What is your favourite part of Absconding With Harry's worldbuilding?
Warning prior to reading: this is much longer than I expected my reply to be lol. And has tangents. AuADHD for the win, I guess.
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Gods, can I just answer: "all of it" and call it a wrap? No? Okay then.
Right, so, first of all you have to understand something about me:
I am a nerd.
I am such a big fuckin nerd and I apparently do not give off the vibes of nerd when people meet me and interact with me (I do give off know-it-all vibes if asked questions about stuff and I pull out Obscure AF Facts tho). According to friends back in uni and classmates, I apparently come off as very... Unapproachable? Distant? Kinda mysterious? (idek because I just thought it read as "awkwardly antisocial" but apparently not).
But the point I'm trying to express here is that despite what people think of me (including here on tumblr bc omg so many times I've been told I seem cool and mysterious and intimidating and I'm just wide-eyed confused kitteh actually) I'm actually such a big fuckin nerd that my idea of relaxing is reading The Lord Of The Rings so I can analyse the text from a Disability Studies perspective after @nencheese mistakenly thought sending me a tumblr post trying to focus on themes of rest and healing in the book would get me to, ya know, take a hint and give myself some grace (rip you Nen, you tried and it backfired lmao).
So. Yeah.
I'm a nerd.
I like studying things. I like learning things. And I love love LOVE researching things.
Like, to a dangerous degree.
Sleep and I already have such a poor relationship and then Research shows up and drop-kicks poor Sleep out of the town, nevermind my room, for however long it takes poor Sleep to clean itself up and trudge back home, and then smash me over the head with the Unconsciousness Cricket-bat.
(I hope the mental image makes you laugh because it did for me.)
So, to answer your question, the favourite part of worldbuilding for AwHV is, uh, kinda the researching for the worldbuilding itself.
I loved it when I first chewed on the one-shot combining HP and GO together as a little throw-away thing and how, not much longer after posting it on Ao3 and here, it had me wondering: "huh, how would GO affect the HP storyline if Crowley just fuckin stole Harry?" It snowballed from there into the whole-arse series and the whole-arse extensive re-writing of the HP storyline to become the AwHV storyline as it stands today.
When I started really accepting that I wasn't gonna just leave the series as little baby one-shots and crack-fics, I realised that I couldn't just write the Hogwarts years as little asides because I didn't want to half-arse it.
Fun fact: I'm an overachiever with a penchant for perfectionism that has led me to destroying artwork I've spent hours on in a fit of frustrated rage because it didn't get a response I thought it should and decided it was due to one (1) minor mistake in the entire piece.... Untreated adhd coupled with autism made me a nightmare academically-speaking (and socially... and emotionally... gods, it's a good fuckin thing I fixated on psychology and wanting to understand myself and people because I doubt I'd be as... uh... level as I am otherwise). Anyway. Digression.
So, I recognised immediately that if I was gonna write anything with any depth to it, I was going to need to do the research to give it that depth. Which, then led to me further researching a wide range of topics and subject matters to a frankly disturbing degree (I can recognise this about myself, I have grown as a person okay!) even when that research was only used for a single sentence and never required ever again (lies, all knowledge is useful, after all, you never know when you might need to know how to perform an emergency tracheotomy with a penknife, a pen, and a straw).
I mean... I had already done research on HP, and GO, religion and mythology, theology and more, separately over the years before I started writing AwHV but I went back over all those things, dug into science, philosophy, rhetoric, geography, and history, and more and more topics until I probably could have taught some basic classes on each subject to a relatively high degree of professionalism.
Additional fun fact: I'm the type of person that learns a subject topic and then teaches it to friends because they don't get it and it doesn't matter if it's sth I don't get because I will understand it to a high enough degree that I piss off a teacher who then has to explain to his department head why only two students in his class could do advanced algebra and pythagorian therom and geometry because he has to then admit he didn't teach it to any of us and I get side-eyes from the department head after my friend tells them that I taught myself it to teach them.
It's been a long-running joke that I'm teacher-coded but, well, it's not exactly a lie, lol.
Anyway, back when I started writing the SW/HP crossover Green Vine of Fate, I ended up beginning to write a literal book on magical civilisation and history based within the HP universe for Obi-Wan's character to have 'written' because I am viciously critical of the poor magical lore and how... Sparse the worldbuilding in HP actually is tbh.
I have used that work and expanded upon it for AwHV and if I hadn't started it for Green Vine then I definitely would have for AwHV. Heck, I use the damned thing (barely a quarter written of it btw) in my FBawtFt Signalling Theory series for goodness sake!
So... I guess... What you've asked me about what my favourite part of worldbuilding for AwHV is ultimately boils down to being:
the actual process of creating the lore, of expanding upon it and incorporating it into the narrative in a way that feels organic whilst not veering off into becoming a thesis on the world and its lore rather than focusing on the story and the narrative it is couched within.
Gods, sorry this is such a long reply. You can see what it's taking me so long to answer your (genuinely, truly) brilliant asks about AwHV, can't you lol xD
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In Absconding With Harry, what are all the characters' favourite sharks?
Cjftjri omg I need to answer this more than I do the others (sorry for taking so long to answer the others btw, I'm working on 'em)
Okay. Favourite sharks.
Warning: this is LONG so some will be under cut lol.
Hmmm... I have no knowledge of any magical sharks (which I shall be rectifying shortly) or if any exist in HP (unlikely with Terf-lady) so I may need to devise some for Reasons™ but I'll do only a handful of characters from the series, mainly the main ones for now:
Aziraphale
Impossible for him to have One (1) favourite as he is an Angel and loves all things.
However, he is rather fond of Bullsharks. Aziraphale thinks they're terribly misunderstood creatures. He absolutely understands feeling a little displeased with people invading their space and being impolite and inconsiderate when doing so. Alas, but Aziraphale cannot chomp the humans who invade his Bookshop so he lives somewhat vicariously through the Bullsharks that give humans in their homey shallows a warning (when Aziraphale is around and aware, those nips are painful but not lethal, unfortunately he is neither around nor aware all the time so misfortune still occurs).
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Crowley
Okay, so, there's several options I could list but, considering how Crowley is not a fan of dolphins (mood), there's only one shark I can think of that Crowley would consider his favourite and it's for several reasons you'd not think of initially.
The Great White Shark.
You would think Crowley likes them best because Big, Scary, Infamous (Jaws™) however, you'd be only slightly correct. Since Crowley claimed credit in hell for Jaws™ and the ensuing panic from humans and the cruelties they then inflicted upon animals just Being Animals™, Crowley has a soft spot for Great Whites because he feels somewhat responsible for the harm done unto them by panicking humans.+ However, Crowley also likes Great Whites because he actually considers them to be very chill animals and has swam alongside them as a cleaner fish (called Remora fish by the way) and had a devilishly go- evil time relaxing in-between temptings.++
Ultimately, however, the Real Reason that Crowley likes Great Whites so much is because of how they are perceived versus how they actually live.
Great White Sharks are targeted by Orcas (technically a dolphin: if you recall, Crowley is not a fan of dolphins) whom go after them for their livers and nothing else really. Great Whites will actively avoid areas where Orca attacks on them have occurred, including abandoning hunting and even potentially birthing grounds for a long, long time. Additionally, Great Whites are very intelligent and skilled predators that have a complex body language, methods of communication not fully understood by humans, and aren't actually vicious, bloodthirsty man-eating monsters as humans largely perceive them to be.
It is quite obvious, then, why Crowley is rather fond of Great Whites in particular, isn't it.
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+ Crowley did not inspire Jaws™ nor the ensuing shark-fear that followed, however, he was in the right place at the right time for the movie release and the immediate response to the movie for him to claim credit for it with Hell. Did it make him feel bad when he realised the innocent fish in the sea ended up getting the genuinely shitty end of the whole situation? Yes. Did he terrorise his plants into Further Perfection in order to cope and screech at them to "accept the consequences of their actions and claiming credit for things they didn't actually do but are now responsible for"? Also yes.
++ Of course, Crowley swung his downtime as him checking in on the long-term fallout of his Jaws™ work with Hell and made a point of including in his report how he personally helped clean up the mess of several attacks by the Great White he was shadowing (whom Crowley learned was named 'Bruce' by the Great White theirself: sharks don't care about gender, but they do like names) and thus was still engaging in Hellish behaviour even when having a short break from directly tempting humans.
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Hermione
Hermione isn't the biggest fan of sharks. She does find them rather scary as she is a child of the 90s and the fear of sharks is still quite prevalent in that era. However, Hermione loves to learn and she enjoys reading and discovering new things. For Hermione, her fear of sharks slowly changed into a fascinating curiosity after she overheard Aziraphale and Crowley (in their roles as Hogwarts Librarian and Professor at the time) arguing which of their preferred shark was 'the best'. Listening to them argue (or flirt, but Hermione wasn't even 13 at this point so she didn't grasp that aspect of their 'conversation') it was at that moment that Hermione herself realised something rather shocking and world-changing. She had never come across a single book in the school library that referenced non-magical creatures except in the same vein as folklore books in a non-magical library or bookshop.+++ Once that issue was resolved, however, it left Hermione to wonder about her own favoured species of shark — something she later brought to Harry and Ron's attention, as well as the rest of the students of their year, which eventually led to the rest of the school becoming curious and causing some intense 'disagreements' regarding which shark was The Best Shark. But that is a different tale for a different time (preferably when The Author has more time).
Anyway, for Hermione, it took quite a long time for her to devise a list of characteristics with which to measure each shark species by (which I shall not elaborate upon, please do not ask me, mercy is requested by this poor Author) and it eventually led her to narrowing down her selection to five species, in no particular order (links to wiki for images bc 10 image limit on posts):
Silky shark
Mako shark
Whale shark
Thresher shark
Nurse shark
Galapagos shark
Of those five, Hermione is still uncertain as to which is her favourite and thus it changes depending on the specific context of the question when she is asked.
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+++ Naturally, you can imagine how incensed this made Hermione and, once she brought it to aziraphale's attention the duo worked rather terrifyingly well together to ensure non-magical reference materials, educational texts, and fiction books quickly showed up on the shelves of the school library.
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Ronald
Ronald, once Hermione brought the existence of sharks to his attention, was both fascinated and incredibly terrified (though he tried not to show it) of the existence of over five-hundred types of shark in the world's oceans (not including magical sharks of which Ronald had no knowledge of prior to, nor after, Hermione introducing him to the existence of sharks in general). He, naturally, was somewhat overwhelmed by the sheer number of shark species and thus, as was rather typical of Ronald prior to the age of fifteen, simply picked one of the most 'popular' shark species and has steadfastly refused to change his mind even after several years of steadily increasing exposure to the 'Best Shark Battles'™ in the halls of Hogwarts that Hermione, inadvertently, was the cause of.
So, simply put, Ronald's favourite shark is the Hammerhead. What specific species of Hammerhead, you ask? "Just Hammerhead," Ronald replies, every time he's asked that.
Why the Hammerhead, just the Hammerhead, you ask him? "Because they look wizard," Ronald answers, simply and in the tone that conveys how obvious he considers his choice of Hammerhead as the best shark to be the Correct Choice.
It's usually at that point that Hermione gives up, often throwing the Encyclopedia of Sharks at Ronald (who, most frustratingly for Hermione, always catches it deftly: once a Keeper, always a Keeper, no matter the point in the timeline) before storming away to her room to, most likely, vent her frustration with the other Gryffindor girls about how uninspired Ronald's shark choice is.
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Harry
Harry... Well. Harry was exposed to the non-magical world more than he would have been in another... Uh... story-line, and as he was also raised by Aziraphale and Crowley, Harry had the opportunity to learn about sharks much sooner than Ronald or other magical children save those raised in non-magical households. So, for Harry, he decided upon his favourite shark species not long after he was rescued (it's not kidnapping if he consents, right? Harry doesn't think so, but he hasn't consulted any legal books though, even without doing so, Harry doubts Aunt Petunia ever even bothered to report his 'kidnapping' to the police so it's a moot issue, really) and simply didn't make much fuss about it until Hermione came flying++++ into the common room and shared her discovery about the school library lacking non-magical books on a wide range of topics she considered fundamental to an educational foundation for any student.
So, yes, Harry had a favourite shark species before Hermione ever broached the topic with him and Ron.
Incidentally, Harry's favourite type of shark is the Basking Shark. He likes how very blasé (a word Harry learnt to irritate Uncle Aziraphale with French terms at Uncle Crowley's sly suggestion) it appears and how it isn't like other sharks with its preferred diet and the fact that, really, it's more like a whale than a shark (not really, of course, but Harry likes it for this reason also).
++++ Not literally flying, it's a figure of speech, Hermione doesn't like flying, but she can certainly move so quickly that it sometimes seems like her feet forget to touch the ground in her haste: maybe levitation? Harry makes a mental note to discuss it with Uncle Aziraphale).
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Dumbledore
Albus has no idea what a shark is and remains ignorant of their existence until Minerva corners him in his office and orders him to choose one. Had she not cornered him in the way she did — complete with the vibes of a feline intent on achieving her goals and not at all concerned with whether blood might be spilt in the process — Albus might have been able to avoid learning about Muggle fish but, alas.
So, in the end, Albus decided that his favourite shark is the Cobbler Wobbegong Shark. When asked why by a very distressed Minerva, Albus simply replied with a twinkle in his eye and a half-smile that he found "their manner of camouflage and general appearance is wonderfully reminiscent of my late aunt's decor, I find it quite delightful for that reason, dear Minerva."+++++
+++++ Yes, Minerva hit him with the scroll she used to keep track of the bets of the staff on which shark each faculty member picked as their favourite. Then she stormed off and handed ten galleons to Crowley without a word and ignored his smirk at her irritation with him guessing the shark family of Albus' favourite shark correctly.
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McGonagall
Minerva... Well. She learnt about sharks as a result of Miss Granger's determination to add Mug- non-magical material to the library shelves and came across her own favourite species not long after. She admits that it's somewhat cliche of her, however, Minerva also doesn't care because she truly adores this particular shark species and won't hear a word of criticism against it.
The Small-Spotted Catshark is clearly the best shark species out there.
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Snape
As a half-blood who grew up in a non-magical home, Snape did learn of the existence of sharks but, due to his hatred of his father (justified, this Author shall readily admit), he eschewed all things Muggle and thus learnt only the most basic of information about sharks. Snape did, however, watch Jaws™ when it was released; out of overwhelming curiosity more than any real desire to engage with the non-magical world. Although, he learnt from his mistakes and the foolishness of his youth, Snape remains a largely unpleasant individual who struggles to separate his past and the damage inflicted upon him during his childhood from the present and the adult responsibilities he has. Of course, Crowley assisted Snape in separating those quite efficiently but it still remains a challenge for Snape. Thus, it is only when Minerva becomes invested in the additions to the school library by Miss Granger and Mister Fell, that Snape has to set aside his distaste for Muggle things and seeks out a shark species to select as his 'favourite' if only so Minerva will stop giving him the Feline Murder looks every time he informs her that he has not decided upon a favourite shark species.
Snape's 'favourite' shark then, is the Goblin Shark. He chose it due to its appearance, the fact that it is monstrous to look upon, seemingly deformed and terrifying to witness, and also because, he feels a reluctant kinship with a shark species that is so harshly misunderstood based upon characteristics it did not choose to possess.
But that, dear reader, is not something this Author will dig any deeper into because they really, really don't have the time.
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Got any questions about my fics, my life, random requests for knowledge I may or may not have, or even if you're looking for some advice? Send an ask
Hey, since you got that Harry-verse ask, I thought I might ask you: how do Az, Crow, and Harry handle conflict, especially as Harry grows, rebels, and finds new and creative ways to break mundane and wizarding laws as well as nearly kill himself and his friends? Surely there has to be one or two domestics, teenage tantrums, or bouts of Angelic Displeasure? Or how does Harry handle his parents having the odd Almighty Row? Would that shake him up, what with his past trauma? Thanks! xxxooo
I have so many asks in my inbox and a lot of them are just "blazed" and variations of it because of gremlin friends. I have legit asks that I want to answer but get distracted before I do (woo adhd). That all said: heh. Rebel!Harry and his two dads having Not-Really-Arguments-They're-More-Like-Spirited-Disputes-Really is something I am here for.
Therefore. Enjoy.
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So, thankfully, Aziraphale and Crowley end up with a kid to look after after said kid has passed the Terrible Twos and Threes. Not so thankfully, the kid happens to have a lot of trauma they have to address somehow and, ultimately, this means that an Angel and a Demon get to experience the pleasure of a child past the age of eight experiencing a resurgence of toddler-age rebellion and temper.*
Whilst it's not ideal in any sense of the word, neither said Angel or Demon really begrudge the kid his rebelliousness or his temper tantrums because- well- it's clearly a mark in their favour that the kid trusts them enough to act out in the first place. Especially considering the environment he was in before a Demon decided to say "fuck it" to the cosmos and its Plan and take a good kid from a shitty situation.
A good thing to do even if the Demon will deny they're capable of any kind of go- not bad things, Angel!
In the end, however, it just means that Aziraphale and Crowley have a pre-teen prophecy kid with trauma sat on the sofa in the bookshop, scowling, because said prophecy kid went off on his own without telling them where he was going!
"It was just to the library," Harry says, again, like that makes it all okay.
In his mind, it probably does.
Crowley bites his tongue extra hard not to hiss in frustration, or be snarky with a child who doesn't deserve snarky in any way. Harry lived in a house where no one gave two fucks about him. He's still got some issues to work through and getting snarky won't help.
Aziraphale is all flappy about the whole situation. Absolutely beside himself. But even the Angel knows that it's not quite right to lecture Harry the way he ought to if it were Crowley who'd done something reckless.
They're learning how to take care of a kid who has had to take care of himself for most of his little life. It's a work in progress.
"You went to library without telling either of us," Crowley manages to say, as calmly as he can. "It's not a problem that you went there, or that you wanted to rebel a little against us- we all know that's what this was, Harry- the problem is we didn't know. You could have been hurt, or someone could have tried to hurt you, hell even a copper could have tried to stop you and blame you for somethin' and we wouldn't have had any idea because we didn't know where you went, how long you planned to be there, or even if you went with someone else."**
"Crowley is right, Harry," Aziraphale says, softer than Crowley has ever really managed before in his life. "We are upset because we worried about you, because we care about you."
Harry's scowl doesn't disappear but it does shift a little, towards the more disbelieving kind of scowl Crowley has seen him wear when he doesn't quite believe what he's hearing. Crowley gets that too. The idea someone might care about you… by choice.
Sometimes Crowley can't really believe it himself even when he's had proof of it for over six thousand years now.
Some things are just hard to believe when you've been through stuff.
"I was fine though," Harry says eventually. He shrugs. "I didn't even stay out too long."
"That dreadful excuse of an aunt might have liked you being out of the house for hours on end, Harry, but we don't." Aziraphale gestures lightly to Crowley and himself while Harry's scowl shifts, finally, into a confused frown. "We chose to make you our responsibility, and we choose to care about you. It's not an obligation on our part to care," Aziraphale continues.
"Honestly, we're the last ones to tell you not to do things when you feel rebellious—which you know—but unlike us two, Harry, you can't find us if you're in trouble or need help. Not yet, anyway," Crowley cuts in, muttering the last part. He has a plan for that: the Angel will agree with him on it, he's sure. Eventually. "Leaving a note or ringing us just to let us know you're going to do something is- it- it'll-"
"It will just reassure us that you haven't been taken away from us or hurt," Aziraphale finishes pretty smoothly. Crowley is impressed.
"Gives us a time frame too, before we can start to panic and cause cosmic chaos trying to find you," Crowley adds. He purposefully winks at Harry, making his words light and teasing, even if they're also Absolutely A Promise.
As expected, Harry smiles a little. His frown fading to be replaced with a sort of hopefulness in his eyes that makes Crowley want to cause a lot of harm to Petunia fucking Dursley.
He can cause her untold amounts of misery instead, which he guesses is enough.**
"I'll try and remember to leave a note then," Harry finally capitulates to his guardians who both, in unison, breath an honest-to-someone sigh of relief. "If you do too."
Crowley can't help but laugh at that little, sneaky addition to Harry's agreement. It's very sneaky. Very cunning. He approves.
Even the Angel can't help but smile in delight at the addition. After all, it's another sign that Harry cares for them and is extending his trust to them.
Naturally, they agree.
Many years later, they retain the habit of dropping a note off in the bookshop for any of them to see if one of them has to go off somewhere for a period of time. It's this that actually allows Harry to make it to Tadfield airbase in time to see his parents standing with a kid who has the weight of Destiny on his shoulders like Harry once did.
Things changed so easily with just a promise to leave a note. Who would ever have thought, hmm?
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* Trauma can do that.
** This conversation, interestingly enough, somehow leads both Aziraphale and Crowley to concocting the concept of 'stranger danger' which, somehow makes its way into both Heaven and Hells plans for humanity. The resultant chaos, both good and bad, earns them commendations they do not want considering the harm the concept ends up doing to children. Eventually, many many years after the establishment of the idea and their subsequent very unwanted commendations, both Aziraphale and Crowley take vicious pleasure in dismantling a lot of the scheme that has done such harm to children for decades. This is one of the things God is pleased they do and subtly ensures the interference of Heaven and Hell is limited. No one is aware of this (except for True Death who just sighs and orders another coffee from an accidentally immortal barista who really doesn't want to be immortal thanks).
Hi! I've been reading your wonderful Absconding With Harry series, and I've got a question: If I've understood the timeline correctly (what even is time, IDK), Harry will be out of Hogwarts by the time Warlock and Adam are born, and a young adult by the time the Armageddon't rolls around. How does all of GO look from his perspective? The mental image of Harry having increasingly strange phone calls/family dinners with his disaster parents during GO timeline is v. chaotic and funny to me.
Heh. Yeah, that's going to be something I will be addressing eventually in AwH... Eventually xD
Right now, however, here! Have a mini ficlet I just wrote (be proud, this is the first thing I've written and posted in a While).
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Harry gets a call sometime in the early morning that, by all rights, he probably shouldn't. In another reality, he wouldn't have received a call at this time at all, but that is a different reality and, thus, irrelevant. His barely-working brain takes a long second—actually, more like four seconds but he's tired so time is a lie—to process the number calling and the answer-machine picks up the call before Harry can coordinate his sleep-addled body to pick up the receiver.
He stands in front of the machine and lets it take the call. Listens as it does so.
Hey kid, just giving you- uh- a call, you know? Don't know if this'll even get through—bloody signal is rubbish—but we promised to give you a heads up if another Big Thing We Don't Talk About is in the works. Figured I'd let you know- but don't worry about being involved in it this time! Different kid, different situation. Me and the Angel are gonna do… something about it... Uh... How's the nest? Anythin' happening with that one of yours, too? The Angel also wants to know if you're coming to the shop this Christmas or one of those fancy parties your one likes so much. Let me know. Or him. Better him. You know he tracks that sort of thing way better than me, anyway… right… uh- talk later kid- Harry… I- we- uh- oh sod it, l-lov-eh you!
Harry stares down at the answer machine a little confused, a lot loved, and concerned somewhere in between. That… well, that was a lot to process at- does the clock say it's three-twenty-two in the morning?
Merlin, no wonder Harry's brain isn't running well.
He'll have to speak to his dads in the morning. After nine in the morning, thank you very much. A better time to call and want to share than the witching hour, for sure. Harry snorts. Typical Crowley, that, picking such an awkward time to call.
Harry smiles as he saves the message. He'll re-listen to it after he's woke up at the correct time in the morning, and go from there. The mention of a Big Thing We Don't Talk About does give Harry some mild stomach upset but- well- they handled one possibly-world-ending-war-catastrophe before, they can handle another. Probably.
"Different kid, he said," Harry murmurs as he climbs back into bed, snuggling down into the warmth blankets and a partner provide. "That's a bit not good."
He'll have to find out more about that for sure. Maybe ask Hermione if she'll tag along with him to visit the bookshop. Aziraphale adores her passion for books and Crowley has a soft spot for the young woman; they'll let their guard down and won't expect the Hermione Inquisition.*
She'll definitely be able to push her way through any of the hemming-and-hawwing his dads will no doubt do when Harry presses the issue of a different kid possibly being involved in a war of some kind.
As Harry drifts off back to his land of nod, he has the ingenious thought to drag his partner along with him. His dads never fail to be distracted when Harry does that and it'll make the whole interrogation a lot quicker.
There's a smile on Harry's face that he doesn't know he's making, the land of nod taking firm grasp of his mind, but it's a smile that the universe has seen many times adorn the faces of mischievous souls and interfering Angels and Demons alike.
Heaven and Hell don't know the circumstances, or the reason, but something shifts in that singular moment in the cosmos that is going to affect their Plans in ways they lack the imagination to even remotely consider.
A newborn child, recently mistakenly handed off to the wrong family, experiences something he will be unable to ever put into words but will Understand eleven years from now with absolute clarity when he sees three familiar faces on an airfield in Tadfield and makes a Decision.
Although this reality differs in many ways to others with the same people and the same plans, the one thing that seems to always exist in them is the most unassuming, underestimated thing: the capacity to love something not yet seen or known and the ability to do Anything to protect the focus of that love.
Condolences, from the cosmos incidentally, to those who dismiss such a thing: not really, though.
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* Hermione Inquisition is, for the reader here who is unaware, a little joke based on The Spanish Inquisition from Monty Python. Crowley was very proud of that little joke when he heard it the first time. Thus, he instilled a love of it in Harry and has, repeatedly, been blindsided by not expecting the Spanish Inquisition. The Hermione Inquisition is one Crowley has fallen victim of many times, often his own fault, and Harry takes great pleasure in reminding his dad: "you're the one who taught Hermione to question things and not just believe books and authority figures" to which Crowley often replies: "rude" and sulks for half an hour as a snake in the nest.
hi hello may I request soft/angsty! absconding w harry concepts? through some *vague handwaving* circumstances harry gets deaged, so crowley and aziraphale have to deal w 5/6 yr old harry both soft BABEY shenanigans but also them realizing the extent of harry's neglect/abuse bc he's not quite old enough to try to hide it
"Okay, so, maybe I didn't think this through." a Anthony J-for-Janthony Crowley stared at the trembling five year old staring at him in the middle of the bookshop.
"Really?" Aziraphale said. "I couldn't tell."
Crowley gave The Angel of The Lord™ a glare from behind his sunglasses. The glare was lost on Aziraphale because: 1) sunglasses, and 2) the Angel didn't care about his glaring.
"In my defence," Crowley began, before he stopped. "Listen," he tried again. "I thought it wouldn't work." He shrugged a shoulder—a little helplessly, but not too helplessly; after all, demon. "It's not like you thought it'd work either!"
Crowley pointed a finger at The Angel of The Lord™. "Besides," he continued. "Why do you even have that book? I thought Heaven went and burnt all the copies; even the one they had in the Golden Library."
Aziraphale, sneaky bastard that he was, shifted on his feet and smiled that awkward, I-appear-innocent-and-harmless-but-really-I'm-not smile of his. "Ah, well. Funny story that." The Angel's hands fidgeted with a button on his vest. "I was minding the library that day—as a favour, you know—and—well—I couldn't just let a book be burnt because it contained some Forbidden Knowledge now, could I? What sort of bibliophile would I be if I'd let that happen? So I..."
"You stole it."
"I liberated it."
"You nicked it."
"I rescued it from an undeserving fate."
"You absconded with a book from the bloody Golden Library and hid it here in this bookshop mortals visit and left it on a shelf a twelve-year-old could reach it!"
Aziraphale grimaced. "Yes," he said. "I—uh—suppose that's accurate."
Crowley sighed. "How long does it last?"
The Angel studied the book on the table—open on the page with the spell Mortals Should Not Try—and frowned. "Ah, well," he began.
"Well?"
"It—uhm—oh my." Aziraphale looked at the twelve- now five-year-old still stood in the middle of the bookshop. He hadn't spoken the entire time; or moved. "We need to provide something that was lacking at the time the spell has returned him to."
Crowley frowned. "Provide what?"
"I'm afraid it doesn't specify."
"So how'd we figure out what he needs?" Crowley glared at the book. That, at least, trembled; good, it should fear him. "Does he need a trip to Disneyland or—I don't know—the zoo, Angel?"
Aziraphale closed the book with a SNAP of pages, and turned his attention to the temporary five-year-old. "Harry," he said, in that Kind™ way of his. "Can you tell me how you feel right now? We need to understand what happened and how best to help you, but we need to you to tell us how you're feeling."
Harry stared at Aziraphale with those big, green eyes of his. Aziraphale and Crowley could both see the wariness in his eyes; the kid was weighing up what answer to give.
"I'm hungry."
Aziraphale blinked. "I can make you a sandwich."
"And cold."
Crowley snapped his fingers. A blanket settled on Harry's shoulders. "Solved."
Harry stared at Crowley. He stared at the blanket on his shoulders. He stared at Aziraphale. "How-"
"Magic," Crowley answered the question Harry began to ask. "It's magic. You have magic too. That's why you're five right now. You're normally twelve. You look the same but you're a bit taller at twelve."
Harry bit his lip. "The same?"
Aziraphale nodded. "Yes, you still have the same hairstyle, same face. Though we acquired new spectacles for you, and a far nicer wardrobe than your previous one," the Angel told Harry.
"Why?"
Crowley saw Aziraphale frown. He stepped in to answer before the Angel could Be A Little Offended At Being Asked Why He Would Be Kind.
"You're our kid, why wouldn't we get you new things to wear?"
Harry's eyes, already wide, grew bigger. His mouth dropped open a little. He looked like a fish, but in a cute way. How fish could be cute, Crowley wasn't quite sure, but goldfish were kinda okay...
"Your kid?" Harry blinked several times. "Wha- I- My Aunt and Uncle-"
"We adopted you," Aziraphale said. The Angel's voice was as gentle as downy feathers were soft. "You live with us, here, Harry. You don't- you will never sleep in a cupboard again. You have your own room. You have friends who visit. You read many books and have fun. You're not-" Aziraphale stopped. He bit his own lip.
"You're not alone, anymore," Crowley told the five-year-old. "You'll never be alone."
Harry looked at Crowley. "Oh."
Aziraphale and Crowley glanced at each other. They communicated perfectly in that moment, and knelt down in front of Harry. "Can we- would you- uh-"
Crowley rolled his eyes at the Angel's dithering. "Can we hug you, Harry?"
Harry stared at them. "No one has ever hugged me before," he told them, sounding confused and hopeful and a little bit scared.
Crowley didn't like feeling rage. He didn't. It was loud and demanding and always gave him a headache after. He was okay with anger. Frustration. Ire. But rage... Now that was a whole 'nother kettle of fish.
Unfortunately, Harry's words brought out rage. He hid it away, and let Harry tuck himself between an Angel and a Demon. But Crowley promised—he promised—that Vernon and Petunia Dursley would know no joy, no pleasure, no happiness in life. They would feel nothing good.
And with the rage of One Of The Fallen, the universe moved to make it so.
The hug, at least, broke the spell and returned their twelve-year-old Harry to them, who didn't let go of them both. If anything, Harry hugged them tighter.
"Thank you," he mumbled into Aziraphale's shoulder.
"For what, dear one?" The Angel asked, stroking the crown of Harry's head.
"For giving me my first hug when I was five," Harry answered. He lifted his head enough to look at them both. "I always wondered who the people who hugged me were, even if I couldn't remember what they'd said until now."
Crowley and Aziraphale stared at Harry. Crowley looked at Aziraphale. Aziraphale looked at Crowley.
Neither of them could explain Harry's memories. His five-year-old self shouldn't remember them, not the way he so clearly did before the spell. That... This reeked of something Bigger Than Them pulling some strings.
Crowley wasn't sure he liked that thought or not, so he did what he did best; he shoved it aside in his brain to focus on the now. He'd ask questions later, in his flat, where the fallout wouldn't affect his Angel and their kid.
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idk if umbridge would ever be canon in absconding w harry verse/how that would come to be, but if she WERE: how would crowley and aziraphale react to harry's detentions with her?
"Oh, I'm sorry," Crowley says, smiling. "I thought you just said you tortured my child."
"Our child."
"Our child." Crowley amends.
"I am authorised by the Minister of Magic himself to use whatever means necessary to return this school to order!" The Pink Monstrosity exclaims. "Mister Potter is unruly and spreading deceitful, harmful, lies! I am doing my job in assigning him detentions."
"No," Crowley drawls. "What you're doing is torturing a child—our child—and calling it punishment because you're a power-hungry little monster that was born lacking a soul."
"Oh no, this thing has a soul, dear," Aziraphale says. "It's simply far too corrupt and dark to recognise it as one really."
"Might as well not have a soul at all then, really," Crowley says and Aziraphale nods. "You'll have to say hi to my boss for me, I've been avoiding going down under to file reports." Crowley snaps his fingers. "Thanks for taking my reports with you. Saves me a lot of time."
Aziraphale sighs. "Really," he says. "I do regret giving my sword away on days like this. It would be quite useful at making a point."
Crowley snorts. "Puns and euphemisms, Angel. Puns and euphemisms."
The Demon sighs. "Satan but I'd love to smite you," he tells the Pink Monstrosity. "You ever touch my kid again and nothing will stop me from wiping you out of existence Dolores Umbridge. Nothing."
The Pink Monstrosity opens her mouth to spout more nonsense only to be rendered silent. She opens and closes her mouth several times, face turning redder and reader the longer she cannot speak. Her wand is in her hand and she raises it.
Crowley summons his staff and strikes it from her hand in a moment. He places the tip of the staff, sharper than any blade, beneath her chin and the Monstrosity freezes in place.
He likes the Fear in her eyes. She deserves to be afraid of someone stronger than her. Let her her know what it is to be threatened, to feel weak and powerless.
"Never. Touch him. Again."
Crowley presses the tip of the staff harder. The Monstrosity's head tips back further.
crowley and aziraphale finding out about snape being an asshole to harry during classes/overhear him saying smth busted to harry
[ao3]
It's not that they don't expect Snape to be an arse to Harry, Crowley one-hundred-percent expects Snape to be an arse to Harry at some point. The grumpy bastard makes Hastur seem good-natured sometimes.
So yeah, Crowley expects Snape to be an arse to their son, he just doesn't expect him to say what he does.
Aziraphale is being an angel, as usual, and has taken it upon himself to make sure some miserably failing students don't fail miserably. That means Crowley has some time to himself between classes and he takes happy advantage of that fact to go snoop.
Snooping is not a good thing and is thus evil so Crowley is technically doing his job as a demon. The fact that he's snooping around the dungeons so he can eavesdrop on Harry's potions class is irrelevant.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions after all.
It's because he's listening to the class as a whole rather than just Harry that Crowley hears the absolute shit Snape spits at his son.
"Of course, Potter, you would think yourself above paying attention in class," Snape says with that drawl he has that Crowley is sort of impressed by. It sounds so evil. He's a little jealous. "Using your fame and popularity to avoid responsibility. So very like your father."
Now, to be fair, it's less what Snape says than the way he says it. That last word, 'father' is spat out with such hatred, such vitriol that Crowley goes completely still against the wall he's leaning on.
Snape's tone is so far beyond disdain it runs headlong into outright hatred. Hatred that isn't limited to Harry's deceased father, not when Harry looks so like James Potter.
Crowley gets hatred, he does. He hates a lot of things, a lot of people, and more. But he will never, can never, hate a child for reasons that belong to their parent.
Crowley doesn't barge into the classroom and absolutely destroy Snape but he really, really wants to.
First, however, he needs to go talk to his angel and they need to figure out how to handle Snape together. Killing the bastard is, unfortunately, something Crowley can't do since he rarely has caused the end of a life.
Not because he can't—he absolutely can, Crowley is a demon, he can kill humans, no problem—but because he doesn't want to.
Aziraphale would call that nice of him.
He finds the angel just leaving the little study group he runs in the library. Together they head to the Great Hall for lunch, shoulders close enough to touch, as usual.
"What seems to be bothering you, dear?" Aziraphale asks.
"A certain batty being," Crowley replies, proud of the pun.
Aziraphale looks at him. "Oh?" He asks, looking delightfully innocent. "Does this being require some of our combined attention, or is it a creature that is unworthy of that much attention?"
Crowley smirks. "I think it'd be a bit of a privilege really," he replies, looking at Aziraphale, "that the batty being deserves for their dedication."
Aziraphale nods, eyes twinkling. "Of course, dear," he says, as they reach the Great Hall. "And how has Harry been thus far today? I haven't seen him or his delightful friends yet."
They both look over at the Gryffindor table in unison, picking out the sight of their son sitting between his friends. He seems happy enough but Crowley can tell there's a thread of anger and hurt in Harry.
The batty being definitely isn't getting off easy for that, Crowley decides. Judging by the little frown on his angels face, Aziraphale agrees.
Up at the staff table, Severus Snape feels a chill run down his spine; one that he often experienced when kneeling before the Dark Lord just before a bout of crucio. He has the sense that he's the focus of something that is Not At All Happy With Him Right Now And Is Going To Let Him Know That Unequivocally.
