And I can't tell if that's a good thing We met and I was immediately drawn to you Knowing I shouldn't be But I allowed us to begin getting close anyways

I left for a while But I returned I returned to you

But I had wrapped myself up Not letting anyone in Fresh wounds visible through my bandages

My chest was bound I had been wrapping it for years upon years Trying to keep the hurt in People kept out

But you You took the time You willingly took the time to slowly, gently, intentionally begin to undo my bindings

One at a time Taking the edge of a piece of gauze and carefully, skillfully, pulled it from me Rolling it back up as you watched me Ensuring that I was okay and comfortable after each one

Laying the roll neatly next to me Lest I need it If I feel too exposed Knowing you will not take offense if I allow you to get too far and I change my mind

You made it through the bandages Then began undoing the buttons in my chest Opening me up to see inside Catching glimpses of my soul

Before you held it gently in your hands Turning it over Inspecting it Contemplating

You told me that I'm not too broken And I believe you

Always the outsider I always mess things up Say the wrong thing Make the wrong move

I don't do it on purpose But I always "other" myself Never suited to a situation Only upsetting people Making people uncomfortable

I don't mean to I just can't shut my stupid mouth Keep my hands at my sides Not call all of the attention to myself

I don't like being the center of attention But I always make just enough of a fool of myself Correct someone too harshly Or just unnecessarily

I don't mean to be so rude I never realize in the moment Only when I sit back and reflect Obsessively

I can't just leave something be When I have a feeling That I fucked up Made a stupid mistake

And I can't take that back I always try to shift the meaning of what I said After the fact Trying to make it seem not how I said it

He's started calling me on it He sees too much He knows me too well I trust him too much I've let him too far into my sense of self

I don't think I'll ever be able to untangle what we've become within myself

If souls do exist I don't think mine belongs to me It never has I feel it's been misplaced into my body Yet I keep giving it away

Trying to pawn it off on others So that I don't have to feel Don't have to feel it anymore It will never be whole again

Too many people I no longer know still have pieces Or they've discarded them In places I will never find

I don't know who I am Where I am What I am

Always the outcast Always the outsider Always messing things up Always saying the wrong thing Always making the wrong move

I fear I'll never change