#avoidant behaviours

Okay so.

Recently, I've been digging through my avoidant habits,

And I've discovered something...

I'm lacking someone I trust.

Like. Every human needs people around them to depend on, someone they KNOW they can lean on when things get tough.

That's how humans can be brave, and keep exploring - It's because there's a group of people behind them, who has their back - should anything go wrong/amiss....

But if you don't have that...?

/ Don't trust someone... ENOUGH? Tl have your back... so you never end up depending on anyone...?

Then I'm constantly scared of everything going wrong.

I ignore and avoid things, because I know I (in my mindset) don't have anybody else to back me up. But I'm also too scared to let anybody close enough... to actually depend on... I feel too... "guilty" to let someone close... having to "deal" with my problems..........

So. I end up in a loop.

(\/ I drew a lil picture today :3)

This obviously leads to problems for me (and others 😅😅 in my life...)

(💦ꞋꞌꞋꞌ¬_¬)....

Also obviously, knowing this doesn't change that the avoidant behaviour is pretty annoying, and definitely.... inconvenient. ^^;

(￣▽￣||)ゞ*-.

Siiiggghhh...

But at least now i know why???

So hopefully i can work to fix it/ to do better next time.... aahh.... oh well. Guess I'll dealbwith it as best as possible...