Write. Write one sentence.  Write one word.  Once a day; EVERYDAY, just write something.  Write it down.  Allow it to mean something.  Embrace the healing power of the written word.

The Challenge:

I've decided that; at the time of my life, I need to start expressing myself through written word. My challenge is to do a 100 day journal. This is only a starting point. After the 100 days, I hope to keep the challenge going for a very long time. I hope that with this challenge, I begin to embrace the healing power of the written word, each and every day.

Follow along my journey, or start a journey of your own. Either way, I hope you enjoy the paths it takes you along. 

Another day. 

Another whole day.

Gone by without any slight gesture from you.

48 whole hours. 

Do you even care? Do you care how I feel in the slightest?

Leave me be?

After 6 months all you can say to me is "LEAVE ME BE?" 

We have talked every single moment of every single day for the past 6 months and 18 days. 

That calculates out to be: 28 weeks 3 days 199 days 4,776 hours 286,560 minutes 1,719,360 seconds

That is a ridiculous amount of time to spend with someone. To love someone. To care about someone enough to give them all of the time in the day. 

I've been sitting here for the past two days. Waiting. Waiting for you to call me, or text me, or any form of gesture to me to show me that you are alive, that you still care, that you believe this can work.

Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?

To just sit here and wait. Wait. I'M STILL WAITING. Trying to keep my mind off the fact that I might lose you. That I might lose my person. The person who I fall asleep beside. The one who I wake up to. The one that loves me and protects me and says he'll always be there for me. The one who talked about marrying me, and having children, and growing old together.

You don't do this to the people that you love.

You don't intentionally try to hurt them. 

I know you are hurting and that you need your space, but what do you think this does for me? Do you think it's healthy for our relationship for me to feel so alone? For me to feel as if I can't even contact you in fear that you will get mad and I end up losing you over it. Don't you think this makes me want to find someone who will listen? Who will understand. Who will think that I'm worth the fight.

I AM WORTH THE FIGHT!

I have done everything in my power to try to ensure your happiness. I know I have things to work on. I have never claimed to be perfect, but I have done more great and amazing things for you than any of the bad things that may have arose. 

I have no appetite. I can't sleep. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better, but I honestly don't know if it will.

I've been through breakups before. But nothing has ever compared to this. I've never been so invested into something. I've never tried so hard. I've never had so much faith. 

It's soul tearing. 

I can't even tell you this because that would be me hurting you. I don't want to hurt you anymore. 

I guess in the meantime I'll allow my writing to distract me.