#bastards

sam has to physically remove them from his kitchen bc they promised to help chop veggies but they won’t stop tickling each other and FLIRTING and it’s beginning to distract the chef

aragorn has to cuss them out because they’re riding horses and trying to save the world and obviously gimli doesn’t want to have his own horse so he shares with the elf. they have somewhere to be so aragorns trying to urge the horses to gallop but he keeps hearing giggling so he turns and why the fuck is gimlis’s hand under legolas’s SHIRT??

boromir is so pissed he bans them from accompanying each other for night watch duty because he’s tired of waking up in the middle of the night because they are LOUDLY making out. who knew elves were moaners? disgusting.

similarly, frodo is deeply embarrassed MULTIPLE TIMES while gathering firewood in the forest and unknowingly rounding a corner to find legolas pinned up against a tree with gimli going to town on his neck. frodos never moved so quickly in his life to get the hell outta there

gandalf is infuriated when he has to wait nearly an HOUR to use the bathhouse in rohan because everyone’s favorite douchebags can’t seem to figure out how to put their clothes on

the only people who don’t seem to mind are merry and pippin, who actually find all of this quite hilarious, and delight in making up various songs and poems to bother the couple. each night at dinner one would spontaneously burst into rhyme, spitting out the words as quickly as possible before he could be interrupted by gimli;

“once there was an elf and dwarf who had their own luck, though their families were enemies, they liked to-”

“ALRIGHT THATS quite enough master pippin!”

(A/N Sorry, English is not my first language.)

TW: Use of the f-word. // Nādrēsy means bastard in Valyrian.

It had not been a week since the young princess was in Winterfell and the rumors that followed her as a child in the Red Keep now also accompanied her moons away from there.

The gossip began as whispers behind closed doors, but those whispers became light conversation and no longer happened in the privacy but were discussed in the hallways as if they were about the weather.

The young woman did not care about the bitter words, they did not affect her too much, she knew that they were empty words (even if they were true) with hardly any evidence. But when those words began to be directed towards her little brothers all her animosity turned into rage. How dare they speak ill of the princes of Dragonstone around their damn older sister?

The worst part was the looks that the young woman received from the palace service, dirty looks full of judgment. But their comments and words towards her were nothing more than polite, although she could read between the lines and felt them loaded with venom. And she thought that vipers lived in Dorne and couldn't handle the northern cold well. Who would have thought there were northern vipers.

Looking at her reflection in the mirror of the room she had been given a week ago, when she arrived at Winterfell, she felt uneasy about the event she was about to attend. A feast in her honor. An honor that the gossips of the palace did not consider her to possess. She would have rejected the invitation had it not been for the fact that Cregan Stark, the Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the fucking North, had asked her himself. She couldn't not go to the celebration after being invited by the supreme Lord of the North, and even less so when her mother needed his help and army in the upcoming war.

The maid who was combing her hair smiled at her through the reflection of the mirror. When she finished braiding the brunette's hair, she politely stepped away and extended her hand to help the young woman get up from the chair. Y/n gently accepted the help of the maiden, her being one of the few people who had expressed genuine kindness towards her. She had decided not to dress too extravagantly, not as she would have dressed at home, to maintain the austerity with which northerners seemed so comfortable. A dark purple with lilac accessories along the line of her cleavage that complemented her eyes, all accompanied by a cloak that had been given to her by Lord Stark himself when he saw that she did not have an appropriate one for the cold summer that existed in Winterfell.

Three soft knocks came from the door, the young woman knew it was Cregan because he had told her that he would accompany her to the dining room and thus begin the feast. She approached the door and opened it, meeting the tall, stoic figure of Cregan, who scanned her from head to toe in return. Her eyes remained longer than necessary on the skin that showed her neckline, she knew that perhaps it was not appropriate to wear a neckline so deep but it was one thing to give up her jewelry and quite another to give up her favorite part of the dresses. Besides, she wanted to test if the man was as stoic as he always seemed or if he had any weakness, and the young princess may not have found a weakness so to speak but she had found something that made the ice-man melt a little. They had known each other almost since they were both born and in all those years Y/n had never seen Cregan look at her like that. It made her nervous. Really nervous.

He offered his arm to the princess and she accepted it, threading it into the older man's. The conversation they shared while walking to the dining room was calm, no heavy topics or deals were discussed, they only talked about the weather and what there might be for dinner. Light conversation.

Once they arrived at the dining room, they were both announced and after greeting some people who were still standing, everyone proceeded to sit down as dinner was going to be served shortly.

Dinner went well, not that she liked Northern food too much, with meats full of nerve and hard or too gelatinous parts, but she opted for the fish dish (from a winter river) that a servant offered her. During the feast, topics of revelry were discussed because the festivals of a fairly important town in the north were approaching, with less than a moon left for its celebration, and the Lord of those lands asked Cregan for his blessing for the celebration. Cregan accepted and the songs that followed were received with less joy, at least from the princess. The issue of legitimacy was brought to the table and with it, the honor of a pure house, with a worthy bloodline. The young woman felt many, if not all, eyes on her.

Now, she thought, not only the service thinks badly of me and my family but also the upper and noble class.

She decided to only pay attention to her dinner and let the rest of the guests have whatever conversations they wanted while she was on the sidelines. But, evidently, it was too much to ask for a quiet and peaceful dinner.

"And you, Princess, what do you think of illegitimacy?" the Lord of Rills asked with a raised eyebrow and a crooked smile.

The brunette gently placed her fork on her plate and with a polite smile responded, "Everyone in their home is free to do what they want as long as it does not affect the interests and common good of the rest."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Of course, My Lord, who could not think that, it is the most fair thing. You cannot always decide how things turn out, much less such gruesome issues, everyone is responsible for their actions and only their actions while the rest of us must be witnesses but not judges. We must never judge.” If she were alone she would have patted herself on the back for that answer.

"Do you think that people in high positions, like us or even more important royalty, can commit such sins?" The man asked her again after taking a sip from his glass.

"I wouldn't call it a sin, it's more of a… mistake. We all make mistakes, we can all make mistakes, we all have made mistakes and we all will make mistakes,” she felt how little by little her patience was running out, but with a somewhat harsh breath she continued her response, "Sometimes we are not able to control the wind and we must learn to live in the storm, My Lord, it does not matter if you are a noble, a king or a peasant"

"Is that what your mother told you, princess? What a fucking joke." the man laughed

“Excuse me?”

“Your mother was the first to make mistakes, marry a faggot and sleep with that— that gentleman, what was his name again? Hedwin Song?" The Lord commented while laughing

Y/n clenched her jaw and swallowed hard at that shameless mockery.

“Harwin Strong. His name was Harwin Strong, I would ask you to be a little more respectful with the dead." The brunette's voice was about to break.

“With your dead father you mean” The princess' eyes widened and her jaw almost touched the ground. At her side Cregan had a very similar reaction, but it was quickly overcome by anger. “Your mather is a whore who bedded that joke of a man and had not only one but four kids— That we know of, of course! And she pretends to have them all on the line to the throne!”

“You know you're talking to one of her children? One of the children of the true queen and heir to the damned iron throne.” Y/n felt her teeth grinding from clenching them.

“Just a bastard” he laughed at her

Cregan went to get up but Y/n put a hand on the man's, urging him to sit down again. She got up from her seat and stood right in front of her chair.

“Perhaps you, My Lord, are right and I am nothing more than a bastard, but still Targaryen blood runs through my veins and I was raised under the manners and customs of the Velaryon, therefore, I will forgive your rude words, which in another time they would have been punished with your own blood. Today I feel generous. A generous bastard.” she said from her elevated position above that of the man in front of her who was looking at her with a shit-eating smile.

"Indeed, princess, you are very generous, just as we have all been with your mother and her adventures."

Y/n grabbed her own cup and, elegantly raising it, decided to say a few last words, "Let me toast for you, My Lord." he nodded still with that ugly smile on his fucking face “I think your sincerity should be rewarded with something that I think is very Targaryen." She waited for everyone in the room to think what could the gift be. "I will send a dragon to your lands and you will see all the bastards who live in your lands burn, although perhaps you should be careful that my dragon does not burn your heir or you will have to put one of your illegitimate children in charge and no one would want that, right?" The man stopped smiling and looked askance at his wife, sitting next to him, who was frowning suspiciously.

“What are you even talking about, fucking bastard?” The man shouted, getting up from his place and facing her, but even with that he wasn’t taller than the princess.

“Oh, you didn’t tell her? You didn’t tell her how the Lord of Rills had an affair with a whore from King’s Landing 7 years ago and had a little boy?” Y/n was not a fan of gossip, but as a royal negotiator she knew that it was sometimes crucial to her dealings. The man stiffened and his jaw almost hit the floor.

“You fucking—“

“And you know other thing, My Lord?” she smiled and lowered her cup “My favorite word is dracarys,” she whispered that last part, “and I’d love to use it near you so you’d burn for all your sins” She drank the entire content of the cup, placed it on the table and left the dining room in an elegant manner, without looking back.

Later that night, while she was keeping Nādrēsy company, Cregan appeared. Y/n did not turn to greet him, she only said "Hello, My Lord."

“What you did before—“ he started but she cut him before he could finish his sentence

“—It was a mistake, yes, and I am deeply sorry but I couldn’t just sit there and wait until him decided to stop insulting my family”

“I know, I came to say that I’m impressed” cregan solemnly admitted

“What?” The young woman turned to look at him, only to find that he was a very short distance away from her.

“One day you will be the best Queen the Seven Kingdoms will have”

“I am not even in line for the throne at the moment, M’Lord”

“I’ll help you kill that fucking usurper” he said

“Wait— Wh—“ she smiled and opened her eyes with glee “That means you’ll help my mother?” she asked excitedly

“Yes, princess, I will help your mother take what it’s hers” Y/n couldn't help herself and hugged Cregan, taking them both by surprise, so she quickly separated. “If I had known you’d have done that in return I would have agreed much sooner"

“Thank you, My lord, thank you, thank you. Mother will be overjoyed the moment she knows of this!”

“Although she can wait to find out, it is late, Princess, you should retire and rest until the morrow, and then send a letter to Her Majesty." Cregan said

“You are right, M’lord”

"I will walk you to your room, My Princess."

All of her sacrifices, all of her strength, all of her weaknesses exposed, and all she wanted was freedom. My fallen angel in media.

They rly said "we're so happy. get robbed or don't. it's not about you ✨️"