#backfromhell

@dogponko

He’d had to get off the ship. Everything reminded him of Stede. No matter that he’d gotten rid of most everything in eyesight and abandoned most of Stede’s crew. He was still everywhere. In the deep hole on the cherrywood mast, the spot where they'd shared their first taste of marmelade together... Where they'd pretended they were a lighthouse...

The bastard was haunting him. He'd found the darkest, dingiest bar on the island and was proceeding to drink himself into oblivion, although he was sure the ghost of Stede would follow him even there.

The most beautiful and complex creation of god is relationship. However as humans we tend to take things for granted especially relationships. Not all, however a lot of us tend to glide our relationships. During the early stages of love whether, it is Parental/Sibling/Friendship we are high on intoxication in regards to feelings and the people involved but with time, personal baggage creeps in and suddenly we see ourselves getting thrashed with de-escalation of emotions, hurt, sudden rise in incompatibility and reduced capability to manage situations. Or simply saying we start feeling that boredom has crept in. Trust me it is extremely hard and difficult to maintain a happy and healthy relationship but it is not impossible.

In recent times research and studies have provided great insights into the arrayed behaviors and actions of the happiest couples and how to make dwindling relationships better.

With experience we have learnt, love and relationships are about keeping things simple, apparent & difficult to achieve proficiency. Being positive, empathetic and not losing the strong emotional connection are the driving force behind happy and healthy relationships

So, how do you continue to keep relationships strong with vibrancy and the feeling of falling in love over and over again? It is quite simple actually. Be emotionally responsive always. It is actually about 2 way communication……giving a signal and having the other person respond to it.

But the million rupee question is: -

1) Are you there for me?

2) Are you still my friend…..

3) Will you support me in daily chores?

What are these thoughts referring to? These are about having a concurrent understanding and feeling.

So do the happiest of couples not have dis-agreements and differences? No they do….Actually every single couple has differences….but what differentiates between happy & healthy couple and not so Happy & Healthy couples is the emotional cut-off that exists. There is a feeling of insecurity and not being safe with the other person that exists. Being a critique gets replaced with criticism and rejection. And when people become overly critical and rejecting the only reactions that are encountered with – Abolition & Defensiveness.

And both Abolition & Defensiveness can get extremely distressing and dangerous.

To counter this particular it is important to have conversation where needs are explicit in nature and AVOID criticism.

It is important for us to keep things positive. In relationships if positivity is not created the feeling of moving further away from each-other is very high. And finally the dreaded question “DO WE EVEN KNOW EACHOTHER ANYMORE?”

Simple way of creating positivity in any relationship is giving importance to things that we believe are no so important and small. It is extremely important for people in relationships not to assume, engaging in small discussions and demonstrating APPRECIATION towards the other person and tasks. It is important to compliment the other person. Expressing compliments help us achieve a couple of things. VALIDATION and the reminder that the person is IMPORTANT.

You can trust me when I say that healthy relationships are not always about Heart. It is about the Brain as well. Controlling stress and emotions are important. It is not always about proving that you are RIGHT. it is about being knowing when and how to be silent and not act out. In relationships when people feel like getting mad at each-other it is important to use distraction as a technique rather than travelling the path of destruction. View your relationship as POSITIVE. Use Magic in relationships, something that I call “Positive Deceptions & Enhancements”. Believe in the fact that no one is perfect. Believe and Work on the positives….it works like medicine.

Remember, classification of a person’s relationship dictates the classification of their life. Healthy relationship not only make people strong it makes people buoyant as well. People who love and value us are like the protection shield of ours in life.