#baristaperks

Caught in the Middle

I’m finally accepting the fact that I might not be able to put my thoughts into words, after all. So I’m saying goodbye —at least for now, to my 2017 Moral Lesson post hahaha and since there were a lot of things that happened to me since my last life-update (as if someone really checks this page out hahahaha), this will be my Catch-Up post! But! In excessive detail hehe (maybe this will be in divided into parts.. hmmm let’s see)

Okay, so the last update I had here was way back 2016 pa —wow, why do I even bother writing this. And there I mentioned that I have stopped schooling, and was working at Starbucks. Well, today is October 30, 2018 and as of today, well, I am glad to inform each and everyone here that I am back to school (!!!) and that I am no longer a barista, for more than a year now. 

Disclaimer: This is my side of the story. Everything written here are based on my point of view and opinion. If you don’t like it, or are against it...well that’s too bad because this is how I really felt during those times and I can’t be sorry for feeling my own emotions. Okay?

The coffee shop life got too messy. First, my closest friends filed their resignations one after the other. And when they're no longer under the management, they were finally able to expose the people that I genuinely considered my second family. A lot of mean words were said behind my back, to the point that my life situation that I was trying so hard to recover from, was used against me as if they don’t know my story. Eventually, I dreaded going to work everyday. I suddenly kept my distance and ignored these people as if they were dead to me. I couldn't help it, I can't make myself pretend that we're still okay. I was like this for almost 4 months, and for the longest time, my heart was extremely heavy.

Then enter this guy who brought me so much trouble. He started out as a game, then I realized that it was only with him that I can sleep peacefully. Then he turned into someone who kept my mind up all night until he was someone who I had to sleep through just because I didn’t know how to deal with his entirety. Honestly, he affected me in ways I couldn't make myself admit.

It was a disaster, my last few months in Starbucks. I could feel my brain hurt every time. I'd use sleep as an excuse to escape all the thinking and living I had to go through; and when I couldn't sleep anymore, I'd pop myself some pills. No one could drag me out of the bed, not even Carlo when we "got back together." He'd ask me to go out for some drinks and late night food with him but I'd always rather sleep even though I just woke up from a nap. I also didn't eat enough.

I remember I called Kaye in the middle of a morning duty, during my first 15 minute break, and I was crying. I was telling her how much I don’t want to work with these people anymore. How much I wanted to quit. I just had the last of it, that day. Later that night, she told me someone she knows is in need of an assistant and I hesitated no second and sent my CV. I went for an interview the following week and I secretly took the job during our Store Meeting. I gave my notice to my favorite manager, Lao, and I sobbed so hard when I told him I'm leaving and why. It really sucked because I honestly love what I was doing, I think it was really cool. Plus, I just got my Coffee Master title some months ago. But I know I wasn’t well anymore and leaving was the only way to save myself.