Am I doing this right? Testing...testing...2, 9, 80.... Uhm, hi. I art Quimbolgees, usually known by Cookie and I am JustStuck on ao3. I like SamBucky alot. It's the reason I'm here. I write occasionally, read constantly and daydream always.
38/she-her/bisapien/blackity black black/here
Long time, no see. I find myself in dire need of assistance over these past few years, now more than ever. If you can donate, I'd appreciate it and if you can't, please do share! If you wanna donate through Cash App, Paypal, or Venmo, please send me a DM. Thank you! If you wanna send gift cards, Lyft and any major market chain in Virginia would be best as transportation, household items, and food tend to be the areas we lack in.
My GoFundMe
I just posted an update to my GoFundMe to talk about where we're currently at. With the money that got raised, it went directly to the card that was building interest immediately. I think everyone for donating and sharing. I'm also okay with you guys sharing it on other social media sites.
Feeling kind of desperate this year in a way that feels very distinct. All the therapy and medication in the world do not solve lacking resources. Because your life doesn't really improve if you cannot access resources to improve your material conditions. It definitely sometimes feel selfish because I can't reasonably earn money in a way that isn't detrimental to my health. I'm not even sure if I could earn money in the ways that I know that would be damaging for my mental health.
One thing I can hope for though is that I can get these credit cards paid off at least. So if something should happen to me, for whatever reason, my family isn't left with an extreme amount of debt. I hope everyone out there is taking care of themselves as best as they can and know that you have my die-hard appreciation and my tears when you do share and donate. Thank you for reading! 🫶🏾
A reminder: Use CashApp, Venmo, and PayPal. DM me if need any more details and gift cards options.
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People constantlyyyy using new words to water down misogyny when a woman does it. No she is not “male centered” or “not a girls girl” she’s a misogynist just like her boyfriend!!!!
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so one of the largest open source data communities on the internet, data.world, got bought out by a company called ServiceNow, who has decided to fucking delete all of it by July 11th. they've given users barely any notice, no emails, just a fucking banner at the top and a blog post from June that gives barely a month to download your data before they fucking delete it all.
a bunch of archives of incredibly important government datasets like maternal mortality statistics are about to be deleted forever. in a regime where they're known to fudge numbers, we can't trust a lot of the data coming from them to not be altered. open source backups like those found on data.world are vital to being able to verify that the data coming from our government is still intact and not altered. and they're about to delete all of it.
i don't know if we need to start a petition or what. nobody seems to fucking care. there are millions of users on data.world and yet nobody is raising the alarm bells and it makes me feel like I'm going insane. somebody needs to do something. i don't know what to do. it feels like more and more of this world is being destroyed and dismantled. it's not only US centric data, either! it's all sorts of countries from around the world! and they're about to fucking delete everything.
the only things that won't be deleted are private companies who happen to use the paid version of their platform (which isn't accessible data to the open source community; some people have just been using their service to host their own data on privately)
and the kicker? this announcement was made... via an AI generated blog post. so not even any sort of human touch. just a generic, soulless announcement made by a soulless human about to take a wrecking ball to one of the more important websites that exists on the internet.
an example of some of the things that will be deleted on July 11th:
Made stuffed bell pepper halves fer the first time ever. And fucked them up [positive]!
Okay, tumblr is not letting me add images right now, hating ass. Edit: got em in!
Anywho, I'm so effing proud. I watched this video to get the basics of what to do and add, but used what I had.
My stuffing mix was:
Wilted spinach
Drained and rinsed can of black beans
Chopped red bell pepper
Diced r/w onions
finely chopped garlic
Ginger pulp
4oz can of tomato sauce
Cooked white rice
Lean ground beef
Shredded sharp cheddar and aged gouda
Seasonings: kosher salt, black pepper, accent, paprika, red pepper flakes, oregano, and a lil brown sugar
Also the greek yogurt/salsa verde sauce I been stuck on drizzled over the top with some parmesean cheese was the finishing touch. Like, I'm so fucking proud right now. Cooking has been settling as hell lately while I deal with everything that is my life. And the upping of meds has really helped my mood. It's nice to be actually to feel good of something I did instead of just going through the motions with basic maintenance, eating.
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I know this has been discussed plenty, but I saw these comments earlier, so it's still a topic, but how exactly did Sam treat Walker like shit?
Sure Bucky was very upfront with his dislike of Walker, and even recently still doesn't like him, but what did Sam do besides decline to work with Walker? What exactly did Sam do or say that equals treating Walker like shit? As I recall, Sam tried multiple times to de-escalate, and we saw Walker escalate situations. In their first sit down talk, we found out that Walker and Lemar hacked Redwing, and that's how they found Sam and Bucky. Despite that, and despite the fact that they had no new information to add, Sam still shared what he knew so far. Walker, at the end of their conversation, hits Sam with that "wingman" bit which folks like to ignore for what it is. Sam even says, "it's always that last line." During the rest of the show, Sam is as cordial as possible even though Walker isn't. He tries to pick a fight with Sam after his role in messing up the talk with Karli. Even after Walker wrongfully killed Nico, Sam tries to reason with him, but Walker escalates that situation too. At no point during that fight were Sam or Bucky trying to kill him, but Walker does attempt to kill Sam. Again, what did Sam do or say that equals treating Walker like shit?
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And because I’m trying to make a lemonade out of these lemon, who is going to post the verry messy SamSteve story post Steve losing his wife and kid and post SamBucky breakup as Steve?
Oh, the heartache of Sam being empathetic in light of Steve's loss, knowing he's still feeling repressed anger at him and would feel guilty expressing while Steve grieves
But, no, fuck that, because Sam is mad and hurt and the cause of that is unbelievably in front of him again. So he lets Steve have a fraction of his deserved ire, fighting himself to tread as carefully as he can when Steve's tears aren't dry.
The accidental confession that's implied in Sam's hurt that Steve only now hears and then experiencing a whole new wave of guilt and grief. Both suffering from what was lost, botg long gone and fresh losses alike. Heavy breathing in the silence that follows before Sam storms off, rolling his eyes, leaving Steve to cry anew from a love recognized some 10yrs+ too late only to lose it immediately in the aftermath of losing his family, the same one he sacrificed Sam fer.
Being torn in so many different directions with no quick resolution in sight.
And then Bucky having seen the entirety of the exchange, meaning to come and offer what comfort he could to his bff, only gaining his own set of mixed emotions watching Sam confess to a resurfacing love in the midst of the madness.
Seeing that fuckass poster put me in Steve hate mode again and then I membered this of him suffering and started mentally rubbing my hands together like that one Spice Adams meme because smallish addition.
So, they fix the world, the timelines restored, some lost returning again, including Steve's family. But he's torn, again, because he gave up so much of himself to war, to the many losses that come with wartime, and took an opportunity fer love all the while he had one staring him in the face nearly the entirety of his time off ice. But he'd ignored it, not knowing how else to quantify his actions as anything other than outright dismissal of Sam when he'd gotten the unbelievable chance to work at side again, to watch in awe as he led. The glances Steve now knew to have another meaning, looks of love he could remember clear as day on Sam's face but didn't recognize in time.
Neil and maybe Wong wait to open his portal to send Steve back again but at his hesitation, clear the room to give him and Sam the space needed fer whatever talk they needed to have.
Steve steps forward and Sam steps immediately back, not wanting Steve all up in his space. Steve's hurt is obvious but Sam's resolution is strong. Still, Steve has always been a hardheaded bastard, stubborn to many faults and so steps forward again, catching the hand Sam puts in the middle of his chest to halt Steve's forward progression, refusing to give more.
Then he's holding Sam's hand, sliding it up over his heartbeat, glassy eyes bold enough to beg fer a chance he knows he's wholly undeserving of. And Sam shakes his head, teary eyed, dejected, but still unmoved.
He shakes his head, tears falling from closed eyes and pulls his hand back slowly from Steve, the no in his actions apparent. Steve opens his mouth to plead, to beg, to return the sentiment aloud, "I lov--"
"No." At Sam's broken one word rejection Steve's mouth snaps shut. "How many times are you going to abandon those that care about you for selfish reasons?" Sam asks, throwing Steve off guard, his mouth dropping in surprise at the accusation and truth radiating in it. He closes his mouth again, tightening it as he doesn't have an answer fer it, only an anger at himself he'd be projecting onto Sam fer thinking this was the best decision.
"Whatever you think you've decided is for the best, or for me, or hell, even Bucky, or anyone else, is only for you. And while your original choice to go back to find a happiness you thought couldn't happen here, this time it woukd reek of intentional selfishness, an admitted dismissal of concern for Peggy. For your daughter."
"And if you think I'd accept being your second choice in light of all you did when you left, you are not the same man I gave my time, assistance, help, my life and heart to. You've had your second chance, Steve. Don't waste it because there's nothing here waiting for you."
"You don't get to use me to abandon another person's love and affections to continue selfishly chasing your chance at happiness." It's silent between them and a knock on the doorjam sounds, calling their attention to Bucky, face unreadable but neither of them believe he didn't hear their conversation.
"They're ready when you are," Bucky simply states before turning to rejoin the sorcerers. Steve cleans his face before trailing after Sam who'd followed out behind Bucky.
When Steve walks in, the portal forms before him, still an awesome sight in all he's seen. Bucky and Sam stand on opposing sides of it, heads turned downward until he approaches each one in turn. He stops at Bucky first and they easily embrace unlike the first time Bucky watched him go back to their time. There was little resentment now as before, a bittersweet gladness to see his bestfriend return to the happy retirement miraculously returned to him.
Another, much larger part of him was especially happy for Sam because while he was never anything other than the perfect man for leading them to victory, there was a tension in his shoulders Bucky hadn't seen since he'd took up the shield and mantle after Walker's tarnishing of it. Bucky was very much looking forward to his... friend returning to a more lax nature and not burying his feelings as he had since Steve first reappeared in his life.
Another, smaller, secret part is also immensely grateful he doesn't have to compete with Steve for Sam's heart. Of course he'd heard everything, fearing Sam might accept Steve's late ass love confession. The elation of Sam remaining true to the man Bucky had fallen in love with was barely contained at the many shouts of mental celebration he'd done.
"Do you think for once, just maybe, you can stay outta trouble, Punk?" Bucky murmurs in Steve's ear before they pull back, smiling wide at each other.
"Only if you can."
"Not a chance."
"And thus my answer." Bucky swiped at Steve that he ducked easily as he moved towards Sam. He wanted a hug more than he could ever admit, but instead he took Sam's right hand in both of his, grip tight despite clammy palms. "Never a doubt in my mind that I picked the right man for the job," Steve said, staring directly into Sam's eyes, an unspoken admission of wishing he'd also done the same for his own heart passing between them. Sam smiled tightly before pulling Steve into a hug, both of them relaxing into the hold.
"If I find out your ancient ass has left me any other duty, I will drop you where you stand, so help me, Rogers." Steve laughed wetly against Sam's neck.
"I promise not to. The only thing I have left to give is Bucky but I think that situation will work out all by itself." Steve returned cryptically, hoping the two wouldn't make the Same mistake he'd made in unrecognized signs and unspoken words. "Just keep being you, Sam. Captain." Steve saluted Sam after they'd stepped apart, Sam's face brightening at the respect shown.
And then Steve waddles his way back through the portal to live a life of love and fatherhood, but this time with the burden to bear that another unrealized love would never be his to know.
