#azer_posts

Struggling to gender people correctly because

a) you've known them for a long time pre-transition

b) they don't pass

is a skill issue in either case. Even if you love them and want to be an ally, even if you wouldn't misgender them on purpose – in that case it's not a failing of your morals, it's a failing of your literal skills and habit-forming patterns.

Hone those skills. Break whatever it is in your brain that ties them to their post-birth name/pronouns so strongly. Unlearn the rigid image of what "men" and "women" can and cannot look like. Carve the existence of people who don't fall into either (or fall to both) into your worldview.

Me, thinking: Oh... Is she about to apologize for instilling productivity-dependent self-worth into me, a strange and unhealthy relationship to food, body and weight by her constant fatphobia, or failing to help me when I was getting bullied for 5 years, failing to get me mental healthcare, failing to stand up for me when my father was being shitty to me, or for yelling at me every time something goes wrong, or for raising me to feel guilty and like I'm about to get ridiculed and punished every time I do something in a harmless but imperfect manner, dragging down my self-esteem, or for not teaching me basic survival skills, or anything else from the long list of things I have to struggle through or work to unlearn?

It'sssss... ✨ DOCTOR REVIEW ✨ time! (The trans kind. Of the sexologist sort.)

The subject of this review is MuDr R. Mužný (must be one of the top names for someone who can prescribe you T) of Fakultní nemocnice Ostrava. He's a sexologist currently accepting new patients.

My experience: I have only visited him once so far, so I have a concrete idea of his requirements to let you transition and his general attitude, but if something to add comes up in the future, I'll update and reblog the new version. It's also important to mention that I'm an adult transmasc, transfems or minors might have different experiences.

Attitude: The doctor's very young and seems laid-back and very friendly. He was affirming to me, and apologetic for some of the more sexual questions. He assured me that he didn't want to complicate my transition.

He didn't have any comments, derisive or supportive, when I mentioned having identified as non-binary in the past.

He thinks that even non-intersex people can transition. (yes, I was also surprised to learn about sexologists who don't)

He accepted a vague response to his question about sexuality. No need to pretend you're hetero if you aren't with this one.

He didn't seem to be against my ability to transition even though he was made aware I was autistic and had OCD.

Requirements: When making my first appointment, I mentioned to the nurse that I had spoken with a clinical psychologist about transsexuality before, and it led to them wanting a gender-related report from a different professional. I don't know to what extent is that a necessity, or if you can just come without any "recommendation" whatsoever.

Now here's the kicker: Dr. Mužný asks you for an essay (he calls it "životopis") in which you describe your relationship to your gender identity throughout your life, minimal length 3 A4s, written by hand. On top of that, it should include a written testimony from your PARENT. He also offered to invite the parent to come with me next time instead. I reiterate that I am not a minor, I'm in my mid twenties. The parental voice having to basically fact-check you if what you're writing about your childhood is true is, in my opinion, more than demeaning and terrifying. I voiced my disapproval and concern to him, to which he assured me that if the parent seems dismissive, unaccepting or simply transphobic, he won't give their words much weight. So at least there's that.

As for something positive, he doesn't do any violating, archaic physical examinations. (no physical examinations at all, actually) I was not asked to strip down.

The length of the real life test with him is 1 year. When he was answering this question of mine, he seemed to pause and ponder my case, since I came already fully socially transitioned (and had been for more than half a year), so there's a chance that it could be even shorter, if it turns out he takes your initiative into account.

The other doctors he sends you to are, as expected, an endocrinologist, a gynecologist (transmasc special, I don't know if transfems get sent for a "your genitals seem fine health-wise" paper somewhere, too, I'm sorry), but also a geneticist. (He told me that it was to complete a general patient anamnesis, but also to determine whether I was intersex. When I asked whether the result impacted my ability to transition, he said no.)

You may notice I didn't mention a psychiatrist. Neither did he. Whether that was because I already came armed with a paper saying that a clinical psychologist finds me sane enough to make medical decisions, or because he just doesn't do that (or forgot to tell me), I have no idea.

Oh yeah, and be prepared for the auto[insertgender]philia question. He will ask you whether transitioning turns you on and you will say no, because [even if you low-key think being trans is hot], your sexologist is not your friend and could only use it against you.

Putting your answer and the name of the doctor in the notes is also appreciated.

And I am one no longer.

"No, you were always a boy!"

Most likely, you're right - ontologically, dictated by the Choice I made once I finally had all the information about myself, once I knew myself, yes, I was a boy. I know myself as a man, therefore I had to be a boy when I was growing up.

But I still maintain that I was a girl, too.

Not in the existential sense. I didn't feel any intrinsic connection between myself and being a girl, after all.

When I say that I was one, I mean it in the exact same way as when I say I used to be a high school student. There was nothing in my being that would ontologically make me one. But I woke up every day and I played the role of a high school student, I put on clothes appropriate for the role, I went to the place I was supposed to go, I did the things I was supposed to do, and my surroundings classified me as one.

My identity as a girl functioned the same.

It did not shape me. It couldn't, it didn't have the power, it was skin deep.

But it did shape the way my surroundings interacted with me, which in turn, was one of the things that shaped me.

I am a man and I was a girl, yet I would hesitate to say I've experienced girlhood.

Girlhood is social. It's not about being a girl, it's about the way the world interacts with you, and it's about your place among other girls.

Growing up autistic, my childhood was too degendered to experience many of the milestones, the tell-tale signs of girlhood. I didn't qualify, because despite being socially recognized as a girl-child, however falsely, I was too alienated to cross the treshold.

I didn't have a boyhood either. I didn't qualify. Qualifying for a boyhood would've been possible, I believe, but it would've been harder in my case. I did not make it.

And I believe firmly that my transness plays a very little role in that. I believe that no matter your gender journey, you were technically eligible for girlhood or boyhood, and only your true lived experiences in your childhood, and your feelings about them, can determine whether you had it or not. Trans women could've had a girlhood. Trans men could've had a boyhood. Trans women could've had a boyhood. Trans men could've had a girlhood. Nonbinary people could've had either, both, or neither. Any binary trans person could've had neither, too.