In Psalm 55:12–14 David laments, “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng.

The Greek word for “offend” in Luke 17:1 comes from the word skand-alon. This word originally referred to the part of the trap to which the bait was attached. Hence the word signifies laying a trap in someone’s way. 1 In the New Testament it often describes an entrapment used by the enemy. Offense is a tool of the devil to bring people into captivity.

When a person is deceived, he believes he is right even though he is not. No matter what the scenario is, we can divide all offended people into two major categories: (1) those who have been treated unjustly and (2) those who believe they have been treated unjustly. People in the second category believe with all their hearts that they have been wronged. Often their conclusions are drawn from inaccurate information. Or their information is accurate, but their conclusion is distorted. Either way, they hurt, and their understanding is darkened. They judge by assumption, appearance, and hearsay.” Pride masked the true condition of my heart. Pride keeps you from dealing with truth. It distorts your vision. You never change when you think everything is fine. Pride hardens your heart and dims the eyes of your understanding. It keeps you from the change of heart—repentance—that will set you free. (See 2 Timothy 2:24–26.) Pride causes you to view yourself as a victim. Your attitude becomes, “I was mistreated and misjudged; therefore, I am justified in my behavior.” Because you believe you are innocent and falsely accused, you hold back forgiveness. Though your true heart condition is hidden from you, it is not hidden from God. Just because you were mistreated, you do not have permission to hold on to an offense. Two wrongs do not make a right!

A pure heart is like pure gold—soft, tender, and pliable. Hebrews 3:13 states that hearts are hardened through the deceitfulness of sin! If we do not deal with an offense, it will produce more fruit of sin, such as bitterness, anger, and resentment. This added substance hardens our hearts just as alloys harden gold. This reduces or removes tenderness, creating a loss of sensitivity. We are hindered in our ability to hear God’s voice. Our accuracy to see is darkened. This is a perfect setting for deception. The first step in refining gold is grinding it into a powder and mixing it with a substance called flux. Then the mixture is placed in a furnace and melted by intense heat. The alloys and impurities are drawn to the flux and rise to the surface. The gold (which is heavier) remains at the bottom. The impurities or dross (such as copper, iron, and zinc, combined with flux) is then removed, yielding a purer metal.”

God refines with afflictions, trials, and tribulations, the heat of which separates impurities such as unforgiveness, strife, bitterness, anger, envy, and so forth from the character of God in our lives. Sin easily hides where there is no heat of trials and afflictions. In times of prosperity and success, even a wicked man will seem kind and generous. Under the heat of trials, however, the impurities surface. God’s Word will enlighten the eyes of your understanding that you will see your true condition and become free from any offense you are harboring. Don’t let pride keep you from seeing and repenting.

PRAYER DECLARATIONS FOR OFFENDED PEOPLE Satan will not be able to ensnare me in his trap by causing me to become “a lover of myself” (2 Tim. 3:2). Holy Spirit, flow into my life with Your power, and eradicate every fiber of selfishness that would try to snare me and cause me to love myself more than I love You and others. I will not allow a root of bitterness to spring up in my life, defiling me and causing me to fall short of the grace of God (Heb. 12:15). As a servant of my Lord I will follow Paul’s instruction to Timothy to be gentle, patient, and filled with humility in all my relationships—especially with those in opposition to me in some manner or way (2 Tim. 2:24–26).”

“I will not be held prisoner by the enemy through my own unwillingness to rid my heart of anger and unforgiveness and by spewing out bitter waters rather than pure. Holy Spirit, keep me from hurt, deceit, and distortion because of darkened understanding and wrong conclusions about the intent of others to wrong me. Reveal my heart’s true condition, and do not allow hidden offense to clothe me with pride. When the trials of life encompass me and the genuineness of my faith is tested with fire, I want the character of God, which is much more precious than gold that perishes, to be visible in my life (1 Pet. 1:6–7). I will not allow pride to hold back my willingness to forgive those who may hurt me. I do not have the right to hold on to my hurt. Father, Your Word teaches me that a pure heart is like gold. Give me purity of heart and cause me to be soft, tender, and pliable to your instructions.

Holy Spirit, I recognize that You are refining me like gold through Your furnace of trials so that all the impurities of my heart will be melted and forced out of my life. Holy Spirit, anoint my eyes with eye salve that I may see my true heart condition and be kept from deception through unforgiveness, anger, envy, and resentment (Rev. 3:18). By the power of my God who lives within my heart I repent from the hidden impurities of my heart and plead for His forgiveness. Father, take Your measure and remove these impurities from my life. Father, enlighten the eyes of my understanding that I may see my true condition and become free from any hidden offense that I may have been harboring. Free me from pride! Through God’s power I will never attempt to remove the speck out of my brother’s eye while there is a log of offense in my own heart. Reveal Your truth to me, Father.

Physical growth is a function of time. No two-year-old child has ever been six feet tall. Intellectual growth is a function of learning. Spiritual growth is a function of neither time nor learning, but it is a function of obedience. Now look at what Peter says: Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin. —1 PETER 4:1, EMPHASIS ADDED A person who has ceased from sin is a perfectly obedient child of God. He is mature. He chooses God’s ways, not his own. Just as Jesus learned obedience by the things He suffered, we learn obedience by the difficult circumstances we face. When we obey the Word of God that is spoken by the Holy Spirit, we will grow and mature in the times of conflict and suffering. Our knowledge of Scripture is not the key. Obedience is. Now we understand one reason why we have people in the church who have been Christians for twenty years, who can quote verses and chapters of the Bible, have heard a thousand sermons, and read many books, but still wear spiritual diapers. Every time they meet with difficult situations, rather than responding by the Spirit of God, they seek to protect themselves in their own way. They are “always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (2 Tim. 3:7). They never come to the knowledge of the truth because they do not apply it.”

Truth must be allowed to have its way in our lives if we are going to grow and mature. It is not enough to give mental assent to it without obeying it. Even though we continue to learn, we never mature because of disobedience.