Thou may ingest a satchel of immature Richards.

"Hey, Sam, I been meaning to ask you man, how goes the love life?"

"Dry as this Arizona weather today. Why do you ask?" Sam turned narrowed eyes at Rhodey as they stood near the back of the event where Tony was standing on the stage. He was playing nice with the cameras during his speech for an opening of a string of facilities dedicated to helping underserved Veterans and their families.

"Welllll–"

"Nonono, hold up! Uh uh! No blind dates, James, no setups, no 'Oh, let me introduce you to this guy I know', please. My love life may be dry, but I will apply my own moisturizer in my own time rather than suffer another mismatched date."

Rhodey held himself up by holding onto Sam's right shoulder, silent laughter at Sam's pleading tirade rocking him. "I'm so glad my trauma at my many past failed entanglements amuses you." Sam bit out, poorly disguising the laughter in his own voice at the usually stoic Rhodey beside him busting his side.

Rhodey stifles a few more snorts before finally composing himself, "Waitwaitwait, Sam, it's not like that. It's… well, it's a party Tony and I are throwing. Every couple of years or so, we have one when things have been tense and some, hmm, unwinding should I say, is in immediate order."

Sam looked at the faraway look on Rhodey's face, wondering what memory he's looking back into that's putting that dirty smirk on his face. He cleared his throat, watching Rhodey snap out of his daze with that smile growing wider, but no less dirty. "Just what do you and Tony get up to at these kindsa parties?"

"You should stop by the house tonight for dinner and drinks after, yeah?"

For a second Sam was confused about the segway, but then understood the subject matter at hand was best discussed around a room not currently full of dozens of visible microphones and cameras. No telling how many were not visible. "Yeah, sounds like a plan. Need me to bring anything?"

"Just an open mind." Rhodey winked at Sam saucily before weaving through the crowd to get to his husband beckoning him over for the photo ops.

[Dinner at Iron Husbands, Tony's excused himself, leaving Rhodey and Sam to continue their earlier conversation.]

"And what pray tell are you doing hosting shindigs like this? Aren't you a happily married man?" "Oh, don't sound so scandalized, Sammy! To put it simply, I enjoyed a very healthy sex life in my college years."

"So you had a ho phase?"

"Oh, a big one. Also, I didn't grow out of it so much as I learned to enjoy it still, just in heavily moderated moderation."

"You're telling me, no bullshit, that every so often, you host a party where you get your back blown out?"

"Several times."

"And Tony?"

"Learned he enjoys watching years ago." Sam's eyebrows shot up, lip poked out as he nodded in approval. "With these stressful positions we find ourselves, trying to get help to those ignored and cast aside, things get hectic and overwhelming and that itch to not think for just a moment needs to be scratched." Sam nodded all too familiar with the want to forget, to escape. "When that itch hits, we find a secluded, luxury location, invite some like minded individuals after strenuous vetting on both our parts. We have many repeat attendees and some new blood dropping in, being mindful of our guests and who might vibe well to make the trip worth it for everyone involved."

"So, what, you just spend the night getting railed into the mattress while your husband watches?"

"Correction: I spend the weekend getting railed into any given number of surfaces while my husband watches, yes." Rhodey sighs wistfully.

"Alright then. I made the short list, huh? You said you've been doing this for years. Why now?"

Rhodey shrugs one shoulder, "Riley." Sam knew that'd be the answer, but nodded anyway. "You've been in mourning a long time Sammy. I wasn't gonna push you into something like this with you missing your man the way you were. Of course I know you still do, know you always will, but you've seemed lighter these past few months than you have in close to a decade. And while it's hard as shit in these dating streets, everyone could use a night or two of getting their spine realigned." Sam chuckled through his sniffles. "Or maybe you'll be the one doing the realignment." Rhodey added drawing more somber laughter from Sam.

"But this work we do, the good of it comes with a lot of bullshit: horrible hours, bigots ranging from politicians to civilians and every walk of life in between, not to mention that it's entirely detrimental to weathering one's love life, whether that's initiating or maintaining relationships. And not to brag, but we have seen a few hookups turn permanent. It doesn't happen everytime and a few were less than permanent, though long-lasting."

"Just to clarify: you're basically offering me an opportunity to get these cobwebs knocked out while submitting I may also meet another lasting love?"

"You just get it, Sam, truly you do. So, what do you say man? Will you come to, and possibly at, the party?"

"I can't believe you're inviting me to an orgy."

"Organized orgy, thank you."

"What in the world is the difference?"

"Well, how many orgies have you been to where all in attendance surrender their electronics upon pickup to the chauffeur before they're even in transit, submit to frisking and searching before admittance on the private jet and sign NDAs before take off?"

Sam blinked rapidly, shocked silent momentarily. "Uhm, zero."

"Exactly. We're a group of varying professionals who seek to enjoy one another's carnal company. We have not successfully hosted these parties for years without due diligence to assure privacy. We normally don't extend invites to people we work with for obvious reasons and we don't choose just anybody. You are our dear friend, a hardworking colleague and in desperate need of a dick down, Sammy." Rhodey patted Sam's shoulder jovially.