Definitely Not A Vampire - Michael Jackson
Description:
Michael is definitely a vampire. Unfortunately, the media has figured that out.
So naturally, the only logical solution is to start pretending to be one so outrageously that nobody believes it anymore. It didn't really work.
༺❀༻ - ༺❀༻ - ༺❀༻
Neverland was unusually quiet.
You were layed up on the living room couch with your feet tucked underneath you, flipping through the newest stack of tabloids someone had somehow managed to leave at the front gate.
Normally, you ignored them.
Today
They were actually hilarious.
One headline immediately caught your eye.
IS MICHAEL JACKSON SECRETLY A VAMPIRE?
"Oh, this is gonna be good."
You kept reading.
Singer reportedly refuses garlic.
Only seen leaving his home after sunset.
Has anyone ever actually seen him eat?
By the third article, you were laughing so hard your stomach hurt.
The front door opened.
Michael stepped inside with a tired sigh, tossing his sunglasses onto the entryway table before rubbing both hands down his face.
He looked exhausted.
You immediately recognized that look.
Interview day.
He barely made it into the living room before collapsing onto the couch beside you.
Without even looking over, he asked,
"What're you laughing at?"
You held the magazine up.
"Oh, nothing."
"Just the fact that apparently your secret's out."
He looked over.
"My what?"
You cleared your throat dramatically.
"'Sources claim Michael Jackson has not been seen outside before sunset in several weeks.'"
He immediately groaned.
You ignored him.
"'Experts believe the singer may be avoiding direct sunlight.'"
"You don't have to read it."
"Oh, I'm absolutely reading it."
You flipped the page.
"'Eyewitnesses report the King of Pop wears suspiciously dramatic capes.'"
Michael looked at you through his fingers.
"I like capes."
"'Insider claims Neverland Ranch may contain hidden coffins.'"
"Now that's just disrespectful; we don’t even really use those anymore, beds are just as comfy."
You laughed.
"You blink on purpose; they’re gonna notice."
"What?"
"You literally only blink because you're pretending to be human; what happens when you zone out and forget to?"
"That's not the point, I’ll deal with that when it happens."
You looked back down at the magazine
Then
An idea hit you.
You slowly lowered the paper.
Michael looked over.
"No."
"I didn't even say anything."
"I know that face."
"It never ends well."
You smiled.
"What if..."
"No."
"Hear me out."
"No."
"What if..."
"We make them think you're pretending to be a vampire so nobody believes you're actually one anymore."
Michael stared at you.
You stared right back.
"Baby."
"Mm?"
"I am a vampire."
"I know."
"That's why it'll work."
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
Michael immediately sighed.
"Absolutely not."
You uncapped a pen.
"Step one."
"Wear more capes."
"I already wear capes."
"More."
"Stop blinking during interviews."
"Buy fake vampire fangs."
He looked confused.
“Why fake ones?"
"Because your real ones only come out when you're feeding."
"So?"
"If you're wearing fake ones all the time, people will assume they're fake."
Michael opened his mouth...
Closed it again.
You kept writing.
"Carry giant black umbrellas EVERYWHERE."
"Give suspicious interview answers."
"Never explain yourself."
Michael watched the list get longer and longer.
Then looked back at you.
"This is ridiculous."
"It is."
"It'll never work."
"Probably not."
"So we're going shopping?"
You smiled.
"I knew you'd come around."
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
An hour later
Michael stood in the middle of a costume shop holding a packet labeled:
REALISTIC VAMPIRE FANGS
He looked at them.
Then at you.
"These look terrible."
You smiled proudly.
"Exactly."
"I cannot believe I'm doing this."
"You'll thank me later."
"I highly doubt that."
Even so, he tossed the fake fangs into the shopping basket.
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
The bright studio lights came on almost immediately as the cameras began rolling.
You adjusted the sleeve of your blazer while the host smiled politely into the camera.
"Welcome back, everyone. Today we're joined by none other than Michael Jackson and his lovely wife."
The audience applauded.
Michael smiled warmly, waving politely before settling back into his chair.
Everything started normally.
For about thirty seconds.
The host cleared his throat.
"So..."
"I guess I'll just ask the question everybody's been talking about."
You glanced toward Michael.
He looked back at you.
You gave him the tiniest nod.
The interviewer's voice became noticeably quieter.
"There have been... rumors..."
"...that you're a vampire."
Michael simply stared at him.
He didn't blink.
Five seconds passed.
Then ten.
The interviewer shifted awkwardly.
"...Michael?"
Another long pause.
Finally...
Michael slowly tilted his head.
"What an... interesting question."
The interviewer laughed nervously.
"So..."
"You're saying no?"
Another pause.
"I don't believe I said that."
The interviewer looked completely lost.
"So..."
"...are you saying yes?"
Michael smiled politely.
"I believe some things..."
"...are better left unknown."
You bit the inside of your cheek.
To stop from laughing.
He quickly shuffled through his cue cards.
"Well..."
"Some people have pointed out that you're rarely photographed during the day."
Michael nodded.
"I enjoy the evening."
"It's quieter."
Perfectly reasonable.
"And..."
"People also say you wear a lot of capes."
Michael looked down at the dramatic black cape draped over the back of his chair.
"I do."
The interviewer waited.
"That's it?"
Michael shrugged.
"I like capes."
You looked down at your lap before your smile became too obvious.
The host was fighting for his life.
"What about the rumors that you've never been seen eating garlic?"
Michael paused dramatically.
"I simply…have preferences."
The interviewer blinked.
Michael still hadn't.
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
The interviewer finally turned toward you.
He looked relieved.
Like surely
Surely
You would clear everything up.
"Mrs. Jackson..."
You smiled sweetly.
"Yes?"
"You've obviously heard these rumors."
"I have."
"So..."
"Is Michael actually a vampire?"
You looked thoughtfully toward your husband.
Then back toward the interviewer.
"That's a very personal question."
The interviewer laughed awkwardly.
"So...that's a no?"
You smiled.
"I didn't say that."
Michael looked over at you.
The interviewer rubbed his forehead.
"Have you ever seen him..."
"...drink blood?"
You tilted your head.
"I've seen him drink things."
"What kind of things?"
"Cranberry juice."
"What about sunlight?"
You nodded seriously.
"The sun can be very inconvenient."
Michael looked away, trying not to smile.
"What does that mean?"
"It means sunscreen is important."
The interviewer sighed.
"So neither of you are denying it."
You looked genuinely confused.
"We're also not confirming it."
Michael finally spoke.
"I've always believed people should think for themselves."
You immediately added,
"Exactly."
The interviewer looked between both of you.
The interview ended with absolutely nothing being clarified.
As the cameras shut off
One producer whispered to another,
"I still don't know if they're joking."
Another answered,
"I don't think they are."
The second the dressing room door closed behind you
You and Michael burst into laughter.
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
The plan had been in motion for exactly three weeks.
Three weeks.
And somehow it was working.
Not in the way either of you expected.
Somehow it had gotten worse.
Michael had officially stopped accepting interviews before sunset.
"Mr. Jackson only does evening appearances now."
The tabloids exploded.
VAMPIRES CANNOT SURVIVE SUNLIGHT?
MICHAEL REFUSES DAYTIME EVENTS!
COINCIDENCE? WE THINK NOT!
You nearly cried laughing.
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
Then came the umbrellas.
Even on days when the sun wasn't particularly bright
Michael insisted on walking outside beneath the largest black umbrella either of you could find.
One afternoon, the sky was completely overcast.
Not a single ray of sunlight.
Still,
Michael stepped out of the car.
You immediately opened the umbrella over his head.
A photographer shouted,
"Michael!"
"You know it's cloudy, right?!"
Michael looked up toward the gray sky.
"One can never be too careful."
About fifty cameras went off at once.
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
You helped him put the fake fangs on a few days later.
Michael stared at himself in the bathroom mirror.
"These look awful."
You stood behind him, trying not to laugh.
"They're supposed to."
"They look nothing like my real ones."
"Exactly."
"You're impossible."
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
Your favorite part, however, was public appearances
Today y’all were grocery shopping.
You'd casually walk through the store carrying several glass bottles.
Each one neatly labeled.
TYPE O POSITIVE
TYPE AB NEGATIVE
People would stare.
Whisper.
Slowly move out of your way.
One older woman actually crossed herself.
Michael leaned over.
"You're enjoying this way too much."
You smiled sweetly.
"They're smoothies you only drink directly from the vein."
"They don't know that."
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
Everywhere the two of you went.
Someone was taking pictures.
Michael standing under an umbrella.
Michael wearing another cape.
You carrying the bottles.
Michael reading a book titled Dracula.
(Which you had secretly bought as a joke.)
The tabloids became increasingly ridiculous.
EXCLUSIVE: DID WE JUST CATCH MICHAEL JACKSON DRINKING BLOOD?
WHY DOES HIS WIFE KEEP BUYING GARLIC... ONLY TO THROW IT AWAY?
IS NEVERLAND HIDING SOMETHING?
By the end of the month...
The media wasn't just interested anymore.
They were obsessed.
The internet had become an absolute disaster.
Every television station.
Every newspaper.
Every gossip magazine.
Every radio show.
Everybody had an opinion.
You and Michael were currently sitting on the living room floor surrounded by newspapers, magazines, and his laptop.
You refreshed another page.
"Oh."
"Here's another one."
Michael didn't even look up anymore.
"What does this one say?"
You started reading.
"'He's obviously trolling.'"
You scrolled.
"'Nobody who's actually a vampire would act like this.'"
Michael nodded.
You kept reading.
"'No.'"
"'That's EXACTLY what a real vampire would do.'"
Michael slowly lowered his glass.
"'He's making fun of the media.'"
Another.
"'He's manipulating the public.'"
Another.
"'The umbrella proves nothing.'"
"'The umbrella proves EVERYTHING.'"
You were laughing so hard you nearly dropped the laptop.
You opened another discussion thread.
One person had written:
"He's clearly trolling."
The reply underneath said:
"That's literally what a vampire WOULD WANT YOU TO THINK."
Another person responded:
"Exactly."
Another replied:
"Y'all sound ridiculous."
Then
Thirty-seven replies arguing underneath.
"People have entirely too much free time."
"Oh, my God."
"This is entirely your fault."
"My fault?"
"You told me to."
"And you listened."
"You married a bad influence."
"You knew that already."
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
Several hours later
One conspiracy video appeared.
The thumbnail alone was ridiculous.
THE TRUTH ABOUT NEVERLAND
Michael sighed.
"Should I even ask?"
You clicked anyway.
The narrator confidently announced:
"Sources suggest Neverland Ranch contains multiple hidden coffins beneath the property."
You immediately paused the video.
"We should buy some."
"What?"
"Just to mess with them."
He stared.
"Absolutely not."
"Ok, maybe one."
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
You were halfway through your popcorn when the television announcer dramatically declared
"Tonight"
"THE TRUTH ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON."
Michael immediately groaned.
"Here we go."
Thirty minutes.
Thirty entire minutes.
Not a single piece of actual evidence.
Just
Castle music.
Bat sound effects.
Random thunder.
Dramatic slow zooms.
Michael walking to his mailbox.
A reporter whispering.
"He seems... unusually calm."
You paused your chewing.
"This editing is actually incredible."
Michael looked over.
"What?"
"The transitions."
"They're nice."
He stared at the television.
Another animated bat flew across the screen.
"I hate that you're right."
The narrator lowered his voice.
"Could Neverland be hiding... something darker?"
You applauded.
"Beautiful delivery."
"Someone got paid to make this."
You nodded.
"They deserve a raise."
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
The airport was already crowded.
Unfortunately, with reporters.
The second you and Michael stepped outside
Microphones appeared from every direction.
"Michael!"
"Michael!"
"One more question!"
"Go ahead."
One reporter stepped forward.
"Michael."
"Are you a vampire?"
Michael looked at him for what felt like forever.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
He turned around without another word.
You opened the largest black umbrella ever over his head.
The sun was barely out.
His ridiculously oversized cape dragged dramatically across the pavement behind him.
The reporters completely lost their minds.
Just before climbing into the car
Michael glanced back toward one camera.
Smiled.
For less than half a second
One tiny fang caught the sunlight.
The door shut.
Half the world insisted it was fake.
The other half swore they'd finally caught proof.
✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧-✧ ⋆ ✧
You looked over at Michael.
"So"
"Think they bought it?"
"I honestly have no idea."
Michael smiled and looked out the window
"Me neither."
༺❀༻ - ༺❀༻ - ༺❀༻
Tag list : @cocomilaa @blcknebula @stiflersbabymama @callmeoncette @needjoekeery @nuttyrebelflower @1eliana123-blog @ladyearthsea @rastharex @darkgreengrl @bananajoeclone @violet0182 @minghaossv @melynex @thebabykashmere @ghoulxeg @simply-lovley44
@raefoxiegirl @peacemakersbeloved @devynrulesboisdrool @skiicoreee @boredpretty @michaelssparklysocks @sometranslationnoteru @strawberrkiwis @fluffypuddingatz
@joeburrowife
@1meshugge1 @whyxo @coornballz @plan3tch1ld @juicybigfart @swavydadon @hyperfixawahhhh @melaninjoys @enzo6ekiiii
@st-ar-ron @unseenleylinesecret @a-motherfcking-fish
@theghostwife @tellybearryyyy @delictezz @sebbysbaby
@d4yanalav3nder00 @kenmas-whore01 @lotusflwss @tafuller
@animegamerfox @cinnamoncunt @sugarysweetooth @4ppl3h34d
@ballenadesorientada @moonaarts @ebvnydesires @1andonlytashae
@niyahctrl @ruesredjacket @babythugga @softchaosdiary505
@fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression
@kitty-trash @1andonlytashae @heartstofiiveunknownn @ohmjjj @strawberrykittymp3 @blkkbratt @pvt-luv @holdonimwalkingmysnail
@judesboots @missharper33
