#backtodecember

It had been twelve years since that fateful night.

Eleven Christmases without a word from Remus Lupin.

You sat in your lowly, run-down cottage, drinking cold tea from a stained cup that used to be ornate. The sun rose, almost reluctantly behind the gray clouds outside. You didn’t know how many more of these lonely December nights you could bear, when they used to be full of laughter and love.

A tap sounded at your window as your old, graying owl appeared. He held a letter in his beak. You opened it, revealing a familiar, scrawling script that made your heart drop.

“Dear Y/N,

I know you are already aware of who I am. It’s been twelve years since I saw you or even attempted to reach you. We didn’t even get to say goodbye.

I’d like to visit you again, you know, but I don’t know where you live now. If you do want to meet me, find me at Hogsmeade this Saturday at three in the afternoon. But if the chain is on your door, I understand.

Send me an owl back. Yours already knows where I live.

xx Remus”

You realized he wanted to meet you on Christmas eve. You wrote a hurried response, pondering whether to send the letter. This could be a trap, a trick by the newly escaped Sirius. Ultimately, you decide to send it back.

•••

It was Saturday, one in the afternoon. You walked along the snow-covered cobblestone paths of Hogsmeade, the bitter cold biting into your skin even through thick gloves. As you ascended the gentle hill, you stopped in your tracks as you saw the familiar face standing in front of you.

“Hello.”

“Hello, Y/N.” Remus said, his tone unreadable. You walked closer to him, analyzing his face. It had changed. There were a few new gashes, a new lengthy scar. But the hazel eyes remained the same. “Should we get inside? It’s cold.”

You nodded, wrapping your scarf tighter around your neck as you enter the Three Broomsticks. The amount of people celebrating Christmas was… a relief, really.

“I… I understand it’s been long. But I wanted to see if you were well,” he said, fidgeting with the buttons on the bottom of his tattered brown coat. “Have you been working?”

“Yes,” you admitted, a slight shame entering your voice. “But I’ve never been able to keep a job. You?”

“I used to work Muggle jobs for a long while but I couldn’t keep them because of… you know. But Dumbledore offered me a teaching position at Hogwarts.”

You felt a pang of happiness for him, but the ache was there as well. Nothing would make up for the time you lost. And he was far away, like always. It would be hard to reach him.

“What job?”

“Defense Against The Dark Arts professor.”

You nodded slowly, understanding. Remus had always been better at that. He’d been better at you than everything, and you were willing to accept that.

“You deserve it, Professor Lupin,” you said, smiling.

A cryptic silence filled the air as you wait for his response. The tranquility broke as soon as he spoke. “Thank you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for ever doubting you.”

“It’s alright. I trusted Sirius… and you didn’t. It was my fault for trusting the wrong person. I’m sorry, too.”

But you didn’t feel like it was over.

“I hope you and I can stay friends,” he said, a slight smile crossing his face. “It’s something that’s weighed on my conscience for a long time.”

“Friends. We’re friends.”

He hesitated before he spoke his next words. “Did I mention I’m teaching James and Lily’s son?”

Your lips parted in shock. You didn’t realize that much time had passed. He was already in his third year, if your memory didn’t fail you. “Harry? How is he?”

“He’s a bright child. Stubborn, but that’s expected from someone that has James Potter’s genes.” You two smiled as you recounted the best memories of your old friend. You missed him dearly.

“Remus, send me owls. Tell me when you’re hurting because someone should at least know.”

“I must admit, I miss having a small horde of unusual animals accompany me through those nights.”

The afternoon dragged on as you made small talk about your lives in the twelve lost years. Nothing could reignite the spark. Nothing he said made your heart skip a beat like it used to. Maybe that was just it. Gone.

As you stepped out of the place, you knew it was goodbye. It was a farewell to your forgotten feelings. You waved at him, forcing a smile.