had basically slammed her into the kitchen counter. But it also pissed Alana off and she felt her lip curl a little. Because family came first. Family came above stupid fights and runaway marriages and whatever the hell else was going on here.

Before Attina could make it out of the room, Alana launched herself in front of her older sister, blocking her path.

"No," she said. "Not allowed. As your official Master of Ceremonies, I am decreeing that bedtime is not for at least another hour. Back me up, Aquata."

AQUATA: "Lana's right," Aquata agreed, crossing her arms stonily. She had thought it might go like this. Aquata understood holding grudges, she had plenty of them, but family just felt different.

"And you know I don't say that often. Am I still pissed at Andy? Yeah, a little bit, but family's way more important than some fight from a year ago and she wanted to be here and it's not every day you get married. So... yell at each other, get it out of your systems, whatever, you don't even have to forgive anyone, but let's get on with it."

ADELLA: “You’re the one who was always talking about how important it is for our family to stick together.” Adella said, smiling gently. “Yell at each other if you must but pretending Andy doesn’t exist is just going to hurt you longer.”

Adella’s smile grew wider. “We have a great relationship now. Remember just five years ago though?”

ATTINA: Attina narrowed her eyes at her sisters. All of them. There was a part of her that agreed with them. That knew family was more important than anything. She was the one who had instilled that belief in all of her sisters and having the rhetoric spit back at her should make her proud. But, right now, it just made her angry.

"That is easy for all of you to say, you're not the ones she fought with and hasn't spoken to in months." Attina's eyes were on Andrina as she said this, her arms crossed over her chest.

"It wasn't just some little fight," Attina snarled the words and tears were in her eyes. She was too drunk for this. "You left. Didn't even say goodbye. Am I just supposed to be okay with that? With everything you said to me? Why should I? This is my day and I get to decide who should be there. Just like Andy did." And now she looked at he sisters, narrowing her eyes.

"When she decided she didn't want any of us with her at her wedding."

ANDRINA: "Oh come on, that can't be why you're really angry!" exclaimed Andrina.

And hey, she meant that. Attina had loads of reasons to be pissed at Andy. She's take a lot of it. But Andrina was not Attina. She would have never wanted all of this-- not the bachelorette party, not the wedding dresses, not the nice venue and the dinner and the dancing after. The idea made her want to barf if she thought about it with her in the spotlight. Like, go Attina, have your wedding, but Andrina didn't want one! And Attina should know that?? And also, it wasn't like the marriage was something she'd even planned?

"Hold up, if we're doing this I gotta get out of this cake--" Andrina said, huffed, and then struggled to climb out. She sort of half-rolled over the edge and nearly fell on her ass. Saved it though! 

ATTINA: "It's one of the many reasons, yeah," Attina shot right back, not moving to help Andrina. Not even flinching when she almost faceplanted. 

Like usual, she didn't find Andrina's antics cute. Not right now. 

ANDRINA: Andrina put her hands on her hips. Alright, that was good. All she had to do was... well, she was going to say get Attina pissed, but she seemed pissed enough already. Maybe she just had to stand here and Attina would go off.

"Oh yeah? Well let me have it then," said Andrina. "I'm sure you got a list somewhere."

ATTINA: Attina rolled her eyes.

“Why should I even bother? If you don’t already know? Besides, it’s not like you will apologize or even care. So, I don’t want to waste my time.”

ANDRINA: "I'm here, aren't I?" Andrina shot back.

Some of her pride had been pricked by that. As if Andrina didn't know she made mistakes. That was her spot in this family, wasn't it? Andrina was the eternal fuck-up. Uni drop out, seven times running! It was Miss Perfect Attina who didn't know shit about apologizing.

But hey, she'd show her sister how it was done. There were some things she'd never apologize for, but there were others that-- now that time passed-- she saw that she'd been too rash and impulsive and selfish.

"Look, I don't want to fight with you my whole life. You're still my big sister. I don't want to miss-- stuff like this." She flourished her hand around at the room. "You're still important to me."

ATTINA: "You have a funny way of showing it."

Such as not talking to her for, what? Over a year? As if Attina hadn't missed her that whole time. As if she hadn't want Andrina there for all the wedding planning and celebrations. She had missed Ariel's eighteenth birthday. Aquata's run for board. Adella leaving.

"You didn't even call and ask. I haven't talk to you for a year and you think you can just show up and pop out of a damn cake and pretend like nothing's wrong?"

ANDRINA: This felt like a trap. Andrina probably shouldn't feel that way but since when had she ever felt what she should feel? And so yeah, she expected to apologize, but she didn't expect to grovel. Besides--

"And you didn't invite me, but I wasn't going to throw that in your face," Andrina said now, the irritation twitching on her brow. "Look, sure, I could have called or texted or emailed or sent a freaking pigeon but so could you."

ATTINA: “Why would I have invited you?” Attina screeched. Her anger exploding.

“The last time we spoke you insulted me, said you didn’t care about Amelia, and then left without even saying goodbye, and then haven’t said one thing to me, even though you’ve spoken to everyone else in a year? You made it pretty damn clear you wanted nothing to do with me. So, don’t act like it’s water under the currents. It’s not. This whole bloody conversation you haven’t even said sorry! I know you hate me for holding you accountable for things no one else does but I can’t just let it go, Andrina. You hurt me and you’re not even sorry about it.” By the end, her voice has cracked and her eyes had filled with tears.

“It’s just like you to come here and make this about yourself. You didn’t care about us being at your wedding and you don’t care about you being at mine.”

ANDRINA: This was probably not going to go very well. In fact, there was a chance this could turn into the repeat of the kitchen brawl all over again.

Andrina's eyes flashed. Her anger was hot in her chest all over again. "Oh my god, I never fucking said I didn't care about Amelia! I was there for you for weeks-- there for you, holding you, spending time with you, grieving with you-- I did all of that!" Andrina said. "I did one thing that you didn't approve of though and suddenly I didn't care? Suddenly all that other support didn't matter? I said it then and I'll say it again, me getting married had nothing to do with you and Amelia! Nothing! It had nothing to do with anyone and I am not sorry for it. You want me to say I'm sorry? Then look-- I'm sorry I left without making up. I'm sorry I hit you, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive and I'm sorry I haven't talked to you for over a year. Those are the things I'm sorry about, and I am trying to make up for it now, but don't lie about that fight okay? Don't say I didn't care about Amelia just because I did one fucking thing for myself!"

ATTINA: Attina wanted to keep yelling and spitting. Maybe, if she was younger, she would have. Or if it was not her wedding tomorrow, she would have.

But, she had said what she wanted from Andrina was an apology and here it was.

And, she could admit, that it was a good apology too. Maybe Andrina didn't really mean all of it, because she'd had her arm twisted to say it in the first place, but--Attina thought she might. Unlike Andrina, Attina was sensitive to these things. She was sensitive to the fact that maybe she had blown Andrina's comment out of proportion: So what? she had said, about Amelia's death. Attina still remembered the exact way she said it. That question had rattled around Attina's head so many times since.

So what?

Attina's eyes were still filled with tears, but she tried to scrub them away without completely destroying her make up. Though, that was probably futile at this point.

"I never--" she started, though her voice was reedy and weak. "It was never about you doing something for yourself," Attina finally said. "I just--didn't understand--I don't understand why you wouldn't want us there with you. Why you wouldn't...want us to share that with you. And it felt like--you hated me and didn't want to be part of my life either, if you didn't want me to be part of yours."

ANDRINA: She didn't hate Attina.

But she had resented her for a long time. She was so controlling. She had her ideas of what Andrina's life should look like, and she thought those ideas were like, objectively right-- take this whole wedding thing for example. Just because Andrina felt differently about weddings and marriage and whatever, Attina thought that was an insult to her. When it just wasn't.

And that was why Andrina needed to get the fuck out of Swynlake. Not just because of Attina-- but because of her whole family. She had needed to find who she was out of the Tritons and all the shit that happened to them. Yeah, it was selfish, but after twenty-five years as a sister, trying to be a good one, Andrina thought she deserved a freaking break. She was glad that Adella was doing the same thing. She hoped all her sisters were going to find something for them because she did love them, okay? She did.

She took a breath, and then sighed, not really sure how to say some of that stuff without upsetting Tina. "It just isn't the same for me. It never has been, okay? I'm not in love with Rob." Rob knew this; Rob loved her for it, btw. "I didn't get married to him because I loved him. I'm not with him because I love him-- I mean, not like...that. We get each other. It's just different, okay?" Her arms tightened around her, feeling defensive and a bit weird since... well Tina was Tina, Tina loved love, and Andrina felt like it was just one of many missing pieces of her fucked-up personality.

"Me having a wedding and inviting you all would have only been for you guys,  I would have like-- hated it, not because of you but because that isn't me. But there's seven of us. That's plenty of weddings. Isn't it okay that I do something differently?"

ATTINA: No, it isn’t okay!!! That’s what Attina’s brain screamed.

She held her tongue, trying to let the thought settle because a lot of the times, she didn’t. Attina said the first thing in her brain, not because she wasn’t sensitive, but because she was overly so. Like a sea anemone, the second you touched her she flinched. Or puffed up like a puffer fish. It was always one of the other and for whatever reason, Andrina made her into a puffer fish.

Despite what Andrina might think, Attina had done some self reflecting since Andrina had left. She knew that some of the things Andrina had said were fair. Attina was controlling and judgmental. And she was harder on Andrina than anyone else because there were so many times she had needed Andrina as back up, as someone to lean on, and Andrina had failed as much as she rose to the occasion. And just like how it wasn’t fair all the pressure Daddy put on her, it wasn’t fair all the pressure she put on Andrina.

It didn’t stop her from wanting to criticize now. She felt it balloon up inside of her. How could she marry someone she didn’t love? How could she not want them there?

Attina suspected Andrina and her would always fight. They would never agree. Maybe they would never be friends again. If they had met one day in secondary, they would’ve hated each other and that would be it. But, they weren’t strangers. They were sisters. And maybe they didn’t have to like each other, but they could love each other. And be there, for the important things. (Unless, you were Andrina and were only there when you wanted to be, ha. Okay, last one.)

“I guess,” Attina admitted reluctantly. “I’m sorry to, for being so judgmental.” Her own arms were crossed over her chest. She gave a little shrug.

“Well, you don’t have a bridesmaids dress, so you can’t be in the party. But, if you want to come to the ceremony, you can.”

ALANA: Alana let out a sigh of relief and high-fived Aquata behind their backs.

ANDRINA: She wasn't sure if she believed Attina's apology honestly.

Did it matter? Maybe not. Andrina did not intend to stay long. She loved her life on the road-- she loved her life with Rob, actually, and his friends. They had plenty of plans to keep their gears spinning for a while. And as long as they did? Andrina wouldn't have a reason to go back to Swynlake.

But that was where she belonged. Finally, she was happy, finally, she felt accepted, for being exactly who she was. And Attina belonged here-- with her sisters and her husband to be.

"Well actually-- Alana ordered a dress for me," said Andrina. "But I mean--if you don't want me in the ceremony, I get it. Totally fine. I can kick it in the front row."

ATTINA: Attina looked over her shoulder and raised her eyebrow at her little sister. Alana just looked smug, which was annoying.

Attina appreciated it. Really, she did, but she still felt like she was reeling. Caught in a riptide, forced to do something that she didn’t know if she really wanted. Yes, she wanted to make up with Andrina but on their own terms. Not because of some bait and switch secret that the rest of her sisters pulled.

But, it was clear to her that the other sisters wanted Attina and Andrina to talk to each other. And that Andrina—was not exactly trying, but at the very least, was here. That did mean something to Attina, it did.

“No, I want you there,” Attina admitted reluctantly, tilting her head back to blink away tears, because she had wanted that. This whole time. Andrina being gone had certainly hurt Attina much more than it had hurt Andrina. She looked back at her sister and smiled a little.

“Thanks for coming.”

ANDRINA: She waited for another excuse. Attina would have one-- or hey, maybe she'd just come out and say it: she did not want her in the wedding.

Andrina wouldn't care. (Yes she would. She'd definitely care.)

But instead, the rest of the tension felt like it drained from the air. Attina relaxed, or at least-- she gave up.

And so Andrina gave up too. She let the rest of her anger go, that feeling that Attina was never going to see her for who she was. Maybe Attina didn't right now, but Andrina really wanted her to. Before coming here, Andrina had convinced herself it was impossible, but now... now she saw her sister again, not an adversary. They were on the same side.

And so Andrina broke into a smile and she crossed toward her sister. The last time they'd been this close, Andrina had her claws in Attina's hair. Now, she hugged her sister.

ANDRINA: She didn’t know what came over her.

The anger had exploded out of her like shotgun pellets, all her words little burning pieces of iron-hot metal, going everywhere, hitting everything at once before the kickback. She’d blinked and pulled the trigger and didn’t even hear the noise. It was just over then: all her texts sent, the damage done, and her chest tight and pounding.

And when all the texts starting pouring back into her phone-- text after text after texttexttext-- it was like machine gun fire. Pingpingpingping. Her notifications bled red in front of her. Voices from all directions. Comforting sisters. Sarcastic sisters. Condescending sisters. Too many messages for Andy to track, but that was her fault wasn’t it? The messages were bleeding from the gaping wounds that she’d created.

She could already hear Daddy’s voice, chastising her. Andrina, you must apologize. Don’t upset Ariel, you know how fragile--

And her corpse-mother: You’re older, Andrina. Set an example.

So make a joke, Andrina! Crack a smile. Send an emoji. Send two emojis. Send five emojis and two memes and grit her teeth and text back Ariel that she was so, so, sorry--

She didn’t know what came over her. The tears just started bubbling up and pouring out, her phone slipping from her hands. She wiped at the tears, she pressed her lips together. A scream clawed in the back of her throat like some kind of wild animal that wanted to get loose. Her phone pingpingpinged on the ground, the messages piling upupup. She couldn’t answer a single one of them, she didn’t know, she couldn’t do it, she didn’t want to. One more message, and she felt like she was going to explode.

Her phone lit up again, Ariel’s name glowing bright: And I know no one wants to tell me how to fix it and everyone just wants me to figure it out myself but what if I never figure it out?

She envisioned herself smashing her fist into her phone, shattering the screen.

Andrina grabbed her phone, but she didn’t text Ariel back. She texted Tina. Her words blurred in front of her but she rattled them off and then shoved her phone away and waited, waited in her stupid, dark apartment. She sat on the floor, her back to the couch, her shirt pulled over her knees and her face hidden too, disappearing into the room’s shadows until the door opened and the hallway let in a swath of light across Andy’s body.

She didn’t look up, just curled her fingers into her shins as fresh tears pricked at her eyes.

ATTINA: Attina couldn’t say she was that surprised when her phone lit up with Andrina’s name. What she was surprised about was the content: can u come to my place / our place lol / can u tell everyone i need like five fucking minutes also and to stop texting me.

That was never Andrina.

Andrina lived on attention. She soaked in it. Most of the Tritons did. Attina did too. When you grew up with six sisters, it was hard to be introverted. Everyone was always bothering each other, spending time with each other. You were hardly ever alone. And Andrina was more often than not the ringleader. She stirred everyone up.

Well, she’d stirred everyone up, just--not in a good way.

And Attina knew that Andrina bottled up her own feelings more often than not when it came to handling the sisters. She knew this because Attina did it too, though not as well. She burst more frequently, but less...hazardously. The sisters were used to Attina exploding, being sensitive, getting her feelings hurt. Andrina wasn’t like that, though these arguments always wore on her the same. Attina knew this because she was the only one who ever heard about it.

She heard about it when Andrina complained that everyone was dramatic and being a big sister really sucked sometimes and why did she have to bottle everything up?

But, this was the first time in a long time (read: since their mum died) that Andrina had blown up at someone so hurtfully.

(Not that her points weren’t valid.)

Attina had known it was different, but it still left her unprepared and with a knot in her stomach as she caught an Uber over to their place. The sky was dark and gloomy, rain pattering on the rooftop of the car as they went. It seemed to take forever, instead of the usually fifteen-ish minutes.

She tapped her foot in the elevator and found the door to their fifth floor apartment unlocked, unsurprisingly.

When she opened the door, she heard Andy’s sniffling and her eyebrows went up. It was dark and she was tired, but that was definitely sniffling. Closing the door behind her gently, she locked it, just once, and set her purse down on the island absent-mindedly before moving towards Andrina.

“Hello, there, Mr. Yurtle the Turtle,” she said, making her voice all high and old-man sounding. She sat down next to her little sister (because even Andrina was her little sister.) Her back was to the couch too and she rested her arm around Andy’s shoulders, rubbing a little.

“Hey, it’s alright,” she comforted softly, “Ariel was being really unfair.”

ANDRINA: God, she was such a fuck-up.

That was the thought looped in her brain and one she couldn’t get out. No way she played this did it turn out okay. There was no joke she could make, no way to pass this off. She was going to have to apologize and that thought was its own kind of razor-bladed horror. She’d rather rip out her own tongue and throw it at Ariel like a fucking crazy person--

She felt like a fucking crazy person. She couldn’t contain her anger or her regret. They just kept flowing through her, one and then the other, never at the same time. She couldn’t fit them both in her at once.

When Tina showed up, it was the regret that she soaked in, that had her curl up small and then even smaller as Tina sat down next to her. A whimper crawled up to her lips. She bit at it, bit hard. She shrunk even as Tina put her hand around her shoulder.

In an ideal world, Andy would just slump against Tina and cry. She used to do that sometimes-- mostly with her mum.

The thought of Mum rushed through her like ice water, and a few tears escaped down her cheeks, hidden since her head was still under her shirt. Mum wouldn’t hold her now, no, not if she was alive, because she’d know that Andy was a fuck-up too.

Tina could hear her breathing as it caught, could hear as she sniffed. As much as Andy wanted to hide her tears, she couldn’t hide those things.

And when Tina finally spoke? She kicked in the hole in Andy’s damaged dam and the anger surged out.

Her head popped out of her shirt. “Yeah, she always fucking is, and we always have to just let her because if we say one fucking word against her, she’ll threaten to kill herself.” She meant to snarl the words but they came out broken and weepy as she wiped at her face furiously.

ATTINA: Attina frowned and moved backwards a little (mostly so she wouldn’t get smacked in the face) as Andrina poked her head out of her shirt. Though, poke was a soft term for it. She hissed and snapped like an eel coming out of its cave. 

Attina’s lips pursed at Andrina’s words and for a moment, she didn’t know what to say.

Because, on one hand, Andrina was right. Ariel had taken to talking quite darkly as of late. It was...disturbing to Attina. She hated hearing her baby sister talk like that. She was glad that Ariel was going to therapy, because all of them had gone through dark times and shit situations, but no one had ever threatened suicide. It was horrifying to hear. It made every instinct and bone in Attina’s body grow so strong, she felt so dense--like she would sink like a rock into the water. When Ariel said things like that, Attina didn’t know what to say back. It completely derailed any other thought in her head. It was disarming. It caught her off guard.

On the other hand, she couldn’t--agree with Andrina, because Ariel was...she was in an incredibly dark place.

But--

Maybe Andrina was too?

Attina watched her little sister cry and her frown deepened. Out of all her sisters, Andrina was both the best and worst when it came to Attina’s scale of “being able to deal with it.”

Andrina didn’t normally cry. Andrina got angry. And it was always short lived. And sometimes, yeah, they both bitched about their sisters but this--this was different.

“I know,” Attina finally said, because maybe that was what Andrina needed--to feel validated. If anyone understood the burden of holding your tongue and making yourself small, it was Attina.

Her hand came back up to rub at Andrina’s shoulder.

“I know, it makes it impossible,” she said, her voice soft but not devoid of emotion or understanding. “It’s awful. I-I don’t know how to handle it either. It feels like no matter what we say or do, it won’t be right. Though--” she let out a huff, both of frustration and amusement, “--I suppose that’s how she feels too.”

ANDRINA: Yes, Ariel felt that way because Ariel had read too many romantic novels and imagined herself every fucking damsel-in-distress in literature and theatre and tv and beyond. She was Rose from Titanic: poor little rich girl, looking to jump out onto the ice rather than die without her beloved Jack. She was Cinderella from Into the Woods: trapped with a heartless family, a dead mother to give her character depth. Hell, Jim even called her Juliet as in Romeo and Juliet-- star-crossed lovers.

They thought themselves so tortured, so broken, so fake-deep. Well, Andy couldn’t speak for Chivalry Thy Name Is Jim Hawkins, but she could speak for her sister, since Andrina had been there since Ariel had been fucking born and knew that the worst things that had ever happened to Ariel had all happened to the other sisters too-- and they didn’t scream themselves into grown-up temper tantrums and then run away to their prince’s house for months on end. They didn’t treat perfectly reasonable curfew rules like methods of abuse. They didn’t treat each other like they were something to be scared of.

If Ariel had been Lana-- or Rissy or Q or Della or hell, even Andy-- she would’ve let Daddy puff up like a pufferfish, lay down his punishment, and then wait the appropriate week to let him cool off, before renegotiation of said Terms Of Punishment. Andrina could have told Ariel that if she had come to her.

Andrina could have told Ariel a lot of things, like, maybe they weren’t better off with their mother after all.

Maybe they’d still be fucked up. Maybe fixing shit sometimes meant fighting it out, until the dust settled and the answer was the only thing left standing.

If Andy said any of that to Ariel now, she knew she wouldn’t listen. She’d never, ever, hear what Andrina had to say, and so what was the point? Her phone kept buzzing, the sisters kept talking, but Andrina didn’t want to be part of the Triton Chorus anymore. Not today, at least.

She just grit her jaw and shook her head. “Whatever, we all know this ends with me apologizing anyway. I’m the one that went temporarily insane and bitched out poor baby Ariel.” She scoffed a wet, broken laugh.  “Should just get it over with.”

ATTINA: It didn’t feel fair.

And Attina could be the queen of unfair. It’d been unfair when Daddy hadn’t let her go out after her first prom, months after her mum had died. She’d thrown a fit about it. One of the only times her and her father had ever fought. She had been so mad at him. It had felt so unfair, because everyone else got to go to prom, and parties afterwards. (Or ride off on motorcycles with boys.)

Attina had had to come straight home.

She had sacrificed a lot for her sisters—things they didn’t even know. Her own sanity. Her health. Her strength. All of the love in her heart. There was hardly room for others, though she always kept trying. But, she shouldered her burden so that Alana could get arrested and Daddy would just sigh. So that Andrina and Arista could hop in and out of school like they were playing hot-potato. So that Aquata could swim to her heart’s content, because Attina listened to all of Daddy’s fears behind closed doors and comforted him and said it’d be alright, Aquata was smart. She had sacrificed so that Daddy wouldn’t flip about Ariel having a boyfriend (Attina had a thousand boyfriends and they’d all been worse.)

It was so unfair. So much of her own life had been unfair. Holding her tongue. Learning that she came second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh. Even if she was first.

And so, she knew better than anyone, how true Andrina’s words were.

“You’re obviously still pissed,” Attina pointed out. “And that’s okay. You’re allowed to be pissed. She’ll just have to deal with it for right now,” she said resolutely. “Everyone has their breaking point. Yours was just a little more…mmm…violent than most. Ariel was being an 18 year old shithead. She deserved it.” And that was the worse that Attina would ever speak of any of her sisters. And only ever to another sister.

Really, only to Andrina.

“And she can stew, like we had to sit and stew and wonder what we’d done to make her treat us like we are leviathans.”

ANDRINA: Violent.

The word made Andrina want to shrink and explode at the same time. That’s what her mum had said about Andy’s “violent little tantrums.” She’d had them since she was small, the kind of kid to kick and scream in a department store and wage war over the smallest of things. Her anger tsunamied out of nowhere like that, snatching her in its riptide. Then a second later, it’d be over; she’d be on the other side of it, not positive how she’d gotten there.

Older now, she could wrestle most of her temper tantrums down. She’d cooled off anyway and not much could upset her these days, not Bahama Breezy, Cool as a Sea Cucumber, Go-With-The-Flow Andrina. But that just meant she boiled and boiled until…

But that didn’t matter. Mum was alive, she’d tell Andrina that that was not appropriate behavior. What kind of role model…?

Soon as Daddy found out, she’d get the same spiel.

Andrina slumped against the couch, her face twisting as the tears pressed forward again. They gushed out of her eyes the next second and she pressed her knuckles against her mouth to try and stop. A pathetic gurgle left her lips anyway, like someone had pulled a drain out. She felt like she was being sucked down.

Andy curled her toes into the ground. “God-- Tina--” she gasped, then sucked in a sharp breath and looked up at the blank ceiling. “Daddy’s gonna be so pissed-- I’m such a fuck up--”

ATTINA: Attina’s heart twisted at the sound of Andrina’s gasping sob.

It was an awful sound, like she was drowning in her tears. Can mermaids drown? Melody had asked and Attina had laughed at her. But, they could drown in sadness, couldn’t they? They ached just the same as anyone else. Maybe they felt more deeply, who knew. No human cared enough to study it. Though, they studied dolphins for their smarts and whales for their emotional capabilities. Orcas could feel different emotions than humans, why couldn’t mermaids?

They had songs when their family members died. They had traditions. They mourned. They buried. They believed they became the sea foam. That they drifted along the surface, beneath the sun and the moon.

The grief and desperation was gravel in Andrina’s voice and Attina had to swallow her own tears. She hated that sometimes. She hated that she cried when others cried, because it wasn’t about her.

“Don’t worry about Daddy,” Attina told Andrina immediately, reaching her other arm around Andrina’s knees to connect with the arm already around her shoulders, so she encircled her, snuggling up. “I’ll talk to him.” She put her chin on her sister’s arm.

“You’re not a fuck up. You just—got pissed off. We all do, Andrina. I lost my bloody mind and went to a sea witch, alright? We all make mistakes. Besides, what, all you did was hurt Ariel’s feelings a bit? You hurt my feelings like every other day.”

That was a joke.

ANDRINA: She knew Attina was just trying to help. That’s what Attina did. Attina helped-- Andrina fucked up. Attina was responsible-- Andrina fucked up. Attina was a mini little Athena in the making-- Andrina fucked up.

Attina just couldn’t say it because it would break the contract between sisters, the one that said they had to love each other no matter what and support each other when they made shitty decisions. It was a stupid contract, but one that Andrina had followed to the letter until February, when Ariel broke it first.

She kept trying to fall back into rhythm. She kept trying to pretend everything was hunky-dory-a-okay, I-love-you-and-you-love-me but--

But Andy was a fuck-up. Andy was a fuck-up and she’d always been a fuck-up and she’d always be a fuck-up. It’s what she did best, she fucked up.

So Andrina was shaking her head, Attina’s words not penetrating. She couldn’t hear her above the din of her own brain. She couldn’t see her-- only their mother in the shadow of Attina’s faces, who might coo the exact same thing to her, while looking so, so disappointed.

Oh Andrina, she’d said, words disguised in sickly sweet honey, but they were poison. You’re capable of so much more.

“No, I am. I am. I know I am. Mum would hate me. She does hate me, I know she hates me,” the words blubbered out of her mouth before she could stop them, and then she broke down into another sob, and covered her face with her hands.

ATTINA: Out of all the things Attina could imagine Andrina saying (and there was a lot; Andy was always saying things, she went on Andy-tangents, about films and ridiculous scenarios and she talked, talked, talked—all the Triton girls were talkers, but there was no one who talked like Andrina talked, so you never really could tell)—

But saying their mother hated her?

That slapped Attina right across the face. She felt like she’d been smacked with a wave. The water filled up her mouth, sloshed into her lungs and down into her stomach.

Andrina sobbed and shuddered, Attina still had her arms around her, she could feel it. It jolted her out of her momentary shock.

Hates. Present tense. There was nothing that Athena Triton did anymore that was present tense. Except, love them. That love never stopped. Attina could feel it right now, in the room with them. She always could, when she was with her sisters. It felt suffocating sometimes, because it was so real and present to her.

“Of course she doesn’t hate you,” Attina said, the tears there in her voice now, she was still choking on all that water in her lungs. “Andrina, no. She—I know you and Mum used to fight, but that—she still loves you, just like how I still love you, even though we don’t see eye-to-eye on…well, most things really. That doesn’t make me love you any less and Mum just wanted you to be happy and succeed in whatever you wanted.”

ANDRINA: Andy wasn’t here anymore. She’d disappeared. She’d traveled back in time, actually, back to 15 years old, to the last fight between herself and her mother. Whenever Mum came up, that’s always where Andrina went. She was 15 and she was under her covers, her throat sore from screaming and her face wet with tears.

She was 15 now, she’d been 15 in the dream, 15 when she sat across from Mum and Mum said, without saying anything, that she was a failure.

It didn’t matter what Tina said. In fact, Tina just sounded like Mum: I just want you to be happy. I know you can succeed if you put your mind to it--  

She wanted to let out a bloodcurling scream and shatter the bloody space-time continuum if someone said that to her. Why couldn’t someone just tell her, for once, it was okay? It was okay to land soft and it was okay not to want to be a mega-CEO of some company or an oceanic explorer or save the coral reefs! or become a famous youtuber or singer or actress--

It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to be perfectly, 100 percent, totally average, and to never go up from there.

No one would ever tell Andy that because it wasn’t acceptable and people didn’t get it, how she could just be happy boppin’ along at Whosits and Whatsits, letting her schedule ebb and flow around her. She was a slacker for wanting that. She was lazy and she was stupid.

Andrina thought all of these things and she sobbed and sobbed. Her head shook at Tina’s words, she wanted to squirm out of her arms. “No,” she said. “No, she does. I heard her, Tina. She basically said it herself. She hates that I haven’t graduated and no matter what I do, no matter-- she-- she hates-- she’ll never--” Her breath dragged into her lungs, the sound like something catching in a grate.

ATTINA: Attina officially was lost.

Andrina simply sobbed harder and Attina felt like her sister was breaking in her arms. It panicked her, just a bit, though, the only time she ever managed to swallow that panic down was when she had a sister falling apart on her. Though, that sister was hardly ever Andrina. Just like it was hardly ever Aquata or Alana.

She should know what to do. Andrina was more Attina’s twin than her sister. They were two sides of the same coin. Attina knew everything about Andrina—even the parts of her that Andrina didn’t really want to share. All the bitchy, flaky, ugly parts of Andrina. Attina knew them and she loved them all the same.

But—

This, she had no idea what to say to it.

What did Andrina mean, Mum had said it? Athena died way before Andrina and Attina had ever gone to uni. She had died before all Andrina’s big, big plans turned into smaller, easier to chew ones, the same way that Attina’s had.

It must be the dream. That blasted fucking dream. For Attina, it had bloomed like a bruise in her heart. An aching that was real and powerful in its tenderness. Apparently, for Andrina, it had implanted like a bomb.

Tick, tick.

Boom.

“Andrina,” Attina said then and she moved back so she could sit in front of Andrina, blue eyes meeting green. “Mum didn’t say any of that. Mum doesn’t get to have an opinion. She’s—dead.” Attina swallowed the bluntness of her words. They were Andrina-words, anyway, not Attina ones. “You’re not the only one who isn’t doing anything with their life. Remember, I was supposed to save the world. Mum just—she would be happy you are alive and safe and happy. I promise Andrina. And sure, maybe you would have fought. Maybe some part of her would be disappointed, but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t love you any less.

The version of Mum you knew is from ten years ago, guppy, Mum could have grown too. Maybe she would’ve grown to realize you don’t—” Attina’s voice caught, tears shown in her own eyes, but she pushed them down, “—need to save the world to be successful. To be good.”

ANDRINA: Andrina had spat out the words as fast as she could-- vomited them, expelled them from her system like poison, like if she held them inside of her any longer she’d just start to burn up. She spat them and then they were gone. Out. She saw them hit Attina right in the face and how confused they made her sister. She looked at Andrina like she was crazy, and you know what, she definitely felt crazy.

Listen to all that-- she sounded crazy. Listening to demon hallucinations. Letting a dream drive her nuts.

There was no taking it back now though. Andy’s carefully hidden trauma was exposed. She’d ripped off the bandaid.

She shrank back into the couch, feeling so small and exhausted, there was nothing else to say.

Which meant that she could only listen now. Attina drew a little closer, her voice soft again. Andrina wanted to look away from her sister but she felt like a fish caught in a net. There was no where to look and anyway, what good would it do? Her lip began to tremble as her shame swelled around her like an incoming tide. It was about time for Andy to make one of her jokes. That’s what Andy did, when stuff started to feel like this: too big, too much, too serious.

But nothing came to mind. She’d cried out her humour apparently. Boo fucking hoo.

So Andrina just sniffled like that 15-year-old version of herself and rubbed at her eyes. “I know,” she warbled. “I know, I-- it doesn’t feel that way, Tiny.” Her voice was small now too, all reedy, a second from breaking.  Whenever I think about her, I just see the dream. She-- she’s never gonna-- say anything else now. That--that’s it, the last thing I’ll ever see.”

Andrina ducked her head then and put her forehead against her knees, turtling up fresh. If only she could un-see that version of their mother. She would in a heartbeat.

ATTINA: Attina felt a flare of anger. It wasn’t at Andrina, but it was two-fold. Part of it was at herself, for not having noticed. For not knowing that Andrina had slowly, quietly been unraveling. She should have known. What kind of sister was she if she didn’t? She knew she had her own things going on, but those things never had, and should never, take precedent over her sisters. She felt like she had failed Andrina. It made her want to cry.

The rest of her anger was reserved for Ariel. It was Ariel who did this to Andrina. Even if she hadn’t meant to. (And Attina knew a thing or two about unintentional consequences—they were still your fault. You still had made the decision to follow them through to that end.) How could Ariel have done this to them? It was so—unfair.

There was nothing for it now except to deal with the aftermath. That, at least, Attina knew how to handle. For if there was one thing six sisters taught you—it was that cuddles were always a good way to solve problems when you felt like you were falling apart. At least…plaster them up, squeeze so tight and you could hold someone together for a little bit.

“I’m so sorry, Andy,” Attina murmured, scooching closer again and winding her arms around her little sister. She squeezed her tight. “It was just a dream,” she said, moving some of Andrina’s hair back and kissing the side of her head. “I’m so sorry. I love you.” She squeezed her tighter. She wished she was an octopus, so she could wrap all eight-legs around her and squeeze her super-duper tight.

ATTINA The Tritons had gathered for dinner, happily provided by Benjamin. Upstairs, Attina had a suitcase in her old room. Alana hadn't noticed yet. It had only been a day, and she'd been in class, and only used that room sometimes, besides. It wasn't unusual for Attina to be at the Triton house, though she had spent the entire morning and most of the evening sulking in the pool. She's scared the shit out of Benjamin when she'd come out. The only people who had any idea something funny might be happening were Andrina (for obvious reasons) and her father. Even Ariel was oblivious, though Attina had insisted that she come by for dinner. Now, they were all sitting around the table chatting--the clamor of plates passed back and forth and voices asking how each other's days went, meant that Attina's own empty plate went unnoticed by everyone but her father. Who had scooped some salad onto the plate, like Attina was a child who couldn't feed herself. Her heart was pounding loud in her ears. Eventually, though, she knew she needed to speak.

"Hey," she said. "H-hello. I--" Most people kept talking though a few eyes turned towards her. "E-everyone, I have something to say." She managed to make her voice louder that time. Once everyone's eyes turned towards her, Attina swallowed harshly. "I-I know you--you all might be upset with me, and I-I'm sorry but--some--some people found out. A-about us." Her eyes darted from her father's to Andrina's and back down at her plate. She couldn't bare to look at anyone else. "I-I tried to stop it. I went...to the sea witch. B-but there was--it--just made everything worse. I'm so sorry." Her voice trembled and her head hung.

Triton took over then, glancing at all of his daughters. "You must all stay alert," he told them. "I doubt that we have anything to worry about. Despite--what happened. Attina's decision to trust Paul may not have been entirely ill-conceived. We have no reason...to think he will retaliate with violence."

Attina swallowed thickly. She didn't know if she believed that. She had hurt him. Had taken his memories. "I didn't mean to--to put any of you in danger," Attina murmured, a few tears dropping from her eyes. "I was just--just trying to do what was best."

ALANA Alana was nursing a day-long hangover. Her class on Fridays was a lab that’d ended the week before so to celebrate, she and Mags and the rest of the gang had gone out to get absolutely smashed. It’d been a fine night, not that Alana could remember most of it (but that, she supposed was what made it a fine night indeed). She’d been curled up on the couch in the game room for most of the day, bottle of Gatorade at her side, claiming to her family who’d asked that she felt a cold coming on (Aquata knew better; Arista did not) and had binged most of Making of a Murderer for the third time.

Now it was dinner and the headache that had plagued her all day was just starting to ebb away and she felt like she could eat a few scoops of whatever Benjamin had prepped and perk right back up to meet Mags for drinks.

She sat at the table, helping herself to some hearty portions (she’d probably just throw up later, lol) and was eating some of the mashed potatoes when Attina spoke.

/Oh great,/ thought Alana. /She’s probably just announcing her latest boyfriend./

And then Attina spoke. And then Daddy spoke. And Alana dropped her spoon.

Something inside of her – something that hadn’t reacted when Ariel had gone off and run away to Jim, had gone off to the sea witch, had done all that terrible shit – felt like it snapped. Because Attina should’ve known better, because Attina should’ve known better after Ariel, because Attina was supposed to be the one taking care of them –

“What the fuck?!” she exclaimed, sitting up. “Jesus bloody fucking Christ – Attina – didn’t we have to deal with Ariel’s fucking fuck-up already?! Don’t you know better?! What the fuck – what did we do? You sound just like Ariel a month ago.” She let out a dry laugh, gesturing towards her younger sister and then putting on a false falsetto. “/I just wanted to fix~ everything /– there’s nothing to bloody fix – “ She inhaled sharply, picking her spoon back up, feeling her heart thrum in her throat, and swallowed. When she spoke next, her voice was calmer. “What happened?”

She felt – Attina had always been the one to guide them out of trouble, to keep the porch light on if they wandered home too late, to lend an ear to whisper secrets to, who seemed to have some sense of everything when there was none. Lana took a deep breath. “What are we doing about it?”

ARISTA You know, before all of this craziness happened and like everyone was going to sea witches and wishing things away, Arista had actually liked dinners. She got to see all of her sisters in one place for once, which was always super interesting. She'd find herself people watching their interactions and then getting excited when they asked her about her own things going on. It was a nice tradition.

Now, all Ris could do was stare at her plate, make side comments to some of her sisters, and watch whatever clock was nearest, phone or otherwise, to when she'd be excused from the table and not have to sit in one place for so long. Her leg bounced under the table and she fidgeted, fighting the urge to drum little pieces on silverware because Daddy didn't like it and other people usually found the clanking of silverware annoying. 

Then Attina started speaking and Arista looked up from her plate, furrowing her brows because why would they be upset with Attina? She was the one who never made mistakes. She was the one who helped all of them, who raised them, why would they--Oh. Wow. The new redhead's eyes went wide and before she could say anything she heard Alana starting off, angry, upset. Sea witches again. It was kind of a bad idea, even Arista had to admit. But her heart, though she tried to keep it closed off, had been growing back into place over the last couple weeks and she couldn't bear to see Attina cry the way she was. 

"Well... I mean, it'll be nice not to lie to everyone all the time now that they know." She brushed her hair from her eyes and shrugged. "I was never a fan of secrets and now we don't have to keep this one anymore so that's kind of a relief. Like secrets always come out anyways eventually so like it was bound to happen." She did feel better that it was a possibility not to lie to people anymore. It was always the hardest part for her. Keeping things from people she cared about. "As for the sea witch, yeah, I don't know why people keep going to her, she really only makes things worse in a like 'careful what you wish for' type terrible trope or whatever. Total trouble." 

While Alana was acting up more than she did for Ariel's blunder, Arista didn't think this was as bad. It wasn't selfish. She was just trying to protect all of them because she made a mistake. She wasn't trying to change all of them and make them, not them.

AQUATA  You know, Aqua had thought that she was just going to have a nice family dinner. Well, as nice as dinner could get with seven girls. But what she wasn’t expecting was for this to turn into a fucking round table regarding an apparent fuck up. ~Some people found out~ was what had come out of Tina’s mouth and Aqua could just feel her heart instantly sink. Not just one person, but multiple people. 

“Some people found out, or you told people?” Aqua spoke out harshly, waiting until a few of her sisters had finished speaking, “Are you fucking kidding me? No fuck this, I’m over all of the bullshit going behind our back shit. Once, just fucking /once/ can we come together to talk about shit before it happens?!?” Her voice was loud, much louder than she had been expecting it to raise, but Aqua didn’t care. 

She was tired of it. Tired of feeling like no one could trust one another to help with their problems, and instead trying to fix it themselves by going to the bloody sea witch. How did they not know that she wouldn’t solve anything? She’s literally called a witch for a reason.

ADELLA Now, what Adella Triton was not about to do, was put up with this shit. And you know what, Aquata was right. Not that Aqua (probably) saw Adella look to her and pointedly nod in agreement at ~some people found out, or you told people~, but her sister was abso-fucking-lutely right. "Apparently not, Q," Adella deadpanned, glaring at Attina from across the table before closing her watering eyes and taking a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. In- and as a stupid, annoying tear slid down her cheek, Adella let out her breath in an exasperated huff.

"Fucking hypocritical. /You/ told somebody our secret, when you're constantly on our arses about not telling someone. I've never told any of my boyfriends, JULIE doesn't even know and do you know how much it kills me to have a secret from her? My host sister in Venice never found out, even that night I was so homesick I cried in her arms and poured out any other detail I could about my family because I missed them so much. My roommates in London never knew, even Suresh, who was-" and Adella bit her tongue, to keep from saying ~~holding my hand when the doctor in London confirmed the hearing in my ear had continued to deteriorate~~, lest she reveal now of all times that she, too, was harboring a secret from her family. One she hadn't even told Ris, not that she'd talk to her long enough for her to; or Ariel, because it would make her so very sad; or Attina who she wants to tell more than anybody else because she's so, so fucking scared...wantED. Right now? She doesn't even want to look at Attina, let alone share her secret.

And, apparently, Attina can't be trusted with secrets.

"Not even Suresh," she started again. "Who even now texts me every day around lunchtime to see how my day's going, because he became my big brother when I was alone in London and needed a family. You're not the only one with people you love - loved, whatever, Atty. I could've forgiven the sea witch - an actually, it's not - I'm not. I'm not actually mad about the sea witch."

The brunette pressed her knuckles to her eyes to will the tears back inside her tear ducts. God, don't cry. They'll call you dramatic. Ris will never be your sister again if you make a scene. "I can't forgive you putting our lives at risk. I can't ~fucking~ believe you right now." She took a look around the table, to see if anybody was at least looking like they agreed with her, and pushed her chair back. "And now you expect us to have dinner together like everything's f-f-fine?"

Fuck, there goes a few tears, and there's the wobbly voice.

ARIEL Now, you know, Ariel hadn't really been looking forward to coming home for dinner. Sure, with the exception of Arista, all of her sisters were talking to her again, and she'd fixed things with Daddy for the most part - but the echo of what she'd done still weighed heavy on her soul, even more-so when she was in this house, so devoid of memories of their mother it made Ariel feel a little sick. But Attina had insisted and Ariel thought that, maybe, if Arista could stand being in the same room as her, there might be hope yet still.

Funny, how she'd thought this evening might turn disastrous because of her. And then Attina had gone sputtering on about how people had "found out" about them and how she'd gone to the sea witch and tried to fix it and people were suddenly shouting over each other one right after the other and Ariel felt like the room was spinning.

It was like being on the other side of what she'd gone through just a couple of months ago. Only it didn't make sense. Why would Attina go to the sea witch after what had happened to Ariel? Why would she risk losing her family like Ariel had almost lost them?

There was so much to react to. There was the stinging from Alana's digs at her, each insult like a tiny knife jab-jab-jabbing Ariel in the heart and making her curl in on herself a little bit. (There was the hurt and the anger Alana hadn't expressed directly at Ariel, she thought. It was finally coming through the cracks.) Arista didn't even seem to care, not really, and while that stung in a deeper way, Ariel also understood it. (What Ariel had done was selfish. What Attina had done was thoughtless and hypocritical. Ariel was worthy of more punishment, clearly.) Aqua was - well, as always, the blunt, obvious, pissed-off voice of reason. (This gave her just the tiniest bit of comfort, though she felt for Attina, because hearing the truth so plainly always dug at you painfully at first.) Andrina was silent, and Ariel didn't know why, to tell the truth. (Where was all the anger and rage? Had Ariel drained it out of her completely?)

And then there was Adella.

Maybe, if Ariel hadn't been through what she'd been through the past month, she'd be saying what Adella said. She'd be nodding along as her sister looked around for support. Instead, it felt hard to breathe, and the room became too small despite how large it was, and Ariel had that tight feeling in her chest and that feeling of dread and doom looming over her ready to crush her underneath it.

How must Attina feel? How must she feel? Ariel knew how much this hurt. Ariel knew what it felt like to watch your whole family get so angry at you - to be so hurt by you - and the Triton girls never held back with each other. It was like her worry for how Attina was reacting to all of this piled on top of everything Ariel was already feeling, and she suddenly felt at war with herself.

Because despite all the worry for her sister and looming doom and fear and hurt, there was also the sensation of feeling tricked. Tricked into coming over for what was supposed to be a dinner where she could see if things could be normal again only to have her entire world rocked and shaken and tipped on its axis all over again. And Attina had done that to her.

But there were bigger things to worry about, since Ariel understood (better than anyone could) that Attina hadn't done this to /her/. This wasn't about anyone individually. It was about a choice Attina had made - to be vulnerable, and to tell someone the truth, finally, to trust someone with that - and how it had backfired on her. This was about how she'd become desperate to fix that mistake and though Ariel didn't understand how she could think going to the sea witch could help after what she'd done to Ariel and all of them, she did get the frantic, desperate panic one feels when all they want to do is fix their own mess and make everything okay again.

She didn't say anything. She locked eyes with her eldest sister from across the table and tried to calm her rapidly beating heart. She tried to breathe normally but every inhale was done through the weight on her chest pushing down, down, down.

It was re-living everything that had happened to her but watching it happen to someone else she loved at the same time. In that moment, though she was the youngest of the seven sisters, all Ariel wanted to do was wrap Attina up protectively and try to sort all of this out one by one.

Since she couldn't do that (and a part of her still felt like she didn't even really have a place in the family to speak anymore in the first place) all she could do was gnaw her bottom lip bloody and scratch at her arm and wait for a break in all the talking and yelling. "G- Guys-" she started, unsure and scared to be speaking at all, despite how relieved she was to have her voice back, still. "Guys?" she asked, a little bit louder, and finally, she cleared her throat.

"Can we- can we breathe? Can we- I don't know- Please stop yelling. Attina didn't mean... She didn't mean to..."

Ariel hadn't meant to, either. The room spun some more. She couldn't meet anyone's eyes now. A part of her whispered that her Mum would know what to do, but Ariel did not know what that was, and Mum wasn't here, and there was no bringing her back. No fixing anything, not that way, anyhow. Not with sea witches and trades and trying to do things yourself.

"Everyone's right. Everyone is. Attina and I, we- we've both been stupid to try and fix our mistakes by ourselves. We deserve the anger. We deserve the backlash. We do. We do. I'm not saying it's not unfounded, that th-there's no right, b-but-" God, she was so scared. So scared that she was talking to all of her sisters at once like this because she didn't deserve it; had no place to talk, and the insecurity of that taunted her with every word she spoke. "F-From now on, we can try and fix things together. Instead of getting mad and not speaking or just yelling and being upset and angry, we... We gotta try and help each other. Now more than ever, j-just in case we /are/ in danger. We have to- W-We have to help each other, and look out for each other, and... talk... to each other..."

Ariel cast a hesitant glance around the room, tears shining in her eyes and chest still heaving with every breath. All of her insecurities spun in her head along with the room as she looked around, but this wasn't about her, and she tried to focus on Attina to make the spinning stop, because Attina was her, she was Attina, she /understood/ and she just wanted all of this to stop. All she'd ever wanted was for them to be able to talk as a family. That was all she ever wanted. Her heart /ached/ for it. Maybe later, she'd be upset about digs and other, bigger things. But right now she just wanted her family to be safe and /whole/. One unit, leaning on one another and having each other's backs.

ANDRINA Andrina hadn't spoken. She didn't need to-- because this wasn't a surprise to Andy, not like it was to her sisters. She knew. She'd gotten the frantic texts, she'd arrived home to a shaken Attina who had already faced an angry Perdita and a confused Paul Patts. She knew more than any of her sisters besides Tina herself, and so there was no need to add her voice to the pile. And hey, she'd learned from the fight with Ariel. Anger didn't suit an elder sister. It never had. That's why she'd spent all those years sifting through her emotions, playing go between, staying "cool" and effortlessly logical when she was needed to, pushing her annoyance all the way down. Hey, just look at this scene, yeah? Sisters yelling, scoffing, tears in Della's eyes, Ariel trembling like a frightened rabbit cornered by a pack of wild wolves (though the wolves were looking at Attina now.) And you know what topped it all?

Daddy was watching, ladies.

So Andrina-- Daddy's little girl, always Daddy's little girl-- said nothing. Her eyes flicked from sister to sister, down to her plate, and then-- now-- she looked to Daddy. His was the only voice that mattered. He was the one steering the ship.

ATTINA Nothing that they said surprised her. Arista, with her soft voice, lost under the crowd. Alana and Aquata and Adella’s shrieking. Ariel’s weeping. And, above it all—Andrina’s silence. Daddy’s silence. Those were the things she heard most of all. The rest of the cacophony of sound crashed over her, tugging her under it and she let it.

She crawled as far into her shell as she could, a hermit crab escaping curious fingers, and she hunkered down. Attina wanted to put her head between her knees. She wanted to crawl under the table. But, she didn’t, because she deserved their fury and their disappointment. She knew she’d been hypocritical. She knew she shouldn’t have told anyone. Of course, she had kept the secret so close to her chest that it had rotted her. And the one time—the one time she’d felt comfortable enough—it had blown up in her face.

Yes, she understood the irony. Yes, she knew that she had put them all in danger.

That was why she’d tried to stop it.

Her head bowed, Attina tore apart her paper napkin in her lap, twisting the pieces around her fingers so tightly all she could feel was the tingle of them, like they were going to pop off, one after the other. It was the only thing that kept her from just bursting into sobs. As it was, the tears streamed down her face silently. She needed to look at them. She needed to not be a coward.

“Girls,” Triton said, before Attina could look up—and under the heavy sound of his voice, she couldn’t look up. “Girls!” He barked it loud enough that as soon as it had started, it had stopped, all eyes snapping to their father. All except Attina, who kept her head bowed.

“I know you are all upset, and you have a right to be.”

Attina let out a pathetic little sound at that.

“This is a serious situation, as you have all pointed out. And regardless of what Attina has done, we will need to stay vigilant. Attentive. Stick together. It is more important now than ever before. We have never faced a potential threat like this. If—if our safety is compromised here, I am not above us returning to Bournemouth to live.”

Attina shrunk. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to leave her friends. She knew, if that happened, her sisters would hate her. All of them, for being the one who had uprooted them.

“I don’t think I need to stress the gravity of this and I expect everyone to behave appropriately in the weeks to come. Stay close. No trips to London, for at least the next month. Overnight trips anywhere are out of the question. I expect you all home at a reasonable hour, even you Andrina.” His eyes flicked to his second eldest.

“This is not a punishment, it is for your safety, so I do not want to hear any arguing.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Attina gulped, though her words were barely more than a whisper, only whoever was sitting nearest her (Daddy was on one side), would be able to hear.

ADELLA "You don't want to hear any arguing." Adella said quiet, robotic, and emotionless, like it was never meant to leave her mouth and was always supposed to be an inner thought preceding what she meant to say. She didn't register that she'd even said it as she took a breath, ran a hand through her hair, and turned her attention and frustration from Attina to her father.

Her anger was chomping at the bit to be unleashed, but Adella knew better. She was twenty-five yet so easily felt like a child in front of her father. She chewed on her tongue to keep from saying something genuinely horrible out of anger. Adella was angry, and headstrong, but she didn’t want to actually hurt her father like the night when she happily showed him all of her acceptance letters to universities all over the country, one in Ireland, even, and he showed her the one to Pride U - that she herself never applied to under her name - and told her there would be no further discussion.

She’d said something truly terrible that night, had opened her mouth and accused him of being a, quote, /‘controlling, abusive, junior dictator with no sense of her agency.’/ She’d been proud of the last word. Agency. A word she’d recently gleaned from feminist texts.

Her pride had been squashed when she saw her father’s face, replaced with horror and disgust directed only inwardly. Adella’d run away that night out of shame more than defiance. Oh, Adella knew she was /right/, of course, about how she should be allowed to go to whatever university she wanted if scholarships kept the cost reasonable. But she was wrong about most everything else, and even the most /miniscule/ shred of truth in the controlling bit was said just to hurt him.

(At seventeen, she didn’t understand it. At twenty-five, she understood why Jeff Triton came off as controlling at times. That didn’t make it any less frustrating, but it no longer made her hate her father.)

Adella closed her eyes and took a deep, even breath. /No trips to London, for at least the next month./ Well Mary’s sea-urchiney titties. Who else could that possibly directed at?

(Technically all of them. But she was the one always gallivanting off to London for just-for-fun extra acting classes, auditions on the weekends she wasn’t working, parties celebrating the successes that had come to her friends but not yet herself, or birthday parties for those same friends. Adella Triton had come home to Swynlake in body only, her heart and spirit were still sharing a flat in London with three other aspiring actors.)

“I never should have come home. This is completely unfair,” Adella began, with more bite than intended, before visibly reigning herself in. She hoped Daddy would see that and at least say to her ‘I understand’ before dismissing her argument. An acknowledgement that he has a point, before overruling her.

Again, she loved her father. But hated how she felt like a child still in front of him. Acknowledgement would make her feel a little adult at least.

“Dad,” she pointedly left off the second syllable, the intent was only to sound grown up, not to sting, and she hoped the softer but still sure tone she took conveyed as much. “I know this is serious. It has always been serious, even when mom was here the threat was serious. But it. It’s. The /world/ is dangerous, okay? I can get hit by a texting driver on the drive to school, a building can collapse - but we can’t just put our entire lives on pause. You said at least a month. Okay, but what if a month goes by and then two, then three, then five?”

“So I can’t go to London this summer at all? For any chance to work toward my goals? I’m not arguing against extra precautions, and hypervigilance, I’m not discounting the threat. I’m not. And I’m scared out of my - excuse my language - /fucking/ socks, but my life is more than just being afraid. At least, I /want/ it to be.” Adella closed her eyes and pushed back her chair. “I’m going for a walk.”

She brandished her phone from her pocket. “You have a GPS tracker,” her voice was soft, tired. She paused, in case he would try to stop her.

/Try./ He’d succeed, with even a gentle request. Adella was still, annoyingly so, afraid to really truly upset or hurt her father.

ALANA Alana’s first thoughts when Daddy announced the whole thing were “Well could be worse.” She was frustrated, of course, having just been granted freedom after her grounding. But he’d let up on that and he’d let up on this, especially after Paul Patts proved to just be a regular chump and not someone actually out to kill them.

Mind you, not like she wasn’t aware of the dangers of their secret lettin’ out. That’s why she told no one, ever – not Mags, not Eddie – and why she’d never felt the urge to tell anyone. She’d seen the news, read the forums, browsed articles written by “woke” journalists. Admitting you were a mermaid was akin to near ostracization; not even that people would judge you for being Magick and all – people would judge if you were a bloody /human/ or not. That’s the kinda shit that Lan understood – secret like this got out, no one would ever buy make-up from her again. She was all ready to duck her head down and mutter her agreement, when Adella stood up. Alana blinked.

Oh. My. God.

She wanted to laugh – really, she wanted to right then and there and she even more wanted to when Adella wriggled out her phone and pulled up the GPS tracker and Jesus bloody Christ did no one in this family understand that the best way out of a fight was to keep your head down and only strike when necessary.

“Oh my god, Della don’t leave,” said Lana, standing up and grabbing Della’s hand before she could run out. “It’s not gonna be more than a month. I got bloody arrested and I got my freedom back-- you know what? Tell me, d’you really think you’re gonna get any parts if the world finds out you’re a mermaid?”

She let out a short bark of a laugh and it did not quite meet her eyes. “This isn’t about bloody drunk driving –” Her voice caught here and she dropped Adella’s hand.

“It’s not drugs or whatever the hell – it’s about a secret that couldn’t just /kill/ us, but ruin our bloody futures – you think anyone’s gonna buy products from an /animal/?” She sneered, lip curling up. Adella was crying, but Alana felt something twist, like she was holding a knife and she knew she could make it hurt and it would make them all hurt but it felt /good/ that way.

“That they’re gonna cast you as anything but a token sex icon? That they’ll hire a mermaid marine biologist or let Aquata compete in the Olympics or buy albums from a mermaid singer – goddamn, do you think I /want/ to miss the hottest parties of the school year? Of course not – but I also want to have massive, hot, amazing parties in the future and I won’t have a chance to do that if the world swears me off for what I am.”

“So yeah – fuck, it sucks, okay. But we act all nice and good for the next month and make sure nothing gets outta hand and then you can go off to London.” She inhaled sharply, glaring around the room, then dropped back into her seat. “Or run off now. Fine. Just run away instead of dealing with things.”

ARIEL Everything was moving so fast. First, Daddy had said something about moving if they needed to, and Ariel wanted to scream /No!/ She had even found herself gripping the table, ready to stand without thinking, when Adella beat her to the punch. Her older sister was crying, and wanting to leave, and if Alana hadn't also beat Ariel to the punch by grabbing Adella's arm, she would have tried to stop her, too.

And then Alana was ranting on about them being mermaids and how it would ruin their futures and- and Ariel laughed. She actually laughed, though she hadn't meant to- the sound was hollow and choked through tears because-

Well, because a month ago, Ariel had been forced to accept that she would never have the future she wanted. You couldn't sing or act without a voice, for goodness sake. Her future was over before it had begun, and she had had to accept it. (Never mind the fact that she still had trouble feeling worthy of having a future at all. That was a different problem she was working on herself.)

Never-the-less, Ariel laughed, and the room kept spinning, only now instead of her insecurities taunting her in her head, there was just one word, repeating itself over and over and over.

Secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets, secrets - like an ominous threat; like a chant from a cult; like a password you had to know in order to get into a club you never wanted to be a part of.

Ariel didn't know why, but a part of her always assumed that, eventually, her family would stop hiding who they were. That they'd finally be free from the shackles of their secret, able to be themselves. How many times had Ariel pictured herself doing interviews on television where she talked out against magick prejudice and poachers and all of that?

It wasn't that Ariel didn't see it as an issue at all. In fact, it was the opposite. She knew it was an issue. That's why she didn't want it to be such a huge, awful, terrible secret anymore. "Are we going to hide forever?" she finally asked, and it was like she could feel all of her family looking at her. Ariel felt sick to her stomach and she wrapped her arms around herself to stop them from shaking.

She laughed again, hollow still, and now tears slid down her cheeks. "I- I-I love being a mermaid. I- I always thought I sort of hated it, but I don't. Not- Not really. I hate that I have to hide who I am. I hate the secret of it." Her gaze flicked upwards, but Ariel's eyes only searched for her father's. "A-And I'm not saying you guys don't love being a mermaid or hate keeping it a secret either. I just- Forever? Not being able to tell anyone who we are? Lying our whole lives? I don't-"

She shook her head, and stood up then, and hoped she wasn't sounding... preachy, or something. "I want to be an actress. I want to sing. I'm so, so happy that I have my voice back so that I have a chance at doing that again. And I want Adella to act, and I want Aquata to be in the olympics, and all of us to be successful in whatever we do- b-but- I don't think it's right to not use those platforms to- to talk about the fact that we're treated like animals. To raise awareness. To- To try and- To try and make things change using our success. I mean- What's the point in having a voice if you can't even /use/ it?" And she was crying harder now, though she tried to reign it in with a shaking breath.

She'd meant it as a metaphor. But it had hit herself too close to home. What was the point in having a voice you couldn't use? What was the point?

ANDRINA Andrina glanced at her father, whose expression was grave and tired and sad. He rubbed at his eyes, and Andrina saw the weight of all seven of their lives on his shoulders. That's what he had to consider whenever he made decisions. Did Andrina agree with him? Barely, honestly, but she saw the weight and she'd always think about how when Andy was younger and they'd all play in the water, she'd swim up to him and ask him to toss her high into the air. He never once said no to her-- and he always caught her. Since Mum died, Andrina had started catching her father too.

So it was time to speak.

"Ariel, no one is saying-- forever. That's-- that's not what this conversation is about. We're talking about now, and the very real, very present threat that one of us could get hurt," she said. She spoke softly and calmly, meeting her sister's wet eyes. "It totally sucks, you're right. And hey, maybe one day we will have the chance to use those platforms to make a difference. But we need to get those platforms first and we won't, we just...won't, if people know. That's all Lan is sayin', that's-- why it's important that we all stick together, now more than ever. Stick together, lay low, and it'll blow over. We'll just take it a day at a time. Together."

"Thank you, Andrina," sighed Triton from the head of the table, leaning back and wiping his own eyes.

ARISTA Arista had remained quiet during Ariel's initial fear and fright where she was literally shaking trying to talk to all of them. And part of her that she hadn't felt in a long while, reached out for her. Those big sister instincts that she'd crushed down trying to find a better version of herself who didn't need anyone, were now rising to the surface and bubbling up. Her arms got that little urge to go and hug her like she used to, but she shrugged it off. It wasn't the time. She hadn't hugged anyone, not even Q or Tina, in the last three months, not like she used to. Hell, she hadn't let out a giggle in front of them either, not like she used to. But right here, right in this moment, looking at her sisters, all of them reacting in their own ways. She just wanted to hug all of them. 

Hug Lan who was saying exactly what she'd say to Adella about leaving not helping anything, plus missing all those parties wasn't fun either.

Hug Tina because she was crying and Ris knew she'd done her best and it was eating her that it wasn't good enough.

Hug Adella to make her stop leaving and running away from everything

Hug Q, even though she was silent and muttering under her breath about how stupid things were, she needed a hug too. Especially since there weren't going to be more overnight visits with Thomas and that seemed like a real downer. But more importantly, Q always put on that brave face when she knew the whole mermaid thing could influence her dreams of swimming.

Hug Andy for being calm, even though she should be freaking out like everyone else. She was supporting Daddy. She was being what she always was when Attina faltered, she'd take up the sister mantle and be the Mom. Even though she was more of the wine Aunt. 

Hug Ariel, even though she had been selfish and gone to a sea witch to change them, she was still her baby sister. 

Hug Daddy, because even though he steered the vessel, he had the weight of getting all the passengers through safely. Even if that meant going down with the ship and putting everyone else on life rafts. She knew he was doing his best and he just really deserved a hug.

But she didn't. Instead she just sat in her chair, quietly taking everything in before speaking, actually for the first time in a long time, directly to Ariel. "Movements take a while to get momentum, but I really don't think forever is how long it's going to take Ariel. I mean, I think in our life time there will be a lot of change that happens. I mean, unfortunately, we have to rely more on allies to make that happen because we aren't in a safe position to speak out." Her eyes moved across the table, to each person, "We need to stick together. We're a family. And all that has been happening between all of us has not been like familiar...." She squinted a moment, that wasn't the right word, that probably killed the momentum she was going for, "Familial, or whatever. Families have secrets, but we do not have secrets from each other and we do not try to fix those secrets with other secrets because that just leads to more secrets and then you're like in one of those mirror reflecting a mirror things and you're just stuck with reflections you don't like and there's like a thousand of them never ending--" She realized she was rambling, just as she had used to. Definite progress. But she'd keep her celebrations for another time.

She sat up, pulling her hair into a messy bun, sighing out, "One day at a time. Together. Just like Andy said. I like it. I second it."

AQUATA Aqua rolled her eyes. And then rolled her eyes some more as her sisters continued talking, and talking, and talking, and bloody talking. Was she happy about the whole extra curfew shit that her father was imposing on them? No, not really. Did she understand why it was necessary? Um, hell fucking yeah she did. This was a big deal. This was not just Tina running to the sea witch. This was people knowing that they were mermaids, and the chance that this would get out, and the same shit that happened to their mother happening to them. 

“Holy shit, can everyone just fucking get over themselves and listen to what our father and Tina have to say?!?” She finally spoke, leaning back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest.

ATTINA All of the arguing, yelling, crying, and speaking jumbled in Attina's ears. She heard the rushing sound of her own heartbeat, her own panic, louder than anything else. She didn't know what to do, what to say. She could only sit there and hang her head when faced with the reality of what she had done. Broken her family's trust in her. Done the one thing that she always admonished the rest of them not to do. She'd been so--stupid. Caught up and in love. She had thought that things may be--alright. She had been so convinced that Paul loved her.

Why would she ever think that, right?

So, she didn't speak. She sat, clutching her hands in her lap, her shoulders shaking and taking quiet, hiccuping, gasping breaths. Her father's voice was the only thing that she heard--and it was tired and worried, which only made her cry harder, because she had done that to him. Tina, who was always on her father's side. Tina who helped him with everyone. Who reminded him of birthdays and sports games and music recitals. They had always been a team, her and Daddy, even before Mum had died. She would follow him around and try to be just like him. Just like Mum. She had tried so hard. Just like her father, she had just wanted to keep everyone safe.