#barbaxreader

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but my love for writing fanfiction. All right go to their owners. 

You were the youngest and the last to join the SVU squad. That meant the constant hazing from your coworkers never ended. You loved them, but sometimes the pranks were just a little annoying. Carisi always got a laugh when you would open your desk and yell because of the plastic insect or animal you found. You would just chug the item, staring him down hard as you went about your day. 

The Special Victims Unit was a tough place to be. With all the darkness you saw on a daily, you wondered sometimes if you were even making a difference. There wasn’t much you light in your line of work. 

The one thing that you always looked forward to however was…

“What do you have for me this time.” Speak of the devil. 

Barba came marching in with his tailored suit and briefcase. The guy always looked so confident and put together. Olivia walked into his office briefing him on the most recent case, and you watched through the blinds as they talked. 

You envied their relationship. They both seem to know how to communicate without even saying words sometimes. You talked to Barba too, but you’d usually end up tongue tied when he looked at you with those beautiful green eyes. You were hopeless. With a crush on the lawyer in your precinct, a district attorney no less. When Olivia exited she started pairing you up and you were thankful for the distraction. 

“(Y/N), you and Nick go check out the apartment. Maybe he left some DNA.” 

“Yes boss, on it.” You replied. Olivia smiled at you like a proud mother and Nick just laughed. 

“We’ll get on it.” he said tugging you along. 

~~

On your way to the apartment Nick glanced your way. “Hey, you are a lot more quiet today. Something up?” There it was, that old big brother thing he always did with you. Being the youngest, you had a feeling they all saw you as a little sister they needed to protect. 

You didn’t really mind, it made you happy they cared about you. But somewhere at the back of your mind you felt like they didn’t show the same amount of respect. It was true you were meek and shy sometimes. But when it came to doing your job, you always got it done. 

When you pulled up to the apartment you and Nick didn’t waste anytime scooping through the items. You’d already been given a warrant. The suspect stood in the doorway as Nick rummaged through his room. He looked so sure the both of you wouldn’t find anything connecting him to the victim he assaulted. You watched him keenly. Every once in a while his eyes would move to a painting on the wall. You caught the action, and when his eyes landed on you, you noticed a certain level of panic now prominent. 

“Nick,” the dark haired officer turned to you in question. You nudge your head to the painting and he caught on. 

“Wait a second you can’t-” as soon as he started to walk closer the suspect tried to stop him. You reached over going for your gun. “Stay back sir.” it wasn’t a request, he could tell by the tone of your voice. He stepped back and you kept an eye on him as Nick moved the painting. 

There was what looked like a hard drive taped to the back of it. 

“Well, what do we have here. Seems like you’ve been holding out on us. I wonder what we’ll find on this.” You smiled, as you and Nick moved to escort the man to the station.

As Nick walked past you he gave you a small pat on the shoulder. 

“Good job.” you grinned, following him out. 

On your way to the precinct he insisted that he would cooperate just so he wouldn’t have to be taken away in cuffs. Nick obliged. He'll be arrested soon enough. 

Upon arrival the three of you walked in. What you didn’t anticipate however was the suspect’s plan. He grabbed your gun from your holster, gripping you from behind and he held you in a choke hold, pointing the gun to your head. 

You struggled and every officer present drew their weapons. Barba who was in the other room even walked out, witnessing the scene. 

“Let her go!!” Carisi demanded. Nick, Amanda, Olivia, Fin. They all had their guns pointed. You tried not to move, deciding your best bet wasn’t to agitate him. He grinned, sniffing your neck and you grimaced. 

“I think I’ll keep her. “ he taunted.

“Listen, you're surrounded and outnumbered. You’re already going down for the three women you assaulted. You really wanna do time for killing a cop too.” Nick advised.

“I hear cop killers are like kings in prison.” he deflected. 

“Not if we shoot you right here.” Fin stated. “Let her go.”

You gritted your teeth when he pressed the gun harder to your temple. This wasn’t good. He didn’t seem like he’d comply. You glanced at him from the side. From the look in his eyes you could tell. He wasn’t planning to get out of there alive. You needed to do something quick. 

“Coward.” you rasped out. He loosened his grip slightly to hear you clearer. You could see a deviant smirk on his lips. “What?” he asked. Everything about his tone suggested that he heard you, he just wanted you to repeat yourself. 

“You’re a coward. “ you said more firmly. You just need to get him to lower his guard. Just for a second so you could disarm him. He started laughing loudly, flicking his gun around. As soon as it was away from your head, you bent your head low before pushing back. The back of your head hit him hard in his face and the gun slipped from his fingers. His hold faltered and you dropped low, kicking his feet right from under him. He fell backwards, head hitting the ground with so much force that he knocked himself out. 

An officer closest to him grabbed your gun from his reach and Nick rushed forward cuffing him roughly. 

“Get an ambulance in here.” Fin instructed. They jumbled around you, badgering you with questions.

“I’m fine, I'm fine.”you said rubbing your head. It was throbbing a little, but you would take the ache over a bullet wound any day. 

“Remind me not to ever get on your bad side.” Carisi said jokily. 

Barba’s eyes scanned you and suddenly you felt a bit exposed. 

“That was some move (Y/N). I’m impressed. “ you blushed looking down.

“T-Thank you sir.” he smiled and Nick patted you on the back, almost making you stumble over. 

“There’s the shy kid we know and love.” he said ruffling your hair. You gave a cute frown. 

“Even when I kick ass you discredit me.” you whined childishly. They all just started laughing. 

“That’s our job (Y/N).” Amanda added. 

~~

The day winded down and everyone was heading home. When the incident occurred, Olivia forced you to get your head checked. You did, rushing back to the precinct as soon as you were done to do any pre-existing paperwork. You were still at your desk when she was packing to leave. 

(Y/N), you should be home resting, you can do those later.” you shook your head. 

“I-I.. I don’t want to go home just yet.” Olivia caught the slight tremble in your hands. 

You lived on your own, chances are if you left now you’d just be alone with your thoughts. As brief as the situation was, it left a little terror in you. You could still partially feel the gun pressed to your head. You scratched your head trying to get rid of the feeling. Olivia scribbled something down on a paper, handing you it. 

“It may seem like nothing, but sometimes talking about it helps.” you took the paper gratefully. “Thank you boss.” She smiled, rubbing your shoulder affectionately before walking off. “Don’t stay too late.” you nodded watching her make her way out. 

You rubbed at your eyes standing up. “I could use some coffee.” Making your way to the small kitchen you yawned a couple times. You reached for a cup, filling it up with the dark liquid. When it was filled you took it, moving back to your desk. You sat down placing the cup down. You got back to it, signing some and placing them in a neat pile.  

When you got to one document you realized you needed the district attorney’s signature. You cursed, assuming he’d left already. When you raised your head you noticed he was still there. You just watched him for a few seconds. 

He was on the phone with someone. At this point he’d already taken his jacket off. His suspenders in plain view. You always thought that type of clothing was so dorky, yet he wore it so well. 

“Damn...I’m going to have to go in there. “ you looked down, wondering if you could maybe just skip this particular one and move onto others. To your dread, the ten papers following that one needed his signature. 

“Great.” you waited for him to get off the phone. You were hoping he would take long so you could just give yourself an excuse not to go in. Of course faith would not have it so. In a few short minutes he was back in his chair, combing through papers of his own. 

You worked up every bit of courage you could, taking the sheets of paper with you. You tried to walk as slow as possible. The closer you got the sweater your palms felt. When you were standing by the door you knocked. 

“Come in.” he answered politely. When you did his gaze lifted momentarily. When he noticed you his smile widened. “Well if it isn’t black widow.” your cheeks flushed and you closed the door behind you. He offered to take a seat but you declined. 

“I just came to get these signed off.” you informed. You held them out and he stood, taking them from your hands. Your fingers brushed and you swore your heart gave a level thump at the sensation. He assessed them, putting his signature where needed. 

“I would think after the day you had you’d be dying to go home.” unconsciously, you moved around the chair, sitting. 

“There isn’t anyone waiting for me so I don’t really see the rush.” you spoke absentmindedly. He looked you over and you mentally slapped yourself, wondering why you even told him of all people such a thing. He just gave an understanding smile. 

“I can relate. “ was his reply. You were pleasantly shocked. “You’re single!” you exclaimed. The way you said it almost made it seem like an impossible notion. Barba stopped writing, looking at you with a playful smirk. 

“Is that so hard to believe?” you shook your head. 

“S-Sorry, it’s just you’re, well you. I can’t see how you could be single.” Barba couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. “Well thank you. I guess not all women are attracted to a snarky district attorney. “ 

Your eyes wandered over him. “I can’t see how, you’re amazing.” you whispered. It was said so softly, almost as if it wasn’t supposed to be spoken aloud. Green eyes watched thoughtfully at the awe in your eyes as you spoke. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t attracted to you. 

You were young, shy, but forward when the moment called for it. And as he witnessed earlier, you didn’t need anyone to protect you. You could handle yourself. Not to mention your undeniable beauty. If anyone was shocked it was him. How had no one snatched you up already. 

After a moment of just zoning out, you finally seem to register what you said. You’d just been staring at him dreamily for a minute straight. You scrambled to your feet.

“I-I’m so sorry that was very inappropriate! I-It’ll never happen again sir I promise it was just..” Barba listened patiently as you continued to babble on. He stood, walking around the desk. When he stopped, he was right in front of you. Your words trailed off at the way his eyes studied you. 

“Sir..” It was cute how you insisted on addressing him so formally. Olivia told him you did the same with her. 

You took a deep breath. “I think I should just come out and say it since I already made a fool of myself. I have a thing for you sir.” you huffed out in one breath. He almost didn’t catch it. He did however see the way your cheeks tinged with red. The sheer innocence radiating off of you made him smile. You were acting like a schoolgirl with a crush. Barba stepped closer into your space and your eyes glued to his. 

“Well, since we’re making confessions. I have to say I’ve taken an interest in you as well.” the sincerity behind his words felt surreal. You reached over pinching your arm to ensure you hadn’t fallen asleep at the desk and conjured this all up in your altered state. He noticed, laughing. You gave a little laugh as well. 

“Just checking.”

“I’d love to take you on a date (Y/N).” Music  to your ears. You always dreamed of him saying those words. Maybe more times than you’d ever admit to him. 

“I would really like that sir.” 

“You know you don’t have to keep addressing me that way. Just Barba is fine. Or Rafeal if you prefer.” He really was a charmer. Of course you wanted to say his name, yet it felt so unprofessional. But he gave permission, so it was okay, right? Your eyes trailed to his lips. It felt as though they were calling you. When he mimicked your action you inhaled. 

“Rafael..” you mumbled out. He leaned in a little closer, handing going around your waist. His other hand reached up, thumb parting your lips. At this point you could practically hear your heart pounding in your ears. His lips brushed yours, in a slow fashion. As if asking for permission. You leaned in, mouth slanting over his. His hands kept you pressed to his body as you responded. He moved in sync, lips dominating yours. You didn’t even realize he was walking you back against a wall. When your back made contact with the hard surface a moan slipped out. 

“Mmmm..” he swallowed up each and every sound. You always assumed Barba would be the dominant type. It was so much better actually knowing than a vague speculation your mind created. His hands moved down, he grabbed both of your thighs, lifting you off the ground. You gasped, a bit surprised at his strength. He held you against the wall with ease. This was by far the most intense make out session you’d experienced. Barba was a master when it came to kissing apparently. After a few more minutes he parted, reluctantly. 

“Dinner..” he muttered. He lowered you to the ground as you tried to get down from the cloud he sent you to with just a kiss. He pulled at his tie, loosening it from his collar. You were still actively panting. When you look back you could see his pupils were enlarged. 

You let out a soft whimper. “One more kiss...”you begged. He gave a half smile, reclaiming your lips. Your hands running through his dark hair. 

Warning: Mature content ahead. 

“(Y/N).” your head lifted at Liv’s call. “Yes boss!” you answered. You cursed mentally. She probably caught you staring at Barba again. When she noticed where your eyes were trained previously she smiled. “I know it may be hard to focus now.” you just looked down bashfully. 

A few months passed after his not so subtle announcement that the both of you were dating. Everything seemed easier now. Barba still got jealous sometimes, which was cute. He’d given a death glare to any man that stared at you too long. And he even formed a sort of bond with Nick, which was weird because it felt like the both of them were batting guys away from you left and right. You should have expected as much. 

Liv handed you a file to look over, telling you to chase down a possible lead. You took it, following Nick to go and question a potential suspect. 

~~

When you got back it was maybe around lunch. The lead fell through. It just led you to another dead end. You slumped in your seat, watching the box of Chinese on your desk. You separated the chopsticks, taking the box and opening it as you started to eat. Your feet twisted on the ground absentmindedly, eventually you were facing Barba’s office. His blinds were open and he was nibbling on a pen, eyes fixed on a document. 

Of what you couldn’t really tell. You bit at the wooden chopsticks, wishing you could taste the sweetness that Barba’s tongue provided rather than the roughness of the wood presently in your mouth. Lately all you could think about was Barba. Which wasn’t exactly strange since you were in a relationship. 

But your mind always drifted to something sexual, the familiar tinge between your legs appearing. A soft breath escaped as you tried to get rid of the feeling. This was the last place you wanted to get worked up in. You weren’t sure if he was a mind reader, but his eyes lifted and your breath hitched at the look in his eyes. If you didn’t know any better you would have sworn he was thinking the same exact thing. The intensity of his eyes, even from all the way across the room you could feel the electricity. It made your body shiver. You forced yourself to look away, crossing your legs to dull the sensation that rose. 

You needed a distraction, just settling for eating the remainder of your noodles. You could still feel his eyes, it triggered something in your body. Something you tried your hardest to ignore. 

~~~

“Drinks tonight! On me.” Liv called. Amanda was the first to get out of her seat. Carisi wasn’t too far behind. Pretty soon everyone was piling to leave in the elevator. You joined them, squeezing in next to Amanda. She grinned at you. “Finally joining us, I thought you would bail out.” you shook your head. 

“I could use a drink.” She didn’t question you, which was a surprise. She just seemed happy that you were coming. The doors started to close, but right before it could shut completely a hand stopped it. It reopened and Barba came into view. 

“Room for one more?” Liv shifted to give him some room. “ Sure counselor.” He glanced at you momentarily, before turning his back and pressing a button. Even with everyone in the small space, you could feel the unspoken tension. Amanda and the others were chatting as usual, but you were more focused on a certain district attorney’s butt. You nibbled on your lower lip, unable to tear your eyes away. An onslaught of images appearing in your mind. 

The elevator dinged and your shoulders tensed, hoping no one noticed what you’d shamelessly been gazing at. Everyone filed out and you followed. You didn’t mean to, but you really couldn’t talk to Barba with the thoughts running through your mind. So you striked up a conversation with Amanda, luckily Carisi was talking Barba’s ear off. 

When you all arrived you took a seat to the back. All of you were mixed in together, chatting and updating each other on what’s new in each other’s personal lives. You made sure not to take a seat next to Barba, and you hoped he didn’t notice. He ended up sitting in the middle of Nick and Carisi. Both men kept him more than occupied. You didn’t drink that much, just one cup that you couldn’t even finish. Barba was on his first glass too. He just sipped at it slowly. You tried and failed not to stare at him. Every time he caught your eyes you’d avert your attention elsewhere. 

A little after one, everyone started turning in. Each bidding goodbye as they left. Pretty soon it was just you and Barba. Now the atmosphere was tense. You didn’t know what to say and Barba didn’t say anything, just studied your silence. He was looking as if trying to figure out why you were suddenly uncomfortable. You couldn’t stand it so you did the next best thing. 

“Well, I think I’ll turn in too.” you raised, faking a yawn. You were going to bail out of there quick. 

“Let me drop you home. “ he offered. You were afraid he was going to say that. Damn him and his need to make sure you got home safe. You just accepted, if you denied he would surely know something was up. He slipped on his coat, helping you into yours as he guided you out the bar. You hailed a taxi, jumping in the back. 

Barba slipped in right next to you. You tried to make it less obvious that you were attempting to keep as much space between the both of you as possible. The ride was quiet, you kept your gaze out the window, watching the bright signs and huge buildings in hopes it would keep your hormones under control. 

The taxi came to a stop and you paid the driver, stepping out after Barba. He walked you up the stairs, to your door. You took the keys out of your pocket, about to slide it in when you felt Barba’s hand pressed to the door. He leaned into you from behind and you shuddered. “So, are you going to tell me why you’ve been acting so strange all day, or do I have to coax it out of you..” he whispered into your ear. Your hands were shaking now, all the previous scenarios in your head rushing back to you. You willed yourself to open the door, stepping in. Barba followed in, locking the door behind him. 

When you were inside you shifted on your feet, standing a good distance apart. 

“(Y/N).” he called. Your eyes shot up. Now he was worried, you could tell. 

“If I did something you aren’t comfortable with just tell me and I’ll-”

“That’s not it.” you interrupted. He was completely baffled now. You picked at your nails, wondering how to phrase this. How were you supposed to tell him that you’d been freaking horny for him for the past week but you were a virgin so you were terrified to make a move. 

“(Y/N), just tell me. I’m sure it can’t be as bad as you’re making it seem.” He stepped closer and your willpower broke. You pitched forward, giving him an earth shattering kiss. Barba groaned at the back of his throat, hands moving to steady himself against you. When he regained his footing he was astonished at how demanding your kisses were. Your hands were on his cheeks, hips pressed flush against him. You pulled back after a few hot moments reluctantly. You were panting, and Barba’s breathing wasn’t any better. 

“I..I have no idea what I did to deserve that.” he panted out. You giggled, your previous fear fading slightly. When you caught your breath again you could see the darken of his emerald eyes. You worked up every bit of courage you could. 

“Barba I..I really want you..” you breathed. You said it, finally. You weren’t sure it was possible but his eyes got darker. “But I..” you pulled out of his arms, wrapping your arms around your form self consciously. 

Say it, just say it! “I’m a virgin!” you practically yelled. His eyes opened a small fraction, clearly not expecting that. That’s what you were afraid of. You were scared he would reject you because you lacked experience, or solely cause he didn’t want to bed a virgin. All those thoughts started piling into your head. 

Before you could get ahead of yourself Barba took your hands softly. You were startled at the loving look in his eyes. A look he never really showed to anyone. No one but you. “(Y/N), I don’t really care how many people you’ve been with. I won’t lie, I’m a bit surprised at your confession. If you don’t feel comfortable we can wait until you’re ready. I’d never rush you into any-”

“No I want to!” you exclaimed. You blushed when you realized you shouted. 

“I thought you wouldn’t want to if you found out, s-so I’ve been trying to distract myself all day. I was keeping you at arms length because I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to touch you Rafael..” He took a deep breath. 

“I see..”

“If you don’t want to, I understand, I-I just thought I should be honest about it.” you mumbled out. Now that everything was out in the open you felt relieved. Barba stepped closer, removing his jacket. He dropped his briefcase onto the floor and you looked up at the shine that returned into his eyes. 

“I assure you that I want this as well. “ You gulped. This is what you wanted. You took his hand, guiding him into your room. When you walked in you turned back to Barba. “I have no idea what to do.” you admitted with a laugh. He smiled at you. 

“It’s a good thing I’m here then.” He loosened his tie, pulling it skillfully out of the collar of his shirt. Piece by piece he started shedding his clothing. The less he had on the more heat rushed between your legs. It took you a while to realize that you should have been doing the same. You started striping a bit hurriedly and Barba laughed at your eagerness. You got out of your outfit easily, now just standing in your bra and panties. 

Barba was just in his slacks, his shoes and socks long abandoned. You lowered unto the bed a bit nervously, head sinking into the pillow. Barba climbed unto the bed, towering over you. 

“If you want to stop just tell me and we can immediately. “ his assurance was not needed but very much appreciated. You were glad that he was the type of person with so much understanding, you knew Barba would never force you into anything. Another thing you loved about him. “I won’t.” you muttered. He smirked at that, closing the distance between you. 

You sank deeper into the bed at his added weight. The feel of his chest pressed firmly to your own was so amazing. The kiss was slow, sensual. Your legs hooked themselves around his waist and you gasped when he grinded into you. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue past your lips. Your legs shifted, accidentally nudging Barba between his legs. He pulled back with a sharp hiss and you visibly panicked. 

“C-Crap did I do something wrong!” He shook his head with a deep laugh. He leaned back in and you were shocked at his member that was now poking you. “W-We were just kissing..” you said in disbelief. You didn’t think he’d be that turned on just from a kiss. His mouth kept leaving small wet kisses on your neck, going up to your ear. You were so preoccupied with his kisses that you didn’t see his hand moving south. You jerked when you felt his hand slip into your underwear. He pulled them off your hips, sliding them down your legs. 

You wanted to free yourself of your bra, so you lifted, unhooking the clasp and flinging it across the room. Barba started laughing again and you returned to your previous spot. He admired your bust. One hand cupped your right breast and the other went back between your legs.

 “Shit..” you muttered.  His fingers stroked you, admiring the wetness that coated your thighs. When his finger slid in you almost came right there and then. You couldn’t believe you starved yourself of such pleasure all these years. Although, in the back of your mind you were glad Barba turned out to be your first. 

He added another finger, pumping in and out of you. You bucked, trying to match his pace, desperate for release. Barba’s fingers were working magic, hitting your spot every time. It wasn’t long before your walls were clenching around his fingers. Your body tensed for a second, before you released with a cry of pleasure. You were gripping into his arms, breathing coming in quickly. Barba removed his fingers, tongue darting out to lick his wet digits clean. You watched him lustfully, biting down so hard on your lip you were shocked it didn’t bleed. 

He kicked off his pants easily, his boxers following not far behind. You held back a giggle at the way he seemed eager now. His eyes reconnected with yours and you smiled. He mirrored your expression. “If you want to stop we can a-” you bucked into him, effectively silencing him. He growled lowly. 

“I want this Rafael, I want you.” That was all the consent he needed. He lined himself up, giving you one last look before he started pushing in. You weren’t gonna lie, it hurt like a bitch. The fact that he was considerably well endowed probably didn’t help. You held unto his biceps, trying to distract yourself from the pain. Against your will tears pricked at the corner of your eyes. Barba leaned down, pressing kisses on your cheek. “I know…” his voice sounded strained. After a few more seconds Barba was completely sheathed inside you. He was breathing a bit heavily. Your head turned, adjusting to his size. 

“A-Are you okay?” you whispered. His breathing was starting to concern you. He forced out a chuckle. “I-I’m fine..y-you’re just really..” he paused for a second. “Tight.” he concluded. You flushed. 

“M-Maybe it’s because you're so big.” you hummed. He twitched inside of you at the compliment and you gasped slightly. Barba smirked. “Sorry.” he blew into your ear. You had a feeling he wasn’t really sorry. Barba was still for a while, giving you sometime to get comfortable. He wanted you to enjoy this just as much as he would. You gave him a small kiss, nodding your head, and he started moving slowly. In and out. At first it felt so foreign, but after a while moans started slipping out. You were alarmed at the dirty sounds escaping your mouth. His pace picked up slightly when you started moving with him, begging for more. Your hands wrapped around his torso as he found a steady rhythm. 

“R-Rafa..” you couldn’t even say his full name. He was grunting, breathing into your ear, whispering less than virtuous things to you. With every thrust of his hip you felt yourself getting closer to becoming undone. The sounds of both of your moans echoed, bouncing off the walls. You were pretty sure you were being obnoxiously loud, your neighbors could probably hear. You didn’t really care. With one strong thrust you came, body spasming like it did before. This time you actually screamed out your release as Barba’s seed spilled inside you. He gasped, mumbling something in Spanish. 

You weren’t certain but it could have been a swear. He slumped against you and you felt the weight to be pleasant. He took a while, trying to recover and even out his breathing. You were doing the same. When he did he pulled out and you sighed. He fell down right beside you, pulling you into his side. You rested your head on his chest that was now slicked with sweat. 

“That was...wow..” He stroked your hair, pleased that you were satisfied. 

“That’s good,” he said, pressing a kiss into your hair. “Maybe we can explore some more positions in the future?” you urged. His hold tightened on your waist. 

“Rookie.” You groaned, sending a glare in Nick’s direction. He just smirked. “You know what, how about we settle this in a little one on one.” You were in one of the training rooms. 

Liv thought it would be smart to brush up on your strengths since the annual physical was coming up. It was stressed that all officers were fit to perform adequately in the field. You had just finished a sparring session with Amanda, who proved to be a formidable opponent. Liv was even more of a challenge. 

After about ten minutes with her you were fighting to hold your ground. When fifteen minutes passed you called it quits, declaring Liv the champion. She patted you, helping you to your feet after a not so graceful fall. Now you were challenging the guys. If you couldn’t earn respect through rank, you would do it through a little brute strength. 

“I don’t want to hurt you (Y/N).” Carisi and Fin laughed at Nick’s statement. 

“Maybe you’re just afraid to get your butt kicked. “ you taunted. You knew Nick, he’d never back down. Too much testosterone rolling around in his brain. “Alright then.” he shrugged off his hoodie, nothing but a white fitted vest underneath. He circled around with his fists raised and you did the same, sizing him up. Everyone else stepped back, giving you the space you needed to spar. 

He was the first to make a move charging with a punch. You countered, sidestepping and spinning around, nudging him on the back roughly. He stumbled, catching himself at the last minute. Amanda giggled. “Seems she’s got you riled up Nicky.” He chuckled. 

“Very funny Rollins. “ His eyes focused back on you. “Nice counter.” you didn’t pay mind to the compliment. He was just trying to throw you off your game. You’d been so immersed you didn’t see someone else walk into the room. 

“Eyes up, mind focused.” Liv encouraged. You smiled. She always said then when you fought with her. It was a chant of sorts. Even on the job. You lost count of how many times that mental mantra got you out of sticky situations. You needed an effective way to take him down, but he was bigger and knowing Nick he’d brace himself, if for nothing more than his ego. 

You grinned internally, an idea springing to mind. You moved in, faking a punch to his face, he blocked his jaw as anticipated, so you took the opportunity to strike him in the stomach. Twisting on your feet and planting a swift kick to his abdomen. 

He staggered back in surprise, just about ready to fall. You turned again, this time dropping low and kicking his feet right from under him. He fell flat on his back, grunting on impact. Fin and Carisi were laughing loudly, they had been recording the entire thing. 

Liv folded her arms, smiling at you and Amanda sent a thumbs up. It took you a while to realize that they weren’t the only ones there. Your cheeks colored instantly when you saw the suited attorney. His case was hanging from his hand, eyes glued to you. The way he was admiring you made your stomach do flips. 

“Smile pretty boy.” Fin sang. 

You wiped the sweat from your brow, moving over to him with a hand outstretched. He grinned, still a bit winded from the fall. He took your hand, when you tried to pull him up, he pulled you down into a bear hug. 

“S-Stop!” you said between laughs when he wrapped his hand around your body tickling you. “That’ll teach you, no one kicks my butt.” he said playfully. 

“O-Okay N-Nick stop I’ve had enough!!” you screamed through your wild fit of giggles. You had a feeling they got that on tape too. 

“I believe she said that was enough.” Barba’s stern voice broke the sounds of laughter and Nick released you. 

“Alright Counselor, we’re just having fun. No crime in that.” Nick spoke. When you caught your breath, you looked at Barba, really looked at him. He was almost leering at Nick. Your brows knitted in confusion. His green eyes focused back on you in something keen of possessiveness. Your heart leapt at the intensity of his stare. 

He couldn’t have been...jealous? That was crazy. Everyone who worked in NYPD knew you and Nick were close, in the sibling sort of way. Nick was like your older brother, nothing more. You cleared your throat, trying to ease the now strained atmosphere. 

“I-I’m going to hit the showers.” you muttered, rushing passed everyone. You didn’t even look at Barba, you were afraid he would see what his eyes did to you. When you left, Amanda and Liv exchanged a look, somehow putting the pieces together. They smiled at each other, both reaching a sort of realization. 

~~~

“How the hell does this stuff pile up so quickly.” you stared at the documents, wishing that if you looked at them long enough they would disappear. Nick turned his chair in your direction with an understanding look. “Tell me about it.” He had a pile equally as high as yours. You snickered, pulling open your desk to get another pen. 

Your eyes widened and you jumped out of your seat. Nick rushed to your side furiously. You clung unto him. “What is it!” he looked panicked. When he saw what you were so terrified of he blanked. “Are you serious, an insect.” he huffed out a laugh. You cringed. 

“J-Just get it out!” you whined. He took up a napkin from your desk, grabbing the spider into the paper. He crumpled it up, tossing it into the trash. “Better?” he asked, amused. You nodded, a bit embarrassed that he was now aware of your fear of bugs. The both of you were oblivious to a pair of eyes that was practically glaring in your direction. 

After the little inconvenience you went back to signing off documents. Amanda was smiling behind her paper, and Olivia walked passed, giving her a low five behind her back. 

~~~

“Damn it why do they put the coffee so high up!” you were standing on your toes, yet you still couldn’t reach it. Some idiot decided to place it on the top shelf. “Need a hand?” someone called. Nick walked up behind you, plucking the glass bottle from it’s spot easily. You grinned. “Thanks Nick.” you turned, going to take it out of his hands. 

He just raised it over your head. “Nu uh, maybe you should work on getting taller rookie.” he teased. You were still pressed to the counter, leaning on Nick’s chest to get the bottle. “Nick, do you really want me to floor you in the middle of this precinct.” He didn't take your threat seriously, still holding the coffee away from you. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” A voice hissed. There was so much venom in those words and you leaned to the side, catching Barba standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Nick turned with a raised eyebrow, lost. 

“Something you need counselor?” The tension that rose made you uncomfortable. Amanda was peaking from her seat, watching the scene unravel. 

“No, just waiting for you both to stop flirting and do your jobs.” That made you angry. Nick stepped back with a laugh. “We weren’t flirting.” he didn’t sound embarrassed either, because you and Nick both knew what type of relationship you held. It was completely platonic, and it hurt you to think that Barba didn’t trust you to be alone with a guy. Especially Nick. 

You didn’t even want coffee anymore. You stormed off, sending a pissed look at Barba. 

~~

“Hey, you okay, you’ve been sulking since this morning.” Nick asked. He really was a darling, if only Barba could be so understanding. “I’m fine, I just had a bit of a spat with a guy.” you didn’t collaborate on which guy it was. Your relationship was still very much a secret.  Luckily Nick didn’t push. “Well if he needs a stern talking to just let me know, then again I know you could handle yourself. “ you smiled. 

“Thanks Nick.” He returned your smile as he started packing his things to turn in for the day. “See you tomorrow, I hope you work out your guy troubles.” you sighed. “Me too.” you replied as he walked off with a wave. 

Your eyes moved back to the fairly smaller pile of paperwork on your desk. Even if you tried you wouldn’t be able to focus. Your phone vibrated on the desk. You looked over, your previous anger returning at the sender of  the text. 

“We need to talk.” it read. He had some nerve. When you got a hold of him you were going to give him an earful. 

“Your place?” you texted back. 

“Yes.” Was his only response. You didn’t answer after that, just shoved the phone into your coat pocket. Since clearly no work was going to be done now, you stacked the papers into a pile, leaving them for a later date. Grabbing your coat from the back of the chair you stood pulling it onto your body as you made your way out of the building. You were working up what you were going to say to Barba as you stepped into the elevator. 

~~

Standing outside his apartment you knocked twice. He was at the door in ample time, opening it. You stepped in silently, and he closed the door, following you inside. He still had his suit on, and you noticed a glass with what you assumed was scotch on his table. 

“So, care to tell me what that was about with you and Nick.” you scoffed. You couldn’t believe he was interrogating you. 

“Are you really questioning me, am I a suspect in some crime sir.” you bit back. His lips were in a straight line, eyes flaring. “I think I’m allowed to be angry with the way you and Nick act around each other. I respected your need to keep us private, but touching him like that. If you’re tired of me just say so!” he was yelling now. 

“Are you kidding! I only said we should stay private because I thought that’s what you wanted. Besides, Nick and I are friends, we don’t see each other that way!” you were fuming.

“Right, with what I saw in the training room and then today in the kitchen. If I didn’t know any better I’d say the both of you were sleeping together. “ His accusation made you stop short. 

“Do you...really believe that?” That stung. Did he really think you were some cheap girl that sleeps with every guy in the precinct. Barba must have sensed how much his words hurt you, because a look of regret crossed his face. He looked down. “I-I didn’t mean that I just, I feel threatened, and I can’t tell you how much I want to hug you or kiss you and claim you as my own in front of everyone. Nick gets to touch you so freely and it irks me that you encourage it.” 

Your eyes stayed glued to the ground for a while. “The reason I’m so fond of Nick is because I...h-he reminds me of someone I lost.” your throat tightened, unsure if you could continue talking. 

Barba was struck with a sudden realization. He remembered what he said about you having a hard past, maybe this was linked to that. “M-My little brother h-he..I lost him when I was younger. Even though he was the younger one he always looked after me, he was practically the adult in my life. Nick he just..sometimes I swear I can see him in Nick. I told him that too and he just..he just smiled at me and told me if I was ever in need of someone, to call on him. He’d be the little brother I lost. “ tears streamed down your cheeks. It felt nice to finally tell someone. 

“I had no idea..” you shook your head and Barba pulled you into his arms. 

“I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. I know you’re not that type of person. I guess I just let my pride get the best of me.” 

“Yeah you did.” you giggled, wiping at your eyes. Barba chuckled, running his hands down your back soothingly. You leaned back a little to look at Barba, without a word you leaned in, pressing your lips to his. He returned it, hand running up your back and into your hair. Your hands lifted, pushing the suit jacket off his shoulders. It fell at his feet and you started to back him up unto the couch. He fell back a bit surprised. You stood there, undoing the buttons of your blouse. 

Barba took your hands to stop you. “(Y/N), you don’t have to..” you bit your lip. It felt like so long since you touched Barba, which in fact had only been a few hours. You needed this. 

“W-We don’t have to do anything, I-I just..I really need to feel you right now..” you pleaded. How could he say no to that. When you got through all the buttons you shed the article of clothing. Standing in your bra and suit pants. You lowered unto the couch, knees on either side of his waist. You dainty fingers moved to his shoulder again, pushing the red suspenders off. When they were down, your attention shifted to his shirt. Barba didn’t say a word, just watched as you undressed him. 

Finally free of the buttons, your hands slipped under, sighing at the warmth that emitted from his skin. He let out a pleased sound, hands skimming over your shoulder. You dove forward, kissing him passionately. Barba matched you, maybe craving this as much as you were. The skin on skin contact made it that more delicious. Your body rocked into him, hand grabbing at his short dark hair. Barba welcomed every movement, every kiss with just as much urgency. Who knew this was how the night would end. 

~~~

When you walked into the precinct the next day, to say you were walking on air was an understatement. You and Barba didn’t even sleep together. After your very heated kiss, you just held each other until the morning. It was exactly what you needed. 

“What’s got you all smiley?” Amanda pressed. She was spinning from side to side in her chair. You tried your best to wipe the swooning look off your face. Amanda was way to perceptive. 

“Nothing.” you evaded. Nick was sitting there all smug. He was the only one who knew for certain you had a boyfriend. Your eyes shifted when Barba walked in not long after. 

He had a similar look on his face. One of pure euphoria. Olivia stepped out of her office with her glasses on, briefing you on the new case. You tore your eyes away from Barba, trying to focus on the case. You were startled when Barba marched over in your direction. 

As he got close you started to visibly panic. “C-Counselor is there something we can he-” his hand reached out, slipping  a hand into your hair and pulling you forward. A squeak left you at the sudden move as Barba kissed you right there, in the middle of the precinct. It took you awhile, but you responded. Arms wrapping around his neck as you melted into him. A couple of whistles and a few cheers were heard in the background. Amanda and Liv high fived. 

“I knew it!” you pulled back, gathering your thoughts. You turned at Amanda’s words. 

“Y-You knew?” 

“Well, I had a hunch. I’ve been trying all week to get Barba to come clean.” 

“All week..” wait. “Y-You were the one that put the spider in my desk, and the coffee, I knew it usually wasn’t placed that high!” you accused. She smirked. This whole time she was trying to make Barba jealous. Barba laughed too. 

“Well at least now they know who you belong to.” he growled into your ear.” 

You swallowed. He finally released you, sending you a wink as he headed to his office. You just stood there flustered. You couldn’t believe that just happened. 

Nick walked over nudging you. “I guess you worked out your guy problems.” you sighed, laughing under your breath. 

Disclaimer: I don’t own Law and Order SVU. 

“Sometimes I wonder how he’s still alive.” Carisi jokes. He and Rollins just got back from court after watching Rafael in his natural habitat. From what you heard he was going at the criminal with all he had. He walked in too, with Olivia on his trail. “The case is strong, and we have enough to put him at the scene. We’ll nail this son of a bitch. He won’t hurt another woman again. “ 

His assurance was all Olivia really needed. She knew where Barba’s priorities were and he always fought for justice for the victim. That was probably one of the main reasons that you liked him. His undying sense of justice. One thing instilled in you was not to trust anyone. At least in your eyes, anyone could do bad things. A mother, close friend, even a sibling. Most of the time when you caught the perp you were shocked at who the suspect turned out to be. That’s why with Barba, you were thankful for him. No matter what the situation, you knew Barba was someone you would never have to worry about doing something like that. 

Your gaze moved back to your desk, relieved that another psycho was getting what he deserved. “Why don’t we go out tonight. This case is pretty much wrapped up. “ Rollins pitched in. Carisi jumped up almost immediately. “I’m in.” he basically shouted. You giggled. 

“Me too, got nothing better to do.” Fin added. 

“What about you (Y/N)?” you blinked. Your eyes moved in Barba’s direction before pitching back.

“I-I’m fine. Think I’ll just call it a night. Catch up on some sleep. “ Rollins snorted, seeing right through you. She walked closer leaning in. 

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed. You got a little boyfriend don’t you?” her statement made you tense. You and Barba just started dating, and you didn’t want anyone to know about it. That’s why you were always cautious in your interactions. 

“I-I have no idea what you mean.” you denied. She just smiled. You were grateful she didn’t voice her thoughts out loud, because you didn’t want the entire team discussing your love life. Olivia came running out with her phone clutched to the side of her face. “Carisi, Rollins get to the school, Fin, (Y/N) come with me!” you didn’t even need an explanation. You grabbed your coat, swerving around your chair as you paced out the door with her. 

~~~

When you got back to the precinct you were exhausted. The suspect had taken the witness hostage, with intention to kill. Liv was fortunate she’d gotten a call from the school when she did, otherwise the outcome would have been far worse. He was now successfully in police custody, another charge added to his already high list. He was looking at 25 to life in prison. 

“Another full day.” you sighed dropping into your chair. Rollins and the others already left to the bar. If you were being honest, now you really weren’t in the mood to drink. The sight of that boy almost being shot never left your mind.

“Rough day.” a voice said next to you. Your eyes opened, looking over at lime green ones. “You have no idea.” Barba chuckled, taking a seat at your desk. 

“I know this job can get to you sometimes. I forget sometimes that you’re still pretty new to this. You should find someone to talk to about your day. It’s not good to keep it bottled up.” you nodded. 

“I have been chatting with someone. Liv gave me a number last time. When that guy took me hostage. It’s just something about being held at gunpoint that never really leaves you. “ Barba didn’t say much after that, just leaned over placing a hand on your knee. You smiled at the gesture, sitting up. 

“If you ever need to talk, I’m right here. I think you of all people should know how good I am with words. “ that made you laugh. “Rafael Barba, the king of communication.” he smirked. “At your service.” His presence really did help though. Despite his sharp tongue, his heart was always in the right place. There was just something about him. No matter how many times he said things to make you want to punch him sometimes, he was just so dang charming. Not to mention caring. You could see the genuine worry reflected in his eyes. He knew what this job did to people. 

“I know it gets hard, I just hope that no matter how much scumbags we take down, that you’ll never lose that light in you. “ You raised an eyebrow. 

“Really I have a light in me?” It sounded kind of cheesy, you were about to point that out to him but he stopped you. 

“Yes, and I am aware how cheesy that sounds. Before you tear me down hear me out. “ you closed your mouth with a smile. “Very well, proceed counselor. “ He grinned. 

“You’re the youngest, so I believe it's natural for you to be naive. But you’re actually the most realistic one on this team. When you first joined I thought you’d be making rookie mistakes. Similar to what Carisi did. He always assumed that certain circumstances would make a case solid. He’s studying law so I guess it’s understandable for him to have so much faith in the law. But that’s not how these cases usually turn out.” you sat there listening as he continued. 

“You don’t see the world that way though. Your eyes reflect hope, but also a tinge of maturity in ways that I’ve seen before. Your life growing up must have been hard, the level of knowledge and growth in your eyes is close to what I’ve seen from Liv. You have a general understanding of how the world is, something very uncommon for women your age. “ You were alarmed at how well he was reading you. For a second you swore maybe he was just moon lancing as an ADA and was secretly a profiler.

 “How do you..”

“I’m good at my job (Y/N).” Yep, there it was, that tongue. 

“That being said, there is also an innocence that does reflect your age. Maybe it’s the way your eyes sparkle when Carisi brings in your favorite pizza, or the adorable way your cheeks flush whenever I give you a compliment, or kiss your deliciously soft lips..” 

That statement was said a little lower. You blushed, as if proving his statement. He was right though. No matter how many times he kissed you, you’d always get a little bashful. You couldn’t help it. At heart you were still very much the shy rookie of NYPD’s Special Victims Unit. He leaned closer, face barely inches apart. You actively swallowed, wanting nothing more than him to lean in and claim your lips. From the look in his eyes, he was thinking the same. Your breathing got a little shallow at the lack of space between you. 

“I have faith that this job will not affect you in the ways you think. Trust me (Y/N).” he gave your knee another little pat before standing. 

“Well, get some rest, we’ll probably have a busy day tomorrow. “ And just like that he was padding over to his office. You just watched him strut off all confident. You pressed a hand to your face to try and calm your insistent heart beat. Once again Barba had won another case. You were sure he was smirking to himself in his office. 

~~~

Rollins walked in the next morning laughing at something Carisi whispered to her. You looked up at their voices. “Hey rookie, how was your quiet night. “ you grumbled at the nickname.

“Come on Amanda I’ve been here for at least five months. I think the rookie thing is getting old. “ 

“Please, I’m still the new guy around here.” Carisi chipped in. 

“It has to be the accent.” you spoke. He just gave you a look. 

“Very funny (Y/N).” you shrugged. 

“Just saying, that Staten Island drawl does get to you.” you teased. You turned not really paying attention to what was in front of you. You ran right into someone. Said person grabbed you by the shoulder to prevent a very ungraceful fall. You looked up to thank the person and also apologize. 

The words got stuck in your throat when you realized it was Barba. His hands were still on you. “Uhhh I-I uhhh..” you couldn’t form words. This was the closest the two of you ever were at work. You knew you should have maybe pulled away. You didn’t want your colleagues catching wind of anything. You finally willed yourself to pull back, straightening your clothes. 

“S-Sorry counselor.”  Your cheeks were darker than they’ve ever been. When you collected yourself you noticed a cup of coffee spilled on the ground. Carisi and Rollins were in the background trying to keep it together, especially at the look on your face. 

“Oh my gosh I dropped your coffee. I’ll get you another one immediately sir.” you just took off, completely mortified. Barba stared at your retreating form. A smile threatened to show but he held it back, settling for what he hoped was a stare of annoyance. “Rookies. “ he spoke and Carisi agreed with a nod. 

“Tell me about it.” he chuckled. 

~~

You stepped into Barba’s office with his coffee. After that very embarrassing situation, you felt like this was the only way to redeem yourself. When he saw you his eyes twinkled. 

“Oh, came to replace my poor drink. Frapa did not deserve such a death.” you glared. 

“Can it, it was bad enough basically the entire precinct saw me crash into you, after almost faceplanting. Don’t you think my ego has taken enough hits today.” 

You placed the caffeinated drink on his desk, turning to leave. Barba stood, grabbing your hand before you could go. You looked back at him in confusion and alarm. 

“W-What are you doing, someone could see u-” that particular statement didn’t have a chance to properly form. Barba pulled you forward. His lips meeting yours in a heated desperation. You tensed at the beginning, until he started nibbling on your lower lip. You submitted, body enjoying the way his tongue mapped every inch of your mouth on entry. Of course he wasn’t just good at law. This guy was just a walking ball of masculinity and frigging dominance. It drove you crazy. You were gripping at the back of his shirt as he ravished your mouth. When his lips left your own you were panting. Chest still actively pressed to him. The both of you were breathing erratically. 

“Sabes bien..” Sometimes you forgot he spoke Spanish. You didn’t even know what he said, but damn it was sexy. A pleasant shiver ran up your spine. 

“I should knock your coffee over more often.” he laughed, and so did you. 

“Definitely.” Barba agreed. 

BarbaxReader *trigger warning* Rafael Barba develops feelings for a new female detective (reader) who has a traumatic past (*preciously raped and tortured while on the job at the FBI). The ADA let's his feelings for the detective slip after an undercover sting. Relationship moves to the next level and the detective reveals her past to him. ONESHOT. Almost sex, and lots of fluff.----------------------------------------

A.D.A Rafael Barba stood in the doorway, staring intently watching your every move. Your back was to him as you drilled the perp before you. The ADAs eyes moved from the floor up, taking in the sight of you in a pair of stilettos and a form fitted evening gown. He bit his lip as he observed you closing in on the suspect, backing him against the wall.

“I don’t know why my Sargent has me wasting time on you. It’s obvious you’re not the guy. You’re not man enough for it.” You scoffed, tossing your hair in his face. The man ground his teeth.

“What woman would willing go to your bed? No; our guys has a way with the ladies, he’s not some trust fund loser.”

“Loser? Lady I could have any woman I want. I could have you too.” He leaned his face closer to yours. “The things I could show you. Only a real man could make you feel how I can. Whaddya say babe?”

You scoff in his face. “I don’t think a guy with your,” you glance down at his crotch. “shortcomings…,” you pause to let the word linger, you see him clench his teeth. “…could satisfy anyone…” you finish your face impassive.

The man lunges forward and tackles you to the ground. “I’ll show you exactly how much of a man I am. Just like I showed that Mahoney bitch!” he yelled pinning you to the floor and pressing his erection into your stomach. Barba is at your side instantly, as well as Carisi who pulls the perp off of you and slams him into the wall as he cuffs him.

“Carino, y/n, are you okay?” Barba asks brushing hair out if your face. You grunt and motion for him to help pull you up. He offers his hand and helps you to your feet . “What the hell were you thinking? He might have-"

“I got a confession didn’t I?” you say rubbing your head where it had made contact with the wood planked floor.

“At the risk of your life! Which is not something I’m willing to gamble with just for a confession!” he almost yelled with agitation. “If any of us had been further away there no telling what he-"

“Don’t lecture me, Rafael.” You state coldly, smoothing out and readjusting your dress. He opened his mouth , a quick witted retort on his lips, but turns and bites his lip instead. He taps his foot on the floor in agitation. He turns to you again, his finger raised to scold you anyway but is interrupted by Oliva as she approaches.

“Great work y/n. We got the bastard now.” Oliva smiles at you. “You okay? Need a medic?”

“Naw, I’m alright.” You say as you see the agitation rise in the ADA.

“Liv, can I have a word with you?” he grumbles his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

“About the case? What’s to talk about, thanks to y/n we got you a solid win.”

You notice he’s still tapping his foot. “I don’t like putting people’s lives at risk just for a damned confession. My case was solid without it.”

“Y/n was never in any danger, the whole place was covered with undercover cops.”

“Don’t ever use anyone else in such a haphazard manner to get a collar for me, Liv.”

Oliva open and shuts her mouth taken aback by his harsh words. “Last time I checked I didn’t report to you, Barba. Don’t tell me how to manage my team. They did a good job tonight. Y/n put a man behind bars, he wont ever hurt anyone ever again, because she did her job. A job she volunteered for.”

Barba bites his lip again and admits defeat. “Fine. I’ll arraign him in two days. Get everything in order.”

“Of course Counselor.” Oliva says dryly. She turns to you. “Go home.. you’ve been at it for 36 hours. Do your paperwork first thing in the morning.”

You nod and take your leave. You head to collect your coat, and see Barba doing the same. He hands the man his ticket and slips his overcoat on as you approach. He stands aside and let’s you collect your things. You glance over at him. He's still visibly mad; his jaw clenched and hands shoved deep into his pockets. “Goodnight, Councilor.” You mutter walking past him. You decide to take the back door, out through the gardens to avoid any press that might have gathered out front. You open the door and shiver at the crisp night air. You hope to yourself that you can easily hail a taxi, you dress doesn’t accommodate for the cool weather.

“Y/n!” you hear your name being called. You know its Rafael. You sigh and turn to him. “Let me take you home.” He states at your side, offering his arm to you. You take it hesitantly, not sure why he made the offer but you’re exhausted and didn’t have your own car to drive home. You walk with him, enjoying the warmth of his body beside you in the cool night air.

“What you did tonight… it took guts.” He says as you meander through the garden, you avoid eye contact with the man beside you. “Not every cop would do what you did… and to get a solid confession, too. You never cease to amazing me, Carino.”

A slight smile crosses your features at the endearment. You’re at the sidewalk before you can think of a reply..

“I’ll go get the car.” He states as he slips his arm from your grasp. He walks briskly to the parking lot at the end of the street. You watch him as he goes, admiring his form. He looks handsome in his tux, satin lapels and matching bow tie. You divert your eyes and push the thoughts away. They had become more frequent, your thoughts of the ADA, and so had his terms of endearment for you. It began with meeting for coffee to discuss a case, he found out you were studying law in your free time and offered to help when you needed it. He’d bring you coffee when he came to the station or meet you for a drink after a case was won or lost.. He began to call you Carino or Querido. You didn’t know if he meant anything by it or if it was a Freudian slip. But you liked it, nonetheless.

He returned with the car while you were lost in thought. He had gotten out and opened the door for you before you could move. You give him a soft smile and slide into the leather seat of his BMW. You notice the soft sound of a Tchaikovsky waltz on the radio. The corners of your lips upturn into a smile, you never took the man for a classical music fan. You glance over to see him loosen the knot of his tie and attempt to remove his tux jacket. He grunts as he struggles with the sleeve while he drives. You reach over and help him slide out of the tailored jacket. He leans forward in the seat so you can pull the jacket out from behind him and into your lap.

“Thank you Querido.”

Another endearment. You blush and turn away trying to hide it from him. You had only ever heard him talk to his mother and grandmother with such terms. He never showed anyone else such attention either. You tell yourself that it means nothing and push the thought away again. You steal one last glance to see him struggling with the top button of his shirt. You sigh and push his hand aside as you unbutton the top two buttons of his shirt. You decide to slip his tie off while you’re at it knowing he preferred not to wear one when not working. You untie the knot and let your fingertips brush over the bare skin of his chest as you take the tie and drop it into your lap.

You told your hands neatly into your lap and look out the window. You loose yourself in your thoughts again. Thoughts of the handsome man beside you then repulsive thoughts of the perp you collared earlier.

Barba's hand grazes your knee and bring you back to reality. “Carino…Y/n, you okay?”

“Hmmm, oh, yeah sorry. I’m fine.”

“Did you hear what I said?”

You shake your head and rub your eyes. “I’m sorry Rafi, it’s been a long day.” You look away quickly realizing you called him Rafi instead of Rafael. “What was it you wanted you continue hoping he wont notice the slip.

He sighed and shifted in his seat. “I said that I was sorry for how I acted earlier.” His hand is still on your knee. Its warm and feels natural for it to be there. “I… I let my emotions get the better of me. I’m sorry.”

You nod your head taking in his words, wondering to yourself if there was a hidden meaning behind them. “And I’m sorry we didn’t tell you the plan before hand. It just needed to seem real so he’d take the bait.”

“And take the bait meant egging him on to attack you?” he asked as his hand squeezed your knee slightly.

“I know you don’t agree with my actions, but I did what I had to do to get that man off the streets. It’s our jobs to protect the people.” you say covering his hand with yours.

His mouth opened and closed again. He sighed and bit his lip before saying. “I just don’t like the idea of putting you in harm’s way, is all.” He pauses a moment. You try and think of something to say to him, not entirely certain if his words mean more or not, if he means you specifically. “I.. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you just so I could have an easier case to try, Carino.” He says squeezing your knee again.

You sigh and hang your head, feeling guilty and realizing he truly cares about your wellbeing.

“I’m sorry Rafael.” You whisper pulling your hand away from his. He sighs and removes his hand from your knee. You drive in silence for a ways. You feel horrible for making him worry about you, romantic feelings or not.

“Listen,” he breaks the silence and returns his hand to your leg. “I… I know you must be exhausted…but… I thought maybe… maybe you’d like to swing by my place for a drink?”

You take a moment to process his words You know you’re beyond exhausted but the idea of spending more time with him is too alluring.

“I…” you start searching for the words you want to use. He sighs and pulls his hand away as you pause. You grab his hand before he can move it too far away.

“I’d like that actually… if you haven’t changed your mind, that is…” you state releasing his hand suddenly afraid you’ve overstepped.

Barba gives you a charming smile and returns his hand to your leg. “Querido, I’d never pass up a chance to spend time with you.” You blush and smile back softly. You feel your stomach flip as he moves his hand higher up on your thigh. He let’s his hand rest there for a moment testing the waters, making sure his actions were accepted. He began to rub his thumb in small circles along your skin. It sparks a fire in your loins and sends chills down your spine, it covers you in goosebumps. He smirks at the effect it has on you. You bite your lip and hope that he wants you as much as you do him.

He pulls into his parking spot and opens the door for you again, offering his hand to help you out. You take his hand and pull yourself out of the car, his tie and jacket draped over your arm. You fall into his chest as your heel gets caught on his jacket. You shift in his arms, trying to right yourself but he hold you to his chest. You allow him to hold you, taking in his tantalizing scent; its musky, earthy, and mixed with the scotch on his breath. He strokes you hair before helping you right yourself.

"Come on, Mi Amor, its cold out. Lets get inside." He says slipping his arm into yours as he escorts you to his apartment. You feel the blood rush to your face as you realize he called you "my love". You stand aside as he opens the door to his apartment. You've never been there and are surprised by its size. Its large with an open floor plan. A living area spans the entryway, with a kitchen in the middle, and on either side of it a dining area and a study. You spot a door off the study, you assume its his bedroom.

He tosses his coat onto the sofa as he makes his way to the study. He grabs a bottle of what you know has to be his favorite scotch. He looks back over his should at you as you dump his jacket and tie onto the couch with his overcoat. He pours you a glass of wine, knowing your preference from memory. You take the glass with a nod and gaze out the window, takin gin the view he had of central park.

"It's beautiful." You say, taking a sip of wine.

"Eres hermosa." He whispers from behind you. You smile over your glass as you turn to him.

"You know very well my Spanish isn't as good as it used to be."

"Dije que, eres hermosa." He says sitting his glass of scotch down on the liquor bar, giving you a crooked grin.

"Please, don’t tease me Rafi. I feel bad enough already that I don’t know some of the things you say to me." You say turning away from him, your mood shifting. You hear him sigh.

He wraps his arms around your waist and whispers into your ear. "I said, you're beautiful." His lips brush against your skin and you shiver against him. He takes the glass from your hands and sits it on the windowsill. He turns your body to face him, his hands sliding across your abdomen coming to rest on your hips. You rest your hands on his chest, you feel your chest constrict at his intimate gesture. You stare at him, analyzing him and silently begging him to kiss you. You lean in towards him, your eyes moving to his lips, they shine in the dim light, remnants of scotch still on them. He pulls you to him and kisses you softly, shifting his hand up to cradle your cheek as he kisses you. You kiss him back, your fingers twisting into the material of his shirt. He pulls away after what feels like hours and gazes at you with soft passionate eyes.

He presses you up against the wall and dips his head down to nuzzle your neck. "Mi Amor." He breaths huskily against your skin as he trails kisses along your bared neck. A soft moan escapes you lips. You press your body against him more and snake your hands up his chest, around his neck and into his hair. He trails kisses up your neck and along your jaw as his hands begin to explore your body. He slips his hands down to squeeze your ass before lifting you around his waist and placing you on the edge of his desk. He pulls back from his passionate attack of your body to look you in the eye. He cups your face in his hand and thumbs over your bottom lip.

"Rafi..." You whisper sliding your hands into his opening of his shirt, running your hands over his bare skin. He dips his lips back down to yours. His lips are soft and taste of top shelf scotch. You kiss him back moaning softly as he pulls your hips against him. He kisses you gently at first, then more passionately. He runs his tongue over your bottom lip, and nips a it lightly with his teeth. You arch your back, pressing your body against him more, another moan escaping your lips. He takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue darting in to brush against yours. He cradles your head with one hand while the other caresses your breast, thumbing over your hardening nipple. You rock your hips against him willing him to take you then and there.

Barba pulls away and kisses down our jawline to your ear. "Te necesito, Mi Amor. Se mio esta noche." He breaths into your ear. You moan lightly as your eyes roll backward at the sensations he’s making you feel.

"I only got part of that, but whatever it was, it sounded incredibly sexy." you chuckle into his ear.

"Pardoname, Camino." He said kissing you again. "You have this effect on me, to where I can't think straight. " he says kissing your bared neck. "I need you, Y/n. Te quiero. I want you." He breaths against your skin.

You reach into your memory searching for the correct words to use. "Yo tambien te quiero." You know you've said the right words when he smiles down at you and pulls you into another passionate kiss. He reaches behind you and pushes his papers and books from the surface of the desk. He eases you down onto the flat surface and pauses to admire your form. He runs his hands over every curve before leaning down to leave trails of kisses across the tops of your breasts. He slips his hand up under the hem of your dress and rubs his thumb in small circles against your inner thigh. You whimper as he teases you, gazing down at him with want as he kisses the exposed parts of your breasts.

"Rafi..." You whisper lifting your hips up to him. He groans and presses his erection against you. He wraps his arms around your raised hips and slides you off the desk and around his waist. He lifts you up and carries you into the bedroom, kissing you along the way. He lays gently lays you down on the bed and straightens back up to remove his clothes, he slips off his shoes as you raise to meet him. You scoot towards him and sit on the edge of the bed. You slide the suspenders off his shoulders before slowly unbuttoning his vest and shirt. You suck in a deep breath at the sight of him. He's more muscular than you imagined; his stomach taught with strong abs and his chest peppered with greying hair that led to a happy trail below. You trace his muscles with your fingertips. He groans and rolls his eyes back as you explore his body.

"Tu turno, Mi Amor. I want to see all of you."

You stand before him and turn, pulling your hair forward allowing him access to the zipper of your dress. Suddenly you're struck with a sense of dread, you don't know how he will react to your bare body. He pulls the zipper down slowly, running his fingertip along your spin as he did so. You shiver at his caress. He lets your dress fall in a puddle at your feet, leaving you in naught but your lacey black panties. You stand with your back to him, arms covering your breast, uncertain of your body.

He sighs at the sight of you. You swallow hard and look away, your back still to him.

"Eres hermosa... You're beautiful, Y/n."

You bite your lip still unsure you want him to see you.

"Why are you hiding yourself from me?" He asks softly, caressing your cheek. You shy away from him, your mood completely shifted. He sighs. "You're having second thoughts now..." He sits down on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. "Lo siento, y/n. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"No, it's not that Rafi... I... I..." you shake your head. "I guess it's just been a while for me... I'm just unsure of my body... I..."

He looks up at you, his mouth opens to speak but closes as you drop your arms before him.

Rafael Barba looks you up and down, he sighs before pulling you into his lap. He kisses you softly before rolling you underneath him on the bed. He trails kisses over your abdomen, tears well up in your eyes. He makes his way back up your body, back to your lips. He kisses you sweetly, tenderly.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on." He takes your hand in his, laces your fingers together and runs them over your body. "These are a testament to your strength. If you ask me it only adds to your beauty." You bite your lip as he runs your interlaced hands over you scars. He cradles your cheek and thumbs away your tears. "Mi Amor, I'm sorry." You roll onto your side and into his chest. He holds you while you cry. He kisses your forehead and strokes your hair.

Moments pass as you regain your composure, your tears dry up and you mutter. "I'm sorry."

"Perdon por que? You have nothing to apologize for, Carino. Nada." He says turning your chin up to him.

"I didn't mean to ruin your night. I-"

"Shh. Shh. You in no way ruined my night, Mi Amor." He sooths you. “I’m laying here with the woman I love in my arms. I couldn’t ask for more. Just wish you’d stop feeling down about yourself. You're gorgeous, eres hermosa.” He smiles down at you. You sigh and press your forehead to his chest.

“No one at work knows… beside Liv.”

“What… What happened, Mi Amor?” he asked trailing kisses down your neck, brushing your hair behind your ear. You allow him to comfort you. You welcome it, you need it.

“I was in the FBI before I joined SVU.”

He nodded remembering the conservation you had shared months before about your time in the Bureau.

“My last case, we caught a serial rapist, murderer. My mentor, John, he had studied this particular perp for years before we finally got close enough to make a move. We set a trap, cornered him…” you could see the cogs turning as the councilor narrowed down who you could be referring to.

“Ross… Richard Ross.”

You nod your head and shiver at the name. “I got sloppy. I was a newbie, I… I…” You shake your head and sigh. “I moved in without waiting for backup. I took the first chance I could to free the girl he had. But that’s what he wanted. He was on me before I realized it.” You let out a ragged breath and run your fingers through the hair on his chest, trying to ground yourself. “John took a bullet trying to rescue me.” You bite your lip trying not to cry. “He was able to distract Ross long enough for back up to arrive. Then the bastard just gave himself up. Laughed like it was a game.” You felt the tears welling up again. “John recovered but retired afterward. He realized his life wasn’t with losing with a wife and kid at home…I left shortly after that.”

“That’s why you joined SVU.”

You nod your head against his chest, not wanting to look him in the eye.

“Y/n… did… did he…”

You know what he's asking. You swallow hard and nod again. You feel the tears begin to fall and pull yourself to Rafael's body. He holds your form to his, running his fingers through your hair.

“Mi Amor, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t has asked, I-"

“No, I should have told you before.” You shake your head and wipe tears away with the back of your hand. “I just thought… I thought I was over it… it’s been over a year and I haven’t been with anyone since…him.” You shake your head and let out another ragged breath. You feel Rafael's fingers still stroking your hair. “I…Iwant you Rafi. I want to be with you. I just don’t know how… Earlier, I was caught up in the moment, I felt alive again, but when… I knew you’d see and ask… I just kept hearing him over and over...how he'd make sure no man would ever want me again, how -"

“Shh…Y/n.. I can't imagine how you feel or understand hat you’ve been thought but you have nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be ashamed of… these" he says running his hand over the scars on your breast and stomach “just show how strong of a woman you are. And I’d still love you, with or without them, Mi Amor.”

You turn your eyes up to his. He cradles your cheek and kisses away your tears. You turn your cheek to meet his lips with yours. He's gentle with you. He doesn’t caress you as he did before, now his hands are more gentle, less frenzied. He comforts you, loving you and your body. He isn’t forceful, his goal isn’t sex anymore, but you still want him. He's accepted you and your flawed body. You pull away from him and look him in the eye.

“Thank you Rafael. For listening, for being patient with me, for-"

“Shh.” He presses his lips to yours in a simple quick kiss. “You never have to thank me for caring about you.” You nuzzle against him, happy that’s he's kind and considerate. He kisses the top of you head before moving across the room to his closet. He pulls out a grey tshirt with a Harvard logo on it and brings it to you. He pulls you upright and slips it on over your head. He pulls down the covers and picks you up into his arms. You let him slip you under the covers and watch as he undoes his pants, letting them fall to the floor before kicking them aside. He slides into the bed beside you and wraps his arms around you melding his body to yours.

“How bout we just lay here together tonight? Maybe it’s for the best anyway. We can go slow and steady… I don’t want to fuck this up. I want you, y/n. All of you. And that means I want more than just a list filled night.. I don’t have to have sex with you to be happy, Mi Amor. Don’t get me wrong, I want to make love to you, more than anything… but not until you’re ready and certain that it’s what you want.”

You twist around in his grasp and wrap your arms around him and nod. “Thank you so much, Rafi.”

“Te amo mucho, Carino.”

“I…I love you too Rafael. I think I have for a while now.”

He smiles down at you and kisses you passionately. The taste of scotch has almost faded from his lips.