#bardaholic

listening to First Aid Kit

playing Horizon Zero Dawn and Hollow Knight

reading fanfic

seeing your face (well, icon) on my dash, @bardaholic

Rules: tag 9 people you’d like to get to know better eff the rules

Top 3 ships: is there any harder question to ask a fandom person? I think not. I guess I’ll just list the less obscure (and less crossover-y) ones I’ve been reading lately that still hurt my heart when I think about them:

Blue Coulson/Karin Parke - Hated in the Nation (Black Mirror S03E06) Jesse Faden/Emily Pope - Control (the 2019 video game) Darlene Alderson/Dominique DiPierro - Mr. Robot

but also Root and Shaw, Bering and Wells, and Cara and Kahlan, because eff the rules, my heart is bigger than this. I can have all the ships I want. I have an armada of rowing boats and canoes and submarines. (and this is just the tip of the iceberg. once we get into shipping side characters from tiny films with other side characters from even more obscure films then we’re approaching the place where I live and thrive)

Lipstick or Lipbalm: lipbalm for the every day, lipstick for when I inevitably get bored and dress up at home Last song I listened to:   We are the People - Empire of the Sun

Last movie:   The Half of It

Reading: reading three books atm, and as always a lot of fanfic on ao3. anyway, here goes:

Reasons to Stay Alive - Matt Haig (been rereading his ‘Notes on a Nervous Planet’ a lot, too) The Body Keeps the Score -  Bessel van der Kolk (I call it research, for my own therapy bs, but really I just read it, relate, cry about it and then stick in a little marker to mark the line that really got to me) Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered - Karen Kilgariff & Georgia Hardstark (because I’m here for this. for their podcast. and for all the other murderinos. this is the only guilt-free thing from my last relationship that I’ve kept)

Watching: watching as in TV? I cancelled my tv-contract-thingie so nowadays it’s all youtube, twitch, and online streaming. but I guess I watch a lot of Bernadette Banner making things, because I just think she’s neat.  the last tv series I watched (and rewatch the heck out of) tho was Mr. Robot. [also, I have serious feelings for an episode of Love Death + Robots - Sonnie’s Edge, but not everybody is gonna be into that one] [[also: Hated in the Nation, because Black Mirror has a lot of good episodes, but I still think this is my favourite one, and I’d happily rewatch it every year for Christmas or on New Year’s Eve or for my birthday]]

What happenedddd???? Are you okay???

bardaholic replied to your photo “So my giant ass bruise is not getting any worse (I marked it to make...”

How the fuck???????????????????????????????????????????????

Story Time: so I was stepping over a gate thing (i mean it should be a gate that opens but it doesn’t so it’s a three foot high wall thing) and i fell. like full on face planted when i was halfway over it.

the way i landed and the pain in my shoulder and wrist I thought i may have either broken my collarbone on my right side or my left wrist (but i just kinda ignored it like i normally do and they stopped hurting)

now i don’t remember hitting my calf off of anything. I seriously don’t, it wasn’t even on my radar as a potential injury (the tiny cut on the front of my knee hurt more at the time). when I got home and took off my pants i had a barely visible light blue bruise the size of maybe a clementine and that’s when i noticed it hurting (i guess the tightness of my jeans was suppressing the pain??? is that a thing) 

The sentimental fool in me wants to say that yes, she would, but I’m thinking it would take a few years for her to mellow out to that point. So much that she would be willing to let herself be that vulnerable in front of Kahlan. I’m thinking she’d cry as she holds their first child, she’d see that innocent life and still feel unworthy of holding it, maybe. (And of course Kahlan, exhausted and barely keeping herself from slipping off into Morpheus’ realm, would calm those fears and make Cara believe herself worthy and capable.) 

But maybe in another realm, if all seemed lost, and they had lost Richard and Zedd to the everlasting fight against evil, maybe after months of Cara and Kahlan pushing on, with little sleep and no room for love or sentimentality. In a world where Cara was pushing to keep her promise to Richard, to keep Kahlan safe, to protect her as if she were him. Maybe in a dark world such as that Cara might lose hope that they would ever come to see a better world, that they would honour Richard’s memory and his sacrifice. Where the last remaining parts of family are lost to the ever-expanding nothingness, and the sisterhood of the Mord’Sith are lost, and Cara loses Dahlia (who had joined them after a long war with herself and what she had grown to know as true; who had grown to be a strong partner, one with love and strength equal to Kahlan and Cara’s), maybe in that world Cara would grow to love Kahlan, and to admit it to herself, and to see it for what it was. And maybe Kahlan would love her just as well, and they would decide to talk about it someday, knowing someday may not be a day they live to see, but then it does happen. And Kahlan kisses her, and it’s equal parts desperate and sad (for all their losses), and happy and hopeful (because the fight took so much from them, and it’s over. it’s finally over). And maybe Cara would pull back then, and Kahlan would bear witness to a single tear dripping down her cheek.