#ballaskin

I was quite terribly disabled. To blame my actions on them feels incorrect, but at the same time... Without the dyed skin, I feel clearer headed. Perhaps it is my system, that balances me, or perhaps it is that the standards I was held to were destroying me. The Orokin blue was achieved with mercury and cobalt dye, however it was chosen to be applied. It stained my skin and body, making me sickly and frail- when I was a youth, it was agreed on as an 'unsightly allergy' by my physicians and parents. My body ached and creaked. I exclusively travelled with pain relievers, in medical transports. And yet, I held my head high and my back straight, and continued on as if I was not suffering, though it cost me dearly.

My mind, as well, was unwell. I dared not visit the Yuvan theatre, despite my ailing body- despite my beloved begging me to- on the fear she would not love me if I was... well. If she had no project to fret about, would she forget me? No, I'd rather rot with her than stand alone.

But for all my ailments, I was terribly skilled at conversations. Numbers, reasoning, it was all puzzles to be solved. My fellow Executors despised me; I would dissect their half-cocked plans for glory and gold until they resembled something an empire could use. Until I had wiped their pride from it and turned it into a stride forward, not back. Though they often returned the favor...

Yours, Ever Present,

-Ballas (Warframe)

I'm curious as to why you spared me, on the Night of the Naga Drums. I didn't deserve to survive, nor did I want to. You were a terrifying lot; you killed me twice.

And Natah, the poor Lotus. I have no excuse for taking her, reshaping her. But I must explain. I knew that without the bloom, the sentients would revert. That they could not suffer. You needed a mother. She was a perfect candidate. When I was well again- mourning Margulius, the massacre, it all did terrible things to my health- I sought to discharge the Lotus. Free her from the shape of Margulius and step up where I had failed- I intended to follow your mother, act as your guiding hand. Things went... very, very poorly, but that was my intention. To at least simulate what I felt I had taken from you. To not leave you defenseless and unguided in a world without the Empire's ruling.

I was not a good man. I was the softest, 'dullest' of the Seven, but I was still a cruel, and horrid man. Lives were currency and tools, to me. Margulius inched me away from that, but only barely. Once we discovered *you* could pilot the Warframes, I set to make as many as I could. Instilling it as punishments to those who would be executed or slated for glassmaking, to give her something to give to you.

As for the... Narmer business. I wasn't in my right mind. Erra treated my like a *dog,* and the Sentient mutilation of my corpse did nothing well. I was mad by the time he dressed me up and fed me speeches and placed me in front of the camera. None of it- none of it, I swear- was myself. I would have never done that. I had no interest in returning to Tau, or ruling the world again. The Veils were cruel and underhanded. I thought they were tacky looking, too.

It sounds... foolish, to say this. Knowing you, wherever you are, likely think ill of me and my actions. And rightly so! And yet, I cannot stop myself from thinking, quietly, that had I done better- whether it be keeping her from the Jade Light, coming out of mourning faster, having sent a delegator to Tau instead of myself... I wonder if I could have been considered your father.

-Fond wishes, Ballas