the instruments as things i’ve heard them Actually Say during marching band, version 2.0
flute: brass those hapless fools
clarinet: i just swallowed a piece of reed
bass clarinet: (to our band director) daryl... can i play the contrabass clarinet (bd: no)
sax: (with the same usage as lit or awesomesauce) sweet beans!
trumpet: (soloist / section leader doesn’t have his instrument together in time to start the solo so he just scream-sings it)
mellophone: (said in a completely normal voice) noot noot.
trombone: (about his case, while wearing his trombone as a fucking Hat) just kick it out of the way man, i dont fuckin care
baritone: (section leader holds his instrument over his head and goes “wheeeeee!” in a high-pitched voice while walking to his dot)
sousaphone: (distant sousaphone voice, literally every game, when the drum majors have finally managed to get the section leader (who starts the stand tune)'s attention) let's go band??????
percussion: (while pushing the piano cart onto the field) nyyyyoooom
guard: the eights and eights is it called. or is that a card game. im in guard i forget
drum major: (with his voice a full octave higher than it usually is, after being accused by the staff of doing something to interfere with the long ranger) i didn’t do anything!!!
band director / staff: (in the most disgusted voice i’ve ever heard in my entire life) roll your feet
