#bashag

Context; Our entire party got killed in a dungeon belonging to a magic cult. Our new characters are people who have been kidnapped by the cult, meant to be sacrificed; Bashag the bandit Barbarian, Adea the bandit Rogue and Nola, the royal guard Paladin along with the NPC queen Esme. We’ve fought our way out of the dungeon, ending up in a tavern frequented by the blue-robed cult. There’s only four of them at a table right now.

(Me) Bashag, barbarian: I go up to the table with the blue robe people. I slam my morning star down on the table and ask them “Who is the most important person here?” Adea, rogue: Bashag, no, discreet, remember what I’ve said about being discreet! *hissing whisper* Bashag! DM: Okay, they look at you a bit weird, but a young, rather handsome man rises slightly from the table. He says “I am.” (Me) Bashag, barbarian: I say “Alright” and grab Poppy (his morning star is called that), bring her up over my head and move to bash his head into the table. Adea, rogue: *facepalm* DM, shocked: Uh, ohkayy, roll for attack. (Me) Bashag, barbarian: *rolls* Let’s see heeere.. 24.  DM: OhhhhhKAY you all se Bashag bring up his massive morning star, slamming it down onto this young man’s head and practically merging his face with the table. He’s dead. There’s blood everywhere. (Me) Bashag, barbarian: "So who is the second most important person here?!”

I figured I’d make a list of my d&d characters thus far, at least the fantasy ones. Just for fun. 

Vix (I swear, the campaign she was part of was before I’d even heard of Critical Role) Half-elf ranger female of a sour disposition. Pragmatic, but not always very analytical of things that don’t have to do with nature. Blunt and doesn’t mind a laugh on someone else’s expense. Has a pet fox named Riva. Everyone else is expendable, she cares only for Riva. Crimson red hair and green eyes, fair but sunkissed skin with freckles. Asexual. Nima Lior Human cleric girl. Young and naive, optimistic to a fault and a bit too impulsive, but always with the best intentions at heart. A bit easily startled. Practiced herbalist. Fair skin from a sheltered life, raven hair and eyes. Heterosexual. Actually ended up marrying a NPC. 

Eiron Skymnasjäl (Duskensoul) Ah, my tragic young elf bard male. Born into wealth, his vineyard-owning parents sent young Eiron out on a political mission, never to return. Kind at heart and wishing to do good in the world, alas, Eiron was brought down by his fear and self-doubt. (And a Lich.) Soft blueish skin and white, long hair, golden eyes. Closet homosexual.

Bashag The Brute, in only two game sessions, has got himself a grand total of 11 killing blows.

Nola the paladin, Bashag the bandit barbarian and Adea the bandit rogue are travelling through the desert towards Ma’dal (the neighbouring country) and strike up a conversation. Nola is fully aware that Adea and Bashag are bandits, but has this idea that they are righteous, nice people.

Nola: So, where are you from, Bashag?

Bashag: I’ve been travelling a lot. I’m from [name of a tiny settlement].

Nola: What about you, Adea? How did you meet Bashag’s...group?

Bashag: Oh, that’s quite a story! She tried to steal our things, and I caught her in the act. She was very obvious about it.

Adea: I was nine!

Bashag: Well, yes. And then I convinced our leader - he wanted to kill her - that she could be useful. And she was!

Adea: Yup, I was pretty damn useful to you.

Nola: *Pales, and wonders what they mean by “useful”*

Bashag: If you want to stop and attack a caravan a crying nine-year-old is very useful. People will stop for that.

Adea: Yeah, it’s very convincing. Until she stabs you.

Nola: *stammers slightly*

The conversation turns to recent events when Bashag’s bandit gang (except Adea) got captured and Adea got captured trying to save them.

Bashag: That was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done! Maybe aside from that time when you took on a caravan by yourself!

Nola: *is about to say something about how the most stupid things we do can be the noblest*

Adea: *cuts Nola off* Yeah, well. At least I killed them all in the end.