#b:cei

he had been classmates with you for years

and in all of them, for at least some time, he always had the ill fortune of having to sit next to you

you — who was messy beyond his comprehension

there isnt a day you dont scatter your textbooks on the floor

your pencil case was unclean

and was your bag even a bag or was it a trash can?

you always leaned in too close whenever you ask him a question

and because you almost never understand the first time he’d have to explain again and again

you lent your things to anyone who asked

and despite that, you’re his rival for top of the class

you bothered him

he thought he was finally free of you when he started college

lol

on his first day, he saw you on campus

you were already laughing with and clinging onto the arm of someone he did not recognize (so he assumes it’s someone you have just met)

he comforted himself with the thought that you weren’t going to be classmates with him anymore at least (since you were taking different courses)

and he was happy for a while

he lived his life as he normally did

he liked how he could walk around the room and not see your mess of a place somewhere

he liked how easily he topped the class

he liked how people distanced themselves from him (awe, respect, fear — he didn’t bother to know why)

he liked life without the minor incovenience that was you

he had always been wary of you though

years of wanting to avoid you had trained his eyes to keep watch for you so he could quickly slip away or prepare himself before he has to face you

it became a habit he couldn’t stop, even in college

he would find his eyes on you every once in a while

and you would be laughing with your friends

or studying

he would pass by a room you were in from time-to-time and he would see how much cleaner your place is

it was only right, he would think

the change satisfied him

then he noticed other changes about you as well

you seemed to be more confident

your choice of clothes fit you better

your hair was worn up or down appropriately

you even had a hand sanitizer chained to your bag

there was something different about the twinkle in your eyes

and when he saw you present at one of those school gatherings

he realized you were shining

but he stored this thought away why should he care anyway?

you show up at one of his games

he saw you first at a food stall and hurried away

but he tried to look for you in the crowd during warm-ups

he needs to know whether you’re cheering for his team or for the opposing team: this is what he tells himself

you meet his searching eyes and smile

brightly

and once again, sakusa thinks you’re shining

you give him a thumbs up and proceed to your seat in the stands

obviously, you were supporting him your school’s team

he saw you take part in the cheering and the celebration of points

more accurately — he looked at you

the entire time he was aware of where you were in the stands

and he found his eyes drifting toward you when he can

after the game, he found himself wanting to ask you how the game was this was his first time seeing you at a volleyball match btw

but he couldn’t

because, though you had been classmates for years before, he didn’t think the two of you were close enough for him to talk

besides, all those years, he had made clear he didn’t want to talk to you but you talked to him regardless

it would be awkward

so he pulls away

but because he had left himself unsatisfied, gnawing at him inside was the feeling of wanting to talk to you

whenever he saw you laughing with your friends, he wanted to know what it was about

he wanted to know what book you were reading and what for

he wanted to know what on your phone screen was so enrapturing to you

he wanted to know

he wanted to talk to you

he realized how he wasted all those years with you

there you were then, approachable and also approaching him

friendly, kind

and he pushed you away

he shunned you

ran away from you

because sakusa kiyoomi hated you

but now

as he gathers the courage to make his way to you