#bars on windows

All Within is Dark as Night

I photographed this room at the Trans Allegheny Insane Asylum in Weston, West Virginia.  The vintage image is from my collection.  I started out working with this image in color and decided to try working with some black and white filters and effects.  I really felt what I used gave it that true eerie abandoned feel that I felt when I was photographing this insane asylum. Title is from the poem…

It all happened a mere 15 minutes after my first return to Nebaj without Kostya. My lovely and amazing friend, Sahisha, kindly accompanied me that weekend and I cannot thank her enough for doing so.

We had not even really settled into the house yet. Had barely set down our things and changed into our proper indoor clothing when the soccer game that takes place regularly outside my house took a turn for the worse. The ball they were using was obviously a bigger and harder ball, because when it hit the metal door, it did so with a loud resounding bang. And then it hit the window and the sound became screeching and broken as it split the pane of glass. 

Now as a background, it should be noted that homes here generally have bars over them-I always assumed primarily, if not soley, for safety and security purposes- but it obviously also comes in handy to safeguard against rowdy soccer games! About a month before the night of this fateful soccer game, my family had finished the outside of the house, which at some point required the removal of the bars on the windows. A month later, they were still not back up.

Leading us back to the incident in question... 

As soon as I heard that distinctive shattering of glass sound, my adrenaline just carried me outside. It was automatic. Instinctive even. Well let's just put it this way: I did NOT even change out of my indoor clothes and shoes. I was livid and scared and wanted it FIXED and FIGURED out de una vez (straight away)! I proceeded to interrogate the lil brats, expecting perhaps naively but full heartedly for them to instantly confess out of guilt and fear...Unfortunately and most infuriating for me, that was anything but the case!

Instead, they came up with ridiculous lie after lie: a rock skid off a fast-moving motorcycle, what? they weren't even around here?, it was the other kids playing...the window was always broken!? Shameless little liars. It was upsetting because while I think I expect this out of us corrupted,broken adults, I wanna believe that the kids are still good and innocent and honest. but instead they are just scared, cowardly punks-at least in anea moment of panic and possible punishment.

Shocked by all this, I didn't know how to respond. Luckily one of host sisters came from around the corner (by that time a crowd was gathering) and gave them the appropriate stare-down and warning that her father would be coming to visit and talk with each of them regarding the replacement of the window. With that, I returned inside feeling somewhat more settled but still mostly defeated. 

It was a stark reminder of what my life would be nuevamente (again) without Kostya. Immediately the thought arose, "If Kostya had been here, he would have chased down those lil brats and pulled them by the ears" or he would have demanded this or done that to comfort me...i wouldn't be alone and feeling so defeated and helpless...and worse of all because of a bunch a lil 5th grader hooligans.

Luckily though, my amazing, beautiful and all-powerful friend, Sahisha was there. I hadn't even thought to have someone come back with me that first weekend back to site alone. She just up and decided it like that,  asked me just to make sure, but kind just knew that I needed someone around, even if I didn't. And that is the kind of incredibly special friends you sometimes have the great luck of making in Peace Corps or abroad-these Super-Friends who just truly care about and for you. become your family. support...and step-in Peace Corps staff demanding your host family fix the window ASAP or else!