#badgercats

Sitting in his room Spine made himself comfortable on his bed, guitar on his lap. Titanium fingers gently plucked at the strings as he ran through the cords of ‘Wired Wrong’. He let the soft sounds fill the room as he hummed along before singing.

“My brain is wired all wrong and they'll agree because it's easier to say I am gone. It’s time to face the truth in a song, I've always told myself-” His singing was cut off abruptly by two clockwork robots running into his room.

“Un-uncle Spine! Uncle Spine!” Chimed in Kitten, her hands shoved into the pockets of her dress. “Un-uncle Sp-Spine, we’re having a tea party!” She beamed up at her uncle from the door, Rabbit standing behind her, grinning like a mad woman.

That was reason to make Spine raise a brow. “That’s nice Kitten, I hope you have fun," he said with a soft smile. One that fell when both girls put their hands on their hips in unison.

“Oh, co-come on grumpy c-c-c-cogs! You can’t mope around-around your room all day. It’ll be-be-be fun!” Encouraged Rabbit, with a glint in her eye that made Spine worry.

“Thank you, you two. But I really don’t have ti-” Spine yelped as two sets of hands grabbed him and dragged him out of his room. There was hardly enough time to save his guitar before they were pulling him down the hall to a playroom.

A playroom set up with a small table set for tea. A table that wouldn’t even clear his knee.

Before he could remind them of his size, and how difficult it would be for him to fit at the table, Kitten was holding up the most glitter coated plastic tiara he had ever seen.

Holding his hands up defensively, he tried to avoid getting any glitter on him. “Come on now, Kitten. Don’t you think I’m dressed up enough?” He teased, tipping the brim of his fedora.

Said Kitten huffed and put a hand on her hip. “You got-got-gotta! It’s a prin-princess tea party!” As if to prove the point, Rabbit had her own glittering piece of plastic on.

Before he could try and come up with another excuse, Rabbit tilted her chin, just so, and gave him a pout. It was a well-practiced puppy, bunny, face, one that he still couldn’t fight.

Taking the tiara, he caved and put it on, over his fedora. “Alright, alright. Let’s have a tea party, ladies.” He winced when both girls squealed and grabbed his hands to drag him to the floor. It was an effort not to crash into the small table.

Before Spine was seated properly, Kitten was pressing a teacup into his hands. Surprisingly, it wasn’t empty.

“I made it my-my-myself!” Beaming proudly of that fact, she took a sip of her own tea.

Rabbit did the same after a curious glance into the cup. The older bot giggled to herself as she sipped politely.

Looking into his own cup, Spine tried not to pull a face. There were still leaves swimming around the tea, and twigs? Inwardly, he groaned at the ‘earthy’ tea. But they were both watching him now. Smiling politely, he took a long drink of it. He was positive there were sticks in his boiler. He was going to need to go in for serious maintenance after this.

As much as it was going to bother his boiler, Spine kept drinking the tea with Kitten and Rabbit, talking about ‘princess’ things.

Still trying to dust glitter off his hat, Spine finally found freedom from his sister and niece when Kitten had run out of her tea. Luckily even Rabbit knew better than to continue with another pot. As much as he loved his family, he hoped that was the end of his distractions.

Heading back to his room, he was quietly humming to himself, completely minding his own business. At least until there came a shriek from down the hall. Briefly, he thought about ignoring it and going back to his room. Until it came again, followed by growling.

Signing, Spine rolled his shoulders and made his way through the manor, looking for the source of the shrieks. In the kitchen, he found Hatchworth and Hatchsquirt, with the smallest badgercats he had ever seen. Raising a brow, he put a foot down to stop one from scurrying out of the room.

“Uh, hi guys. Care to explain?” He asked as the two tried to quickly stand at attention and fix their clothes, torn or wrinkled from chasing after the little creatures.

“Hi there, friendo! Nothing to explain, right Hatchsquirt?”

The smaller mustachioed robot nodded quickly to concur. “Right! We’re just playing with ‘em!” He shrank back a little when his dada sighed and slumped his shoulders.

While they tried to look as normal as possible, a feat in of itself, the badgercats had a heyday in the kitchen. They crawled into the cabinets and over the counters, knocking everything down in their wake. One managed to get into the china cabinet. The one with Iris’ fine china.

Quick on his feet Spine ran past the duo and caught the first dish as it came tumbling down from the top shelf. There wasn’t time to breath a sigh of relief as he heard the tell-tale clink of more dishes being nudged against each other. As he stood, he moved with robotic precision to catch each piece precious piece as it came tumbling down.

At his full height, Spine glared down at the tiny badgercat as it sat on the now empty shelf. Gently, he sat the dished on the shelf to be organized later. Grabbing the little pest by the scruff, he locked the cabinet and turned to face his brother and nephew again.

Holding up the angry badgercat, he gave them a rather unamused look. “Again. Care to explain?” In the time it took to save Iris’ china, the other badgercats took their chance and ran out of the room and into the rest of the manor. This was turning into a very long day.

“Dada told me about when he made badgercats!” Squeaked the tiniest automaton. “I just wanted to see if I could do it too. And I did!” He beamed proudly at that, until Spine tilted his head at that, and glared at said dada.

Hatchworth held his hands up in defense. “I did try to stop him, Spine. But you remember don’t you?” They both looked tense a moment as the memory surfaced, but it was quickly chased away when the scream of a Walter work came from down in the labs.

“I suppose it doesn’t matter how it started does it?” Letting out a suffering sigh, like a slow puncture, Spine corralled the two out of the kitchen. “Let’s try and get them all rounded up and get them out of here. I think Six still has a portal that sends things back where they belong. Bring them down to the labs, I’ll get it ready.”

The two hatched robots agreed and quickly took off down the halls to find as many badger cats as they could.

Navigating the labs was simple enough for Spine. Finding what he was looking for was another matter altogether. How anyone could anything down there was beyond him. Spine shifted through boxes and papers, trying to find what he needed to send those little critters back home to, where was home for them anyway, he wondered.

After longer than he would have liked, Spine found the machine he was looking for. Sitting it up in the lab, he fiddled with the blue matter device until it glowed and opened.

It wasn’t long until he grew tired of waiting. What was taking them so long? They got distracted by something again, must have.

Making sure to lock the door behind him, Spine made his way back up to the manor to find them. It wasn’t long at all that he found Hatchsquirt. He had managed to catch a couple of them, or rather, they had caught him.

Hatchsquirt ran down the hall, chasing after another one while pulling the one biting his shirt off him. “Come on guys! Don’t you want to go home to your mommies and daddys? Please!” He whined when the one he was after snapped at his hands.

Spine took pity on Hatchsquirt, he was doing his best. “Hey, let’s see if I can’t help you out there.” Grabbing up the badgercats, he tried to keep them from biting him, but at least they were off the younger bot. “Let’s find your dad and see how he’s faired.”

Gratefully, Hatchsquirt followed his uncle. They would pause and try and catch a stray badgercat as they crossed their path.

By the time they found Hatchworth, Spine was struggling to hold all the critters they had found. Not that Hatchworth was faring much better.

Hatchworth had his arms full and was teetering back and forth as he tried to keep his balance, while a few more danced between his feet. Seeing his brother he cried out. “Spine! I may require some assistance!”

Shaking his head, Spine chuckled and came over to try and grab the last of the rascals. “Hopefully, this is all of them.” He was more doing a juggling act than actually walking now, with all the little critters trying to get away and bite him. Sometimes it was good to be made of titanium steel.

More than once Hatchsquirt had to scamper off to grab a runaway badgercat as the trio made it down to the labs. Between the three of them, they managed to get all of them down to the locked lab. Or at least it was when Spine left.

The door was now swung open and Spine looked mildly concerned. Peeking inside, he frowned. Matter Master David was standing out the portal, throwing in books and folders?

“David, what are you doing?” Spine asked, perturbed that David was tossing away lab research.

Tilting his head back, the matter master grinned as he threw in the last of it. “This thing puts things where they go. Way easier than actually cleaning up,” he laughed. He looked curiously at the badgercats the trio was holding. “Do we need to fix Hatchworth’s hatch again?”

The three automatons were quick to shake their heads. That wasn’t a road the brothers wanted to go back to.

“Hatchsquirt wanted to try and be like his dad. And well,” Spine held up the tiny critters as a form of explanation.

That seemed to be enough for David and he walked out of the room with a nod. “Just don’t leave it on guys!” He called and shut the door behind him.

They made quick work of the menacing, biting badgercats. Through the portal they went, back home to, wherever it was that badgercats belonged.

“Thanks, friendo! I can always count on you!” Cheered Hatchworth as he slapped Spine’s back.  

Before Spine could scold them for causing trouble, and remind them that their hatches weren’t toys and blue matter wasn’t safe to mess with, the boys were out the door.

Groaning, Spine pressed his face into his hand. Sometimes, his family just felt like they were a bit too much. While he knew he would always be there to look after them, every now and then, he wished he didn’t have to.

Once the portal was put away and the room back to rights, Spine made his way out of the labs. That was quite enough adventure for one day, and he couldn’t wait to go back to the comforts of his room and practice.

Was life ever that simple?

Hardly five steps down the hall and there came another scream. It was Six.

Panic gripped his boiler and he turned on his heels. Flying down the corridor he followed the sounds of the scientist’s screams for help. Losing his face was more than enough.

Finding the door was easy enough, and opening it easier. It flew off the hinges as soon as he undid the latch. Something was pulling it into the room.

Barely holding onto the door, Spine saw what was causing the pull, and was quickly back to running. Six was clinging to the cord of one of the larger lab machines. And it was inching ever closer to the open rift that Six was trying to pull himself out of. Half of the room had already seemed to be pulled through.

“Peter!” Spine cried as he reached for him. Even with his weight as an automaton, he could feel himself being pulled in too. Digging his heels as much as he could he reached for Peter.

Just out of reach Peter screamed when the cord suddenly came loose.

Without a second thought, Spine jumped. Grabbing the scientist's arm, Spine reached behind him for something, anything. His titanium fingers dug into the side of the machine Six had been clinging to as it inched ever closer. Sometimes having the arm span of a seven-foot-tall man came in handy. Spine threw Peter out of the rift and barely managed to get himself out as the machine tumbled in and was sucked into the darkness.

Before he could contemplate what had happened Six was pulling him back and firing a, rifle? At the rift, sealing it as if it never was. Six laid the gun over his shoulders and looked utterly smug, or at least as much as he could with a keyhole for a face.

“Needs a few more adjustments yet,” Six muttered to himself while he seemed to look over where the rift had been.

“What? You mean to tell me you did that on purpose?” Huffed The Spine as he pulled himself to his feet.

“Well, not exactly,” sang the masked scientist. “I wanted it to open up, but not as a black hole, suck everything in it, thingy,” he said as he wiggled his fingers where it had been. “More, open up somewhere comfortable, like my bedroom! Then I won’t have to waste so much time walking all the way down here.”

Spine narrowed his eyes at the man. Of all the half baked schemes! “Honestly, Six. You risked being sucked into a wormhole and dying in the vacuum of space, to avoid the stairs?”

Six just giggled behind his mask and shrugged at The Spine. When he just continued to give him a stern glare, his shoulders drooped. “Oh come on Spine! It’s science! It’s not supposed to be safe.”

With a suffering sigh, The Spine adjusted his tie. “You wear a lab coat to protect from radiation.”

“Well, yeah bu-,” Six was cut off by the automaton raising his hand and smirking.

“And the Walter Workers wear goggles and occasionally full masks, as not to have a repeat.” He chuckled when Peter huffed like a petulant child. “Specialized gloves are standard. We have splash guards and safe rooms to reduce radiation leaks. And protocol, such as, not working alone in the labs,” he teased. “To keep people from doing things like. Oh, I don’t know, falling through a rift in time and space?”

“Okay okay okay, I get it I get it.” Six raised his arms in defeat. “I know I shouldn’t have been alone, but come on, it didn’t turn out that bad, did it? I mean yeah, I would have died without you, but that’s happened before. And I don’t think I can get that machine back. But hey it was dusty, we probably don’t need it, right?”

Before The Spine could remind him that is was dusty because no one dusted down here, he was being shoved out the door. The lanky scientist should not have been able to manhandle him as much as he had been today, but he figured that was a mystery for another day when the door slammed behind him. “I’m going to find one of the Matter Masters. You shouldn’t be doing those tests alone!” He called through the door.

Only grumbling came as an answer as he walked to find David writing up a report. Luckily he didn’t have a problem simply finishing up in the same lab as Six, just encase.

This time, Spine wasn’t taking any chances with being disturbed by his family. Grabbing his guitar he made his way out to the manor grounds. Out by the cemetery in an ivy-covered shelter, his favourite spot, he tuned his guitar again.

So content in his own little world, he didn’t notice Zer0 and N0ughty come running up the yard. Fingers on the strings he was about to strum the first cord when his concentration was broken by the duo.

“Spine, hey Spine! The Spine?” Zer0 excitedly exclaimed as he and his son stood in front of what was once Spine’s personal space.

“Yes, Zer0?” He asked, a tad flatly. Putting his guitar down, yet again, he waited to see what emergency would befall him this time.

“Ya see! Me and N0ughty here just wanted to watch ice cream melt in the microwave! You know it’s one of my favourite things. I had to show him!”

Said N0ughtly was bouncing hastily from foot to foot, nodding rapidly to agree. “It was super cool, Uncle Spine! But then! But then, Uncle Spine, it stopped melting!”

Robot maintenance it was then. That was simple enough. Standing up, he made to suggest them going on a quick walk when Zer0 continued the story and The Spine found himself quickly sitting back down.

“Yeah! All the sudden, it was growing, like super fast! Like so fast it ate the microwave, The Spine! We didn’t know what to do! It grew and grew, Spine. It ate up the microwave and spilled over into the sink and then on the floor.” He was waving his arms erratically now as he described as the ice cream became the biggest ice cream monster he had ever seen in his life.

“Yeah! It’s really mean too! It was growlin’ and stuff at us, Uncle Spine!” Chirped N0ughty as he continued to bounce on the grass.

“And, The Spine. The worst part, The Spine. The worst part was,” he sucked in a deep breath and stomped his foot. “It won’t let us lick it, The Spine!”

“Yeah! It’s so big! It wouldn’t even notice, but it just garbled and swatted at us! Then! Uncle Spine it left, just slid out of the room!”

He blinked his optics a few times, making sure he wasn’t malfunctioning. No, no he was functioning just fine. They really just told him there was an ice cream monster in the manor, again, and opted to run all the way out here to find him.

“And it just left?” He asked, hoping against hope that it had made its way outside and he just hadn’t noticed. Just one problem avoided today, surely that wasn’t too much to ask for was it?

Of course, it was.

Zer0 shook his head. “It went down the hall and after Marshmallow. Marshie mewed and it went down the halls, leaving rocky road its wake!” He giggled as N0ughty laughed too.

Spine was far less amused. “So, you made a giant ice cream monster in the microwave, and it’s chasing Six’s cat around the manor?” He waited for the duo to nod. “And you thought the best course of action was to run all the way out here to find me?”

“Well yeah! Rabbit said she saw you coming out here a while ago with your guitar. We knew you had to be around here somewhere!” Chirped the older brass bot proudly.

Pressing his face into his hand, Spine sighed. “And you didn’t think one of the Walter Workers inside was a better idea?” When they gave him a confused look, he groaned. For one brief moment, he wished he had been crushed by a copper elephant all those years ago. Only a moment.

“You know what, forget it. Come on, you two, let’s go take care of this.” He ushered them back to the manor. The sooner this was taken care of the better. The sun was already starting to get low.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t difficult to find the ice cream monster. They just followed the sound of Marshmallow's purrs as they echoed through the manor. Said cat was sitting in a lounge with the ice cream monster. Only it wasn’t as large as Spine had been made to believe.

That might of had something to do with the large pink tongue lapping at its multiple flavours. How many tubs of ice cream had they tried to melt?

“Aw man! Pops, Marshie’s gettin’ all dat ice cream!” Whined N0ughty and his father agreed wholeheartedly.

Spine thought about letting things go, but there was a nagging thought in the back of his mind. “Aren’t cat’s lactose intolerant?”

Getting the large cat away from the ice cream monster was harder than anticipated, not that Spine thought it was going to be particularly easy. Dragging or pulling was useless. And trying to coax her away seemed fruitless. The three bots were covered in ice cream and cat hair when Marshmallow finally left the creature alone. More of her own accord than anything else. Much to The Spine’s chagrin.

Trying to wipe the hair and melted ice cream off himself, Spine groaned in disgust. He was more mess than man. Today had been more than enough for him.

Without another word to his brother or nephew, Spine left the room to get cleaned up. He would be pulling out dried ice cream from his seams until his next maintenance. All he wanted was to get clean and finally practice.

After scrubbing as thoroughly as he could manage and a change into a soft shirt in slacks to dress down for the evening, Spine found himself in a small study that didn’t seem to get a lot of use. At least not since the baby bots came to be.

In the far corner sat a box of knitting needles and yarn, dusty with lack of use. But there was always something more pressing than time to unwind. A bot needing help, or a concert to get ready for. Not that he was complaining, mind you. Not much at least.

Exhaling a long cloud of steam, The Spine leaned against the sturdy desk and readied his guitar again. Strumming the chords to make sure it was tuned, no need for a tuner with robotic audio receptors. Satisfied, he grinned and strummed the cords again to practice.

“My brain is wired all wrong and they'll agree because it's easier to say I am gone. It’s time to face the truth in a song, I've always told myself that is was never true,” he sang with a soft, sad smile. Slowly, his shoulders started to relax as he found his place behind the guitar.

That feeling was short lived when a small silver bot rounded the corner, following the sound of a familiar voice and guitar. Not that he could ever be upset with him.

“Pappy?” Pipped in Junior, clutching his plush giraffe to his chest.

“Yes, buckaroo?” Laying down the guitar, Spine knelt down to talk with his son.

“Can you teach me how to play? The guitar, I mean.” He looked up with a hopeful smile, half hidden by the plush.

Spine let out a weary sigh but smiled affectionately at the small bot. He never stood a chance against a smile like that. The boy could get away with anything, well almost anything.

“Of course, champ! Come on, let’s head to a practice room and get you set up with something a little smaller.” Grabbing up the instrument again, he guided Junior out of the room and down the corridors of the manor.

Finding something ‘Junior sized’ was the easiest part of his day. Tuning it up proper, he handed it to Junior and carefully went through the cords with him.

“There you go! You’re a natural,” he encouraged with a proud, paternal smile.

Giggling, Junior beamed at the praise. “‘Cuz I gots you for a pappy!”

They continued to play together as the other bots made their way into the room.

One by one the older bots got their children settled in with an instrument. Sitting on the floor they sang along about the tale of Rex Marksley, the finest marksmen in the west. The songs continued, heroes and villains alike, as it grew closer to the baby bots bedtime.