So, like, guys. 

This morning I was working out, and a new song by Linkin Park came on, and it sounded exactly like Linkin Park circa 2001, and I was like, guys, it’s 2017, aren’t you supposed to be over this by now? 

And then I thought about myself. 

Badum-ching. 

*

And, like guys. 

I’ll have you know I typed the first draft of this on my iPhone, and “badum-ching” autocorrected to Badum-Ching, and I was like, oh, Badum-Ching, I wonder if that’s a hyphenated last name that exists in our Very Modern World. So, I LinkedIn-ed it, and it’s not, so now I know there’s a programmer at Apple named Badum or Ching who has the hots for someone with the last name Ching or Badum. 

And I know that if “badum-ching” stops autocorrecting to “Badum-Ching” that the romance is over. 

Or, I guess they could keep it programmed in anyway. Like if Ching/Badum is a nostalgic softie. Doesn’t want to forget what once was. 

Or, I suppose, forgets it altogether. 

Girl: I love these! If you suck on them hard enough they turn purple.